Emma1234 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Hey everyone, It has been a just over 5 weeks now. I'm having a backwards day, i feel low, i'm reminiscing, i'm missing him, i'm sad. We had contact a few days ago because he messaged me how much he was hurting etc. and i stupidly felt bad for him. He eventually said it seemed like I was coping a lot better and I suppose in a way I am. I'm getting on with my life, my body is toning up dramatically from gym sessions and healthy eating, i am gaining my confidence back, I am working hard on my course and my part time work internship. I''m building up my savings, connecting with old and new friends, spending a lot more time with just myself. So life is (from an outside perspective) pretty good. But i still feel in pain and lost. His life now is potentially amazing, he has landed a successful job abroad, amazing future opportunities, new friends, new life, new everything. the thing is he's the sort of person who's never happy with what he has, always wanting more, so he isn't appriciating it. I feel pressure from his success. Of course i'm happy for him but i feel stuck with what i was to do. I don't know what career i want to go into, no idea what coutry etc. Just nothing, so the missing him, the coping and everything else has just got so on top of me. I'm finally seeing all of our joint mutual friends tonight, it's going to be great but awful. I just don't understand why it hurts so much when i was doing ok. I know contact is over now, he won't message again, we'll both finally move on, so maybe this is the final process before i completely let go and move on? I am so lucky, i know that, i sound ungrateful but my life does seem at a standstill, all the fun, the love, the excitement, the everything he put into my life has gone and i feel empty, i keep waiting for something to fill it but i know nothing will ever be big enough to fill it or i'll fill it with the wrong things, just need a little bit of a push and some advice today guys, thanks you. I know it'll be fine, i've gone through a break up before but not like this, he had all the personality and physical traits i desire. I know i'll get over him but it feels like a slow, dull constant ache of pain rather than the raw heart burning type i had last time so i'm nervous that it'll just always be like this.
hazy_shade_of_grey Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 You are doing all the right things distracting yourself and focusing on you. You need to maintain the NC so you can continue to heal. You are going to have good days and bad ones. You will feel like you are completely over him one day and the very next you may be in shambles because you miss him so much. You have to be strong and not reach out to him regardless of what you are feeling. I know it's easier said than done. I'm in a similar situation and currently in the middle of week 4 of NC.
preraph Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 In order to stop worrying about him and his life, it's time for you to do yourself justice and go no contact with him. He is only trying to alleviate his guilt so he feels better. You don't need to see he's doing well or he's got a new girlfriend or new job. You don't need to be reminded of him at all. You need to block him everyway possible and stop seeing his social media or taking his calls and texts. Tell him simply that you're moving on and going no contact in order to speed the process along. Don't let him see what you're doing and then you don't have to feel bad because you're not doing as well. Just go NC and move on. Good luck.
d0nnivain Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 The healing process is not a linear progression. You will take one step back for every two steps forward sometimes. Hang in there & try to avoid interacting with him since he sets you back.
SoThatHappened Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I agree with Donnivan and have experienced what you're going through as well. I think it's universal that there are up and down days/weeks when dealing with heartbreak. It's been over 4 months since my breakup, and I've had bad days mixed in with good weeks. Today has been a tough day for whatever reason. The tough days make no sense, and they hit you when you're not expecting it. I've also been in NC since a week after the breakup, but have received breadcrumbs here and there. If I wasn't in NC I wouldn't be as far along in recovery as I am. Hang in there. Come to terms that you will have bad days here and there, but cut off any and all forms of contact. It's the best thing you can do. If he wanted you back, he'd move mountains to get you back.
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