MissBrunette84 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 My ex keeps texting and emailing me, saying how wrong he was in the relationship. That he should have been more understanding and better etc.. He's texting saying he hopes that it's him that can make me happy again one day. I don't understand. I'm crying at the minute, most would be happy if their exes were saying these things. I'm terrified. He was the one who broke up with me after 5 and half years And moved out after 2 years of livin together. He's 25 I'm 29. We met quite young.
evanescentworld Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Ok, dearest, breathe deeply, get a good long glass of cold water, and calm yourself. I'm not kidding. Please do as I suggest. Go on, I'll still be here. Go get the water, wipe your eyes, then come back, sit down, take a deep breath, drop your shoulders as you exhale, drink, and start reading. Go ON!! OK, you back? Fine. Now. Let's look at this logically. He dumped you, yes? You should be going total No Contact to save your health, sanity and poor sweet face from looking like it's gone 10 rounds With Mike Tyson. Have you checked the No Contact Guide? If not, please read it thoroughly. It's a God-send (That's a laugh, coming from a Buddhist - but it is!) You MUST - absolutely, totally MUST - cut off all possible avenues of Contact to him, whatever means he uses. Make sure you use every trick in the book to stop him getting through, because - as the Guide points out - he is keeping in touch with you, to make himself feel good, better, not guilty. It's for his benefit, not yours. Secondly, once you HAVE cut off all contact - wait. If he comes pounding on your door, and falls to his knees begging forgiveness and pleading desperately to be allowed to try again - then take 24 hours to think about it and consider it, but it's conditional upon him changing his ways. For good. See, Actions speak louder than words. It's not what he keeps saying to you, that matters. It's what he does to prove himself - that matters. And if he's not 'doing' anything, but 'saying' an awful lot - then he's just on a Self-Ego-Boost drive.... Now, go get another drink - and read the Guide. It will Save Your Life. 6
Author MissBrunette84 Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 Thank you for that, oddly enough it did make me feel better to just get a drink and calm down. you are right, I will read the no contact page and go from there. ne feeling like this when he doesn't seems so unfair.
evanescentworld Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 He's on a damage-limitation exercise. He knows he dumped you, and he knows you're hurting. Him reaching out to you and giving you all this emotional nonsense, is to ease his own mind and make himself feel better about having been a complete badi-dum about it. He knows you're upset and hurting, and he knows it's down to him. So, in order to come out "The Good Guy", he's trying to console you with emotional outpourings. But of course, as much as they are helping him feel soooo much better - they're having the direct opposite effect on you. Which is why you have to cut this off, good and sharp, sudden, definite and non-negotiable. Because YOU - need to protect YOURSELF. This isn't about being mean to him, hurting him, making him feel bad, or getting your own back. It's about sheltering you from the onslaught of the emotional sh*1*tstorm he's creating. Nobody else but you, can protect you from the pain he's causing you. Now, I'm sure it's not deliberate - but it IS selfish of him. So, for your own good, you have to be selfish, yourself. 1
ktya Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 My ex keeps texting and emailing me, saying how wrong he was in the relationship. That he should have been more understanding and better etc.. He's texting saying he hopes that it's him that can make me happy again one day. I don't understand. I'm crying at the minute, most would be happy if their exes were saying these things. I'm terrified. He was the one who broke up with me after 5 and half years And moved out after 2 years of livin together. He's 25 I'm 29. We met quite young. I had a friend who was like this. Bloody guy, broke up with his girlfriend over something stupid and they lived together, she put up with his crazy drug fueled raving partying antics, then when she started to rebuild a life on her own and hang out with her friends he bemoaned the loss of her despite being half a world away in Italy surrounded by beautiful women who were interested in him because of his accent. We couldn't make heads or tails of why he would be so stupid, obsessing with a girl he dumped and left halfway around the world when he should have been enjoying Europe. He carried on like this for YEARS. She eventually went NC with him after trying to remain friends, I think she ended up just meeting someone else. If you want him back, you need to put him on serious notice that hes going to have to make up for what he's done. I wouldn't recommend moving back in with him for a significant amount of time even if things are going really well. Make him wine you, dine you, date you, and show you how sorry he really is. Or if you dont want him back, come back with a snippy comment like "My oh my, you always did want what you couldn't have, I hope you meet someone nice."
singsparkles Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 My ex keeps texting and emailing me, saying how wrong he was in the relationship. That he should have been more understanding and better etc.. He's texting saying he hopes that it's him that can make me happy again one day. I don't understand. I'm crying at the minute, most would be happy if their exes were saying these things. I'm terrified. He was the one who broke up with me after 5 and half years And moved out after 2 years of livin together. He's 25 I'm 29. We met quite young. I understand why you're feeling lost and terrified. Obviously this guy really hurt your heart very badly and it affected you and he thinks he can just come storming back into your life now. I say put him in the past. Give him a taste of his own medicine and reject him. Focus on you and your happiness. Obviously you have been much happier without him and I would hope you stay that way :-) He has no business coming back into your life. He isn't good enough for you. Be strong and dont reply or contact him... You mean most. He's just another guy in your past. Let another girl deal with him. Hugs, xxx 1
Author MissBrunette84 Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 Thank you so much to all of your advice and kind words. I do need to be stronger and put myself first. I was so used to doing so much for him, I made dinner everyday, cleaned, made sure he never went with out anything e.g clothes, games for his computer.. we both worked and lived comfortable6. I run my own business on top of that so I wad the main bread winner, I just did too much I guess.
