Redheaded Mistress Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Honestly at this point I'd confront him. If we've gotten to the point where there's software being added to the phone to track him, a tag added to the car, we're hacking emails and searching briefcases and cars, we're rapidly approaching a point of no return not just in his behavior, but hers. Once the "I need to investigate" itch has been scratched, even if there are no problems and he's doing nothing wrong, it's hard to stop. I've always thought you can't fight dishonesty with dishonesty. Meaning if you think he's being dishonest, you can't be dishonest back. Tell him "A, B, and C are making me suspicious and it's making me think you're having an affair... Even if you're not, it's really weird behavior that is breaking my trust and may hurt our marriage. I don't want to get a divorce... Can you tell me what's going on?" Sure, he may lie to your face, but if he's having an affair he'll keep doing the behavior you've warned him is making you suspicious. And whatever he tells you, it'll be easy to see if it passes the smell test or not. If it doesn't, then say it doesn't. It's better to confront it now and prevent wasting hundreds of dollars and months, even years of your life waiting for the solid, irrefutable proof of what you suspect is happening... And lets be honest, won't stop digging for proof of it until you find it, if it's there or not. I've never, ever, ever heard any of these stories go "I looked and I found nothing, so I must be wrong and he's not cheating." Instead, I hear "I looked and found nothing, which means I haven't looked hard enough in the right spots. I'm going to dig more." If you're digging, you're already in trouble. What's worse is if you do all these things, then you find out there is a reasonable explanation for everything, now you have you that broke the trust in the marriage by resorting to Law and Order techniques in an attempt to trap him into something he's not doing. Wouldn't you be a bit put off if your husband thought you were up to something and the guy at Best Buy knows it because he bought equipment to keep tabs on you, but you didn't? A marriage may not survive an affair, but certainly no marriage was made better when one party found out the other was spying on them because they assumed they were up to no good. 2
goodyblue Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Yeah... I have always kind of thought that if you are checking up that much it is already over. There is no relationship where I want to be a parent to my partner and keep him in line. I hope you find answers soon. Chances are if you do find something and confront him, you will be miserable the next five years and never will trust him again. Horrible situation.
ComingInHot Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Redheaded Mistress wrote, "I've always thought you can't fight dishonesty with dishonesty. Meaning if you think he's being dishonest, you can't be dishonest back." The above really stuck out to me. I agree with the statement however Sucky it is I was honest. When exOW outed the ended A to me. I was just honest and let her know I was hurt by her and My H's actions but I forgive her. STAY Honest OP!! It's not fair to be the bigger/better person but at the end of the day you will know you are and so will everyone else. If it turns out that he's having an A. You will have the truth. What you do with it is entirely up to you, but having the truth is waaaay better than living a lie. CIH*
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