ComingInHot Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Between moving on and avoiding dealing? How do you know which is which?
d0nnivain Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 When you have moved on, the old relationship is a memory. You can smile when you think about the good times & although there are bad memories they don't hurt quite so much anymore. Avoiding is not thinking about it but being upset when you do think about it & then suppressing it. 2
2sunny Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Feeling neutral is the tell take sign that one is making progress. 3
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Nobody ever forgets what they experience, as it will either enlighten them or make them vindictive. Until they find peace, their experiences whether good or bad, will be their road map to what they want and don't want ever again. Temporary avoidance may allow for your renewal if too shattered, by allowing you to reset under your terms. On going avoidance will just stunt your renewal and possibly allow for you to return to what you avoided. At any cost you should never seek a relationship when in avoidance mode. Some take a year or longer depending on how they are able to deal with what has happened. 1
Author ComingInHot Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 I'm not angry. It's me that's ending it. I feel... guilty? maybe? I couldn't live like that any longer. I want him happy. I am happy except when I see him sad so I don't think about it. Ugh. I just don't want to be one of the 40+ women with baggage and issues LSers talk about so I'm trying to take care of it all before it happens. Good ya?
mammasita Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Avoiding would be immediately jumping into another relationship so you don't have to deal with the pain/issues/being alone and more importantly yourself. Moving on would include taking that time to reflect and better yourself so you don't make the same mistakes again.
d0nnivain Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Everybody has baggage. Trick is to get it all in a carry on not a steamer trunk. 2
Author ComingInHot Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 I'm a big believer in taking time... I'm also an impatient person. Not for a 'relationship ' but to get on with doing things I love! But then I won't be dealing with moving on but avoiding. I'm a little jacked today folks (shhhhhhhh, it's a girl thing ) forgive my estrogen imbalance mixed with pain killers. ROFL * ugh :bunny:
Author ComingInHot Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 Everybody has baggage. Trick is to get it all in a carry on not a steamer trunk. Quote of the day! !LOL* 1
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I'm not angry. It's me that's ending it. I feel... guilty? maybe? I couldn't live like that any longer. I want him happy. I am happy except when I see him sad so I don't think about it. Ugh. I just don't want to be one of the 40+ women with baggage and issues LSers talk about so I'm trying to take care of it all before it happens. Good ya? One thing you should not do is beat yourself up over your feelings... In reflection on one of my recent posts, here I am giving advice that I should have taken from myself on an issue. Geesh! Everyone has their own way of confronting their feelings and issues. Not everyone can agree what is best, but can agree on the steps to get there. I don't read many peeps reply's and threads, mainly because once I see there are more than 10 or so I get lost for some reason. But from what I gathered in the short time span here, that you are strong and confident. So, I am sure once you start taking each step in letting go, you will find your path. There are plenty of good regs here that will shed light when you find a cloud that seems to stay overhead. 1
Author ComingInHot Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 One thing you should not do is beat yourself up over your feelings... In reflection on one of my recent posts, here I am giving advice that I should have taken from myself on an issue. Geesh! Everyone has their own way of confronting their feelings and issues. Not everyone can agree what is best, but can agree on the steps to get there. I don't read many peeps reply's and threads, mainly because once I see there are more than 10 or so I get lost for some reason. But from what I gathered in the short time span here, that you are strong and confident. So, I am sure once you start taking each step in letting go, you will find your path. There are plenty of good regs here that will shed light when you find a cloud that seems to stay overhead. Thanks SS! I totally need to take my own awesome advice more often too* Just Promise me if I start morfing into an old bitter hag, you'll call me out!
leavesonautumn Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Moving on means you're accepting the break up, doing what's best for you and dealing with your emotions. Avoiding it means you're in denial about your feelings (good and bad), talking yourself into thinking you're ~~over the ex~~, pretending you're feeling great, etc. Just from personal experience. Two weeks after the break up, I was feeling on top of the world, I was over what happened, didn't care about my ex. Then I saw him driving his car and it all came crashing around me. It's acceptance vs. denial.
Redhead14 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 (edited) Between moving on and avoiding dealing? How do you know which is which? Moving on would be processing the break up and moving forward with your life. Avoidance of dealing with it would be to stick with it and not address it. What I mean is staying in a relationship that isn't working for you and pushing it under the rug. Edited October 8, 2014 by Redhead14
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Thanks SS! I totally need to take my own awesome advice more often too* Just Promise me if I start morfing into an old bitter hag, you'll call me out! No, you don't want me to do that! As you'd laugh your old arse clean off, and would have to wear suspenders to keep your knickers from falling off. 1
Author ComingInHot Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 Laughing is SO much better!! I will not avoid. I'm pretty level headed for a crazy person. And mostly when I'm not level headed, LS brings me back to reality. All who have responded, thank you for checking me back to position * CIH*
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