yellow_sun Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 So, this is essentially another "is he interested?" thread I went on a date with a 34 year old yesterday, I'm 27. He's been pursuing me persistently but not annoyingly so on Tinder for about 3 weeks now and I finally agreed to meet up with him. We're both pretty busy, so the only time we could meet was for lunch. The date wasn't fantastic in and of itself: We met at a train station and had trouble finding each other because we took different exits, but laughed a lot on the phone while trying to find each other. He was hungry, I was not, so he picked out a cafe and I had a coffee while he had lunch. Then he needed to get a new phone charger so we went to a store to buy one and then walked together to the next train station before he had to leave again. In general, I laughed a lot, more than I have on any other date, and we made eye contact quite a bit, during which he often would look at my mouth. However, he wasn't particularly warm towards me (not that he was cold) and made lots of comments about how old he is. We ended it with a hug and he asked if we'd stay in touch, but with no hinting at a second date. I'm not really one of those girls that believes in the whole "men have to do all the work" thing. I hate playing games. If I like someone, I'm up front about it. He had told me a story about how he was chased by a swarm of bees once and today during a function at uni they were talking about bees. Of course it made me think of his story and smile, so I texted him later in the afternoon teasing him a bit about it.. Well, saying basically they were talking about bees in class and that the image of him being chased by a cloud of bees made me smile. He only responded with a smiley face and nothing more... If this guy were my age or younger, I would interpret this as him not being interested. I'm leaning towards that anyway. I know he's really busy, and... I know it's bad... but I checked, and he hasn't been on Tinder since our date, so maybe I'm misinterpreting? Is there a difference between the was older and younger men show interest? Are older guys more inclined to want to play by the "old" rules, ie that a woman should not contact him again until he contacts her, etc?
Redhead14 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 So, this is essentially another "is he interested?" thread I went on a date with a 34 year old yesterday, I'm 27. He's been pursuing me persistently but not annoyingly so on Tinder for about 3 weeks now and I finally agreed to meet up with him. We're both pretty busy, so the only time we could meet was for lunch. The date wasn't fantastic in and of itself: We met at a train station and had trouble finding each other because we took different exits, but laughed a lot on the phone while trying to find each other. He was hungry, I was not, so he picked out a cafe and I had a coffee while he had lunch. Then he needed to get a new phone charger so we went to a store to buy one and then walked together to the next train station before he had to leave again. In general, I laughed a lot, more than I have on any other date, and we made eye contact quite a bit, during which he often would look at my mouth. However, he wasn't particularly warm towards me (not that he was cold) and made lots of comments about how old he is. We ended it with a hug and he asked if we'd stay in touch, but with no hinting at a second date. I'm not really one of those girls that believes in the whole "men have to do all the work" thing. I hate playing games. If I like someone, I'm up front about it. He had told me a story about how he was chased by a swarm of bees once and today during a function at uni they were talking about bees. Of course it made me think of his story and smile, so I texted him later in the afternoon teasing him a bit about it.. Well, saying basically they were talking about bees in class and that the image of him being chased by a cloud of bees made me smile. He only responded with a smiley face and nothing more... If this guy were my age or younger, I would interpret this as him not being interested. I'm leaning towards that anyway. I know he's really busy, and... I know it's bad... but I checked, and he hasn't been on Tinder since our date, so maybe I'm misinterpreting? Is there a difference between the was older and younger men show interest? Are older guys more inclined to want to play by the "old" rules, ie that a woman should not contact him again until he contacts her, etc? A 37 year-old may not necessarily be into the "old rules". Best to be consistent in how you operate though. If you usually let them pursue, stick to it. If you hop around your own rules, you'll be confused all the time. I'd say an older gentlemen, say over 50, would be more inclined to go by the "old rules" though.
Assasda Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 There is a difference between higher quality men and lower quality men. This guy seems like a higher quality guy. You guys are in the same sort of age range, so I dont think there is THAT much of a difference 1
Author yellow_sun Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 This guy seems like a higher quality guy. What makes you say that? I mean, I also got that impression, but then I've been chatting with him and met him in person. So, did I do something wrong? Should I stop worrying about it and just wait and see what happens?
