Bad Person Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 After my boyfriend dumped me I emailed his work and told them that he used drugs. I hate myself for doing this, and am stressed and weepy all the time over it, but no idea how to make amends or how to right this wrong. Any advice would be very much appreciated, thank you
xUnknown Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 After my boyfriend dumped me I emailed his work and told them that he used drugs. I hate myself for doing this, and am stressed and weepy all the time over it, but no idea how to make amends or how to right this wrong. Any advice would be very much appreciated, thank you Umm....You call work and you tell them what you did. You tell him what you did. I doubt they will take your word, and hopefully they will give him the benefit of the doubt with a drug test and not straight up fire him.
Author Bad Person Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 unfortunately it is true - he is addicted to injecting amphetamines. Even worse I found out afterwards that he would need to have been clean for 10 years to keep his job, but he hasn't been clean for even 10 weeks. But I still know that I shouldn't have done it, and the fact that it's true doesn't make me comfortable with my evil deed. I'm scared to contact his work fearing that this might make matters worse and make a bigger deal of the problem, and hoping maybe the email looked crazy so they disregarded it?
strong-hearted Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 yes I agree, call and explained what happened, they might not take it serious but you should at least try my ex dumped me as well, he replaced me but I handled this situation as best as I could, simply let him go and make his mistakes and I can just sit back and watch how slowly his life starts to become a mess while I'm working on myself one thing I can say is get some counseling trust me it's gonna help you a lot, I'm telling you from experience and just let this be a lesson learned
travelbug1996 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 It is very difficult not to want to retaliate when someone hurts you. In this situation you did and now you can see why its not a good thing to do. I am still learning not to hurt people just because they have hurt me. I don't know what to say to help you resolve this situation since personally I wouldn't tell him (the ex) I did this. He could seriously cause you bodily harm especially if he is actively using drugs. Please don't seek to retaliate when people hurt you. I also learned the hard way. 1
Author Bad Person Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 okay, so because both replies suggested it, I just emailed his work and asked them to please disregard the earlier email, that it was sent in error and contained misinformation. And I definitely agree that I need counselling - I let him inject me with amphetamines for years too and even though I've been clean for a year I still feel somewhat depleted mentally and physically. After feeling proud of myself for staying clean, now I've ruined it by acting with malice and being horrible and I hate myself. I lost my own job (a couple of days before I sent the nasty email to his work) and can't really afford counselling at the moment - I guess that's why I'm here ... really appreciating the feedback, thank you
Author Bad Person Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 you are spot on too when you say that I am fearful of his response, partly because of the drugs he uses, but also because I feel like I deserve his wrath. But because this is such a serious issue, I worry that he will retaliate on the same level - shoot one of my children, or burn my house or something. I didn't actually realise until you mentioned this how much this aspect is messing with my head and I want to make sure that I pay the retribution, not my children.
travelbug1996 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 It doesn't do you any good to hate yourself. Just try to be better moving forward. So you've been clean for a year? Do you go to meetings? He may still get drug tested and lose his job. Please don't email his job anymore. This person sounds toxic and you may want to try to get help somehow. How did you get fired from your job. Do you have children together?
travelbug1996 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 you are spot on too when you say that I am fearful of his response, partly because of the drugs he uses, but also because I feel like I deserve his wrath. But because this is such a serious issue, I worry that he will retaliate on the same level - shoot one of my children, or burn my house or something. I didn't actually realise until you mentioned this how much this aspect is messing with my head and I want to make sure that I pay the retribution, not my children. So please keep your mouth shut and get away from this guy especially if you think he may burn your house down. What you did was wrong, no doubt about it. It is okay to make amends to others but only if doing so won't put your family in harms way.
Author Bad Person Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 No they are my children, not his. He has a son to another woman who he doesn't get to see, and we don't have any children together. My ex was diagnosed with speed psychosis a year ago and I gave up immediately, assuming that he would too, but of course he didn't. I got fired from my job as a separate unrelated incident - I was responsible for a team and I let them leave early on a regular basis, and got found out and fired. Having no job and a huge mortgage is definitely another factor contributing to how awful I'm feeling at the moment.
