MapleWish Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 the guy i have been talking to is originally from Michigan, he's been talking about going back, he only moved to Iowa because at the time the girl who would become his wife was from Iowa, but now that theyre over he wants to move back to his home or at least he's been talking about it. he asked me "hypothetically if we were to date, would you be willing to move to Michigan?" i answered yes because i wouldnt mind a change, but now i'm not sure, just cause i've NEVER been away from home. Iowa is my home, a great majority of my family is here, i wouldnt say i've started a life not worth leaving but the only thing i'd be leaving is my family and friends. and Michigan isnt THAT far but is it worth it to move? i mean he's already here, he already left his home and i wish he'd stay in Iowa but he really loves his home state and the landscape and the freedom on his farm, so how do i make this decision?
d0nnivain Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I had always wanted to go to California. I then started dating a guy who after a year of us dating moved to California. We had an LDR for a year while I was in grad school. I tried to find a job in California & would have moved there if I had been offered employment but those were my reasons to move. He may have been the catalyst for me to go & a safety net but he was never the only reason. I would never move somewhere I had no independent desire to go to just for a guy I was dating. Now if my husband gets transferred, that is a different story. If you move just for a dating relationship, you will become lonely, clingy & resentful which will kill your relationship & leave you stranded. If you take the other person out of the equation & you otherwise want to move, have a JOB, and live independently of your SO, moving is fine. Without those things, stay put.
yellow_sun Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 You guys aren't even dating yet, right? I wouldn't do it. I moved to a different continent to be with a guy that I had been dating for a year and I ended up resenting him for it. I ended up loving the country I moved to and am still there, but it can put a lot of pressure on a relationship. You'll have to start completely from scratch. Making new friends in a new place isn't always easy, nor is finding a job, etc. He'll be the only person you know there and that will put a lot of pressure on him, as well. It doesn't really sound like a good idea. Maybe if you had been dating for years or something, but I wouldn't consider it before you're even exclusive.
Toodaloo Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 If you were in a committed relationship and/ or you had other things to move for, i.e you want to go... then yes. For a chance to date someone then no. Not for a "perhaps" with a man. I would move if I had work or I wanted to live there on my own... For me personally I have far too much at home where I am, the upheaval would be enormous and it would not be at all easy from me to go back. Carry on dating him see if you like him enough to want to commit to him. Even if he does move back he still will have a lot to sort out beforehand. It may also help if you visit and see what it is like first. Whatever you do - do not rush and take your time. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I don't have any problems with couples moving closer to one another but ONLY if they've been exclusive and dating for a while with the understanding that it's a serious thing. You both have to be on the same page about where you're going and what you want out of your relationship. Moving anywhere just to start dating someone is just silly and a recipe for disaster if you're not careful. Don't uproot your life on the sheer hope that this might work. Like you said, Iowa and Michigan aren't THAT far apart so a LDR is quite possible. Hell, there are couples living oceans and time zone's apart who make it work. What's the rush? Baby steps my friend...baby steps. 2
LostInTheWild Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I would only move if I could build my own life in a new place and stand on my own two feet. The only exception to that would be if I were married to him - with kids. Relationships are fragile and I have read too many stories of people winding up stranded in a new state once their relationships end. Doesn't seem worth it unless I'm moving because I want to and I have the means to make it on my own. P.S. Don't ever give your financial independence up. Make sure you have savings and a job lined up that pays well if you move.
Redhead14 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 the guy i have been talking to is originally from Michigan, he's been talking about going back, he only moved to Iowa because at the time the girl who would become his wife was from Iowa, but now that theyre over he wants to move back to his home or at least he's been talking about it. he asked me "hypothetically if we were to date, would you be willing to move to Michigan?" i answered yes because i wouldnt mind a change, but now i'm not sure, just cause i've NEVER been away from home. Iowa is my home, a great majority of my family is here, i wouldnt say i've started a life not worth leaving but the only thing i'd be leaving is my family and friends. and Michigan isnt THAT far but is it worth it to move? i mean he's already here, he already left his home and i wish he'd stay in Iowa but he really loves his home state and the landscape and the freedom on his farm, so how do i make this decision? "hypothetically if we were to date, would you be willing to move to Michigan? You cannot make a decision on a hypothetical question. You do not KNOW where in your heart you will really be when/if the reality of the situation presents itself. You will know how to make the decision when you know that this is the man you want to be with. And, if that is the case, the decision won't be difficult.
Tayken Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 @OP.....how about moving tranatlantic? Yes, I laugh when someone tells me that the 45-2hrs distance is huge for them, and I usually wish them luck finding that man in their backyard. My ex is from here but has family back in the Meditteranean, which is the neutral ground where we met. Years later I seeked employment here and used that as an excuse to come be with her. The rest is history as they say, and I don't have that issue of what could have been because I pursued it, and it's become part of my life fabric so far
Recommended Posts