Who "should" ask who out...

[Shining One]

I care if I am labelled. I care about the consequences of that. You do not have to look at me in the mirror every day I do. I want to continue to do that with out being ashamed.

Unfortunately, labels are part of life. We all have to deal with it. I got labeled a creep for walking a woman to her car. She works in our building on a different floor and I don't know her. It was raining and she didn't have an umbrella. It was a 2 minute walk with no conversation (I was on a conference call on my headset). The next day, while smoking with our receptionist, this woman said: "It was pouring so bad last night. Some creep from your company had to walk me to my car." Does this mean I should never offer to share my umbrella with people in the lobby when I'm leaving the office?

[Toodaloo]

There is a bit of an art to this . . . driving from the back seat but it depends on the man.

 

I tried encouraging 1st.

 

I met an attractive man at an event. We chatted for most of the time. Turns out he was in the market for a service I provide so the bulk of the conversation was work / professional. When it was time for me to go, I handed him my business card & told him that I'd be happy to help him if he called but I'd be happier if he called me for personal reasons. I winked as I said the last part & left.

 

A few days later he called & asked me to dinner. Over dinner he admitted that if I had not said that he never would have called.

 

Whatever approach you take, you have to be happy in your own skin & with your choices. There is nothing wrong with asking a man out but if by doing so you think you are emasculating him, then it's going to end up in disaster.

 

With the man who is now my husband, I maneuvered situations so we'd be alone. I send short messages & voice mails. I made sure to get off the phone quickly & 1st. It was tough because he wasn't responding the way I expected him to. I finally gave up & let my alpha side loose & we were both happier.

 

It is an art form...!

 

I have to say though I think when I finally do put myself out there I am just going to take my time.

 

If there is one thing I have learnt its that life still goes on regardless of your relationship status...

[verhrzn]

You have to judge the guy you're dealing with in a particular case and if he isn't asking you out it doesn't mean he isn't interested. So take a risk, ask him out yourself and if he does seem blasé just ditch him for a while and go onto the next guy.

 

But why bother taking the risk?? Why bother taking the risk when 1) it would just lead to incompatibility down the road anyway and 2) it almost never pans out? The reward isn't worth the risk!

 

And again, the problem is, guys are not blase. They seem to like you, because they continue to agree and go out with you, but it turns out they're really just passive and lazy. The only way you can know from the start that a guy isn't going to be passive and lazy in the relationship is if he makes effort from the start. By, ya know, asking you out.

[Toodaloo]

Unfortunately, labels are part of life. We all have to deal with it. I got labeled a creep for walking a woman to her car. She works in our building on a different floor and I don't know her. It was raining and she didn't have an umbrella. It was a 2 minute walk with no conversation (I was on a conference call on my headset). The next day, while smoking with our receptionist, this woman said: "It was pouring so bad last night. Some creep from your company had to walk me to my car." Does this mean I should never offer to share my umbrella with people in the lobby when I'm leaving the office?

 

Thats just a woman being a b7tch...

 

Sorry about that... Like men some of us are nasty... Some of us would have been very grateful that you were so thoughtful. Some of us would have told you not to worry grinned and started dancing in it! Don't bother next time. Make her get wet.

 

In my case I have to give up work and it cause problems with other peoples marriages... Thats some serious muck being spread. So yes I do stamp on stuff these days rather than just "brush it off".

 

Some people find it tough to deal with as I do stamp down hard but I don't get the hassle any more

[Toodaloo]

But why bother taking the risk?? Why bother taking the risk when 1) it would just lead to incompatibility down the road anyway and 2) it almost never pans out? The reward isn't worth the risk!

 

And again, the problem is, guys are not blase. They seem to like you, because they continue to agree and go out with you, but it turns out they're really just passive and lazy. The only way you can know from the start that a guy isn't going to be passive and lazy in the relationship is if he makes effort from the start. By, ya know, asking you out.

 

Sorry chaps but this is the experience I have had as well.

 

Every guy I have asked out has been really lazy. Its been a disaster. There was all the risk with no reward at all other than cleaning up after them... Sorry but if you want a cleaner go hire one.

[Tayken]

It should NOT be some kind of teenage game based on "likes". Should an employers approach you for a job opportunity? Let me guess you are going to tell me that is "different"? My point here is that the lay back attitude doesn't do you favours if you adopt it.

