AndJusticeforAll Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I keep struggling in dating because I meet women at work/social circle who I seem to get along very well with but they don't show me any real romantic signs of interest where it would indicate that they actually are attracted to me (and aren't just being friendly) so I never ask them out. I don't know what to do guys. I am scared of rejection because I feel like if I ask them out unsolicited, then I am going to get rejected in a horrible way - worst of all, it will be very awkward among my friends/my job - everybody I work with will make fun of me when they find out, my friends will make fun of me and be uncomfortable because we're both members of the same social circle. I'm more okay with getting rejected by a random that I will never see again but those are such low success rate propositions that I usually don't even try For guys here who are good at dating, do you get somewhat overt signs of interest beyond just friendly conversation with the women you date or do you just go for it whenever you get along well? I'm normal height, in good shape, decent looking face, well dressed, etc... so I am not hideous or anything. Why aren't women showing me any real signs of interest? 1
Author AndJusticeforAll Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 I'm a 25 year old dude - I would consider myself a pretty good catch - decent looking, in shape, well dressed, very successful for my age, fun and exciting lifestyle (go out all the time) but still very responsible,etc... I'm intelligent and articulate as well Despite these positive traits, I'm absolutely invisible to women who I like (decent looking women in their 20s). I've gotten loads of compliments in my lifetime and been approached a few times but it's always by either women who are overweight, much older or gay men (gay men love me to death as well). The women and men who have liked me have just gone bonkers over me - I've been called beautiful and gorgeous, extremely handsome, buff, great body, etc... I actually had my mom's attractive 45 year old family friend yesterday tell her that she would have hit on me if she wasn't already married I don't get any of this attention from the women I like at all and when I do approach them, they just never seem interested. I will approach a cute 25 year old and we get along well and have a good conversation but I don't see or feel any signs of interest at all so I don't even bother asking them out (nothing worse than somebody asking you out unsolicited). Why is dating so damn difficult for me? Am I just terrible at flirting/trying to create attraction? How can I be better at flirting? 1
DirtyHairy Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 This is a reply to the first post... You seem very afraid of rejection by people who are friends with or know from work. You keep saying what if she rejects me, my friends will laugh, my work mates will point out what I did etc etc.... But what if she says yes? A whaaaaat? High fives all around the water cooler, nice girl to date...awesome results then. Just try not to worry, just talk to one of the women you are interested in and say a few compliments nothing huge and then suggest a casual date. Go out for coffee or do that activity you just found out you both enjoy then do it together. If there was a women I was attracted who was in my social circle (no girl right now in mine that I want to date but still) I would just ask her to hang out on a casual type date. No fancy restaurant etc just something light and fun outside the office with just you two. By keeping the activities pretty casual then if she says no it won't be awkward. Once on the casual date then try to be more flirtatious and stuff and kiss her at the end if you feel its right etc. Everyone tends to worry about the bad what ifs. We all do so its nothing new. Just say to yourself "she will say yes and if not I can try again with asking another time for a different date, or a new girl" I'm by no means an expert dater but I've seen this work within my social circle so give it a shot 1
Redhead14 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I keep struggling in dating because I meet women at work/social circle who I seem to get along very well with but they don't show me any real romantic signs of interest where it would indicate that they actually are attracted to me (and aren't just being friendly) so I never ask them out. I don't know what to do guys. I am scared of rejection because I feel like if I ask them out unsolicited, then I am going to get rejected in a horrible way - worst of all, it will be very awkward among my friends/my job - everybody I work with will make fun of me when they find out, my friends will make fun of me and be uncomfortable because we're both members of the same social circle. I'm more okay with getting rejected by a random that I will never see again but those are such low success rate propositions that I usually don't even try For guys here who are good at dating, do you get somewhat overt signs of interest beyond just friendly conversation with the women you date or do you just go for it whenever you get along well? I'm normal height, in good shape, decent looking face, well dressed, etc... so I am not hideous or anything. Why aren't women showing me any real signs of interest? There's no way for Us to know the answer to that. It doesn't matter if someone isn't showing signs of interest. Just strike up a conversation with the girl who strikes your fancy like you would if you were hanging out somewhere and there were guys around. It's just another person to talk to. Don't make a come on, don't use a "line". If you connect, you connect. If you don't, you don't. You might make a new friend, you might go on a date, you might just plain have a nice conversation with a stranger. If she doesn't pick up on a conversation with you, she's not too sociable or she's vain and assumes men are trying to pick her up, could be lots of things. You might find you aren't interested.
d0nnivain Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 High school is over. If you ask somebody out, even if they say no, people will not point & stare. Your friends will not tease you mercilessly. If they do, you need new friends. Be calm & casual about it. Just say, "would you like to grab a drink with me sometime?" If she says yes, immediately follow up with a date, time & place as in "great how about Thursday after work around 6 at XYZ Bar? " If she says no, let it go & say one or two more things then fade away. 1
The Like Fairy Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Just try not to worry, just talk to one of the women you are interested in and say a few compliments nothing huge and then suggest a casual date. Go out for coffee or do that activity you just found out you both enjoy then do it together. If there was a women I was attracted who was in my social circle (no girl right now in mine that I want to date but still) I would just ask her to hang out on a casual type date. No fancy restaurant etc just something light and fun outside the office with just you two. By keeping the activities pretty casual then if she says no it won't be awkward. Once on the casual date then try to be more flirtatious and stuff and kiss her at the end if you feel its right etc. Everyone tends to worry about the bad what ifs. We all do so its nothing new. Just say to yourself "she will say yes and if not I can try again with asking another time for a different date, or a new girl" I'm by no means an expert dater but I've seen this work within my social circle so give it a shot I second this advice, it's sound. You also need to work on your self esteem and how you project yourself. Self esteem can be boostered by getting yourself involved in hobbies or volunteering in ways that make you feel proud of your accomplishments, and as a bonus give you even more to talk to people about, which is always a handy thing to have (conversation topics, about the nice/cool/handy things you do). Good luck
normal person Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I'm normal height, in good shape, decent looking face, well dressed, etc... so I am not hideous or anything. Why aren't women showing me any real signs of interest? What are you doing to "earn" interest? If all you can say about yourself is that you're "in good shape, not hideous, etc," then that's your problem. There doesn't seem to be anything about you that's particularly alluring. You sound like a standard issue, run of the mill average guy. Which is fine -- but that doesn't typically drop any panties. What is it about you that you're hoping the women are going to be attracted to? If it isn't naturally visible, you need to put it on display. Are you funny, charming, exciting, interesting, intriguing? You need to spark an interest. If it isn't the way you look, you need an attractive, magnetic quality and you need and avenue to show it. Asking out women blindly without them knowing anything about you is for chumps. Let them see what you've got, if they're interested, they'll let you know and then it's just that easy. For guys here who are good at dating, do you get somewhat overt signs of interest beyond just friendly conversation with the women you date or do you just go for it whenever you get along well? Yes. Women give signs of interest but they're usually very subtle. It'll take some practice to recognize them.
JuneJulySeptember Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I keep struggling in dating because I meet women at work/social circle who I seem to get along very well with but they don't show me any real romantic signs of interest where it would indicate that they actually are attracted to me (and aren't just being friendly) so I never ask them out. That's been the way it has been for me, oh, my whole life. It's not like that for all guys, but it is for a lot, and apparently, you and I. Just ask them out and take the rejections. That is all.
Recommended Posts