Stay Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 (edited) Just before everything, I'm not worried about her having a lot of guy friends. Some people don't care and some people overreact saying a girl likes the attention, etc. etc. I don't have an issue with it until I'm not getting the attention I want or need but this thread isn't really about being in a relationship with one. So I met a girl with quite a bit of guy friends, I don't have an issue with that at all. She also has quite a bit of girl friends and she hangs out with both sides evenly. My main concern is how do I know I'm not just another guy friend? I don't know how outgoing girls with a lot of guy friends act but this girl has been very responsive towards me. We would talk about something and she'll suggest that we do it almost immediately. She's basically ready to go out and hang out with me every time. We would hang out and talk about something we both wanted to do and when we part ways I'd get a message about doing it the next week. We've been hanging out once or twice a week so far and I really enjoy her company. I'm not forcing anything but I'd like to understand this situation better so I don't let the opportunity slip by taking too long to take things further. This are progressing conversation wise, it's like the getting to know each other stage. But I've never met a girl who hangs out with a lot of guy friends so I'm not sure how she treats them, she's very friendly. From what I've seen I think shes interested, she teases me, physically touches me, usually always suggest us doing something again next time. I'd like to hear from other people's experiences how you distinguished yourself from other "guy" friends the girl you have a crush on has. Edited October 9, 2014 by Stay
Chemist Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 That is a great question. I have just met a new girl who does this too. She talks about her friends quite a bit, and clearly knows a lot of guys. I can't tell how she considers me, but in the end, does it matter? I have went out three times with her, she makes physical contact and flirts. She gets a little nervous around me but doesn't give the typical signs a girl gives me when she is okay with me kissing her. She sometimes seems a little reluctant to my touch, not too much, doesn't pull away or anything but didn't necessarily give me the smile I am used to getting. I will say last time, she was more okay with it, sort of leaning into me while walking at times. I am all about Diezel's method, but usually girls make it pretty obvious when it is time. Otherwise, just go for it, or at least tell her you're interested. I am going to do that next time. I will be like, 'You know, I think you are a really amazing person. You're passionate, you're strong willed, and very interesting... well I am very interested in you.' I am curious as to your age. At the ripe age of 29.88, (yes, everyone counts 100ths of years when you're on that last one before the 30), you don't fear telling a girl how you feel about her. Life is short, say it, you stop wasting your time. You may not get the outcome you wish for, but you will know how she thinks about you. 1
isisisweeping Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I have a large number of guy friends. Her actions are certainly that of interest not friendship. 1
LoneIsland Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I'd be cautious. Someone with that many guy friends is good at getting guys to hang around. Her purpose could be no more than that. She's giving you a taste of her honey. Until you have full access to her honey pot, I'd say it doesn't mean anything. Even then, you'd get a whole bunch of guys permanently buzzing around the pot, and you can never be sure what is happening. 3
Chemist Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I'd be cautious. Someone with that many guy friends is good at getting guys to hang around. Her purpose could be no more than that. She's giving you a taste of her honey. Until you have full access to her honey pot, I'd say it doesn't mean anything. Even then, you'd get a whole bunch of guys permanently buzzing around the pot, and you can never be sure what is happening. Not always the case. I knew a girl who had nothing but guy friends. I won her over with my awesome confidence and buddha belly. When we started dating, 90% of the guy friends absconded. She was a little disappointed because she had no idea that they were even after her honey. 1
LoneIsland Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Not always the case. I knew a girl who had nothing but guy friends. I won her over with my awesome confidence and buddha belly. When we started dating, 90% of the guy friends absconded. She was a little disappointed because she had no idea that they were even after her honey. Well, it didn't work for you either because someone else has her pot now. Personally, I wouldn't rate honey pot girls highly. The pretence that they don't know their pot is causing all the buzzing is laughable. 1
LoneIsland Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I gave it away. Too crazy for me. Yeah, I know. Bzzzzzz bzzzzz bzzzz bzzzz bzzzzzz. 1
Author Stay Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 That is a great question. I have just met a new girl who does this too. She talks about her friends quite a bit, and clearly knows a lot of guys. I can't tell how she considers me, but in the end, does it matter? I have went out three times with her, she makes physical contact and flirts. She gets a little nervous around me but doesn't give the typical signs a girl gives me when she is okay with me kissing her. She sometimes seems a little reluctant to my touch, not too much, doesn't pull away or anything but didn't necessarily give me the smile I am used to getting. I will say last time, she was more okay with it, sort of leaning into me while walking at times. I am all about Diezel's method, but usually girls make it pretty obvious when it is time. Otherwise, just go for it, or at least tell her you're interested. I am going to do that next time. I will be like, 'You know, I think you are a really amazing person. You're passionate, you're strong willed, and very interesting... well I am very interested in you.' I am curious as to your age. At the ripe age of 29.88, (yes, everyone counts 100ths of years when you're on that last one before the 30), you don't fear telling a