 

After my first degree, I literally went round with my CV (resume) knocking on multinational companies doors in the city, asking for some kind of entry level employment. You know what...it worked, as the person at the front desk was able to push my CV based on my interaction and charm, to the right people.

 

However, I am more than happy to ask someone out, but the moment I sense BS...I am gone baby gone like the wind. (see what I did there, the double entendre'...2 movies in one)

Edited October 8, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[verhrzn]

If you consider yourself, a 5-6 with putting in that much effort. Do you think you'd be a 3-4 if you put in half as much work?

 

The answer is no. You'd still be a 5-6.

 

.... Without effort, yeah, I'd be a 3-4. I don't get this assertion that my effort is somehow wasted. I am a 5-6 because I at least try.

 

The only people who would tell/know that you didn't put in a ton of time/effort is yourself and possibly other women.

 

And you. And this forum! Years ago, you guys would yell at me about how I thought I was ugly, but didn't do anything to change it. Well, I worked to change it, I put in effort, and you yourself still considered it not enough.

 

I mean, dude, you just said in the "would you date obese women" forum that a girl who is heavier than you is not attractive. AKA, she needs to put in effort to become a weight you deem acceptable. I'd have to go to the gym every day for several hours to get to the weight you deem acceptable for my frame... so this whole "women are the ones judging you" is just ridiculous.

 

 

Uh, I live in SoCal and I'm finishing up my last semester of college. Tight shirt and shorts is pretty much the uniform for girls around here on a daily basis. Unless a girl is really fat, they all look good.

 

"Unless a girl is really fat." Considering that you are around young college women, and are cutting out all "fat" women, you are essentially saying "If you are young and slim, they look good." Guess how much of the female population fits that standard. Not a whole lot.

 

Dude, I have never said that you look unattractive. The only thing I've ever had an issue with about you is that you do the FWB thing. Your appearance was never a negative.

 

You have routinely said that women who look like me (5'1" and 135 pounds) are not attractive, that women with short hair are not attractive, that women who are X,Y,and Z (when I have X, Y and Z) are not attractive. Just because you won't come flat out and say "You, individual, are not attractive" doesn't mean a person can't read between the lines.

 

And ya know what, that's okay! It's okay to think I am unattractive. It's okay for me to be unattractive. But it just reinforces why asking men out is a ridiculous strategy. Only a small percentage of the population is going to be into me. It is a time-waster to chase after the others. If I wait for a guy to ask me out, I can guarantee he is one of those that is interested in me.

[Keenly]

Is it so hard to admit that rejection scares the crap out of you?

[Toodaloo]

.... Without effort, yeah, I'd be a 3-4. I don't get this assertion that my effort is somehow wasted. I am a 5-6 because I at least try.

 

And you. And this forum! Years ago, you guys would yell at me about how I thought I was ugly, but didn't do anything to change it. Well, I worked to change it, I put in effort, and you yourself still considered it not enough.

 

I mean, dude, you just said in the "would you date obese women" forum that a girl who is heavier than you is not attractive. AKA, she needs to put in effort to become a weight you deem acceptable. I'd have to go to the gym every day for several hours to get to the weight you deem acceptable for my frame... so this whole "women are the ones judging you" is just ridiculous.

 

"Unless a girl is really fat." Considering that you are around young college women, and are cutting out all "fat" women, you are essentially saying "If you are young and slim, they look good." Guess how much of the female population fits that standard. Not a whole lot.

 

You have routinely said that women who look like me (5'1" and 135 pounds) are not attractive, that women with short hair are not attractive, that women who are X,Y,and Z (when I have X, Y and Z) are not attractive. Just because you won't come flat out and say "You, individual, are not attractive" doesn't mean a person can't read between the lines.

 

And ya know what, that's okay! It's okay to think I am unattractive. It's okay for me to be unattractive. But it just reinforces why asking men out is a ridiculous strategy. Only a small percentage of the population is going to be into me. It is a time-waster to chase after the others. If I wait for a guy to ask me out, I can guarantee he is one of those that is interested in me.

 

Honey

 

I know slimmer who are ugly... I know people with long hair who look horrid.

 

What is not OK is for you to believe that you are unattractive because of what someone on an internet forum has said flippantly...

 

Do you know what is special about tubby people. They normally have much nicer personalities... Even reformed tubbies...

