mannon Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 So long story short was with my ex for over 5 and half years. All in all our relationship was good we got along most of the time we were best friends however alcohol and drugs messed it up and it was me. It was not consistent and not me getting wasted and it wasnt all the time also i hid it but it affected my attitude and sex some of the time and only some otherwise i dont think shed have been with me for 5 years. However most of the time we were happy it just went down hill towards the end where we got in fights over nothing and just bickering.We lived with each other for 4 years and just got at each other. She ended up finding a new guy then leaving right away after she met him. The first month after she left i texted emailed but she ignored however she did call 4 times on her own account. And i saw her after a month she was all over me kissing and hugging me then the next day she ignored me again. I saw her 2 more times after that and it was her just telling me she wants to be friends. About a month ago was the last i saw her. Then this last month she called me after i texted her asking her to because i wanted to talk about everything with her as she never talked about it all and why she really left. She had called me when her and the new b/f got in a fight possibly because he found i she was talking to me. This was about 3 weeks ago she told me on the phone she loved me and i sounded sexy. Then after she made up with the guy and ignored me again. I did talk to her 4 days ago and finally got her to same some things about us and the breakup such as she said we just didnt mix well and she spoke about sex and how it got bad and there was none. After all of this ive lost alot of weight because im just hurt i cant sleep i went to a doctor come to find out i have a health issue now i really have no choice but to stay sober not that i wanted it to be like this to have to tell me. But bottom line is why has she mislead me? now shes still seeing the other guy still and its been basically 2 weeks except 4 days ago we talked for 20 min. i havent texted or emailed or called and nor has she it seems shes really moving on now. Is there any chance she will come back in my life? Do i just give up? The reason i wanted her back is because i truly love this girl and i have regret and know that i caused the breakup because i didnt change it was her attitude at times but maybe it was because of how i was and i wouldnt change. i had time to but i needed space and to focus on myself to do so which this has showed me what i need to do with my life. All in all it showed and help me get better but i didnt want her out of my life for that to show me. She most likely thought i would never change and my attitiude was bad mood and at times i didnt give her affection. The first 3 years we loved each other and affection alot. Anyway i realized and analyzed it all and now im sober and want a healthy life style and want to stay this way i regret and wonder what life could have been for us if i would have just had this chance. Why wont she give it to me? Why doesnt she see this and i have told her i also have no choice at this point after going to the doctor. Do you think this guy is just a rebound? She seems to like him but they only see each other on weekends talk every night? i miss her and dont know what to do and i know i have to stop texting her and i am. The fact of regret is what affects me and realizing if i would have just changed and felt better about myself as i do know i wonder what we could have done with our lives together i really needed time alone to just focus on myself. Yes there are other woman but the fact is they are not like her and the connection we had with things were strong she was the one who comforted me she was my soulmate and i really think she was and i let her go. Any advice would be great Thank you
mightycpa Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 It's truly over. You are better as an idea than as reality, that's why she's hot for you when she doesn't see you and grows cold fast when she does, and goes back to the other guy. He may be a rebound, or he may not. If he is, then she'll go to a next guy, not back to you. Your story is very typical. So is the cure. You have two choices from this point forward. You can torture yourself for a while, and then you can put this behind you, and take the lessons you learned with you. Or you can skip the torture part, and go straight to the straight to the part wher e you put it all behind you. You need to think it through, and forgive yourself for your mistakes, and forgive her for hurting you and not wanting to try anymore. Also, leave her alone, even if she contacts you. If you ignore her, she'll take the hint eventually. Don't worry about if she gets mad, or about what she thinks of you in the short term. Once she realizes that you really are done with her, she will respect you for it.
SoThatHappened Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 It's truly over.. For once, I'm going to disagree with you, mighty. Respectfully, of course. To me this sounds like two people who are incompatible because of the choices they've made. It also sounds like she still has feelings for the OP since she has run back to him a couple times since the breakup. It also sounds like her and the rebound are having troubles way too early in their "relationship." I see the ex staying in this guy's life somehow. However, OP, unless you truly fix yourself you will never be in a healthy relationship with her or anyone else. You need to fix yourself first, and do not contact her. She will come sniffing around again, and if she sees genuine improvement in you, she'll probably want to reconcile. Again, fix yourself first, but don't do it to get her back. Do it for you. 2
AaronSG Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Simply put, I would just leave we'll enough alone! She's moved on, she's got this new guy in her life, regardless if it's a rebound relationship or not, she's in it, and I would just leave it all alone. The games this woman has played on you are senseless and cruel, hugging up on you and kissing one day, cold shoulder the next, no way, she was treating you like nothing more than a Yo-Yo! To me it sounds like a woman who at times wants to have the best of both worlds, this can't happen, it's either one or the other! If it was me I'd drop her entirely, no texts, no phone calls, no Facebook, no Skype, no emails, no nothing. This isn't the time to be worried about your ex on any level, now is the time for just "you"! Also for your health, you need to try your best and let this go, if anything else do it for your new founded sobriety. Just move on, I know it's easier said than done, but you just have to find a way to get yourself to a place and realize that you need to move on. She's moved on, she's with someone new, don't you at some point in the future deserve the same? Don't you at some point think you might deserve someone better? I do! For me I'm at times painfully realizing that there isn't any "going back", we can't, for I feel that after a bad or painful breakup, things won't be the same. So as I'm doing, and that is trying my best to cope and deal with things the best I can and move on and try to jumpstart my life, you need to do the same. Work on yourself, learn about yourself, set some realistic goals in what you want for your next relationship. We've all been through the ringer here on LS, in one way or another we've all been through the emotional meat grinder, most probably now know what they don't want for their next relationship, by going through the relationships that we've just got out of. Just let it go, look to the future, learn all there is to be learned from this experience, know what you don't want in a person, and know what you do! Set goals and be as good as you can to yourself...... We all have to move forward, that means you and me, let's go!
Author mannon Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 Thank you for all your advice I really appreciate it. and most people have a hell of alot worse than I do I mean we had no kids we weren't even married but I feel as though we were. I felt like the connection we had was more than others and I'm sure everyone says that but I mean it and I was truly in love with her I just didn't know how to express at times and I felt as though I messed up I said some mean things to her when we would argue and I only said it out of anger I never meant anything I said that was horrible to her. But I'm sure for her to have gotten over me so quick she thinks about that stuff and maybe when she does think about the good that's when she has contacted me and she hasn't contacted me a lot but within the last 2 months she's contacting me at least 6 times on her own account and like I said when we saw each other for the first time after the breakup she was holding me kissing me it's like we're in love all over again which caused a lot of confusion for me and that was a month ago. I think when she sees me in person its harder for her than talking to me on the phone. I will say that the guy she's seeing is not all that attractive I'm not saying I'm Brad Pitt but I feel a lot better I'm better looking than him but I'm sure he treats her very well and that's why she's into him and she probably sees a future with him versus me as she thinks i wont change even though i have and will.my whole thing with all of this is if she really wanted me out of her life all the way why did she contact me at all after the break up?and what worries me Is yes I'm done contacting her but if I do that then shell move on as well and try to start a real relationship with this guy and then it may work and then she really is out of my life? I've been the boy who cried wolf too many times but like I said I think I just needed my own time and space to get myself together and I wish She would just see that. But it might be too late. even when I went on 2 dates and I think the only reason I did was because of jealousy that she found someone but when I did all I could think about was her and these women were even better looking than her But that is not what matters to me. So all in all I'm lost I don't know why I can't get over her I'm sure time will heal but how long? And should I ever reach out to her again as far as the people who told me it may not be over? I will focus on myself that is my main intention to keep staying on the right path.
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