Diezel Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Think about it, if you had to take out an escort or hooker, you'd have to pay them for their time... Do you realize the point and comparison you are making by saying this? 1
Author steve86 Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 Just curious, has she done anything to reciprocate (i.e. cooking dinner for you)? I don't care if she makes more than you, I guess I'm old fashioned...I believe chivalry involves "courting" a woman. If you are just dating her for "good times" then I guess you don't wanna invest anything in her, cuz by paying for things, you are showing her your ability to provide if she's and you are looking to be serious with others....And, you are also showing her you're a gentleman. Think about it, if you had to take out an escort or hooker, you'd have to pay them for their time... And, if you are upset that she makes more and isn't paying for dates, then maybe don't spend so much on dates and/or date a woman who makes less or the same as you. You know the other nite I was picking up my mum and I was in the parking lot and this young couple was there. The guy opened the door for the girl, she sat, he closed the door and proceeded to put the groceries in the back of his car. I smiled to myself and felt soooo hopeful that someone so young had the ability to show that he was a gentleman to his chick...Something to think about. I do believe in chivalry and being a gentleman, in general. But moneywise I believe it's very old fashioned. Back in the days where men were responsible for getting food on the table and a roof over the head, it's logical. But that doesn't make any sense in this time where women choose to be independent and make a good living themselves. In my case, she's stationed here for a big oil company and has everything paid for while she gets a big paycheck every month which basically goes straight to her savings. If I were to date a girl who has less to spend, I really don't mind taking care of her financially. It really depends on the situation. And besides that, if this girl chooses to be in this role of being taken care of financially, she should also take on the role of being there for my physical needs, which she's holding back on.
Diezel Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 And besides that, if this girl chooses to be in this role of being taken care of financially, she should also take on the role of being there for my physical needs, which she's holding back on. At least escorts/hookers get paid to put out. Not my point... just echoing the sentiments of a woman.
katinlc Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I generally let the guy pay for the first date. With my current boyfriend, I picked up the tab for dinner on the second date and he picked up drinks at the piano bar we went too afterwards. He always starts to pay but if I try to pay, he lets me. We also cook dinner at my house and I'll have most of the stuff and he will offer to pick up anything I may need. For example, we grilled steaks last night. He bought the steaks and I bought all the sides and drinks. I probably make more money than he does, but he probably has more expendable income than I do. Either way, neither of us sweat the money and it seems to work well for us. My philosophy has always been that it evens out in the end (as long as one is not a moocher!) 1
katinlc Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 You know the other nite I was picking up my mum and I was in the parking lot and this young couple was there. The guy opened the door for the girl, she sat, he closed the door and proceeded to put the groceries in the back of his car. I smiled to myself and felt soooo hopeful that someone so young had the ability to show that he was a gentleman to his chick...Something to think about. My boyfriend does the whole open my car door thing and putting me in the car. The first time he picked me up, I was like "what in the world?" cause I've never dated someone who would do that. Then I realized I love it - the little things like that can mean so much! 3
LoneIsland Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Paying all the bills and no sexy time, I can't see this working. 1
Chemist Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I am totally about who invites who. If I ask a girl out, I will pay. I have just met a very nice girl, who I am completely infatuated with, shhhh.it. Anyway, I asked her out, I paid the first dinner. Second date, I cooked for her (a great option because it is like 1/5th the cost, but don't make meatloaf or soemthing, be eloquent.) so naturally I bought the stuff. Then she said let me invite you for a drink. Then she payed.
clia Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 And besides that, if this girl chooses to be in this role of being taken care of financially, she should also take on the role of being there for my physical needs, which she's holding back on. Oh, so since you bought her a burger and a beer she now owes it to you to put out? How many dates have you actually been on with her, what did you do (dinner? drinks?) and how much did you actually spend? 1
Chemist Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Also, try some dates that don't include spending lot of loot. A walk is nice. A picnic. Arm wrestling (the ladies love it). Throwing 1c coins at penners.
