NJ123 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Well, I have news for you. Women like sex. When a woman is single, she can go out and pick up some random guy and have sex with him. She can do it once, she can do it 40 times, it doesn't mean she will not be able to commit to one man and be faithful. The fact it's been an everlasting double standard doesn't mean it's an ok one and that it shouldn't change. I've read topics like this over and over again too and actually promised myself I would stay away from them (oops). I'm not saying it's okay, but it's just the way society views it & it'll likely never change, at least not in our lifetime. For example look at George Clooney. You know how many women he's slept with in his entire life? And not once have I heard anything negative about him in terms of that. But than you take someone like Taylor Swift who goes from one guy to the next, and I've seen so many comments that view her in a negative light. And I'm not saying a woman can't be faithful who's had sex with lots of people. But a woman like that wouldn't be seen the same in the eyes of a huge % of men. That's why a lot of women tend to lie about their sexual past if it's brought up. I've read about people saying their girlfriend lied about their sexual partner number, and than eventually told them the real one. What exactly am I saying that's wrong?
Maleficent Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I'm not saying it's okay, but it's just the way society views it & it'll likely never change, at least not in our lifetime. For example look at George Clooney. You know how many women he's slept with in his entire life? And not once have I heard anything negative about him in terms of that. But than you take someone like Taylor Swift who goes from one guy to the next, and I've seen so many comments that view her in a negative light. And I'm not saying a woman can't be faithful who's had sex with lots of people. But a woman like that wouldn't be seen the same in the eyes of a huge % of men. That's why a lot of women tend to lie about their sexual past if it's brought up. I've read about people saying their girlfriend lied about their sexual partner number, and than eventually told them the real one. What exactly am I saying that's wrong? Hum...(ten characters) I'm not saying they would cheat, but there's definitely a higher risk. Of course I'll get bashed for saying these things but so be it. But your telling me a woman who's slept with around 40 guys has a lot of sexual self control? It's probable 75% of that number is one night stands. What people do is their own business I get that, but these women who sleep around a lot shouldn't be surprised if when a guy finds out the woman slept around a lot in the past doesn't view them the same. I've read topics like this over & over & over again.
NJ123 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 (edited) What is your data for this assumption? Give me hard numbers that point to this. Scientifically-generated studies, please. I've had over 300 sexual partners. But I am a serial-monogamist; i.e. I have been 100% faithful to every man with whom I have had a serious relationship. Again, please cite numbers. You are stating a "probability" with no basis in tangible data. Your telling me a person with a high count of sexual partners has been in a relationship with most of them? I HIGHLY doubt that. Social media is making it so much easier to just go from one person to the next. There's no need for data it's common ****ing sense. Tinder, OKCupid, POF. Look up things about those sites & tell me that a lot of people aren't just looking for sex on those, especially Tinder. And like I said, I never said that all women who have a lot of sex partners would cheat. I just said it's likely there's a higher chance of it happening. Just because you personally don't doesn't mean lots of others aren't. Edited October 10, 2014 by NJ123
preraph Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 (edited) But I'm telling you the key words are DOUBLE STANDARD. If a guy sleeps around a lot society doesn't really see it in a negative light. But if a woman does it she's seen as a slut. And true age does play a factor since an older woman is obviously more likely to have a higher number unless she's in a long term relationship/marriage. But I'm just saying a huge % of men would not want anything to do with a woman with a high sexual partner count. They don't view those types of women as marriage material or to have a kid with. Why do a lot of women tend to lie about their sexual past if asked for? Because they know it'll be seen as a negative if they slept around a lot. I agree with you. I mean, there's all kinds of people do it for all reasons, but it's never an issue unless it's a woman. The men are just completely wrong about it having anything to do with whether the woman will be a good mother or wife. If we judged them that way and they'd slept with 50 women, as probably most of them have, and we said, Oh, no one is going to have a kid with you and they don't have any self-control, they'd be completely dumbfounded. These are insecure guys who are afraid they won't measure up or be able to keep up or be enough, and they're guys who still think women should be theirs to control and ought not have the same privileges as men = double standard. Edited October 10, 2014 by preraph 3
NJ123 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I agree with you. I mean, there's all kinds of people do it for all reasons, but it's never an issue unless it's a woman. The men are just completely wrong about it having anything to do with whether the woman will be a good mother or wife. If we judged them that way and they'd slept with 50 women, as probably most of them have, and we said, Oh, no one is going to have a kid with you and they don't have any self-control, they'd be completely dumbfounded. These are insecure guys who are afraid they won't measure up or be able to keep up or be enough, and they're guys who still think women should be theirs to control and ought not have the same privileges as men = double standard. Yeah I know. Like I said a few times before I'm not saying it's right but it's just unfortunately the way it is. Some on here can't seem to accept that & think I'm being negative towards women, but I'm not saying anything that's wrong. It's just the way society in general views it.