Assasda Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I know he's a higher quality guy, because he told you a story of him being chased by bees, and he didnt care if he looked funny or stupid in the story. He's secure in himself. He also ate when he was hungry and was secure. His securities, let me know that he's a higher quality guy. A lower quality guy, tries to let themself look like the hero in every story. They are all over the girl, without getting to know them, and they get really serious/emotional too quickly. - I definately think you should just wait and see what happens. Your little bees texts give you points though
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Gosh, maybe I am too easy going, but older vs younger is up to the person making the observation. As for me older/younger is like 10 years difference. Seeing lets say 18 year old with 22 year old, does not seem much difference in age, unless the mental maturity does not match. Quality to me is about maturity and beliefs... the sharpest guy in the world is not going to be quality if he is still a boy without direction. As well for the woman, in respect to her beliefs and maturity. Seems like a lot of women will take a step down to the level of what they believe to be qualities of men in general, because many men are not forced to be the man, in what most women really really want.
Author yellow_sun Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 A lower quality guy, tries to let themself look like the hero in every story. They are all over the girl, without getting to know them, and they get really serious/emotional too quickly. Haha, alright, so you're saying that a lower quality man will show affection when they're interested, but a higher quality man won't? How do I tell the difference between a lower quality man who isn't interested and a higher quality man who is? Just because I thought he was a cool guy and had a good time doesn't mean the feelings were reciprocated.
CharlieFox Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 He's been pursuing me persistently but not annoyingly so on Tinder for about 3 weeks now and I finally agreed to meet up with him. Sorry for a slight off-topic, but what does this mean exactly? Like, him asking you 10 times a day to meet you on a date and you declining every time or flaking or what?
gaius Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Some guys are weird. They'll bang their head against the wall forever but once they get through they don't actually want to be there. Seems like a very self sabotaging thing to keep yammering on about how old he is. I've seen my obese uncle do that before when a woman tried to talk to him. Struck me as a defense mechanism meant to repulse the woman. I'd write this one off as just a guy with issues, not anything to do with older or younger.
Author yellow_sun Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 Sorry for a slight off-topic, but what does this mean exactly? Like, him asking you 10 times a day to meet you on a date and you declining every time or flaking or what? He first contacted me in the morning about 3 weeks ago and I was busy and he was going to work. He contacted me again that afternoon and let me know he was free for the day and we chatted for a couple hours, but I already had plans with friends and no reason to meet up with him instead, so left it at that. He followed up a few days later to ask how my night out was and if I had any free time that week. I didn't answer because I was actually seeing another guy at the time. He checked back the next day and I followed up the day after and told him that the party I went to was nice and that I was leaving to go on holiday for about a week. He asked the next day if I had any time the week I'd be coming back. I wrote back after I came home from my trip and told him the following week (this week) would work. Then he wrote again a couple of days later to try and schedule a date and sent me a cute youtube video. We had a nice chat for a couple hours, set a date and met up the next day. And now I'm sad because the guys who like me are never the guys I like, and the guys I like are never the guys who like me! What did I do? He was so interested before!
LoneIsland Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I think it's what you didn't do. He wanted assurance from you that you were ok with the age difference. But you didn't give that to him. If you like him, maybe your should ask him out for the second date. That will give him the assurance he needs. You can give him further assurances if you meet again. When someone keeps talking about something, that something is critical to them.
Author yellow_sun Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 I think it's what you didn't do. He wanted assurance from you that you were ok with the age difference. But you didn't give that to him. If you like him, maybe your should ask him out for the second date. That will give him the assurance he needs. You can give him further assurances if you meet again. When someone keeps talking about something, that something is critical to them. But I knew how old he was before I went on the date with him. If that was a problem for me, I wouldn't have liked him on Tinder in the first place. I teased him once after he made a comment about being a grumpy old man and followed up by saying that I didn't know what he imagined me to be like, that I'm not really a typical party girl as many people my age are where I live. And on top of that I sent him a corny SMS the next day trying to keep things going... I don't feel comfortable asking him on a date now that he responded to my text with a simple ":)". Anyway, I actually prefer slightly older (3-7 years) guys and since I've never actually gone for them before, I'm often concerned that I behave to young.