girl how you feel about her. Life is short, say it, you stop wasting your time. You may not get the outcome you wish for, but you will know how she thinks about you. I'm in my mid 20s, I'm not afraid to tell her at all. I just don't wanna rush things, it's too early to say anything right now. But I'm in the same boat as you, physical contact doesn't give me the same feedback as I'm used to with girls. I'm not expecting any sort of outcome but I'd like to at least say it at the right time. I don't know how I feel about her besides really enjoy her company. This was just curiosity and not something I want to do right now. I have a large number of guy friends. Her actions are certainly that of interest not friendship. Do you hang out with some of them one on one? How do you treat the ones you have a crush on vs the ones you don't? I didn't find any interest until I actually had a nice long private conversation with her. Everything just clicked and I think she felt the same way, after that the rest just rolled in a lot faster than I expected. With this thread though just as I expected there would be a mixture of answers which both make sense. One shows interest while the other side says to be a little cautious. Only thing I could do is slowly push the idea of seeing me more than a friend from jokes, innuendos, etc. I'd be cautious. Someone with that many guy friends is good at getting guys to hang around. Her purpose could be no more than that. She's giving you a taste of her honey. Until you have full access to her honey pot, I'd say it doesn't mean anything. Even then, you'd get a whole bunch of guys permanently buzzing around the pot, and you can never be sure what is happening. That's how I feel like, even if it was it could just be her dating around until she finds someone she wants to make her boyfriend. I really enjoy hanging out with her whether it's friends or more it doesn't really matter right now as I always wanted someone to keep up with me and be able to do and like the same things I do. I'm just looking ahead so I'm not sitting around forever as friends when she wanted more, then my chance is probably lost because I took too long. At this point I'm just enjoying it and see where it goes, I throw in innuendoes and she laughs at them and isn't weirded out so that's good. Also my friend asked us to go to an event few weeks down and she denied but later on asked if I was going. I feel like if I asked she would've answered differently especially with how positive she is about what we talk about and how open she is to go with me. Then on the back of my mind there's always me thinking if she's like this with others, only time will tell and I'm gonna let it play out. Not always the case. I knew a girl who had nothing but guy friends. I won her over with my awesome confidence and buddha belly. When we started dating, 90% of the guy friends absconded. She was a little disappointed because she had no idea that they were even after her honey. I feel like most girls are like this where they don't see what the guy's intentions are. I'm sure there are some guys who she hangs out with who have intentions and she might even know it. But I think and feel like I'm ahead of the game so we'll see how this plays out.
ktya Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Theres nothing wrong with a girl having guy friends. I used to have a ton of girl friends and successive girlfriends slowly destroyed almost all of those friendships with one jealous tirade or another and I wished I had kept them. But a girl with a TON of guy friends, almost ONLY guy friends. Bad news. I've been with a few girls like that and it always ends in tragedy. The girl is using the guy "friends" as ego boosters. Almost all of them want to, or already have, slept with her. Some might be ex boyfriends. Maybe she is just using them for attention, or free stuff, or keeping them on the hook. Guys like this will undermine you behind your back because they arent hanging around due to true friendship but rather because they want to get laid. Have a fight with your girlfriend? Next thing you know she's at Bob's place. Oh they're "just talking" because they're friends. Until you get dumped and Bobs the new main squeeze. Dont get me wrong, if she has a few guy friends she is really close with dont freak out. The red flag is she should have at least as many close girl friends as guy friends and when you hang out in public she should have no problem bringing along her "friends" of both genders.
Author Stay Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 Theres nothing wrong with a girl having guy friends. I used to have a ton of girl friends and successive girlfriends slowly destroyed almost all of those friendships with one jealous tirade or another and I wished I had kept them. But a girl with a TON of guy friends, almost ONLY guy friends. Bad news. I've been with a few girls like that and it always ends in tragedy. The girl is using the guy "friends" as ego boosters. Almost all of them want to, or already have, slept with her. Some might be ex boyfriends. Maybe she is just using them for attention, or free stuff, or keeping them on the hook. Guys like this will undermine you behind your back because they arent hanging around due to true friendship but rather because they want to get laid. Have a fight with your girlfriend? Next thing you know she's at Bob's place. Oh they're "just talking" because they're friends. Until you get dumped and Bobs the new main squeeze. Dont get me wrong, if she has a few guy friends she is really close with dont freak out. The red flag is she should have at least as many close girl friends as guy friends and when you hang out in public she should have no problem bringing along her "friends" of both genders. She has as many girl friends as guys from what I've seen. The main reason she has guy friends is because most of them would do the things she wants to do instead of the "girly" stuff all the time. This is what got me curious as I really enjoy a girl who can get down yet be girly, I could probably do a lot of things with this girl so her being a friend is great but being in a relationship in the future might be better as I've always wanted a gf who is down to do what I wanna do also. If you started as friends with these girls who have guy friends, normal amount or excessive, how did you distinguish yourself from another "guy" friend and became something more romantic?