preraph Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Also, why do you think a lot of women tend to lie about their sexual past? Because they don't want to be viewed as a slut or seen differently in the eyes of their boyfriend & it happens a lot. Like I said there's a double standard but it's just the way it's always been. Because it's nobody's business! 2
Maleficent Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Your telling me a person with a high count of sexual partners has been in a relationship with most of them? I HIGHLY doubt that. Social media is making it so much easier to just go from one person to the next. There's no need for data it's common ****ing sense. Tinder, OKCupid, POF. Look up things about those sites & tell me that a lot of people aren't just looking for sex on those, especially Tinder. And like I said, I never said that all women who have a lot of sex partners would cheat. I just said it's likely there's a higher chance of it happening. And we say there has been no proof of that being the case. A lot of 'slut shamers' like to throw affirmations like this around, throwing random statistics that don't exist to support their belief in this double standard (and I am absolutely not implying you are slut shaming here...) Thing is, for hundreds of years, women have been considered a man's possession to be acquired. It was also believe that this 'possession' had to be 'unused' and this is where the double standard comes from. What used to be 'don't you dare give away your precious vagina gift until you are under the ownership of a man' became 'ok you don't have to be married to him but you sure as hell better love him!' (ok I totally ripped off Laci Green here but it really shows that women are still considered a 'possession' that should be 'unused' - a shiny new toy.) We are working towards gender equality, and that includes sexual freedoms. Perhaps the real issue here is men's insecurities. After all, a woman with less 'experience' has less 'comparison' to do and this is what makes some men support the double standard. Also, disclaimer: if anybody here brings up the lock/key analogy, I will throw my laptop out the window. lol 6
CarrieT Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Your telling me a person with a high count of sexual partners has been in a relationship with most of them? No. I am saying that in-between my high count, I have had a number of long-term relationships which were all monogamous. Here is a quick accounting of my relationships: My Age 16 to 20 - about 50 partners 20 to 25 - married 25 to 27 - about 200 partners 27 to 29 - a race-car driver 29 to 30 - about 10 partners 30 to 41 - my longest relationship 41 to 42 - two or three partners 42 to 44 - an alcoholic (the guy who brought me to LS) 45 to 49 - about 100 partners 49 to now - married (and, yes, my new husband know EVERYTHING about my past and never judged me on my "promiscuity." And like I said, I never said that all women who have a lot of sex partners would cheat. I just said it's likely there's a higher chance of it happening. Just because you personally don't doesn't mean lots of others aren't. But you still can't provide numbers to back up this theory? 3
preraph Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I think the thing is most guys view a woman with a high count as low class & would be more likely to cheat if they get around a lot. I don't see why some women don't see that. Like I said there's a double standard with this type of thing. I've seen so many topics with the "I don't view my g/f the same after knowing her number". Edit: I think the best way to put it is those women aren't relationship/marriage material in a a lot of men's eyes, but just to have a short fling/one night stand with. Well, that just works in the women's favor because it filters those double-standard guys out. No one wants to have some guy's kid and then find out the man thinks women don't have a right to do what they want to do and be considered on an equal basis. I can't speak for every woman who's ever had casual sex, but I can tell you I have no use for a guy who thinks it's okay for him but women who do it are unclean and inferior. I'd be relieved to have him bail early rather than getting stuck into a life with him. 4
NJ123 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 No. I am saying that in-between my high count, I have had a number of long-term relationships which were all monogamous. Here is a quick accounting of my relationships: My Age 16 to 20 - about 50 partners 20 to 25 - married 25 to 27 - about 200 partners 27 to 29 - a race-car driver 29 to 30 - about 10 partners 30 to 41 - my longest relationship 41 to 42 - two or three partners 42 to 44 - an alcoholic (the guy who brought me to LS) 45 to 49 - about 100 partners 49 to now - married (and, yes, my new husband know EVERYTHING about my past and never judged me on my "promiscuity." But you still can't provide numbers to back up this theory? Well good for you. But lots of men wouldn't want a relationship with you if they knew about your past if I'm being honest here.