LoneIsland Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 (edited) Not everyone is expressive. A smiley is just his way. If he was not interested, he could easily have not responded. The fact he talked alot about the age different indicates he's looking for further reassurance. But it wasn't obvious to you to give it to him. Edited October 8, 2014 by LoneIsland
Author yellow_sun Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 Not everyone is expressive. A smiley is just his way. If he was not interested, he could easily have not responded. The fact he talked alot about the age different indicates he's looking for further reassurance. But it wasn't obvious to you to give it to him. But historically that has not been his way. He always contacted me first and wrote quite a bit. He seemed quite secure in his messaging and in person. Do you think it could have something to do with the fact that I'm tall for a girl? I think we're the same height, but I was wearing boots and was thus ever so slightly taller than he was when we met. I dunno. I really don't feel comfortable pursuing him now. I did with another guy I liked and he wasn't interested anymore but always responded positively. I'd rather keep my dignity than chase a man who's too cowardly to reject a girl they're not into.
Assasda Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I dont think it has anything to do with your height. But how was your conversation? Were you receptive? If he was looking at your mouth like you said, you can probably expect to hear from him in the next 2 days. Just relax and live your life
LoneIsland Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Like I said, people will talk about things important to them. He said nothing about the height, so the height wasn't important to him. If you look or behave very young compared to him, that could be a potential problem. Depending on his peers, he may not want to be the odd one out with a very young gf. But this is just a random guess and has nothing to do with reality.
Author yellow_sun Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 Conversation was fine. Or at least I think so. And I was receptive. Like I said, I thought he was funny and laughed a lot, but not too much or over the top. I do look young - not really any specific age, but I can pass for anything from 21 to my actual age. As far as behaviour, it really depends. I am young, so I can behave young, but I can also be quite mature.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 He's not that interested. If he were, he would have responded with a little more enthusiasm. In this case, I don't think age has anything to do with it. And I doubt it's because you're too tall. Why are you assuming it's a problem with you? It could be anything. He could be married, recently broken up, feeling weird about the age difference, who knows. I think older men are generally a bit better than younger men at communicating interest clearly. But I think it's more a factor of the guy's personality and communication skills than age. One thing I have learned, though, is that if a guy likes you and wants to date you, he'll make that very clear and you won't have to wonder and sit around asking strange questions like "Is it because I'm too tall?". 1
Author yellow_sun Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 Why are you assuming it's a problem with you? Because he was clearly interested before we went on the date.
CharlieFox Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 (edited) He first contacted me in the morning about 3 weeks ago and I was busy and he was going to work. He contacted me again that afternoon and let me know he was free for the day and we chatted for a couple hours, but I already had plans with friends and no reason to meet up with him instead, so left it at that. He followed up a few days later to ask how my night out was and if I had any free time that week. I didn't answer because I was actually seeing another guy at the time. He checked back the next day and I followed up the day after and told him that the party I went to was nice and that I was leaving to go on holiday for about a week. He asked the next day if I had any time the week I'd be coming back. I wrote back after I came home from my trip and told him the following week (this week) would work. Then he wrote again a couple of days later to try and schedule a date and sent me a cute youtube video. We had a nice chat for a couple hours, set a date and met up the next day. And now I'm sad because the guys who like me are never the guys I like, and the guys I like are never the guys who like me! What did I do? He was so interested before! Actually I was in a similar situation a few years ago, I was very persistent about going on a date with one girl, but she kept doing what you did - telling me she was busy, not answering back, leaving to go here and there. I was a bit frustrated, thinking the whole time that maybe she's just not really interested, and eventually went out with me out of politeness or something like that. I found out that she wasn't anything special - she was definitely attractive - but I just didn't feel as if she was worth all the effort I put. She was nice, but I realized that maybe I just had a higher expectation after all that chase, but it turned out she was just another girl. Anyway, the ball went to her court after that and she was the one constantly chasing me for a while, but I wasn't interested anymore. I'm not saying this is what's happening in your situation, I'm just sharing one possible scenario that happened to me. Edited October 8, 2014 by CharlieFox
Ruby Slippers Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Because he was clearly interested before we went on the date. Yeah, but there's a big difference between making plans on a phone to meet someone, and really getting to know them. I've never used Tinder but have heard from many different sources that it's generally regarded as a hookup app. So maybe he was looking to meet someone on the side, and changed his mind after taking the first step. Or maybe he just wants a hookup and is exerting minimal effort to try to get it. Maybe he was sincere but just doesn't feel chemistry with you. It could be anything. Just don't assume it's because something is wrong with you.