O'Malley Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I'd avoid kissing her out of the blue, without any build up....but plenty of flirting, eye contact and light touching. If you're interested in her romantically, go on actual dates, rather than 'hanging out' which just keeps the situation ambiguous, ask her out for an evening and clearly state to her that you're taking her on a date. If she's vague in her responses or throws out the 'just friends' chestnut, move on. I don't think it's an immediate issue if someone has mostly opposite gender friends, but I'd take note of who these friends are and how she relates to other women. Are these friends exes/former sex partners, or guys that she routinely flirts with, or are they longstanding platonic friends, and she socializes with their girlfriends/SO's as well? Does she have a friendly and open attitude towards women, or does she make negative generalizations about other women (women being jealous, insecure, 'b*tches')? Unless she works in a field or has hobbies that are mostly populated with men, it's a bit unusual that she doesn't have a few female acquaintances.
stillafool Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I always had alot of guy friends (before I married, now I don't) when I was single because I enjoyed their conversation and company. My husband had quite a few female friends when we met. I don't see a problem with it.
ktya Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 She has as many girl friends as guys from what I've seen. The main reason she has guy friends is because most of them would do the things she wants to do instead of the "girly" stuff all the time. This is what got me curious as I really enjoy a girl who can get down yet be girly, I could probably do a lot of things with this girl so her being a friend is great but being in a relationship in the future might be better as I've always wanted a gf who is down to do what I wanna do also. If you started as friends with these girls who have guy friends, normal amount or excessive, how did you distinguish yourself from another "guy" friend and became something more romantic? Doesnt sound like anything to worry about on the guy friends side then. The way to get it romantic is to move fast and be really direct, peel her away from the group and get her alone. You have to set the tone of your interactions to romantic and not friendship really quick to avoid being friendzoned as "one of the guys"
Diezel Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I'm in my mid 20s, I'm not afraid to tell her at all. I just don't wanna rush things, it's too early to say anything right now. But I'm in the same boat as you, physical contact doesn't give me the same feedback as I'm used to with girls. I'm not expecting any sort of outcome but I'd like to at least say it at the right time. I don't know how I feel about her besides really enjoy her company. This was just curiosity and not something I want to do right now. Yesssssssssssssss... bury yourself even further into the Friendzoneeeeeeeee... I'm sure ALL of her male friends are thinking EXACTLY the same you are.
Phoe Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I have many guy friends, as well as girl friends. I am friends with these guys because we have common interests. Most of my hobbies and interests are ones that men are more commonly interested in, so this naturally leads to friendships with men. None of them have slept with me, and none of them want to (they have made this clear when strangers suggest this). Purely platonic. There's no way to guess from what you wrote whether she likes you or not, but just tell her how you feel! I'd be wary of kissing her. If a man was presumptuous enough to just kiss me out of nowhere, he'd be quite sorry. Personal boundaries, Ya know?
Diezel Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Maybe it's because I'm at a whole different level, but I'd rather get rejected quick then spend weeks/months trying to play the long game and end up short. That only works in the movies. If I try to kiss and she don't want any of it, I'll make like Jay-Z and on to the next one.
umirano Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 bookmarked this thread. It's quite funny (the honey pot analysis) and teaching. I'm mostly with Diezel, but I also agree with Phoe on the problematic aspects of kissing.