Toodaloo Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I think im just gonna go get my popcorn. I'll throw in some m&m's... Is it bad that I am actually really jealous of Carrie??? Wish my single years were as "fruitful"!!! 1
Priv Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 1- bolded. There are WAY too many factors influencing infidelity. I am considered promiscuous. I am also a decent enough human being to recognize when there is a problem with my relationship and fix it. 2- Here is the Feldman & Cauffman, 1999 article quoted in Wikipedia. It's a study that was conducted among later teenagers. Sexual Betrayal Among Late Adolescents: Perspectives of the Perpetrator and the Aggrieved - Springer It's also been proven recently that the human brain doesn't come to full development until the mid-twenties. The last part of the brain to develop fully would be the frontal cortex. This is why more younger people sometimes do thoughtless things like drive too fast, have a lot of meaningless sex and cheat on their parter. You asked for correlation, not causation. So no, the 'too many factors' is not of concern. Nor does 'I' stand for society as a whole. And it hasn't been proven recently that the brain only develops fully until 25. That has been well known at least somewhere between 15-20 years ago. And the 25 is a rather conservative number which could well be argued to go into your 30's. That doesn't have any significance to core personality traits including sociosexuality being rather static rather than fluid from an early age on and are a product of biology and childhood. It only means that our brains keep evolving longer than expected in the 1900's from a biological viewpoint. Not that this have anything to do with the topic at hand and I just responded to your post and am not even sure where the cheating part came in. How many men is too much? Sh*t, I have no clue
ltjg45 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Well good for you. But lots of men wouldn't want a relationship with you if they knew about your past if I'm being honest here. Well, from where I would be standing, I wouldn't reject her because of her number of partners but for different reasons like her age difference, for example. But when it comes to that number on her, it is meaningless to me. However, being that I have a bit fat 0 to my name, it does matter to her and I don't blame her if she feels like she has to teach me how to "put the stick in the hole", sort to speak. This is just a different way of measuring compatibility. I have no issues with that.
Priv Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Jeez, I am writing 1 post and tis thread got 2 more pages. 2
NJ123 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 No. I am saying that in-between my high count, I have had a number of long-term relationships which were all monogamous. Here is a quick accounting of my relationships: My Age 16 to 20 - about 50 partners 20 to 25 - married 25 to 27 - about 200 partners 27 to 29 - a race-car driver 29 to 30 - about 10 partners 30 to 41 - my longest relationship 41 to 42 - two or three partners 42 to 44 - an alcoholic (the guy who brought me to LS) 45 to 49 - about 100 partners 49 to now - married (and, yes, my new husband know EVERYTHING about my past and never judged me on my "promiscuity." But you still can't provide numbers to back up this theory? And no I don't have numbers, but I'd like to think it's common sense that someone who likes to sleep with a lot of different people would likely be more at risk to cheat than to stay monogamous. And I should have said this isn't just women, it's guys too.
