mefisto Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I just saw this girl in the coffee shop. She wasnt "hot" or "beautiful", just very lovely young girl, with so cute pale face and petite body. I looked at her, she noticed it and left the stop. I was relieved in some way that she left. But then i left and at the street i saw that she coming right towards me. I suddenly felt that all my body and mind are completely paralyzed! I looked her right in the eyes and said nothing, just went past her. I regret it so goddamn much. She probably waited specially for me and it was the perfect moment to approach her. Why am i such a loser, i am almost sure that she would react positively. I hate myself so much right now. Did you ever feel such strong regret not taking action when you should have?
Dontfindme Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 You've got yourself a missed connection; go post on Craigslist!
Author mefisto Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 You've got yourself a missed connection; go post on Craigslist! We don't have such thing in my country. And she already saw like i have no confidence to talk to her. As far as i know its deadly turn-off for any girl. The thing is, its not the first moment that i have wasted. I just don't know why every time when i should approach a girl - i feel like i am paralyzed. Can anyone give tips how to change it?
Author mefisto Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 I feel so bad right now. I will never see her again. Will someone like me ever be able to change and gain confidence?
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Don't feel bad... accept it and move on. Learn to gain self esteem and confidence before doing such a thing again. Else it will feed your lack of esteem, which will lower confidence. To give an idea in combating your negative actions. I have the opposite issue, and may sound odd in that I cannot feel connected without knowing the other person. Only a few people have been wired in such ways that go on with normal lives. So my efforts are not to give the wrong impression in thinking that I am interested. I work around it, just to take notice in general the people around me time to time. You can pretend the other does not care, so what ever you say to them won't effect you. It may sound silly but it will allow you to feel some comfort as I do, when I think they are looking at someone else in believing that they don't care. I know it is a false sense of security but it can manage being able to allow for what you couldn't before.
Toodaloo Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 You are far from a loser. That is the last phrase I would use and you are far from a failure. You haven't even started yet! Go back to the coffee shop again same time tomorrow if she is not there ask about her as she may have spoken to the people who work there and/ or they may know her. If that doesn't work go back again at the same time next week and try to catch her again. Keep at it. Good luck 1
Author mefisto Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 Thank you for replies! >You can pretend the other does not care, it can manage being able to allow for what you couldn't before I felt like my mind is literally paralyzed - i couldnt pretend anything. And it happened so fast, im used to overthink every situation for long time and today i had just a few seconds to take action. I forgot all the words, all the questions, all the rational way of thinking that could help me overcome the fear. >You haven't even started yet! Im not a virgin by the way. Once i got lucky and had girlfriend for 2 years and it ended very badly, she cheated on me with my friend. Somehow i feel like i don't have experience at all despite the fact that i do have the experience. I know how to have sex with girl but don't know how to approach one - thats so ridiculous. My hands starting to shake, voice starting to tremble, i feel tremor in my ribs. How to calm these symptoms? >ask about her, try to catch her again. Its very crowded place, thousands of people coming through every day. If i would encounter her again, i would approach for sure, but chance of that is like 0.0001%. I most definitely wont see her again, but if i will, can you give advice on what should i say to her?
cristalina Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 You are most definitely not a loser. It just sounds like a learning experience. Learn from it and move forward. Make the next one count. Here's a fun rule I implement at conferences when I'm networking that can also be applied to dating: Give yourself the 3-second rule. You see someone, you want to talk to them, you have the opp, you have 3 seconds to take action and you must. Within 3 seconds of this feeling, you have to walk up and say "hi." Try it this week and see what happens.
Tik Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Take a deep breath, visualise all your negative thoughts about this situation. Now breath out; like all out and imagine all those negative thoughts leaving you. This here is you realising and accepting you stuffed up. Fairo, you've had the time to mope. Now charge that to experience and get on with it and promise yourself should this ever happen again, you'll do things differently. Sometimes in life you have to learn to switch your brain off and risk things. Situations like this and your brain goes into automatic protection mode; to protect you from rejection but the problem is if you don't risk it, you won't get the biscuit. What I do nowadays is when I realise there is a moment like this, like above, I instantly switch off and start walking or initiating what I was afraid to do and funnily enough, now that I'm half way to what ever I planned to do, I have to follow through rather than regretting. Do that. Think too much and your opportunity is lost.
Author mefisto Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 >It just sounds like a learning experience. What have i learned? That i am still spineless coward without any self-confidence. I knew it before. >Give yourself the 3-second rule. I always feel like i need at least few minutes to think through the conversation. Otherwise i wont have anything to say. Its just too fast for me, im a slow talker. >to switch your brain off and risk things But i need my brain to make conversation going. How would i talk with a girl without brain? >your opportunity is lost. This is soul-crushing feel.
Toodaloo Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 You mis-read what I said... I meant you haven't even started trying to catch her eye yet! Its like saying that you have failed on the first step of a 10k run! I wasn't thinking about anything else! Don't give up yet! Your ex was clearly not all that great but that is one girl from thousands and you always get a rotten apple here and there... Sorry you had one. Put what she did in the past where it belongs. There may well be 1000's of people going through but I bet you if you explain to the people who work there they will try to help you! Get help from them. Ask them to give her your number if they see her. Ask them to find out about her for you. Just tell them that you were struck dumb by this girl. As for what to say to her when you do see her again how about hello! Try "how are you today?"," isn't it nippy outside"... you could even say something along the lines of "I have been really hoping to see you in here again after last time I saw you - would you like to meet up here next week, my name is XXX by the way?" Then you have a week to prepare and you give both yourself and this girl some space and time. Just in case none of this works though keep your eye out for others and don't close yourself off. Keep breathing and well done you for trying!
Toodaloo Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 >It just sounds like a learning experience. What have i learned? That i am still spineless coward without any self-confidence. I knew it before. Balls. You are NOT spineless. If you are then you need to change that. You are basing a lot on one tiny little incident that in 20 years time you will probably have forgotten. get a grip man. Stop feeling sorry for yourself get up off your bum and do something about it. Practice by saying hello to people whether you fancy them or not. Strike up conversations with people in the coffee shop every day. So you got dumbstruck this time. Practice get as much info as you can and be prepared for next time.
FBSN Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Same thing happened to me not too long ago, I was actually approached by a pretty girl and still couldn't say anything.
FBSN Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 You've got yourself a missed connection; go post on Craigslist! Same thing I was thinking 1
LoneIsland Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Yes, you have failed as a male being. Successful male beings instinctively know there are always more opportunities in life. Successful male beings also know there's a chance the girl will shop at that place again. 1
Author mefisto Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 Okay, thanks guys. I appreciate all your replies. Next time if i see such girl i would try my chances with her. Hope i wont froze up as hard as today.
Toodaloo Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Okay, thanks guys. I appreciate all your replies. Next time if i see such girl i would try my chances with her. Hope i wont froze up as hard as today. Don't "hope" - "know". Practice in-between by talking to people and saying hello. Pass the time of day and keep doing it EVERY day... Then you will be better prepared Think of the P's Poor Planning = Pi$$ Poor Performance... Don't let that be you. Practice! 1
Dontfindme Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Why don't you practice? Next time you see someone at some coffee shop - or elsewhere- who doesn't seem pre-occupied, why not have a casual chat with them? Practice will aid you in not freezing up. Good luck!
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