BluEyeL Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 And besides that, if this girl chooses to be in this role of being taken care of financially, she should also take on the role of being there for my physical needs, which she's holding back on. that's a thing to say. You just have to discuss paying for dates, that's all. Maybe she thinks it's OK with you and doesn't want to emasculate you by paying. I once dated someone who was offended if I offered to pay and he made much less than me. Some men feel proud like that .Instead of making douchey comments like that, simply have a talk about it to see where each of you stands. 2
Gaeta Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I cooked for her (a great option because it is like 1/5th the cost, but don't make meatloaf or soemthing, be eloquent.) What did you make for dinner at home? When I cook a dinner for a date it can cost me up to $80. Good steaks, wine, and baking ingredients for a home made dessert. 1
Gaeta Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 OP: don't act sneaky or all passive aggressive with her by throwing comments here and there, just ask her what is her view on expenses and dating. 1
Chemist Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 What did you make for dinner at home? When I cook a dinner for a date it can cost me up to $80. Good steaks, wine, and baking ingredients for a home made dessert. Considering many things, like I live in Germany where steaks are more costly than the US, but the luck that my date was a vegetarian, I made a white sauce with shallots, garlic, mushroom, wine, and cream. With some pasta, this was maybe 10€. I also made a fresh salad that was another 5€ and a bottle of nice wine for 7€. In the end, I spent around 25€. On our first date, I spent a little more than 50€, so 1/2 the price. Maybe 1/5th the price was an exaggeration. Anyway, it is almost cheaper to eat in, than out. However, you can also come up with dates not eating, which in the end is beneficial anyway, I think girls get tired of just dinner dates.
normal person Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I do believe in chivalry and being a gentleman, in general. But moneywise I believe it's very old fashioned. Back in the days where men were responsible for getting food on the table and a roof over the head, it's logical. But that doesn't make any sense in this time where women choose to be independent and make a good living themselves. Women still earn 70 cents on the dollar compared to men. In my case, she's stationed here for a big oil company and has everything paid for while she gets a big paycheck every month which basically goes straight to her savings. If I were to date a girl who has less to spend, I really don't mind taking care of her financially. It really depends on the situation. You sound like a nice guy, but this just seems a bit odd to me. It would seem that if you're all for taking care of a girl financially and being the provider, you should fall into the role regardless of what the circumstances are, not just if it's advantageous or necessary for you to get what you want out of doing it. Are you the chivalrous gentleman you make yourself out to be -- or are you only that guy when it's convenient for you, when you get put into that role by default, or when you can get sex out of it? It just doesn't sound like you even believe in what you're preaching. And besides that, if this girl chooses to be in this role of being taken care of financially, she should also take on the role of being there for my physical needs, which she's holding back on. I don't blame you for wanting something back or a return on your investment, it's natural. But the "chivalrous gentlemen" act is a bit incongruous to the "I'm paying for dinner, she should be sleeping with me by now" routine. I think you need to be a bit more honest with first yourself and then her about what you want, who you are, your expectations, etc. Best of luck. 1
Author steve86 Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 I didn't mean to sound sneaky or anything. And I'm not seeing it like a fair trade that if I take care of her financially then I expect her to have sex with me. I just wanted to make a point that I do believe a relationship has to be equal. If she chooses (not forced) to continue to be in her role of being financially taken care of, then there should be something I get out of it as well, whatever that may be. It's really not my ideal situation. I also think it differs a lot in every culture. I'm dutch, so yeah we can be a bit cheap but it's the culture. The girl is american so she probably grew up with the fact that guys normally take care of the girls financially regardless of the situation.
Gaeta Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I didn't mean to sound sneaky or anything. And I'm not seeing it like a fair trade that if I take care of her financially then I expect her to have sex with me. I just wanted to make a point that I do believe a relationship has to be equal. If she chooses (not forced) to continue to be in her role of being financially taken care of, then there should be something I get out of it as well, whatever that may be. It's really not my ideal situation. I also think it differs a lot in every culture. I'm dutch, so yeah we can be a bit cheap but it's the culture. The girl is american so she probably grew up with the fact that guys normally take care of the girls financially regardless of the situation. All you are doing is 'assuming'. That will kill a good relationship start !! SO stop assuming that she lives by some cultural code or personal code and she expects you to pay, ASK HER what is her philosophy on money and dating! She may surprise you with the answer!! AFTER she told you her take on it THEN tell her how YOU view it. From there meet in the middle.
clia Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I didn't mean to sound sneaky or anything. And I'm not seeing it like a fair trade that if I take care of her financially then I expect her to have sex with me. I just wanted to make a point that I do believe a relationship has to be equal. If she chooses (not forced) to continue to be in her role of being financially taken care of, then there should be something I get out of it as well, whatever that may be. It's really not my ideal situation. I also think it differs a lot in every culture. I'm dutch, so yeah we can be a bit cheap but it's the culture. The girl is american so she probably grew up with the fact that guys normally take care of the girls financially regardless of the situation. I'm still curious how many dates you have had. You said a few. Does that mean three dates that you've paid for her? How much did you spend, and how does buying her dinner or drinks equate to her wanting to be financially taken care of?