 

Also I learnt a very big lesson yesterday. I was talking to my best mate about my weight... I was telling her how ashamed I was of it etc... I was honest and told her how large I was and sent her a picture I took of myself semi clad for personal reasons so it would encourage me to keep going after I lost the first stone. She was shocked. She has seen me "fat" as I visited earlier this year before any weight loss. Apparently I did not look like that with my clothes on and I didn't look so large...

 

Be good to yourself. xxx

Edited October 8, 2014 by Toodaloo
Missed a word!

[Toodaloo]

Is it so hard to admit that rejection scares the crap out of you?

 

and it hurts like hell.

 

But then it also scares the crap out of you too...

[verhrzn]

Is it so hard to admit that rejection scares the crap out of you?

 

No, because it isn't rejection. I've dealt with rejection loads of times. Don't mind it at all.

 

Wasting time is what scares the hell out of me. Spending even an hour on a date with a guy who isn't interested, but decided to "give me a chance", is what gets under my skin and bothers me. I could be spending that hour working out, pursuing a hobby I love, spending time with friends, or even online chatting with someone who is interested. Even an hour spent on an uninterested date is too much time to lose.

 

Asking guys out leads to lots and lots of time-wasting. If it lead to either rejection OR dates with interested guys, I would have no problem with it! But no, it leads to rejection, dates with uninterested guys, and maybe 1% of the time, a guy who is semi-interested. What a waste of time!

[ThaWholigan]

The way I see it is this:

 

I've often said on this forum that people generally express varying levels of masculine energy and feminine energy in their makeup. Most of the women I know who have no problem asking men out tend to exhibit more active principles overall, while guys who perhaps were more in touch with their feminine energy tended to be more reserved in pursuit. Leads me to the conclusion that its a case-by-case basis, slightly slanted towards men generally making the first move.

 

I'm also not of the opinion that its a case of "fear" on a woman's part, any more than "fear" on a man's part. That should also be a case-by-case look - and probably an exercise in projection.

[boilingpoint]

But why bother taking the risk?? Why bother taking the risk when 1) it would just lead to incompatibility down the road anyway and 2) it almost never pans out? The reward isn't worth the risk!

 

And again, the problem is, guys are not blase. They seem to like you, because they continue to agree and go out with you, but it turns out they're really just passive and lazy. The only way you can know from the start that a guy isn't going to be passive and lazy in the relationship is if he makes effort from the start. By, ya know, asking you out.

 

I think this is your problem. If you ask guys out and they say yes, there comes a point when you'll have to challenge them a bit i.e. if you ask him to come back to yours will he come? If he says no or makes excuses then you have yourself a pretty clear rejection. If he does come and you spend the night it should be quite easy to gage his interest level if you know what I mean. Either it's good or bad - I don't see what there is to complain about here.

 

It's different when a guy asks a girl out and her interest level is low. Eventually if you don't challenge them at all during the date they will reject you... and fast. Once they've done this it's over. No sex, no nothing. No more chances with this girl... believe me it's better to have a chance then none at all.

 

Honestly I think that the guys accepting your dates are giving you a chance, maybe not for something long term, but at least short term. You're not taking advantage of the situation properly.

 

I've dealt with rejection loads of times. Don't mind it at all.

 

Give me a break. Try the suggestion I made above and see how you feel if he turns you down. If you ever get clearly rejected by someone you like, it will hurt.

Edited October 8, 2014 by boilingpoint

[verhrzn]

I think this is your problem. If you ask guys out and they say yes, there comes a point when you'll have to challenge them a bit i.e. if you ask him to come back to yours will he come? If he says no or makes excuses then you have yourself a pretty clear rejection. If he does come and you spend the night it should be quite easy to gage his interest level if you know what I mean. Either it's good or bad - I don't see what there is to complain about here.

 

That's if you want to get laid. You must have missed my post where I said approaching guys is just fine if a girl just wants a quick or casual thing. But if you want a relationship, it's a horrible strategy, and this is exactly why.

 

A lot of guys, for lots of screwed up reasons, will have sex when a girl offers it, even if they aren't that interested in the girl. I know; I've been there, multiple times. A guy coming back and sleeping with you is not a challenge, it's sometimes exactly what he wants (absolutely no effort from him, and yet he gets sex!)

 

Ya know a good way to challenge a guy? Wait for him to take the initiative. Like, oh, asking a girl out.

