namei Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I've been with my current boyfriend now for nearly two months. We were friends for about a year before getting together. About a month in we slept together and it was his first time so when he stopped half way and said he had to go to the bathroom i did not really think anything of it. However that being said he's not tried to have sex with me again. I thought maybe he needed me to be proactive so a couple time's I took the initiative but both times he told me he didn't feel like it. I also tried suggesting showering together once which he turned down so i've been to shy to ask again. At this point i'm starting to feel really unattractive. I know i'm most likely reading to much into it but i would like to know what your opinions on this is or if anyone else has had a similar experience.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Why don't you just ask him what's up? If you're at the stage where you're ready to have sex, you should also feel comfortable discussing it. I don't know how old you both are, but given you said it was his first time, I'm guessing you're young. Maybe he realized he's not ready yet. Perhaps he was going to finish quickly and got embarrassed. It could be any number of reasons, but the best thing would be to gently approach him about it. 3
Author namei Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 I'm 25 and he's 23 so not that young . He's a pretty big geek which makes him very sweet but also very naive when it comes to women in general. I'm not worried at all about him skipping out to the bathroom when we had sex cause I put it down to it being his first time. I don't know if he actually did need to pee or if as you said he got embarrassed but it does not matter. It is more that he's not tried again and both times I made a move he told me outright he didn't want to and now i'm feeling way to shy to bring anything about sex up.
maysj18 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I'm 25 and he's 23 so not that young . He's a pretty big geek which makes him very sweet but also very naive when it comes to women in general. I'm not worried at all about him skipping out to the bathroom when we had sex cause I put it down to it being his first time. I don't know if he actually did need to pee or if as you said he got embarrassed but it does not matter. It is more that he's not tried again and both times I made a move he told me outright he didn't want to and now i'm feeling way to shy to bring anything about sex up. You need to just ask him. I don't mean this in a harsh way, but this isn't about you as much as it is about him. Try to think about it that way. He's probably just very nervous and maybe even doubting himself. Who knows? It's all speculation at this point. You need to talk to him. 2
Gaeta Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I think his problem is physical and not emotional. Is he cut or uncut, does he let you see him and touch him since? Is it just intercourse he does not want or it's no intimacy at all since? You need to learn the phrase: Honey we need to talk.
d0nnivain Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 It's not you. It's him. It's up to you whether you want to deal with this. You have to get him to talk about it. (good luck). Be gentle. Ask him if it's physical & has he seen a doctor? Ask if it's emotional (does he feel guilty or insecure?) Either way without input & participation from him you will never get to the bottom of this. 1
somedude81 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I'm 25 and he's 23 so not that young . He's a pretty big geek which makes him very sweet but also very naive when it comes to women in general. I'm not worried at all about him skipping out to the bathroom when we had sex cause I put it down to it being his first time. I don't know if he actually did need to pee or if as you said he got embarrassed but it does not matter. It is more that he's not tried again and both times I made a move he told me outright he didn't want to and now i'm feeling way to shy to bring anything about sex up. My guess is that he came really fast and was embarrassed about that. Or, he lost his erection and was embarrassed about that. You should just ask him. 1
central Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 It could be any of the above, he could be very LD (low sex drive), he may just not be into you but for some reason unwilling to break up, or something else - you'd have to ask him. If no answers or solutions are forthcoming, move on.
LoneIsland Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 He never experienced the sensation of sex before. He didn't know what it was.
CaliGypsy Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 You need to be able to discuss this with him . It's not you, it's him . Without discourse, you'll never know. Not being able to discuss sex , sexual issues with your partner is normally disastrous.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Problems in the bedroom often are a sign, Something is wrong, and it may take time! Ask him what is going on in his head, Why is he so afraid to lay you in his bed? It could be a number of different reasons, none of know him, so we can't speak without treason, It could be simple...like he doesn't know what to do, Or it could be complex...maybe he likes furry stuff too? I sure hope you talk to him, that's the only way you'll know, His response will be important in order for you two to grow, However if he can't talk about it all, Then tell him that you need someone who is willing to cross that wall!
Keenly Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 The guy is just shy and perhaps a little embarrassed. Go easy on him.
Priv Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 If the roles were reversed and he was a woman everyone would be saying 'She is not ready! Stop pressuring her'. I am going ahead and start saying 'He is not ready, Stop pressuring him!'. But talking to him is sound advice, at least you know what's going on. I would start the conversation the next time sex comes up with a 'Hey, if you are not ready yet, that's totally ok'. And that's also something I would expect a man to do...
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