Fix Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 She was actually what I would consider my first real girlfriend, my first real love and a genuinely great person. The truth is I treat her badly during our relationship, showed her no respect and I cheated on her. We where together for about 18 months, lived together for a year and even had plans to move in together. What she didn't know at the time was during all of this I was talking to another girl, and I, in the end left her for this other woman. My ex never deserved any of this, she is still the most loving, caring and giving person I have know to this day. She loved me, and would have had children with me had I wanted to. During our relationship I did love her, but over time that love faded and knowing what I know now I believe I had a case of GIGS. I changed and started to come out of my shell during the relationship. I found my confidence thanks to her showing me that I was a lovable person, at least in her eyes. I feel due to this boost in confidence I started to have a wondering eye and to feel as if I could 'do better'. The girl I was talking to was pretty, but damaged. I wanted to fix her, but I also found her to be very attractive. Over the course of my relationship I started texting this other girl more and more, and eventually met her. 100% emotional cheating, a total scum bag move and completely unfair of me. I met this other woman 3 or 4 times behind my girlfriends back and decided I wanted to be with her. I broke up with my girlfriend, telling her I no longer loved her. That was it, I never admitted the truth... Until I myself recently got hurt in the same way. Karma came back and bit me. The girl I monkey branched to, the girl I thought was better for me, cheated on me in just the same way. She was talking to a co-worker, meeting him and spending time with him behind my back. She dumped me, saying she no longer loved me, and she wanted to be alone. She is now in a relationship with this co-worker. So feeling the pain of being cheated on and the hurt of a broken heart is what pushed me to email my old ex. I wanted to tell her the truth of what happened, I feel it was a somewhat selfish act to relieve my own guilt, but I also felt that if she needed any closure she deserved it. I emailed her a few days a go, and told her exactly why I left, the honest truth. I never expected a reply to be honest, and I just hoped I wasn't doing anything to reopen any old wounds... She replied today, and here is what she said... "Dear (Me), Thanks for giving me some closure on this. I can assure you I am in no way jaded or cold. I am very happy and enjoying my life and I have found someone wonderful to spend it with, we are enjoying living together in our own home and looking forward to our future together. I don't really know why you felt the need to bring this up after so long, but it has cleared up any doubts I had about our relationship, if things had ended due to me and if I had known you were cheating I would have ended it between us sooner. Enjoy your life" She asked me no questions, she was polite, just perfect. She was a always a lovely person, and I am so glad that she is happy. I really truly hope she is, she deserves to have a great life as she was always a giving and loving person who did so much to help others. So, do ex's come back? I suppose yes, I came back to her. Do you get over heart break and move on and be happy? Yes I suppose you do, as my ex has. Do you reap what you sow? It certainly appears that way. Do dumpers ever regret their decision? Yes, 100% they do. I want to clarify this though.. I regret how I left her, I regret what I did, I regret hurting her and I regret cheating... I should have never done any of it. I should have went to her the day I started having doubts and told her exactly how I felt and either made a decision to really work at the relationship or break up there and then. I never wrote her this email in the hopes of getting her back. I wrote to apologise and to let her know she was nothing but a lovely person throughout our time together... The truth is, I believe if there was no other woman me and my ex would have eventually broke up any way. This other woman simply put more strain on our relationship and sped up the process. Any questions I will be happy to answer. 1
johnson_j Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Your ex is a true champ, her words were short, sweet, and to-the-point with you, letting you know she has moved on and she slammed that door hard. Lesson learned by you, as you eluded to, is that you reap what you sow. Treat others how you want to be treated. Good read.
Author Fix Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 Your ex is a true champ, her words were short, sweet, and to-the-point with you, letting you know she has moved on and she slammed that door hard. And as strange as it sounds I am glad she replied the way she did, it would have hurt so much more if she had told me she still hurts or hadn't moved on. I am happy that she is getting on with her life and is doing well.
travelbug1996 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 yea all you can do is try to be a better person moving forward.
herself Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Pretty selfish of you to divulge that to her. All you needed to do was tell her you were sorry for not treating her better in the end. Now any forgiveness she may have found the strength to have toward you has probably turned sour. Also I read her reply as saying F%!$ you but politely meaning did you think Id sit around wasting time crying over you and holding anger? She felt after so much time it was just inappropriate and I hope you leave it at that. You hurt her by coldly leaving her...then you turn around after shes healed and say...oh ya by the way...if that didn't hurt enough...I also cheated. I dont get your logic at all. Learn to leave well enough alone. 1
BC1980 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I don't understand why you would disrupt her life after so long. That's very selfish, but you did admit the email to her was self serving. 1
Ordinaryday Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 wow if any of my exes ever emailed me, depending on my mood I would either just ignore them or simply respond with "don't ever (expletive deleted) contact me again"
Ordinaryday Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 dude, you are reading her letter through rose-coloured glasses. she is actually quite rude and passive-aggressive in her response to you, as she has every right to be!! 2
dumbass2 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Wow! that was pretty F'd up of you to do that. 1
Author Fix Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 How is this f-ucked up? People on here make no sense at all. You all want your ex's to come back.. But believe they never will.. But then if they do you want them to beg and plead to have you back and admit all their mistakes.. But only so you can have the opportunity to say you've moved on to someone better and you're no longer interested. Basically, nothing anyone can do is right. Yeah it was selfish of me, in a way, but it was also honestly to give her some closure. For me to admit I was an idiot, and did something terrible. What would be the point in me not telling the whole truth? The fact is even if she was passive aggressive at least she had moved on and got with someone else and is happy in her life.