 

Honestly I think that the guys accepting your dates are giving you a chance but you're not taking advantage of the situation properly.

 

I don't want a "chance," I want them to be interested from the beginning. I do not want to be a monkey dancing to a tune, trying to get a guy to like me, and that's exactly what "a guy giving me a chance" is. It's a huge waste of time. I do not get how this is such a difficult concept for you.

 

Give me a break. Try the suggestion I made above and see how you feel if he turns you down. If you ever get clearly rejected by someone you like, it will hurt.

 

Um, I have. I have asked guys out, and been rejected. I have had guys accept first dates, then been rejected. I have had guys sleep with me, then reject me for a relationship. I have had guys date me for several months, who actually weren't that interested!, and then reject me.

 

The first of those options hurts, but hurts far less than realizing I wasted time on guys who weren't interested, and only agreed because I pursued them first.

[boilingpoint]

That's if you want to get laid. You must have missed my post where I said approaching guys is just fine if a girl just wants a quick or casual thing. But if you want a relationship, it's a horrible strategy, and this is exactly why.

 

A lot of guys, for lots of screwed up reasons, will have sex when a girl offers it, even if they aren't that interested in the girl. I know; I've been there, multiple times. A guy coming back and sleeping with you is not a challenge, it's sometimes exactly what he wants (absolutely no effort from him, and yet he gets sex!)

 

Ya know a good way to challenge a guy? Wait for him to take the initiative. Like, oh, asking a girl out.

 

I don't want a "chance," I want them to be interested from the beginning. I do not want to be a monkey dancing to a tune, trying to get a guy to like me, and that's exactly what "a guy giving me a chance" is. It's a huge waste of time. I do not get how this is such a difficult concept for you.

 

Um, I have. I have asked guys out, and been rejected. I have had guys accept first dates, then been rejected. I have had guys sleep with me, then reject me for a relationship. I have had guys date me for several months, who actually weren't that interested!, and then reject me.

 

The first of those options hurts, but hurts far less than realizing I wasted time on guys who weren't interested, and only agreed because I pursued them first.

 

OK well at least you get sex out of it - better than nothing ain't it?

 

It might be just that you chase them constantly so they don't have to do any leg work. All you have to do is judge how much effort their making and adjust...

 

I've gone out with girls I wasn't that into at first. One of them only lasted 2 dates before she gave up and got with my friend a few days later... the other ended it just as I started to like her. Who ended up better off in those scenarios? Me or them? Yes, them.

 

Also, it's not like the fact that you're dating someone prevents another guy from approaching you and asking you out whenever.

 

And when you give a guy a chance? Is he a 'monkey dancing to a tune?'

 

Whatever the answer is to the 'who asks who out' question in this scenario, it's still very obvious that girls get it easier in dating overall.

 

So I don't see what you have to complain about.

[Priv]

With the man who is now my husband, I maneuvered situations so we'd be alone. I send short messages & voice mails. I made sure to get off the phone quickly & 1st. It was tough because he wasn't responding the way I expected him to. I finally gave up & let my alpha side loose & we were both happier.

 

Is this a thing? Speaking to someone now who is doing exactly like you describing. Dated her last week, seems very into it and got something set up for this week. On the phone very happy to respond/reply/hear from me and than 'bam!' cut it off. Something to do or stuff which is nonsensical. Is there a cosmo article or so I am not privy to?

[verhrzn]

OK well at least you get sex out of it - better than nothing ain't it?

 

NO! No it is NOT better than nothing! Cause then I have a reputation and "increased tally" on top of the rejection.

 

This is why trying to hand-swipe away cultural and gender expectations is stupid. You have to know, unless you just descended onto this planet (hello alien visitor! Do they have sandwiches on your world?) that girls get judged, hard core, for having "slept around" too much. This situation, the one you're described? Exactly what gets girls judged.

 

It might be just that you chase them constantly so they don't have to do any leg work. All you have to do is judge how much effort their making and adjust...

 

Or I could just do that straight from the beginning and not 1) set a precedent and 2) then have to waste my time doing what I should have done in the first place. Waiting for the guy to ask me out is a great way for me to judge the effort they're making. Go figure.

 

I've gone out with girls I wasn't that into at first. One of them only lasted 2 dates before she gave up and got with my friend a few days later... the other ended it just as I started to like her. Who ended up better off in those scenarios? Me or them? Yes, them.