toolforgrowth Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I'm going to provide insight from the opposite end of the spectrum. I'm a man who has a lot of female friends. More than male friends truthfully. And some of them I consider to be my "besties". However, all of them (except one, who is a lesbian) are partnered. One of them wasn't for a while, but we have been nothing but friends and I TOTALLY dig her boyfriend...he's a great guy and I consider him just as much my friend as she is. I wouldn't say that should be indicative of any likelihood on my part to do anything inappropriate. I recently began dating a lady, and she knows a female is one of my best friends. And I made sure to immediately say, "and her boyfriend is awesome! They come over and hang out all the time." So that way she knew that my friendship with her was just that...a friendship, nothing more. I can't speak for your lady friend, but I can say that it is possible for men and women to be just friends. 1
Author Stay Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 Doesnt sound like anything to worry about on the guy friends side then. The way to get it romantic is to move fast and be really direct, peel her away from the group and get her alone. You have to set the tone of your interactions to romantic and not friendship really quick to avoid being friendzoned as "one of the guys" We've been going out one on one a little bit more now and messaging each other much more than before. Every time I go out with her I don't make it into a friend thing and get personal, we had a few personal talks already and I thoroughly enjoyed them and so did she. I have many guy friends, as well as girl friends. I am friends with these guys because we have common interests. Most of my hobbies and interests are ones that men are more commonly interested in, so this naturally leads to friendships with men. None of them have slept with me, and none of them want to (they have made this clear when strangers suggest this). Purely platonic. There's no way to guess from what you wrote whether she likes you or not, but just tell her how you feel! I'd be wary of kissing her. If a man was presumptuous enough to just kiss me out of nowhere, he'd be quite sorry. Personal boundaries, Ya know? Exactly how she sounds like, I have friends who are girls also and some of them I don't have any romantic interest with or want to for sure. They're attractive but I just don't, those are long term friends. I just met this girl so getting her to think more than friends is easier. I'd avoid kissing her out of the blue, without any build up....but plenty of flirting, eye contact and light touching. If you're interested in her romantically, go on actual dates, rather than 'hanging out' which just keeps the situation ambiguous, ask her out for an evening and clearly state to her that you're taking her on a date. If she's vague in her responses or throws out the 'just friends' chestnut, move on. I don't think it's an immediate issue if someone has mostly opposite gender friends, but I'd take note of who these friends are and how she relates to other women. Are these friends exes/former sex partners, or guys that she routinely flirts with, or are they longstanding platonic friends, and she socializes with their girlfriends/SO's as well? Does she have a friendly and open attitude towards women, or does she make negative generalizations about other women (women being jealous, insecure, 'b*tches')? Unless she works in a field or has hobbies that are mostly populated with men, it's a bit unusual that she doesn't have a few female acquaintances. She's pretty evenly balanced with girls and guys and doesn't bash one or the other. I just do a little bit of flirting and innuendos just to gauge where she stands, I wouldn't kiss her out of the blue either if there was no solid indication that she was interested. As far as hanging out, I don't really say hanging out ever. I just invite her but I don't say it's a date either, we just both agree upon doing something. These are 1 on 1 situations btw, she usually messages me right after which I'm used to getting after dates, not saying this is one but it makes me a bit happy inside. Sometimes the messages are compliments or just to say it was fun, etc.
Ameden Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Be careful.....you ever hear that song Biz Markie "Just a friend".....just saying
preraph Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I always had a lot of guy friends. Believe me, if I was interested in you romantically, you'd have known because I'd be going out of my way to talk to you at events, etc. I hung with a lot of guys I was strictly friends with and could be friends with to this day if everyone's life wasn't so busy. A friend of mine is a very social person, way more than me, and she talked to everyone and always had a wide circle of acquaintances and was very flirty to guys, who basically think any girl talking to them is flirty, which is true in some situations, but not with these uber-social girls who network like crazy. She is very touchy and carries on drawing attention to herself in public. But though she may flirt and talk with a variety of guys, every time she's going to only take up the guy who has the most outgoing personality and that she finds the most entertaining to banter with. If you see this girl touching all the guys, talking to a bunch of them and some women too, she may just be very social and she's going to want someone who is also that way. But if it's just someone who hangs out with a guy or two and does things together, that's a different type. She's not shy, so it shouldn't be hard to find out if she likes you. But like with every other dating situation, only one way to find out: Ask her out, kiss her at the end of the night. Now, the very social girl I described frequently made multiple dates for one night, and then stood all or most of them up, so be prepared if she's that type. She has a full social calendar. Hopefully she'll be more organized and empathetic than my friend was in that regard.
Elias33 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I'd be cautious. Someone with that many guy friends is good at getting guys to hang around. Her purpose could be no more than that. She's giving you a taste of her honey. Until you have full access to her honey pot, I'd say it doesn't mean anything. Even then, you'd get a whole bunch of guys permanently buzzing around the pot, and you can never be sure what is happening. This right here! Was in a similar situation, was confident, ignored those guys, got her, but that is not where it ends! Them guys stick around! Even the guys that were rejected by her, still called her a best friend, and called her with all their problems...disaster. That was a good lesson learned. Women with many guy friends, they like the attention, and mostly a poor sense of boundaries. Spells drama all over. It's just not a good foundation for a serious relationship.
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