April Moon Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 How is this f-ucked up? People on here make no sense at all. You all want your ex's to come back.. But believe they never will.. But then if they do you want them to beg and plead to have you back and admit all their mistakes.. But only so you can have the opportunity to say you've moved on to someone better and you're no longer interested. Basically, nothing anyone can do is right. Yeah it was selfish of me, in a way, but it was also honestly to give her some closure. For me to admit I was an idiot, and did something terrible. What would be the point in me not telling the whole truth? The fact is even if she was passive aggressive at least she had moved on and got with someone else and is happy in her life. Typically, people in the early stages of the break up want their exes to come back. After some time (and true NC), most dumpees realize how much better their life is without the dumper and do not wish to hear from them. Was it selfish of you?? Extremely. It is also a curious to believe she still needed closure after all this time. Other people can't give a person closure only a person can do that for themselves. I believe you projected your need of closure onto her. Your the one who still feels bad for what they had done. You feel better that she has moved on because it means what you did wasn't "that terrible." This is typical dumper's guilt. This was completely selfish (which is a typical trait in cheaters). 1
Always Pondering Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 How is this f-ucked up? People on here make no sense at all. You all want your ex's to come back.. But believe they never will.. But then if they do you want them to beg and plead to have you back and admit all their mistakes.. But only so you can have the opportunity to say you've moved on to someone better and you're no longer interested. Basically, nothing anyone can do is right. Yeah it was selfish of me, in a way, but it was also honestly to give her some closure. For me to admit I was an idiot, and did something terrible. What would be the point in me not telling the whole truth? The fact is even if she was passive aggressive at least she had moved on and got with someone else and is happy in her life. The right thing you could have done is left the matter alone, there's no point in beating a dead horse. There really is no point to you telling her this after all this time when the relationship is long dead and gone and it was really selfish (but at least you admit to this). The way I see it, there's two reactions that would've came from me if I was in her position. 1.) I haven't moved on completely and all your message did was hurt me / stir up some anger, where ultimately the message had no purpose while I was in a RS with someone else now, Or 2.) I've already moved on with my new partner and all I can think of after this time is "Wtf? Why bring this up?" If any of my exes did this, I wouldn't have gotten "closure" or anything since I've moved on, I'd probably just think less of you the message didn't really change anything. P.S. Not all dumpees want the outcome you speak of. It's possible at some point and time but personally I don't care whether or not I speak to some of my exes again. 1
Elle1975 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 First, there is no such things as karma. As for the reason why you "came back", you didn't. You were hurt by someone else and felt you had to come clean to your ex, after ALL this time. I like her answer "Thanks, but I don't know why you're dumping this on my lap. I'm with a great guy." The only reason you contacted her was to alleviate your own current pain. 1
Zahara Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Yeah it was selfish of me, in a way, but it was also honestly to give her some closure. The thing is, she didn't ask for closure. This was about YOUR "closure" or your own need to possibly revisit a chance of maybe opening that door. It is absolutely selfish to think that SHE needs closure because it wasn't your decision to make. And it has completely lost it's meaning because your need to give it to her only stemmed from your own pain and regret with dealing with the other woman. This was never about your ex. If at this point in your life, you were skipping in sunflower fields with this other woman, I bet my life that you would have never made the choice to give your ex closure or divulge the truth. For me to admit I was an idiot, and did something terrible. What would be the point in me not telling the whole truth? The fact is even if she was passive aggressive at least she had moved on and got with someone else and is happy in her life. The truth would have been helpful for her, if at the time of ending, you were open and honest with the reasons as to why you were leaving. After dragging her through hell and only admitting your mistakes when things didn't work out for you, that's a different story. This was purely self serving. 2
ThorntonMelon Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Her response should be pinned to the top of every board as a "How To" illustration on responding to an email like that. Totally dismissive in every way, a giant FU but delivered pitch perfect and with class. As for OP, I'd cut him some slack. We've all done stupid things in the emotion of a breakup. There are dumber acts. 2
Natsu21 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 When you do something hurtful, you need to suffer the consequences, and clearly these people are trying to tell you what you did was wrong in hopes you don't do it again. Stop trying. Look, you may have learned your lesson, but the truth is, at the time you didn't give a damn how she felt. Don't blame it on gigs. You're saying that because you weren't as "sheltered" as you once were that you no longer had to settle and felt like trading up? That sounds like you used this girl. And now that the girl you left her for cheated on you, you're gonna come crawling back? This is EXACTLY why you didn't tell her the truth: Cause you knew that if things went south, you couldn't go back to her. That's trickle-truth. Leave this girl alone. You made an immature decision, now learn from the consequences and do better. It's that simple. You just want closure, cause back then, you couldn't give a damn if she got it or not. 1
dumbass2 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 How is this f-ucked up? People on here make no sense at all. You all want your ex's to come back.. But believe they never will.. But then if they do you want them to beg and plead to have you back and admit all their mistakes.. But only so you can have the opportunity to say you've moved on to someone better and you're no longer interested. Basically, nothing anyone can do is right. Yeah it was selfish of me, in a way, but it was also honestly to give her some closure. For me to admit I was an idiot, and did something terrible. What would be the point in me not telling the whole truth? The fact is even if she was passive aggressive at least she had moved on and got with someone else and is happy in her life. Based on how you went about doing this FOR HER, it doesn't sound like this is something you would have done had you not just recently been dumped yourself. You only thought about doing what you did for you, not her. You should admit that and leave the "her" out of it and it was still not right that you did it, but at least you would be being honest with yourself.
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