Author steve86 Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 All you are doing is 'assuming'. That will kill a good relationship start !! SO stop assuming that she lives by some cultural code or personal code and she expects you to pay, ASK HER what is her philosophy on money and dating! She may surprise you with the answer!! AFTER she told you her take on it THEN tell her how YOU view it. From there meet in the middle. You are absolutely right, I will.
Author steve86 Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 I'm still curious how many dates you have had. You said a few. Does that mean three dates that you've paid for her? How much did you spend, and how does buying her dinner or drinks equate to her wanting to be financially taken care of? We've been on 5 dates, I think I've spent about $200. I just wanted to know what the best way is to communicate finances with her going forward.
Tayken Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 If you make her pay, might she not cut back on the sexy time ? What difference does this make when you consider other aspects of a relationship, where if they don't get their way (entitlement), you pay the price with sex deprivation and emotional blackmail? Again...remember that should a marriage breakdown, family court deals with the matter as it relates to equalization 50-50. You will be hard pushed to find that person that will say....oh because you covered most of the bills / purchases, 60+ % and I'll take the remainder.
ktya Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Hi all, First of all, I'm pretty rusty with dating and all after recently getting out of a long relationship and this might be a silly question. I met this girl and we've been on a few dates. I like spending time with her, but it always ends with me paying for the drinks/dinner and stuff. I generally don't mind paying, but it's getting a bit out of hand. When the bill comes, she just assumes I pay for it, even though she's older and makes a lot more money than I do What do you guys think? Is it normal that the guy always pays for everything, even though the girl makes plenty of money herself? What would be a good way to suggest splitting the bill next time without making things awkward? Ugh. Yeah this gets annoying after a while with some girls. I find the best girls, by the way, are the ones who offer to pay half the bill on the first or second date. Sometimes that can be a bad sign but if things are going well I find those girls are usually pretty drama free and have their act together. Keep having cheaper and cheaper dates. Thats what I had to do with this one incredibly expensive little hottie. Chick would keep ordering us rounds of drinks at the bar on my tab, once the bar bill was $85 - and we only went for one beer to sit on the patio at 10am on a Tuesday. Ouch. If your out for drinks, after a few each, suggest that you grab a bottle of wine or the vice of your favor and head back to your place then ask the waitress for the check. Get YOUR favorite drink without even asking her what she wants, pay, and then ask if she wants to bring anything. Worst case scenario you share a bottle of your favorite stuff at your house. Better yet, invite her over to your house for drinks and ask her to pick something up. Instead of a date location with a cash register, take her to a park. Maybe you buy her a coffee and go for a walk. Or just hang out at your place for a movie and your only out a bag of popcorn. Then with the money you save you can take her out someplace really nice once in a while. Of course your going to be regularly stiffed for the bill on the first and perhaps second date. But if it's been going on for a while you gotta reign it in. Dating is expensive for us guys as it is.
LoneIsland Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 We've been on 5 dates, I think I've spent about $200. I just wanted to know what the best way is to communicate finances with her going forward. I don't see any sexy time before $2500.
Chemist Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I don't see any sexy time before $2500. That's about a roundtrip ticket to amsterdam, a hostel, and enough prostitutes to have your fill. Probably still spend less. At any rate, taking girls out on dates is not ****ing a whore. You don't buy access to her vagina, you are appreciating her company, and if she truly appreciates yours, she'll help to pay of things AND let you touch her vagina. Good luck. 1
Tayken Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 That's about a roundtrip ticket to amsterdam, a hostel, and enough prostitutes to have your fill. Probably still spend less. At any rate, taking girls out on dates is not ****ing a whore. You don't buy access to her vagina, you are appreciating her company, and if she truly appreciates yours, she'll help to pay of things AND let you touch her vagina. Good luck. Please remind me why of all the things you can do, "touching" is what you think reciprocates my gestures
Assasda Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 That's about a roundtrip ticket to amsterdam, a hostel, and enough prostitutes to have your fill. Probably still spend less. At any rate, taking girls out on dates is not ****ing a whore. You don't buy access to her vagina, you are appreciating her company, and if she truly appreciates yours, she'll help to pay of things AND let you touch her vagina. Good luck. hahahaha Tell that to Gloria25, and she'sa a woman. She says Think about it, if you had to take out an escort or hooker, you'd have to pay them for their time...
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