Author Bad Person Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 I'm scared it's too late - I have already done this terrible thing.
travelbug1996 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 you sent the email today?? where is the ex?? does he live close by?? His job will get the email tomorrow right?? hopefully, they won't disclose who ratted him out. if he asks you , please don't break and admit it. I'm afraid he may hurt you or your family.
lollipopspot Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 What kind of job does he do? Is it a job that is with public safety or something that other people could be injured because he uses these drugs? If so, then I'm glad you told them, even if for the wrong reasons. More information about the nature of the job, and him, please. 1
singsparkles Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 After my boyfriend dumped me I emailed his work and told them that he used drugs. I hate myself for doing this, and am stressed and weepy all the time over it, but no idea how to make amends or how to right this wrong. Any advice would be very much appreciated, thank you Ohhh gosh, love. I feel for you. :-( I've done some downright evil things in break ups also. One of my boyfriends who treated me horribly got involved with a girl after we broke up and got her pregnant and he was still texting/calling me, and I sent the girl all the messages he wrote me and broke them up. I did feel bad about it, even though he was a bad person, I shouldn't have broken up a relationship. What happened with the company he works for... what did they say to you and did they take it seriously? You can always email them back saying you got the wrong email and were supposed to be emailing another company and not them... if its not too far deep yet. I feel for you. Its hard and I know how it feels to want to get someone back after a break up. Stuff happens, and sometimes we as humans do horrible things and it's life and we can't take them back, and it hurts. But it happened and you did it... Just take it as a lesson learned and try to project your anger onto other things in the future so things like this won't happen... such as going for a run, going to the gym, etc... those are great things that can help with anger. I hope you feel better soon. Just remember... nothing is the end of the world and you're still alive. And you're learning every day. xxx 1
Chi townD Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I'm scared it's too late - I have already done this terrible thing. It might be. You did this; therefore, you own it. Nothing you can do now but own it. 1
Author Bad Person Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 He lives an hour away and is trying to clean up his act and join the Navy. He was banned from joining for a year due to smoking pot but now that I have told them he shoots up then he could face a ban of 10 years before he can join.
Author Bad Person Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 I am trying to own it but unsure of the best way forward from here
Author Bad Person Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 He doesn't have a job. I told the Navy about his drug use
lollipopspot Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 (edited) Well, I don't believe the navy is going to tell him about your email. And I could be wrong, but I believe the navy would drug test him regardless of anything you sent, and not take anyone's word or change what they would do one way or another. I don't believe they will deny him recruitment based on heresay. But if he can't pass a drug test, that's on him alone - for whatever reason they test him. So I don't think you will have any impact on his future with the navy. If this were a small family business he were applying for, any hint of drama might hurt his chances. But enlisting with the navy is something different. Edited October 9, 2014 by lollipopspot 1
Author Bad Person Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 He would be able to pass the drug test because speed leaves the body fairly quickly. But if they suspect he has injected drugs they would ban him from joining regardless of drug test results. I feel bad because he really is trying to get clean and have a future. I was angry because he didn't make the effort while he was with me but that's no excuse
lollipopspot Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 But if they suspect he has injected drugs they would ban him from joining regardless of drug test results. I just don't think they can or would do that based on heresay. I could be wrong and I haven't researched it, but do you have evidence that the navy would reject someone's recruitment based on what a scorned ex says about the applicant?
Mary May and Bobby Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I think my advise would be to go back in time and not do that, because things like that cannot be erased. Ever. All you can do is ask him for his forgiveness, which I'm sure you know you should do, and just hope he forgives you. I'm sure he'll see that you're sincerely sorry, though this won't guarantee forgiveness. Hopefully in time he'll be able to forgive, but he probably won't forget. I don't think there is a way to make amends for that in the way that you want it. You probably want the relationship to go back to being the way it was before you did that, and that just won't happen. So, own it. Apologize, and take it as a lesson. We lose, we learn.
Author Bad Person Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 As part of the recruitment process he has to undergo Psych evaluations, and it was this part that tripped him up last time due to him admitting he had smoked pot. I think they will ask him about intravenous drug use at his next Psych evaluation and then he will know it was me who alerted them as not many other people know. I don't expect or want the relationship to go back to what it was, I am genuinely committed to getting over this man. And I have apologised to him, and yes more than anything I wish I could turn back time but know I can't. I guess I'm looking for a way to lessen the impact on him, in the hope that he might still have a future in the Navy, and then we can both move on. And yes, I am worried that if he takes revenge it might be against my children and that terrifies me.
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