steve86 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Hi all, First of all, I'm pretty rusty with dating and all after recently getting out of a long relationship and this might be a silly question. I met this girl and we've been on a few dates. I like spending time with her, but it always ends with me paying for the drinks/dinner and stuff. I generally don't mind paying, but it's getting a bit out of hand. When the bill comes, she just assumes I pay for it, even though she's older and makes a lot more money than I do What do you guys think? Is it normal that the guy always pays for everything, even though the girl makes plenty of money herself? What would be a good way to suggest splitting the bill next time without making things awkward?
Redhead14 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Hi all, First of all, I'm pretty rusty with dating and all after recently getting out of a long relationship and this might be a silly question. I met this girl and we've been on a few dates. I like spending time with her, but it always ends with me paying for the drinks/dinner and stuff. I generally don't mind paying, but it's getting a bit out of hand. When the bill comes, she just assumes I pay for it, even though she's older and makes a lot more money than I do What do you guys think? Is it normal that the guy always pays for everything, even though the girl makes plenty of money herself? What would be a good way to suggest splitting the bill next time without making things awkward? Be upfront with her at the outset of the date. Say, can we go dutch this time? If she's put off by it, maybe she's not the one for you. Seriously, let's say you become a couple, things should/would be equal. There are two people involved here. Being able to share is an important part of any relationship. 1
LostInTheWild Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 If you say anything now you definitely risk sounding cheap, but you can explain your financial situation to her, "I like spending time getting to know you, but because of x,y,z would you mind splitting the check this time?" Good luck..
Tayken Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 @OP.....perhaps next time you should just get up and leave after your meal, and leave her to cover the total bill? That should send a message loud and clear message I think. I haven't actually done that myself, but know of people thave done just that when they found themselves in the same predicament. Some people are just leeches, and OLD is full of women that just use dates to wet their Friday and Saturday appetite for a social gather. If it's any indication of how your life will be with someone if you start a serious relationship, then it makes sense to put a sock in it pronto. Guess what, when a marriage ends...equalization is usually done 50-50. So might as well get used to it
Assasda Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 naa you dont risk sounding cheap. Youve paid for stuff before. So when the bill comes, say, "I'll get half of it". Thats about it. Cant be walking on eggshells your whole life bro
Redhead14 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 If you say anything now you definitely risk sounding cheap, but you can explain your financial situation to her, "I like spending time getting to know you, but because of x,y,z would you mind splitting the check this time?" Good luck.. I usually let the man pay for the first and second dates. I will say at the third date, "please, I'd like to reciprocate". If he declines, I will offer again after a couple more dates. If a man were upfront with me about his situation and clearly not a bum or a moocher whatever, I wouldn't think he was being cheap. Times are tough, going out is expensive. 2
Gaeta Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I think I would tackle this one in a very diplomatic way and during a casual conversation, not when you're about to go out. Dating is about to get to know each other so next time you are having a conversation in person or on the phone just ask her what are her thoughts on money and expenses while dating. 1
BlueIris Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I agree with Redhead, state it clearly. No point in building resentments instead of representing yourself fairly and accurately. But, you could also do less expensive things. Not every date or activity comes with a bill or a big bill. Some of the most romantic dates are the least expensive.
BluEyeL Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I think you should do what Gaeta suggested. Have a talk about handling money as you continue dating. I took turns in a past relationship, beyond date 3.
Author steve86 Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 Thanks for the suggestions. I guess I'll just prepare myself for an uncomfortable situation and suggest we go dutch. I'm dutch anyway so hopefully I get away with it
d0nnivain Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Money makes people bananas. Even women who come on LS & "demand" that the guy pick up the check the 1st on the 1st date, often agree that after a certain point, usually date 3, she needs to step up. One point before you say anything, how long do you let the check sit there before you grab it? If it never hits the table & you already have your wallet out, that may be part of the problem. Before I said anything, I'd let the check sit there, hopefully in the middle & then seriously -- get up & go to the bathroom. See if it's still there & unpaid when you come back. If it is, then say something like "hey I've got this again but can you get the next one?" I think that's a bit better than Dutch & it opens the door to let her plan the next date. If she balks, she's a gold digger. 1
Author steve86 Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 Money makes people bananas. Even women who come on LS & "demand" that the guy pick up the check the 1st on the 1st date, often agree that after a certain point, usually date 3, she needs to step up. One point before you say anything, how long do you let the check sit there before you grab it? If it never hits the table & you already have your wallet out, that may be part of the problem. Before I said anything, I'd let the check sit there, hopefully in the middle & then seriously -- get up & go to the bathroom. See if it's still there & unpaid when you come back. If it is, then say something like "hey I've got this again but can you get the next one?" I think that's a bit better than Dutch & it opens the door to let her plan the next date. If she balks, she's a gold digger. I always wait a while before paying, to see if she takes any initiative, but so far she hasn't. I like your idea of suggesting she takes the next one
LoneIsland Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 If you make her pay, might she not cut back on the sexy time ?