NJ123 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Jeez, I am writing 1 post and tis thread got 2 more pages. lol the women in this topic seem to be angry with me. But I'm just being honest in what I believe.
eye of the storm Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 The Wiki you posted to show your stats does not state that women who are sexually active are more likely to cheat it said people That's men OR women. If a man is stupid enough to ask my number, I'm smart enough to not date him. I don't lie about the # of men, I just don't think its any of your business. I get sick and tired of people who claim that a woman's sexuality and body is their business and when they get push back throw out the "its just how society views it" card. Society "views" it like that because people like you keep clinging to the idea that our bodies, our sexuality are connected to their "honor". Its not. Its one thing to ask for current STD results (ONLY if you are prepared with a set of your own) but to ask for numbers is none of your business. 3
CarrieT Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Well good for you. But lots of men wouldn't want a relationship with you if they knew about your past if I'm being honest here. And I am extremely fortunate to have recently met and married someone who is not as short-sighted or judgmental. Still nothing on that data? 6
NJ123 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 The Wiki you posted to show your stats does not state that women who are sexually active are more likely to cheat it said people That's men OR women. If a man is stupid enough to ask my number, I'm smart enough to not date him. I don't lie about the # of men, I just don't think its any of your business. I get sick and tired of people who claim that a woman's sexuality and body is their business and when they get push back throw out the "its just how society views it" card. Society "views" it like that because people like you keep clinging to the idea that our bodies, our sexuality are connected to their "honor". Its not. Its one thing to ask for current STD results (ONLY if you are prepared with a set of your own) but to ask for numbers is none of your business. Where did I ever say it was my business? I wouldn't ask personally unless the subject was brought up. I'm talking more about how society in general views these things. And I already said it isn't right, but it's just how it is.
preraph Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Men with high numbers are in the thousands, not hundreds.
Priv Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 The Wiki you posted to show your stats does not state that women who are sexually active are more likely to cheat it said people That's men OR women. If a man is stupid enough to ask my number, I'm smart enough to not date him. I don't lie about the # of men, I just don't think its any of your business. I get sick and tired of people who claim that a woman's sexuality and body is their business and when they get push back throw out the "its just how society views it" card. Society "views" it like that because people like you keep clinging to the idea that our bodies, our sexuality are connected to their "honor". Its not. Its one thing to ask for current STD results (ONLY if you are prepared with a set of your own) but to ask for numbers is none of your business. I wasn't talking about men vs women at all. Had actually no idea this was turning into a cheating vs numbers vs gender thread but this one is going fast and besides that; we all know women and men cheat about as much. Just responded to 1 post and I was talking people, not talking specifically women at all. But since I am now a active participant apparently. Here is another to chew on: American Sociological Association: Study: College Students Lose Respect for Peers Who Hook Up Too Much 19.000 students researched across the States, sexual attitudes are changing. The whole double standard is bollocks and men & women are judged just about as harshly. Guess the generation gap in double standards is changing even more.
ltjg45 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Men with high numbers are in the thousands, not hundreds. What do you mean by that? Do you mean that a guy who has slept with over 100 women is not a high number or there is thousands of guys out there with high numbers? If you are going by the former, that is too many. If you are referring to the latter, in my definition, that would be true.
NJ123 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 And I am extremely fortunate to have recently met and married someone who is not as short-sighted or judgmental. Still nothing on that data? Why are you getting so angry with me when I'm just telling you the truth that a lot of guys wouldn't want to date you due to your past if it was brought up? Sorry if I pissed you off about it. And no I don't have data. But because you personally never cheated doesn't mean others are not.
CarrieT Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 And I already said it isn't right Oh, but how you contradict yourself by passing judgment on me and others like me? Don't you see the hypocrisy of your argument? This is the point we are trying to make; YOU are the society who is propagating the belief by continuing the rhetoric. 2
CarrieT Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Why are you getting so angry with me when I'm just telling you the truth that a lot of guys wouldn't want to date you due to your past if it was brought up? Sorry if I pissed you off. I'm not angry at all. I'm just trying to show you how hypocritical your argument is... There is an assumption that I am pissed just like there is an assumption that promiscuous women will cheat. That is what I am challenging you to do: STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS. That is all. 2
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