jcweik Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 Ok well i've posted about this once before but I didn't ask everything so here it is. My sister works at this resturant. Friday night my exgirlfriend (almost a year next month) came in and talked to her. She wasn't with her boyfriend but was with 3 of her guy friends (They are also her boyfriends friends.) My ex went on and on about our past and asked what I've been up too. She said she tryed to call my work on thursday ( I wasnt there thursday, was sick. ) She also told my sister that I should call her so we could hang out, because she wants to be my friend and told my sister that she "Still cares and loves me." So anyways she asked my sister what I've been up too, and my sister said that I go out alot and am never home. The reason my ex and i broke up was do to the fact that we never did anything and sat at my house or her house all the time and did nothing. When my sister told her that I go out alot now, she got alittle mad my sister said. And then my ex said "See i think thats realy effed up, if we were have gone out and done something when we were together we would have never split up." My questions are, Why do you think she got mad when she found out that I go out all the time and... Why would she say she still loves/cares about me IN FRONT of their mutual friends. I'm not sure if they've broken up, but I don't think they have. My sister tells me that she thinks if i were to be friends with my ex, that theres prolly a good chance that we could get back together (now that im going out all the time) I'm lost here, Dunno what to do. Do I call her, or let this go away? I realy realy cared and loved this girl, and I still think i do. She was very important to me and i let it all go to waste. I'd like to get the chance to prove to her that Im not a bad guy. Is there any chance for us to get back together?
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 "See i think thats realy effed up, if we were have gone out and done something when we were together we would have never split up." Is there any chance for us to get back together? Sure there is. You just have to live with the insecurity that comes from knowing that you are with someone for whom the entire value of the relationship apparently will hinge on how much you "go out". She let everyone know how much she loved you and cared for you... but "going out" was far more important to her than her love for you or the relationship you had together so unfortunately she had to break up with you. Lo and behold, you start "going out" on your own and she wants you back. How quickly do you think she'll break it off with you if go back to "not going out". Think about that before you take her back. Does she really want you back, or only you in the context of "going out"? Do you really want to be involved with someone who has "going out" as the top priority and deal breaker in your relationship?
Author jcweik Posted March 9, 2005 Author Posted March 9, 2005 You've mistaken when i said "going out." For the first half year we were together, we did alot. Then we just started doing NOTHING. She didn't hang around her friends, nor did I. ALL we did was sit in my room or her house and watch tv. In my opinion, she had every right to be mad. I didn't want to go out and do anything because i had realy bad insecuritys. Why would she say all that stuff in front of both of their mutual friends? I don't know if she was intoxicated or not but still...?
Author jcweik Posted March 10, 2005 Author Posted March 10, 2005 Still dunno what to do! Should I call her since shes been trying to contact me or wait until she trys again and hope she actually does ?
moon Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 She has a boyfriend? It would be hurtful to you to pursue her if she was in a relationship. It sounds like you still love and care for her. Why's she playing games with you and asking how you're doing and all this while she is in another relationship? Now that is the question....... I think you need to make it clear in your own mind that you're not going to get stucked into some love triangle with her. I might not jump at the bait just yet. Maybe a nice non confrontational e-mail to her.... I don't know. But that's just sort of fishy that she's doing all this work to get your attention. She tells your sister that she still cares and loves you, yet she's with her boyfriend's friends? Don't you hate it when you fall in love with the wrong people. I do this myself. I'll just say honestly...this girl needs to: 1. Get it through her thick head that she has a boyfriend and it will hurt you if you still love her and have to hang around her and her boyfriend. 2. That if she does say she wants to get back together with you, she can't be in two relationships at one time can she? 3. Realize that you're not going to get pushed around. It sounds like all you want is to date her again. Seriously, the healthy thing to do would probably be to just let it go. If she's really so interested in you then she will call again. I doubt you need to go out of your way if she's really intent on talking to you. But she's in another relationship. You know how painful break ups are. If she just dumps this guy for you do you think it'll all be grand and wonderful? There will be guit and pain and maybe a messy break up. I would maybe hold back. I would be dying to call also!!! But you've come so far. You are going to have to be ready to set some ground rules with her and to do that you'll need bargaining power. I'd let her wait. But that's just me. I might dangle a carrot or two, but I probably wouldn't go out of my way for her just yet. She's playing a high stakes game with your heart. Has boyfriend.......calling ex.....yes there is something wrong with that picture. If she were single I'd say go make that call....but attached, I don't think I could go after that. I think it might just hurt me more in the long run. But it's your call. Good luck.
Author jcweik Posted March 10, 2005 Author Posted March 10, 2005 Yes very hard decision. You see, when we were together I MADE the mistakes.. And I do not know if they are together or not. She said all of those things INFRONT of both of their friends. Why would a girl do that if she had a boyfriend AND his friends were right there. You are right, I do want to date her again. I know its a long run, but how will I ever get a chance if i never ever talk to her ? I've also made it clear to her before when she wanted to hang out that i would not hang out with her WHILE her boyfriend is there. She said she didn't expect me too.. Another thing worth mentioning. They got together right after we split up, so i'm wondering if he is just a rebound. They've been together almost a year though, so I don't know if rebounds last that long..
jwporth Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Hello my friend, The same thing recently happened to me. I was dating a girl for about a year, and she started complaining that we dont "go to enough fancy restaurants", and we dont "go out enough" To me, going out all the time is a complete waste of money, especially if you have a significant other, especially when i am always paying. Going out once a week is cool with me, or once every 2 weeks. Anyways, she broke my heart, and then told me she started seeing someone else right away! I was heart broken! I begged, etc etc, for about a day, then moved on. Within 1 week she is calling, emailing, etc saying she wants to be friends, see me, blah blah blah. If i go back with her I would get absolutely zero respect. It would be even easier to dump me again. So unless she gets on her hands and knees to beg me, there is no way on earth i will set myself up for this again. Hope this helps, stay strong, and find someone new. There are billions of women, and the right one will love your company, and not complain about "going out", and then leave you for "not going out enough" without much caring about your feelings.
Author jcweik Posted March 11, 2005 Author Posted March 11, 2005 No she was right to be mad about us not going out. Can you think, sitting in aroom for 2 years and not seeing your friends? I realy screwed her over.
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