evanescentworld Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Well, when they say a relationship is 'give and take' it's easy to see who was the giver.... Yup. You have to refocus. Stand in front of a mirror and say hello to your Number one priority. There she is. Lovely, deserving, and strong. No, I know you may not feel too strong right now, but start by cutting off all possible avenues of contact from him. you know, it's not impossible to change your number. I have done it, twice (not over a guy, I hasten to add) both times were out of necessity, but it is still very easy and completely possible. Block all emails, and if you get a letter through the mail (yes, apparently the mailman still has a job!!) then rip it up without reading it. I'm serious. As the NC Guide states, there are very definite signs to indicate a Dumper is sincere in wanting you back. Anything else is just breadcrumbs, and self-gratification. Take that away from him. he's had all of you he's going to get, and it's doubtful he even deserved that... GIve every bit of love you gave to him, to you now. You are IN your life, so it stands to reason, you should get it!! 1
Chuck636333 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 You know the guy better than anyone...is he sincere? People make mistakes...sometimes people think they want their life to go a different direction only to find the grass wasn't as green as they thought... sit down with him and talk.guys are always going to make mistakes its in our nature...now its up to you to decide if what you had is important enough to you to at least what him out and never let him get too comfortable to the point he's making the same mistakes again...communication I'd vital to success in a relationship if you can't talk without fighting or actually listen and address concerns its doomed
strong-hearted Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 ^^ well how about when they tell you they weren't happy with you any more and jump into another relationship two weeks after they broke up with you the reason why I'm asking is cuz honestly my ex just left me in the dark, I know he said he couldn't deal with the fights and all but honestly we didn't even fight all the time, we were together for two years and honestly things were going between us and out of nowhere he starts acting different and distant and before he broke up with me he said he was sad because he knows what we had so that's why I am so very confused cuz he told me one thing and he went and did another, do you all know what I mean?
Chuck636333 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Sounds like exactly what I'm going through right at this very moment...what he's doing is having a rebound relationship...what I can tell you from experience is that if you just cave and give in it will heal you temporarily until he does it again because you've showed him he can go and come as he pleases...Idk its amazing how people act...I'm super hurt right now too...the worst part is not knowing if they really regret what they did to you and in my case I may never know...I almost had this conquered once and she came back asking for forgiveness...a year later I'm in the same boat...which some fault is my own but not knowing that someone loves you the same way you love them is a terrible feeling
strong-hearted Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 yeah it really sucks, I'm not gonna lie I checked his Instagram after I found out about this girl, he was so quick to write down their initials where they can write a bio on Instagram, the reason I found out about this girl is because he had the nerve to flaunt her and post a picture of her, I didn't see it but people told me about her, and I honestly thought things were going serious between them but I guess not cuz nothing really good comes out of rebound relationships, I will never know if he feels bad about what he did, one thing I do know is that sooner or later this will catch up to him and hope he realizes how bad he hurt me
Chuck636333 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I know I hope for the same thing...the only way they'll ever realize is when they feel like garbage because someone did the same thing to them and maybe not even then some people truly only care about themselves...I wish I was cold hearted...she's done this to me so many times I subconsciously hope she never comes back because I'd never be able to trust her anyway...I'd never be able to let my guard down...nor will you and that's no way to live...you'll be just like I was trying to do anything and everything to make them happy and not caring if they're doing the same for you just to avoid them leaving...its inevitable it seems
William Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Folks, let's stay focused on the thread starter's issue. Personal experience sharing is fine but keep it related to advice for the thread starter. Thanks! 1
strong-hearted Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 yeah I know what you mean, all we can do is just keeps our heads up and just try to move on and we're not just talking about ourselves thank you, we share our personal experiences to try to help out the one with the problem, I believe that's why we're all here to help eachother out not just so one can feel like they're the only ones going through it, thank you
DrReplyInRhymes Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I will admit I'm perplexed...as well as confused. We have a whole forum designed for breakup blues. Lots of those people wish their ex would talk back, Instead we tell them to move on and to not give a crap! But here in this thread, a woman shares her good news, Although it didn't work once, he still made the decision to choose, He's contacted you and wanting you back together again, Maybe he really is trying to make up some amends. If you still miss him, and your problems have been gone, I do not see anything really that wrong, If you were to entertain his idea, and see if he chases, hopefully he brings roses with a couple of vases! Don't be so quick to write this guy off and to "put him in his place", He could be genuinely interested for a change of pace. Take it slow, and remember how long it took you to heal, So be very careful when he brings his A game and sex appeal.
Chuck636333 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Def wasn't trying to jack the thread... Sry if it seemed that way, just relating
Author MissBrunette84 Posted October 11, 2014 Author Posted October 11, 2014 Don't worry chuck, I know you were relating and chatting with a couple of people that are in similar situations as for mine, I don't know. Some here say kick him to the curb and others say to give.him.a chance. I love this man, we both have growing to do. he needs to really realise the things he's done that have hurt me and
Author MissBrunette84 Posted October 11, 2014 Author Posted October 11, 2014 (edited) And I need to learn not to do everything and put myself first sometimes. I asked him about us today and all he said was take baby steps. didn't really answer me properly. So that tells me he's not ready to do anything and either am I as I'm majorly hurt still. Edited October 11, 2014 by MissBrunette84 Cellphone can't type
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