longjourney Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I have nothing to go by, just a horrible horrible feeling in my gut, that and the fact that she has gone MIA, which is completely not her MO since DDay. No, my WH and I are not really together, but he has been SO understanding and taking care of me since my last round of fighting with my illness. He has always been someone to "take care" me, may grumble and complain that he is doing "so much" on top of his working, but he does do what he needs to do. Do you smell resentment brewing as well??? Anyway, he has no reason to lie to me, well maybe his pension, 401K and not seeing his kids every day, but I digress. How much worse can it get then TWO DDays?? Why wouldn't he just tell me. It just doesn't sit right with me. She is MIA, it is just white noise, off the radar. Maybe I am way off, and her and her BH are giving it another go, but I have resigned myself to NOT contact him after his last request. Do any of you find yourselves doing this? Do you find yourselves "watching" your WS? Just trying to get inside their heads at all times, trying to see if anything is "off". I find myself doing this ALL the time. I also find myself comparing myself to OW. We couldn't be any more different. Maybe it is just bothering me that I feel I can't compete sexually. Aside from my horrible self esteem, due to my illness I am limited. I can't have that hot intense throw each other around the room dirty sex. Doesn't he know I wish I could do that too?? This is kind of TMI and hard to share but I'm not very sure how to get through this. After his affair I really struggled with having sex with him because I wondered if he was comparing me and the OW. She's thin, blond hair, blue eyes, "hotter" than me. I have brown hair, hazel eyes, have had a baby and have stretch marks, scars and am overweight. The fact that she is so different than me has really made me uncomfortable. He always said he didn't compare us. Now I found out recently (which could have started my downward spiral) that my husband told his best friend that she was "tighter" than me and they discussed the details of what it was like with her compared to me. It is absolutely humiliating and hurtful. Not only was I destroyed by the fact that he had sex with her, now I find out he's telling his friend that she's better than me. He says he never meant it as she is better than me but that's all I can see out of it.
veryhappy Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Of course she's tighter if she's never had a vaginal delivery. Please don't do this to yourself, don't compare yourself to the other woman. Your ws is the problem here for making you feel bad and he's disgusting for talking with his friend about how tight you are. What the eff? 2
HereNorThere Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 (edited) You are married to a horrible, inconsiderate monster, so get used to the way you feel now. This will be your life until you leave. What in the world would ever make you think this is going to get any better? I've read your other posts and it's obvious this guy is an abuser to the fullest extent. Edited October 9, 2014 by HereNorThere 3
No Limit Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Why are you still with a guy like that? If I found out stuff like that was talked about behind my back, even after waking up from my surgery last year I would probably have found new energy to castrate him right there - okay, verbally - in front of everyone else. Don't let that bastard help you only to kick you back down again. Help yourself! 2
jnel921 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 If you and your WH are "not together" then why not live your separate lives. I am sure you can find someone else to help you through your illness. Having him around does not guarantee that he will look at you any other way than someone who needs his help. If his help comes with the hurtful feelings and behind your back talking then why continue? You are doing this to yourself. Stop comparing yourself to the OW. She wanted to be with her BH so let them be. If your WH is missing the OW let him go and stop worrying about it. If it's not her it may be someone else down the road. We don't know what you are suffering from or if you will recover but the last thing you want to do in front of your WH is have a pity party and guilt him into helping you. It's not attractive. The low self esteem isn't adding anything to fix your M and his attitude in all honesty is disgusting. Why do you even want to think about him? He is so not worth it. Work on healing yourself. Work on making yourself the best person you can be for the next man. I believe that there is someone out there for all of us. You need to do your work so that this can happen. You should consider D. Good luck to you.
Arieswoman Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 longjourney, I am sorry you are suffering in this way. This is totally unacceptable;- Now I found out recently (which could have started my downward spiral) that my husband told his best friend that she was "tighter" than me and they discussed the details of what it was like with her compared to me. It is absolutely humiliating and hurtful. You went through all the pains of Hell to give birth to his child, and now he throws it back in your face? This man is a verbally abusive lowlife. You need to get out of this now. You must find someone else to help look after you before he destroys you psychologically. Please get your family involved and let them know how much you are suffering, and ask them to help you. Good luck x 2
TrustedthenBusted Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Sounds like someone who doesn't have much respect for you. Sorry to hear that you are going through this. He sounds like a real a-hole.
Spark1111 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Well two can play that game,no? the quickest way to reduce a man's self-esteem is to talk wistfully of really large penises. nothing specific just an "Oh my.... (Name of old boyfriend)....well I wouldn't have married him. He wasn't life partner material, but....." Smile into the distance and walk away. Yes! It is self-serving, immature, but WTH do you have to lose. 1
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