Dork Vader Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Okay if you read the last thread I started, I was seeing someone, things moved to fast to quickly. (that is an understatement). Anyways I let the chemical high and chemistry run wild. That lead to me becoming a tad clingy and what not. So we had plans for a date tonight, I asked her if we were still on she said yeah at 6:00PM I said that's cool. I get off work text her tell her I'm going to take a nap and she starts the back peddling, saying she might make it might not. I called (I don't like to text) we talk for a bit. I go lay down she calls about an hour later saying she was up set because she did not get a job she had been hoping to get. This is likely TRUE. I then tell her I have to get this off my chest, it's been giving me anxiety. I let things get out of control with us and became clingy. I'm normally not like this, I'd really like a chance to get to know you. She agreed with me. Then I said I just don't know how to do this and I'm unsure if I should even be dating. I think I might be rebounding from a bad relationship. She suggested we just hang out casually over the next few weeks and see what happens. At some point she said she was not sure if she wanted a relationship and all of this stuff. Conversation continued we talked about what we liked about each other and so on. Then she said she had to go and that she'd call me later. I said I'll call you when I get home I'm likely going to go out tonight. She just said text her she was unsure if she'd be awake. I don't want to do the casual dating. I know exactly where that is going to lead.. Friend Zone, I also know I can't handle it. I think I need space and time to gather my self. but I definitely want another chance to get to know her and keep things in control. I do have SOME of her things at my house and she has not asked for them back yet. I was debating telling her they are on my door step she can pick them up when ever she has time or just dropping it off. Leaving it with a letter that basically says I need space to figure things out and make sure I'm ready to date when I get there I'll call you. Opinions? My ultimate goal is to get the ball back in my court once I have it I'm going to keep it and not let things run wild. But I do need a chance to let my emotions settle out.
Assasda Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 What you need to do is tell your emotions to other friends, and stop dumping them all over her. If I put myself in the girls shoes, I'd think that you were emtionally unstable. At least you know that you were clingy. Now what you have to do is cut that out. I personally think that you should keep her in your life, and go out with different women as well. Casual dating means that you guys actually have fun and you dont ask her stupid questions like "Where is this going". Thats what I see it as. Keys to getting with girls :Flirt, Have fun, Space. Nothing there about about being emotional. From what I understand, women like being the only emotional ones in the relationship 2
Author Dork Vader Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 (edited) I agree.. I let things get out of control for a lot of reasons. But I think I'm just going to tell her I don't see this going any place right now. I'll text you when I get a point in which I feel I can date. I wish you the best. It would put the ball squarely in my court and give me a chance to get my **** together. And it's not entirely my fault, she really pushed things a long at a rather fast rate. She even suggested we elope. So the blame is not entirely mine. I just was not man enough to put the brakes on. Edited October 9, 2014 by Dork Vader
Jules Dash Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I really don't understand why you need to say so much. Words get you into trouble and you can never take them back whereas actions can be open to interpretation. I would just back off. She would probably allow you this. Don't provide commentary. The ball is in your court now with or without the commentary. You have control over this situation. I agree with every word of Assasda's post.
Jules Dash Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 By the way, if you write her a note, I will personally hunt you down, man. 2
Author Dork Vader Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 The thing is I'm not emotionally stable right now and I just realized that. My OCD is out of control, I'm still trying to cope with what happened between me and my ex and having contracted HSV-2. I see my doctor monday to start medications again. I know I need them right now. I think you're all right, just walk away and let her contact me. When I'm ready I'll contact her. It's hard because she has a lot of potential and we both have HSV, i don't want to do long distance and she is local. But I have to get my act together.
Jules Dash Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Are the benzos not helping? Why not just stay on them to keep the OCD under control so you can be tight in situations like this? Either way, I agree that if you feel emotionally unstable, best to back off. If you start emotionally bleeding onto her she will skyrocket out of your life well.
Author Dork Vader Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 I have been off the OCD meds for nearly 6 years and done well. But recently it's just become out of control. I'm just going to back away and contact her when I feel things have settled out. If she contacts me I'm going to say I'm not ready to date.
mightycpa Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 You might just be OCD'ing on that thought. You seem to act rashly on either side of the equation. You go too fast and get in too deep too quickly, or now, you're ready to bail. You have no reason to do either of those things. I was in the beginning of an extended breakup with this girl once, and I actually wrote down things to talk to her about so that I would not mention the relationship. I had just started seeing another girl at the time, and she found my list, and made fun of me. She said something like Oh my God! You have to actually write down stuff so you can have a conversation with her? What kind of relationship is that? Why do you even bother?I told her it was none of her ****ing business, but that's beside the point. The point is that in a highly emotional state, I created a plan to keep myself on an even keel. Call her on predetermined days at predetermined times and talk about predetermined things for a predetermined length of time. No more, no less. She had no idea, but it helped me. I just executed the plan, and I didn't make any other decisions or arrangements until I felt I was able. If you can't control yourself on the fly, you may want to consider something similar. Keep your sharing to a minimum, like, near zero. No discussions about feelings or relationships or any of that. Just go out... not too often, not too infrequently. Keep it light, but use her to make a human connection. It will help you. 1
Diezel Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I told you this would happen and that you should have cancelled the date on your own terms. She is going to go into full blown backpeddling with everything. You are not the first man this happens with... with HER. She went ALL IN in a few weeks and is now going ALL OUT. She even told you this would happen. You didn't listen. For your emotions' sake, you might want to cut the cord on this one. She's already doing it to you.
Author Dork Vader Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 The job position was legit and she likely was up set. She really wanted the job and is unemployed. Her mom works for the school district and told her she did not get the job so I understand it. That aside I never text her last night. I passed out and woke up to a did you make it home safe? I've yet to respond. I can't decide if I should cut ties or just treat it as though I just met her.
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