AriAri Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 (edited) Need advice or stories about what someone has gone through: I was in a 10 year relationship, ended bad. that was 5 yrs ago. He has called the past couple years every week about twice but i never answered. Finally, I did just to know why, I now regret it. He gave me some lie that he changed and only wanted amends. Well I let him back into my life as a friend because i thought he had. I forgave as long as he let me forget him. After a month of me begging him to leave me alone and telling him that it hurts to remember him and all the bad stuff. I finally blocked him out. First time I have ever blocked anyone, normally when a break up friendship or relationship ends for me, we part with never calling/texting. i just need to know how to stay strong, its pointless to ask him why because I have several times. I asked why he keeps calling and harassing me and he says there's nothing he wants just amends. Well I gave him that. Just need to move on. I downloaded an app as well that blocks texts from him but it tells me when it blocks it. I tried reading online on how to handle NC but all I get is girls telling stories about how they want their man back. I am using nc as a way to remove a bad person who ruins my life, not as a tool to hurt someone. Anyone out there with a similar story and can give me advice on how to do the nc. Edited October 8, 2014 by AriAri misspelled words and needed to change some words.
preraph Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 You are doing the right thing going no contact. You cannot let someone continue to push your buttons for their own egotistical reasons. Don't skip the second most important step to going no contact: Go out and do things either on your own or with friends that you enjoy or that inspire you. I don't care what it is: Learn to ride a horse, go to a movie, take bowling lessons, take a cooking class. In addition, it's important to do some exercise because this will take stress out of your body so stress doesn't make you sick. Go biking, do situps. Doesn't matter. Keep doing fun activities even when you're too depressed to fully enjoy them. Avoid talking more than one sentence to curious friends about your ex so you don't run them off from hearing about it too much because you want them close now. Make new memories to crowd out those old memories. Take extra good care of yourself now and pamper yourself. Get a massage or take a nice long bath, get your mother to make your favorite supper. Take care. The way you are trying to be strong, you will become strong again sooner than if you took no action. 1
Jet Lag Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I have an app where you can put messages into a privacy box and have the phone not notify you. Maybe you can even have the messages totally deleted, I haven't checked. 1
littleblacksubmarine Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 The No Contact guide pinned at the top of this forum lays out the steps and really gives a good way of approaching it. I would suggest following that and then asking about anything you have doubts about on here 1
Author AriAri Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 Thank You!! This really really helps. Its what I needed to hear and thanks for the advice on the next steps to take to get out of my head. I really needed to hear this, thank you so much.
singsparkles Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Need advice or stories about what someone has gone through: I was in a 10 year relationship, ended bad. that was 5 yrs ago. He has called the past couple years every week about twice but i never answered. Finally, I did just to know why, I now regret it. He gave me some lie that he changed and only wanted amends. Well I let him back into my life as a friend because i thought he had. I forgave as long as he let me forget him. After a month of me begging him to leave me alone and telling him that it hurts to remember him and all the bad stuff. I finally blocked him out. First time I have ever blocked anyone, normally when a break up friendship or relationship ends for me, we part with never calling/texting. i just need to know how to stay strong, its pointless to ask him why because I have several times. I asked why he keeps calling and harassing me and he says there's nothing he wants just amends. Well I gave him that. Just need to move on. I downloaded an app as well that blocks texts from him but it tells me when it blocks it. I tried reading online on how to handle NC but all I get is girls telling stories about how they want their man back. I am using nc as a way to remove a bad person who ruins my life, not as a tool to hurt someone. Anyone out there with a similar story and can give me advice on how to do the nc. AriAri, I feel for you. One of the hardest things is trying to stay in NC with someone who keeps finding ways to contact you. Its hard and it's painful. I think you've done all you can do to block him and to let him know you don't want him in your life anymore. Are you feeling pain because you feel bad for blocking him and not wanting him in your life? If so, don't... because only you know what's right for you. Don't think of his feelings. Think of your own. I know you said he was no good for you and your life, so you will be much happier when he is totally out of it. Keep yourself occupied and focus on yourself. Do things that make you happy; even if it's the littlest things such as pampering yourself putting a face mask on, taking a bubble bath, going for a hike, drinking good coffee or tea, having a good conversation with a friend... You will be okay... and eventually he will get the picture and give up. Just don't give in and break NC... take it from me... I've broken it too many times and it only sets you back even further than you were before and makes you feel worse. You know whats right for you and you know you dont want him in your life and he's no good for you. You're doing the right thing... this will lead you to happiness again. Best of wishes :-) Hugs! xx 2
Author AriAri Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 AriAri, I feel for you. One of the hardest things is trying to stay in NC with someone who keeps finding ways to contact you. Its hard and it's painful. I think you've done all you can do to block him and to let him know you don't want him in your life anymore. Are you feeling pain because you feel bad for blocking him and not wanting him in your life? If so, don't... because only you know what's right for you. Don't think of his feelings. Think of your own. I know you said he was no good for you and your life, so you will be much happier when he is totally out of it. Keep yourself occupied and focus on yourself. Do things that make you happy; even if it's the littlest things such as pampering yourself putting a face mask on, taking a bubble bath, going for a hike, drinking good coffee or tea, having a good conversation with a friend... You will be okay... and eventually he will get the picture and give up. Just don't give in and break NC... take it from me... I've broken it too many times and it only sets you back even further than you were before and makes you feel worse. You know whats right for you and you know you dont want him in your life and he's no good for you. You're doing the right thing... this will lead you to happiness again. Best of wishes :-) Hugs! xx Thank You SingSparkles for your lovely message and advice. I have actually gone ahead and changed my cell number and blocked him from my landline. I need to forget him and not be tempted to know what he wants. It is painful especially since I knew him for 10 years but i need to move forward. Again thank you for your lovely advice and kind words. I will remember that, if I ever come in contact with him in public. The part I will and need to remember is about breaking contact and it will set me back further and make me feel worse. Thank You for that. Sorry to hear you've gone through the same but you have given me great advice from your experience. Hope you are in a great place in life.
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