Almost two months have passed

[alampnamedbob]

So I have been browsing these forums for a couple months. They have helped me significantly through my breakup ordeal.

 

 

I met and started dating a girl around March. We met through a mutual friend's birthday party. I talked with her a little bit but didn't really think about it. The next day my friend recommended that she was interested in me. I didn't think too much of it, but I thought maybe getting coffee with her would not be that bad. So after a couple dates it went pretty smoothly. It seemed effortless and we would plan dates easily.

 

 

Now after we started dating I had to start an internship from June to early August. We kept in constant touch through the phone and messages. She sent me these nice gifts to open during the summer which were very special to me. We also occasionally met during the summer to go on fun events such as going to a concert and going canoeing.

 

 

I thought everything was going very well when I got back up. She was excited to see me and was happy that I was going to take care of her during her upcoming knee surgery. I had everything set up. I would help drive her to work, to the physical therapy, and just help her around her house with yard work and such.

 

 

Anyway, I got back on a Monday and had a great date with her. We then planned a romantic dinner for Wednesday. That Monday night, she said she could not sleep and I could sense over the phone that something was troubling her. I'm pretty good at sensing emotions, so I guessed it was probably about us, but I did not put too much effort into thinking about it.

 

 

So that Wednesday I decided to pick her up some flowers to cheer her up. We had a good dinner by candlelight but she was distant the entire time. I then confronted her on it gently. She said that she was not sure whether she was into me or not. In laymen's terms, she stated that she was split half and half. She also stated that I had the "potential" to hurt her. During this, I was very direct. I told her that she needed to make a decision. As a guy, being in limbo land is not good at all. I told her to take a few days to think about it.

 

 

Now her surgery was on Friday and then I get this text on Thursday night saying "We need to talk." I instantly knew that it was over. She came over and broke it off with me by stating that I needed someone who could "encourage me" and that she felt that we were "going two separate ways." Now, I'm not a mind reader, but these were two very weak reasons. I was very polite during the ordeal and thanked her for coming over and having the guts to tell me this. I then said good night and walked back to my dormitory. I did not look back.

 

 

So this girl broke it off with me the night before her surgery. I went into my dorm and put everything away, deleted all my texts and the contact information. The sad thing is that I never got a message whether or not the surgery went well. Granted, I did not try to text her after the surgery because I felt that it would worry her during her ordeal. It was not until a few days later when a mutual friend contacted me about the breakup. He told me that everything went well in the surgery.

 

 

I have been through several breakups, yet this one has me clueless. I cannot think of a true reason in why she broke it off. It seemed as if when I was getting to the stage of really opening up that she withdrew from me. It's very frustrating. I thought we had the potential to really grow together. Furthermore, not being able to take care of her during her surgery really hurt me as a man. In other words, I felt that I could not provide for her.

 

 

So I have been in no contact for about seven weeks. I have deleted Facebook so I would not have to worry about coming across anything I don't want to see. Furthermore, I have not contacted her in any form whatsoever. My mutual friend also called me again and told me that she has recovered from her surgery completely which is nice to hear.

 

 

I really miss her and have been going through the grieving process, but once again the reason for the breakup sometimes haunts me. I know that it does not matter anymore but can I get a second opinion? I feel that I am doing the right thing for myself by doing no contact and by moving forward.

 

 

Thanks for reading.

[johnson_j]

You're doing the right thing. Great work man. Others should read and have the same fortitude.

[mav3rik]

I have almost the exact same thing happened to me. Except she broke up with me after her surgery. If you are feeling useless, I feel like I was used. She broke up with me after 2 months of being in a relationship because "I was too good for her" which is the lamest excuse I have ever heard of since using it myself 6 years ago to someone else.

 

It really is confusing and leaves a lot of questions as we do not really know what we did to deserve the break up. But you, sir, have done great compared to me. I say continue what you are doing. Go NC, it doesnt matter now what the reason was. It's not gonna bring her back.

[Magnet]

Hey, you did real good, kid.

 

Much better than me. You were driving smoothly and BANG, it's over. You've handled it as best as you can.

 

All I can say- don't hunt the "why".

 

One thing is that dumpers may lie to protect themselves or you so it's not a full picture that she gave you.

 

You can only ever come to terms with your OWN picture.

 

Perhasp one distant day, you may come across a situation when YOU yourself use the exact same words or feel the exact same thing. And you'll know- aha- that's how she felt.

 

But it may not happen.

 

The truth you need to know will reveal itself when you are ready to understand it. If nothing reveals, there is nothing to understand.

[alampnamedbob]

I appreciate the replies Johnson and mav3rik. I understand that perhaps she wanted to break it off before the surgery so that it would not look like I was being used if she broke it off with me after surgery. Then again, I wish that she would have allowed us to work through it while I was taking care of her. Of course, I was not given the chance.

 

 

I have learned that I am a very trusting person. I am cautious from my past in opening myself up and I have learned that others are not so keen on opening themselves up because they fear that they might get hurt. Maybe she feared that I had the "potential" to hurt her (she mentioned she had been burned in the past). Maybe she had put up this wall from her past experiences and rather than trying to go over the wall (working through the relationship) she decided to walk away from the wall (walk from the relationship).

 

 

She is a very independent and strong woman and I respect that; however, how is one going to engage in a relationship when they cannot take the risk in opening up to another? I guess that I am better off yet disappointed at the same time.

[alampnamedbob]

Thanks Magnet. I understand that I will probably never understand the "why." Even if she did explain the "why" in the breakup I would probably have other questions. Maybe one day I will understand, but until then I can just continue onward and move forward.

[mav3rik]

You are doing the right thing for yourself. Keep moving forward, man. You already know you are doing a lot better than the rest of us in handling the situation. keep doing it.

 

Learn from this and be a better person to someone else who will deserve it.

[lauri]

Bravo man.

 

You handled yourself extremely well. I'm impressed to see your though process and how everything went down. The why isn't important - the only thing you need to know is she isn't interested in being with you at this moment. I can guarantee that she would have not expected you to handle the breakup the way you did.

 

She may come back into the picture one day but in the end, your better off building up a new relationship with someone who you wouldn't have to put 10x the amount of effort to regain their interest in you.