ZimboGon Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I don't know. I got out of a 5 year relationship awhile ago and I'm really, really rusty at all this. I used to be able to pick up on the signs but now it just seems like everyone flirts with everyone. I do the same thing. I've finally talked myself into asking this girl out that i met recently. It seems like she's in the dating game and i need to act on it but I don't exactly know if she's even interested in me. However I still enjoy talking to her and don't want to ruin a friendship by making it awkward so I'm reluctant to go for it. I remember in high school i would read all these bogus articles online about girls playing with their hair or laughing at all your jokes and pointing their feet towards you. I'm out of college now, spending all of my youth in a relationship. I mean, yeah this girl laughs at all of my jokes, but most girls do.
Redhead14 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I don't know. I got out of a 5 year relationship awhile ago and I'm really, really rusty at all this. I used to be able to pick up on the signs but now it just seems like everyone flirts with everyone. I do the same thing. I've finally talked myself into asking this girl out that i met recently. It seems like she's in the dating game and i need to act on it but I don't exactly know if she's even interested in me. However I still enjoy talking to her and don't want to ruin a friendship by making it awkward so I'm reluctant to go for it. I remember in high school i would read all these bogus articles online about girls playing with their hair or laughing at all your jokes and pointing their feet towards you. I'm out of college now, spending all of my youth in a relationship. I mean, yeah this girl laughs at all of my jokes, but most girls do. Just ask her for a date. If she declines the date and there is a strong enough friendship bond, that part won't go away. If she turns away as a friend, she wasn't a close friend anyway. 1
ktya Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 It seems like she's in the dating game and i need to act on it but I don't exactly know if she's even interested in me. However I still enjoy talking to her and don't want to ruin a friendship by making it awkward so I'm reluctant to go for it. I've been dating like mad this year and just went through with this exact scenario. A girl I have always wanted to "see where it goes" because I or her was always in a relationship and we were never single at the same time is single and dating multiple people. To make things more urgent she is moving overseas in a few months semi permanently so I wasnt going to get another chance. I have been very good friends with her for 14 years. Earlier this year I sort of tried but she blew it by having her ex boyfriend (whom I hate) weasel his way into all of our plans. I wont get into the details of their relationship but after they broke up there was an on again off again component. I bailed on the whole plan and told her exactly why; because I wanted to hang out one on one with her, as single people, just to see where it goes, and that every single one of my ex girlfriends after seeing us together had said that me and her should just hook up together and get it over with. She was not happy with that at all; but more because I bailed on the plan with my friend over a romantic interest. It faded, things went back to normal after a while. She popped by to visit when I was seeing someone non exclusively, and she when she left said she had hoped to spend some one on one time with me. Girl actually came to my house brought food and cooked me and the girl I was seeing breakfast in my own house. I would have kept it to one on one but she showed up 3 hours early and I couldnt exactly wake up the girl in my bed and tell her to GTFO at 7 in the morning. Fast forward to last weekend. I convinced her to come to my house for my birthday because her birthday was the next day. I figured that between the first situation where I explained why I bailed, and the second situation where she cooked me breakfast and wanted to spend alone time with me that this was my chance. But like you - there is a 14 year friendship there that I didn't want to blow up. What I did was just be closer, more touchy (like hugs and putting my hand on her arm, not groping) sitting closer, leaning forward, giving her all the body language signs and being very suggestive. At bed time I got her to sleep in my bed with me seeing as I have a king size. Nothing happened and she said later it was weird because the whole night it felt like I was trying to get with her. I told her, in a way, I was - that it was on my bucket list to sleep with her and now I got to cross that off my list when she came back to get her underwear she forgot (lol) Nothing happened. No kissing, no sex, nothing. Friendship isnt blown up either. Hope this helps.
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 After being here on the forums, I found that women can be very very quiet when shy. I did not know that, thinking that all the women I knew around me at least were outgoing. There was three younger women earlier in my life that I had no clue, but now that I know. Being very quiet yet interested in listening is a giveaway for shy women. One quit the job soon after we had an outing with our dogs at the river trails, just because I did not have a connection. though I did note she took her time in saying goodbye. As I did like her but thought she was too young and did not know me well enough to have interest.
preraph Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Usually if someone is really into you, you can tell because they're super happy to be talking to you or run into you and want to talk to you and you may find them in your vicinity a lot. If you have to chase down a girl and try to get her to notice you, she's probably not into you. If a girl is just a little smiley and does at least acknowledge your presence, it's worth taking a chance striking up a conversation.
smackie9 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Girls can be iffy, lets face it, you could be in the friends zone and not even know it because they still touch you, hug you etc. The grown up thing to do is just ask for a date. Yes or no will determine interest. That way you cut through all the crap.
d0nnivain Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I always could but I'm fairly skillful at reading between the lines, body language etc. Without that kind of context, who knows?
smackie9 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I think it all depends on how obsessed the guy becomes. Even if there is no indication of interest on the girl's part, they tend to read into things and they start to interpret they way they want it. "She offered me a lift home, I think she really likes me...." or "she brushed my arm, I think she was trying to get close to me..." "She text me asking if I wanted to work on a school project....I think we are getting close." Even tho those things are simple everyday interactions.