 

How did they end up better? Seems to me it was a waste of time for all parties involved. Neither of the girls ended up dating you, and probably just felt as if they would have been better off not asking in the first place.

 

Also, it's not like the fact that you're dating someone prevents another guy from approaching you and asking you out whenever.

 

Except it kinda does, because when you're dating someone you aren't actively out socializing alone, which is when a lot of approaches happen...

 

And when you give a guy a chance? Is he a 'monkey dancing to a tune?'

 

No, because the "giving a guy a chance" comes before he asks me out. If I don't like a guy, I don't bother going on a first date. But I'm a girl and have been taught how to gently/forcefully turn a guy down, a behavior guys have not yet learned. Which, again, leads to lots of wasted time.

 

And once again, girls' On switches when it comes to attraction can come from personality. A guy can go from "No" to "Hot" very quickly, depending on his personality. I have never heard of a guy who had a similar switch.

 

Be honest: have you ever met a girl who you were not at all, even a little attracted to, only to discover her personality and suddenly want to sleep with her? I'm gonna guess no.

 

Whatever the answer is to the 'who asks who out' question in this scenario, it's still very obvious that girls get it easier in dating overall.

 

Oh for the love of.... Is that what all this is about? You want a girl to ask you out to somehow balance out the dating world karma you think exists? Girls have it easier, thus girls should have to do all the work to make up for it?

 

I am a girl, and I do NOT have it easier than a lot of my guy friends. Now who's painting with a broad, stereotyping brush?

[boilingpoint]

NO! No it is NOT better than nothing! Cause then I have a reputation and "increased tally" on top of the rejection.

 

This is why trying to hand-swipe away cultural and gender expectations is stupid. You have to know, unless you just descended onto this planet (hello alien visitor! Do they have sandwiches on your world?) that girls get judged, hard core, for having "slept around" too much. This situation, the one you're described? Exactly what gets girls judged.

 

Ugh... Judged? By who? Who's keeping this tally of yours exactly? How do they even know? Why do they care so much? Do you only screw people at work or something?

 

It's called your PRIVATE life for a reason by the way!

 

How did they end up better? Seems to me it was a waste of time for all parties involved. Neither of the girls ended up dating you, and probably just felt as if they would have been better off not asking in the first place.

 

See this proves you don't even consider the argument I'm making. The first girl ended up better off because she had the opportunity to get with my friend and had a relationship as a result - nice for her, glad I could help!

 

The second girl ditched me when I started liking her. Who's better off in this situation? She is. She forgot about me pretty fast then went straight to dating other guys asking her out left, right and centre.

 

Anyway, I'm done here.

[bastus]

totally depend on person , as for me , lately i found myself quite interested with nerdy, demure, introverted women .. there is no way i can expect them for making move on me in first place ..

[verhrzn]

Ugh... Judged? By who? Who's keeping this tally of yours exactly? How do they even know? Why do they care so much? Do you only screw people at work or something?

 

It's called your PRIVATE life for a reason by the way!

 

Yeah, until a guy posts a thread on a dating advice forum about how his girlfriend has "slept around", because she was foolish enough to be honest about her number, and a whole bunch of other men advise him to dump her, because sleeping around means she's a slut, ergo she'll cheat on him.

 

I believe none of this, but I have seen it play out over and over again, even on this very board. If a girl hides her numbers, she's dishonest-dump her. If she has too high of numbers, she's a "risk"-dump her. THAT'S who cares about my tally... guys I am dating.

 

 

See this proves you don't even consider the argument I'm making. The first girl ended up better off because she had the opportunity to get with my friend and had a relationship as a result - nice for her, glad I could help!

 

The second girl ditched me when I started liking her. Who's better off in this situation? She is. She forgot about me pretty fast then went straight to dating other guys asking her out left, right and centre.

 

Maybe because those guys were asking her out, and thus proving they were interested. Has it occurred to you that you didn't demonstrate any actual interest in her, and she isn't a mind-reader, so she gave up and started dating guys who actually seemed interested? Who actually made an effort? No where in your story do I see you talking about how you stepped up and showed you had begun to like her. She "wins" because she stopped wasting her time with someone who didn't seem to like her, and instead waited for those who did.

[Priv]

.... Without effort, yeah, I'd be a 3-4. I don't get this assertion that my effort is somehow wasted. I am a 5-6 because I at least try.