Author yellow_sun Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 I found out that she wasn't anything special - she was definitely attractive - but I just didn't feel as if she was worth all the effort I put. She was nice, but I realized that maybe I just had a higher expectation after all that chase, but it turned out she was just another girl. Anyway, the ball went to her court after that and she was the one constantly chasing me for a while, but I wasn't interested anymore. I'm not saying this is what's happening in your situation, I'm just sharing one possible scenario that happened to me. Thanks for that lovely comparison. Gives me lots of hope! Haha Alright. I predict that this is another case of time to move on.
Gloria25 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I don't think this is an age issue, I think it's a "differences between the sexes" issue...But, then again, I think it's an age issue cuz people in their 20s may be more insecure than someone in their 30s. I don't think the age gap is bad - especially cuz he's the one who's 34. A woman who is 34 might be desperate cuz she's getting older and biological clock is ticking... About his response to your message? I think it was adequate. Not all texts are supposed to be some drawn out discussion. I mean, sometimes I'm texting with someone and the last sentence either doesn't get a response from me or them...or, might respond a day or so later or just start a new text. Men aren't like women...they don't blab, blab, blab.
isisisweeping Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 He's only 6-7 years older than you? You're still in the same age range. Things you are seeing are more personality differences than age differences. Proceed as you would with anyone.
Lola2609 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 So, this is essentially another "is he interested?" thread I went on a date with a 34 year old yesterday, I'm 27. He's been pursuing me persistently but not annoyingly so on Tinder for about 3 weeks now and I finally agreed to meet up with him. We're both pretty busy, so the only time we could meet was for lunch. The date wasn't fantastic in and of itself: We met at a train station and had trouble finding each other because we took different exits, but laughed a lot on the phone while trying to find each other. He was hungry, I was not, so he picked out a cafe and I had a coffee while he had lunch. Then he needed to get a new phone charger so we went to a store to buy one and then walked together to the next train station before he had to leave again. In general, I laughed a lot, more than I have on any other date, and we made eye contact quite a bit, during which he often would look at my mouth. However, he wasn't particularly warm towards me (not that he was cold) and made lots of comments about how old he is. We ended it with a hug and he asked if we'd stay in touch, but with no hinting at a second date. I'm not really one of those girls that believes in the whole "men have to do all the work" thing. I hate playing games. If I like someone, I'm up front about it. He had told me a story about how he was chased by a swarm of bees once and today during a function at uni they were talking about bees. Of course it made me think of his story and smile, so I texted him later in the afternoon teasing him a bit about it.. Well, saying basically they were talking about bees in class and that the image of him being chased by a cloud of bees made me smile. He only responded with a smiley face and nothing more... If this guy were my age or younger, I would interpret this as him not being interested. I'm leaning towards that anyway. I know he's really busy, and... I know it's bad... but I checked, and he hasn't been on Tinder since our date, so maybe I'm misinterpreting? Is there a difference between the was older and younger men show interest? Are older guys more inclined to want to play by the "old" rules, ie that a woman should not contact him again until he contacts her, etc? Hey girl, are we dating the same guy? Those lines about age "grumpy old man" and story with bees?
Recommended Posts