Phoe Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I'd say it's impossible to try to read people. Everyone is different. Asking is the only way to know for sure.
JuneJulySeptember Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I'd say it's impossible to try to read people. Everyone is different. Asking is the only way to know for sure. This is true. I'm pretty shocked to hear a woman say it though.
Tayken Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Yes I bloody well can. I have had training that allows me to read people, and more often that usually right.
Phoe Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I'm pretty shocked to hear a woman say it though. Really? How come?
JuneJulySeptember Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Really? How come? Women (not all obviously, but many of them) think that signals they send to men are clear as day. Therefore, when men get rejected it is a result of them being socially inept and seeing something that was not there, and is therefore their fault. They also think that if they send a signal and a man does not respond, it is a form of rejection to them. Because men can read minds ya know.
Author ZimboGon Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 Alright guys, well I guess I'm going for it. I haven't known her a long time but she works in the same building as me. We aren't really co-workers but I see her enough and we've been talking quite a bit. So maybe I'll just ask her out. I haven't seen any negative signs. She approaches me and strikes up conversation, laughs at my jokes, offers me food, isn't afraid to initiate small amounts of physical contact. I mean I wouldn't bother touching a girl like that if I disliked them, although I'm not a very physical person in the first place unless they're a "Bro".
Themanwithaplan Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 If the other person is confident and not reclusive, it can be very easy to tell. Follow your intuition, and don't be afraid to ask questions. I don't ask someone out until I'm 95% sure they'll say yes. Works for me every time. If you take your time, you can usually tell. Nothing scares a woman off like going too fast.
Author ZimboGon Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 If the other person is confident and not reclusive, it can be very easy to tell. Follow your intuition, and don't be afraid to ask questions. I don't ask someone out until I'm 95% sure they'll say yes. Works for me every time. If you take your time, you can usually tell. Nothing scares a woman off like going too fast. Well, we had an interesting conversation one day. A lot of people in the building were going out to a club to celebrate a birthday and on a whim i decided to go. Was a fun night, and one of my coworkers and the only one who knows that i'm into her joked with me that she may go. She didn't. The next day i told her about it and she was upset that she didn't go. She then brought that night she was out at a bar with someone. She was about to say guy, but cut herself off and said person and it just came out really strange. This leads me to believe she's currently in the dating game because i know she doesn't have a boyfriend. This also tells me i don't have a lot of time to sit around and wait and should probably just go for it. Hell, thinking about it now maybe she was going to say she was out with her ex or something. All i know was she changed her mind mid sentence about what she was going to say.
Phoe Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Women (not all obviously, but many of them) think that signals they send to men are clear as day. Therefore, when men get rejected it is a result of them being socially inept and seeing something that was not there, and is therefore their fault. They also think that if they send a signal and a man does not respond, it is a form of rejection to them. Because men can read minds ya know. I know my signals are subtle and dumb. I do subtle because I'm fearful of rejection. It's either subtle and unnoticed, or me being too bold and straight up rejected. But I'm fully aware of the subtleness and that its my own fault. However, I do not view a man not reading signals as a rejection, I view it as me just being lousy at it. Lol. Then there's the fact that I personally can't read others to save my life. I wouldn't expect others to succesfully do what I can't even do myself.
Redhead14 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I'd say it's impossible to try to read people. Everyone is different. Asking is the only way to know for sure. Being able to really read someone involves knowing them better than just seeing them out and about. For instance, most people who are having significant difficulties in their lives, will put on their happy faces in public. Or, a man or woman may flirt with someone even though they have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Reading people when your out and about and not knowing them would involve a really detailed study of their eye movements, gestures, etc. Watching pupils, etc. and really knowing what those things indicate. That's too much work. Just talk to them.
d0nnivain Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Women (not all obviously, but many of them) think that signals they send to men are clear as day. I agree that signals I send out aren't always read correctly by the desired person. I still think I am better than most at reading others.
Author ZimboGon Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 Alright well, I'll go for it next time i see her. I'm not exactly sure how to go about it or what to say, but i'll try and make my interests clear.
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