 

 

I think with the clothes thing it is more about you indeed putting in the effort (and I do notice!) attracting men in general vs asking someone out which is personal and vulnerable. That's why it is a faulty argument.

 

 

And you. And this forum! Years ago, you guys would yell at me about how I thought I was ugly, but didn't do anything to change it. Well, I worked to change it, I put in effort, and you yourself still considered it not enough.

 

 

Dafuq, and good for you.

 

 

You have routinely said that women who look like me (5'1" and 135 pounds) are not attractive, that women with short hair are not attractive, that women who are X,Y,and Z (when I have X, Y and Z) are not attractive. Just because you won't come flat out and say "You, individual, are not attractive" doesn't mean a person can't read between the lines.

 

 

Not sure if I got my measurements right as I use the metric system but this is not overweight. According to the BMI scale you are 25.6 BMI which is .6 overweight. Which is nothing + you work out a lot. Which means most of it is muscle weight and you have a great body. And you are American I think. Which is one of the 'biggest BMI' countries I believe. That makes you slim as a ummm... shrimp or antilope or something

 

 

I do wish for you some guy who has the balls to ask you out. You deserve that.

 

 

That said I think men should ask. Already mentioned in the other thread that I kinda like the power of going after what I want, being the wooer. Thus being the approacher. The whole asking out thing isn't what it is about, it is the dance beforehand. Both dance, tension rises, the man asks. But the question really isn't a question in my opinion, it is a statement, just the icing on the cake. That is unless you cold approach with 'do you want to go out with me' but than you have to ask someone else because I have no inclination to cold approach. Give me a few minutes conversation at least

 

 

But I do like some double standards and traditional gender roles. It is what makes this whole dating/rs game fun. Everything equal equals totally boring...

[boilingpoint]

But I do like some double standards and traditional gender roles. It is what makes this whole dating/rs game fun. Everything equal equals totally boring...

 

OK... great. You know the gay dating scenes don't seem to be complaining too much about lack of gender roles.

 

Maybe because those guys were asking her out, and thus proving they were interested. Has it occurred to you that you didn't demonstrate any actual interest in her, and she isn't a mind-reader, so she gave up and started dating guys who actually seemed interested? Who actually made an effort? No where in your story do I see you talking about how you stepped up and showed you had begun to like her. She "wins" because she stopped wasting her time with someone who didn't seem to like her, and instead waited for those who did.

 

No, I was the one that asked both of them out actually. It just didn't work out. I did notice however that it didn't take long for them to find other dicks to jump on.

[Priv]

OK... great. You know the gay dating scenes don't seem to be complaining too much about lack of gender roles.

 

True, the gay bars/nightclubs I have been to where totally straightforward and noone was afraid to ask me out (but they were mostly men). I think I was pegged as the woman. Got my balls grabbed, few sex offers, slaps on my ass. It was totally flattering . Can't say I blame them though, I was in their territory and I was dressed as a police officer with handcuffs.

 

 

Uni and gay mates are so much fun...

[Phoe]

I don't think there should be a rule. Men and women both should consider it normal to ask someone else out, if that's what they desire.

 

I know I personally prefer to get asked out, because after my past approaches ended in rejection, yes, I am scared of rejection. So I would just wait and wait and wait for a man to ask me out and that would never happen, so I'd try my own approach bit again, get rejected, and go back to the "that hurt I'm never doing it again" mindset.

 

Had I been less hurt by rejections, I'd have probably had a better time in the past. But I have no expectations regarding who asks who.

[Els]

Verhrzn, you don't have to justify your choices to the guys here who are projecting their unhappiness on you. If not approaching works for you, then stick to that. If it doesn't, then perhaps reevaluate your choices based on your situation.

 

Interesting to note that in two of my LTRs, the guys were introverted enough that mutual friends actually assumed that I'd asked them out. But no. In both cases they did ask me out, and in fact put quite a bit of effort into the initial courting. I did give out plenty of hints, but still.

 

So I don't think shyness or being an introvert is a common reason for a guy not asking you out. It might be a reason for him taking a long time to do so, but if you're fine with that (as I am), then there's nothing wrong with waiting. If he NEVER asks you out, my guess is that he just isn't interested enough to do so.

 

This probably only applies to cultures where the guy approaching is the norm though. If the culture was different, say a very egalitarian culture in perhaps Sweden or the Netherlands, then it might not apply.