8 months NC...dont love my ex anymore...but have residual hate...is that common?

[OK_computer]

It's been a while since I posted on this forum, mostly because I feel that I've made a lot of progress (thanks to all of you well wishers on LS and the idea of NC). What I learned from NC:

 

1. I can't change the way things played out, and infact I wouldn't want to. It's great that she is gone from my life.

 

2. On hindsight, the relationship was always tense, and horrible. It was a volcano waiting to explode and good that it did. We were just too uncompatible, and everything pointed to that, I just didn't want to believe it. All the fights, over time we would have drifted away anyhow.

 

3. I've realized Im my own person, I make my own decisions, and I've accepted that she's never coming back, and you what? fine. whatever. who cares? New boyfreind? Cool, great, FO.

 

After 4 years of OAOA and tons of fights, GOOD RIDDANCE. I dodged a bullet.

 

 

BUT:

 

Here's where it gets 'confusing.' I want her to be happy, a long life--whatever. But a part of still has resentment towards her, and maybe a died down suppressed hatred towards her, that just isn't going away. Like yeah, I don't want anything to do with her when I see her (which is almost everday in classes), but I feel angry and sad when I see her not b/c we're not together but because of some reason I cannot get a hold of. Frankly sometimes it makes my blood boil in place, which I quickly dissipate.

 

What Im asking is...

 

Is it normal to still feel some sort of resentment towards an ex though you have moved on and all, or is that contradictory? I don't want her back, but deep down I still have a grudge, that I hide, push aside. Is that normal? Like everytime you see them you feel anger but you let it go. I cant forget the mean things that she said to me, the way she treated me for the last 4 years.

 

Will I get over this too over time? Is what I feel normal?

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

I think it is OK... as long as you don't let it make you become vindictive. Keeping it only for your ex, and not allowing it pop up elsewhere. Eventually in time it will dissipate. As your focus will be elsewhere with your life in general.