Mary Oak Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I see so many people on here say they hate their ex. I always thought that I would never hate mine. I always said I didn't want us to go to that dark place. But now... I realize there is no "us", and I am in that dark place. SHe is not, I am sure. SHe is happy, vacationing, loving life, etc. And I hate her for it. I feel immature and unkind to feel that way, but I do. I also have so much resentment for her. I know these feelings only hurt me. I know all that. But, they are still there. I will walk past her office and not even glance that way. I will not answer her emails except with a few words (work related). I do not answer any other emails, though they have pretty much stopped. I don't really do this as a way of no contact, I do it because I hate her. I don't like feeling this way. I hope one day it changes to indifference. But as long as it has taken for me to get to this point (over 2 years), I don't see myself getting over this feeling very quickly. One problem I had in my relationship was I got too angry. BUt, I am not even angry over this, I just don't like her. In fact, I don't even know her anymore enough to hate her, yet I still do.......
JDPT Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I spent a very long time, months, with nothing but pure anger towards her. I wished her the worst this life can bring her, very bad things. But after a while the anger morphed into a type of anger that no longer made her a target but rather propels me to do good for myself. I actually enjoy this phase and see what people meant by the anger phase being the "best" phase during recovery. I'm learning to accept things for what they are and no longer fighting them or dismissing my emotions like I used to in the past. Continue on with your journey and internalize the fact that what you are going through is meant to happen, it has to happen for you to grow into a stronger person and come out of this victorious.
Ronni_W Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 One problem I had in my relationship was I got too angry. BUt, I am not even angry over this, I just don't like her. In fact, I don't even know her anymore enough to hate her, yet I still do....... "Hatred" can include intense anger, though. Intense dislike/disdain/contempt; intense disappointment, resentment, guilt and/or self-pity. Components, if you will, of "hatred". Have you tried to get to the 'why' of your feelings? Is it because of stuff in the past, or stuff in the present? You may have to explore one 'component' at a time, to see what fits, where and how much of it fits. It's tough if not impossible to go from "hatred" to indifference all in one go; but you may be able to get there by process of eliminating all the elements of your feeling, one at a time...or two if you can manage it Best of luck. 1
leavesonautumn Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 "Hatred" can include intense anger, though. Intense dislike/disdain/contempt; intense disappointment, resentment, guilt and/or self-pity. Components, if you will, of "hatred". Have you tried to get to the 'why' of your feelings? Is it because of stuff in the past, or stuff in the present? You may have to explore one 'component' at a time, to see what fits, where and how much of it fits. It's tough if not impossible to go from "hatred" to indifference all in one go; but you may be able to get there by process of eliminating all the elements of your feeling, one at a time...or two if you can manage it Best of luck. That's a really good point you've made. OP, I'm in the same boat as you. I'm in the anger stage at 10 months. I don't necessarily hate him, I just hate that I'm allowing him to have some sort of hold on me. "Why" can't I let this go? "Why" do I think he's my one and only soulmate? "Why" have I put him on this pedestal? Thanks Ronni, you've given me some thinking to do!
BC1980 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 If I am honest, I don't wish good on my ex. I don't exactly wish him bad, but I wouldn't be upset if he fell on hard times. It's completely normal to feel that way, and most everyone has felt that way about an ex. I think you have to work through those feelings until you get to indifference. I actually never felt much anger for many months after my breakup, but I was very depressed for a long time. It was difficult to function, so I think that when I finally came out of my depression, I felt so much anger. Have you read up on anger and grief and how to work through those emotions? I can give you some book suggestions if you would like. 3
leavesonautumn Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 BC, I'd be interested in some book suggestions. (Sorry OP )
amaysngrace Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 A little forgiveness can go a long way. When you think of her find something you feel sorry for her about. Then you'll see her as a weak person and it will gradually eliminate the strength she has...the power over you. You realize that hating her takes your energy, right? So because of her you're harboring negative energy? Forgive her and and you will free yourself.
siochana Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I spent a very long time, months, with nothing but pure anger towards her. I wished her the worst this life can bring her, very bad things. But after a while the anger morphed into a type of anger that no longer made her a target but rather propels me to do good for myself. I actually enjoy this phase and see what people meant by the anger phase being the "best" phase during recovery. I'm learning to accept things for what they are and no longer fighting them or dismissing my emotions like I used to in the past. Continue on with your journey and internalize the fact that what you are going through is meant to happen, it has to happen for you to grow into a stronger person and come out of this victorious. What was her crime? Did she abuse you?
travelbug1996 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 two years and you're still angry?? please find a counselor to help you through the hatred. its only gonna hinder you in future relationships. people are not perfect, not even you. 1
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