Is there something in your relationship that you've had to learn to live without?

[kjohn]

I'm curious. Not a dealbreaker type thing, but just something that you really enjoy but your partner doesn't so you've had to learn to be ok without it?

 

For me, it's cuddling.

 

I seriously love cuddling. I could join a support group for it!

 

I blame my mother. She always cuddled me when I was little. Always tucked me in and said things like "Snug like a bug in a rug." So I guess it's a comfort thing for me, but cuddling somebody I love really does make me feel safe, happy and content.

 

Here's the problem….my BF only tolerates cuddling because he knows how much I love it (and he gets big brownie points for tolerating it for me) but he is not at all into it.

 

So we compromise.

 

Years ago when we first started dating, the first time I spent the night at his house he jumped out of bed so quickly the next morning that I asked him if the bed was on fire. That has now become our joke. He will cuddle with me if I ask him to but after a few minutes he will tell me "the bed is on fire" and that is him letting me know he's had enough.

 

Don't get me wrong, most of the time I'm glad we can compromise, but every once in a while when I am laying there with his arm flopped around me like a wet noodle, knowing that he is totally not into it and is just counting the seconds until I let him go, it just kind of sucks.

 

The worst part about it is that, for all the ****ty things my ex Husband did, he was a great cuddler and part of me hates missing anything about that man, but I do miss cuddling with somebody who is cuddling me back.

[cerridwen]

My SO and I don't share the same belief system.

He's a Humanist, and I have a spiritual practice plus a religious affiliation.

 

It works because we're both respectful of one another.

He shows interest in my spiritual growth and engages me in discussion.

I respect his right to choose something different for himself--as I do with all people.

 

So, I have learned to live without a shared belief system.

And while I worried it would create a small wedge between us, I can't say that's been the reality.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Well for my LDR SM, there is nothing we miss out on. Though there are some things that I may give up that are for entertainment value (sports), I find sharing things that I we never had shared together being a good replacement.

 

As for affection, she may be a wee standoffish at times, but it is about compromise between two parties. To allow for ones personal needs the other will allow for such times, and visa versa. One should never be left out on what they miss unless it is replaced with something more beneficial for the relationship.

 

So if you are a die hard sports fan, letting your SO have what she likes to do for intertainment must be allowed as well. Or if you like BJs then she may want something you can do for her like a full body massage.

[Tayken]

@OP...what happens when you run out of Brownies or your bf decides he wants a different type of snack points?

 

I can see how the cuddling can get annoying quickly when constantly wanted. I don't think we completely learn to live with something that bugs us in general, but instead get blindsided by other stuff in the process.

 

I mean how else do you explain the 1 in every 2 marriages failing? I know the big things for me is clutter and pets, the latter in particular and there is no way on this earth that I'll learn to live with stinky cats/dogs in a house, or a messy person that just leaves things where they don't belong.

 

Hoarding is even worse

[dichotomy]

A bunch of stuff, but that's (my) marriage, there are other good things that keep us going.

Edited October 8, 2014 by dichotomy