Author steve86 Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 If you make her pay, might she not cut back on the sexy time ? Possibly.. Her loss 1
d0nnivain Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I asked because a female friend of mine complained that her BF never paid. I went out with them one night. The check came while he was in the bathroom. She started to pay it. I stopped her & asked if this is what always happens & she said yes. I explained that he couldn't pay a check he never saw. She left it alone. He came back & was so grateful that it was still there. I offered to pay my share because why should he have to treat me. He said no way because he knew that I made her leave the check for him & he was so happy that they could now talk about money & paying.
SomeDude16 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I make the girl pay every 4th date. Never had a problem.... 1
d0nnivain Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 jab116 -- How do you make another person pay? If it was anything other than true taking turns & I honestly thought a guy was counting, I'd run.
lollipopspot Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 If it's too hard to have the conversation (I find it awkward to talk about money), suggest going on free/inexpensive/home-made dinner dates.
LoneIsland Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 If it's too hard to have the conversation (I find it awkward to talk about money), suggest going on free/inexpensive/home-made dinner dates. A home dinner date will cause the poor woman to rush on to the internet and create a sexy time thread. Maybe home cooking bringing to the park for picnic would be less scary.
Diezel Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 jab116 -- How do you make another person pay? If it was anything other than true taking turns & I honestly thought a guy was counting, I'd run. If a woman would wait til every 4th date, I'd run.
SawtoothMars Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I always wait a while before paying, to see if she takes any initiative, but so far she hasn't. I like your idea of suggesting she takes the next one Question. How sexual have you been? First base? ...?
Gloria25 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Just curious, has she done anything to reciprocate (i.e. cooking dinner for you)? I don't care if she makes more than you, I guess I'm old fashioned...I believe chivalry involves "courting" a woman. If you are just dating her for "good times" then I guess you don't wanna invest anything in her, cuz by paying for things, you are showing her your ability to provide if she's and you are looking to be serious with others....And, you are also showing her you're a gentleman. Think about it, if you had to take out an escort or hooker, you'd have to pay them for their time... And, if you are upset that she makes more and isn't paying for dates, then maybe don't spend so much on dates and/or date a woman who makes less or the same as you. You know the other nite I was picking up my mum and I was in the parking lot and this young couple was there. The guy opened the door for the girl, she sat, he closed the door and proceeded to put the groceries in the back of his car. I smiled to myself and felt soooo hopeful that someone so young had the ability to show that he was a gentleman to his chick...Something to think about.
BluEyeL Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Don't go dutch, it's tacky. Suggest to take turns. I take turns with my BF. Me cooking at home counts like one turn though, to be clear. I'd say something like "I really like you and I'd like to continue to see each other. It's a bit uncomfortable to talk about it, but what are your views on paying for dates as we go forward? Do you think the man should always pay, or is taking turns something you consider acceptable?" Than listen to what she says. 1
Assasda Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Think about it, if you had to take out an escort or hooker, you'd have to pay them for their time... I think this sums it up. hahahahahahahahahahaha. Really... think of it
Kofybean Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 ...then I guess you don't wanna invest anything in her, cuz by paying for things, you are showing her your ability to provide ... There you have it. Women are no smarter than insects if the only way she can figure out if you can provide for her is solely through bringing her a bug to eat. I kinda like that idea Gloria, so OP, what has this date done to prove her ability to please you in bed? Since that's really all dates are apparently.
Recommended Posts