kidinfo1 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Okay so there's this girl I've been dating for almost 3 months now. I've known her forever and we've lived each other and messed around in the past, we just could never get the timing right. Until now. Sorta (read below) I really do like her and want to be with her. There are just some things that are eating at me. Probably because of my insecurities, as I've been hurt in the past, and I really don't want to be hurt again. The main thing that has been bugging me lately is the saying "if they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you". She had a boyfriend when we started to get close again, and she did cheat on him with me (awful on both of us, I know). She did break up with him shortly after for me, because she didn't want to miss this chance to finally be together. I'm worried that she will now cheat on me, since she's done it before. Which technically of deserve, but it still bothers me none the less This had led me to have a hard time trusting her (but I don't show it). There's a guy that just recently confessed he had a crush on her but she let him down (a little too easy if you ask me), and she had a convo with her ex recently (just an inside joke and a picture of the pet they got together) but she told me about it and showed me everything without me asking. Which I do appreciate. She usually texts me back pretty fast, but once in awhile it will take and hour or two, and she'll usually apologize and tell me why (sometimes is as silly as she just left her phone in her purse -__-). Once again I do not show that it bothers me, because I chalk it up to my insecurities, but it gets to me still. She also goes to school 2 hours away, and we see each other pretty much every week, but the distance still sucks Also I feel like she just says things to make me happy and doesn't really mean them, but there's just no way of telling She is really good to me when we are together and she seems to genuinely care. I just don't know what to do If you can't trust someone, if you were the one they cheated with, if there's distance and insecurities involved, can you really be with them? I want to be with her and it's nice when we are together, I just don't know if I can live with these trust issues. Do you guys think it's worth it?
Tayken Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Okay so there's this girl I've been dating for almost 3 months now. I've known her forever and we've lived each other and messed around in the past, we just could never get the timing right. Until now. Sorta (read below) I really do like her and want to be with her. There are just some things that are eating at me. Probably because of my insecurities, as I've been hurt in the past, and I really don't want to be hurt again. The main thing that has been bugging me lately is the saying "if they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you". She had a boyfriend when we started to get close again, and she did cheat on him with me (awful on both of us, I know). She did break up with him shortly after for me, because she didn't want to miss this chance to finally be together. I'm worried that she will now cheat on me, since she's done it before. Which technically of deserve, but it still bothers me none the less This had led me to have a hard time trusting her (but I don't show it). There's a guy that just recently confessed he had a crush on her but she let him down (a little too easy if you ask me), and she had a convo with her ex recently (just an inside joke and a picture of the pet they got together) but she told me about it and showed me everything without me asking. Which I do appreciate. She usually texts me back pretty fast, but once in awhile it will take and hour or two, and she'll usually apologize and tell me why (sometimes is as silly as she just left her phone in her purse -__-). Once again I do not show that it bothers me, because I chalk it up to my insecurities, but it gets to me still. She also goes to school 2 hours away, and we see each other pretty much every week, but the distance still sucks Also I feel like she just says things to make me happy and doesn't really mean them, but there's just no way of telling She is really good to me when we are together and she seems to genuinely care. I just don't know what to do If you can't trust someone, if you were the one they cheated with, if there's distance and insecurities involved, can you really be with them? I want to be with her and it's nice when we are together, I just don't know if I can live with these trust issues. Do you guys think it's worth it? @OP....You don't even have to be a clairvoyant to know what is coming yet. It's NOT a matter of it, and more like when really. I bet it felt good when she did the dirty on the other fella, and ended up with you? Guess...it's going to be time to pay the piper soon, and hopefully you are ready for it? You've heard all the cliche's and songs about cheating, and we've harped on about it on here loads of time. Unless you are a gambling mind or have some divine power to know that she won't do it again.....I won't put someone else's money on it that she won't do it again. Once a cheater, always a cheater...she will have no qualms doing it again. I am guessing you two are young, but that is besides the point as people in their 30s and 40s do it a lot too....and we are even talking people with kids (plural) here. I am sure she is good with you when you are together, it's all part of the allure isn't it....reel you in hook line and sinker. Bottom line...dump the cheating princess
d0nnivain Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 How old are you two? If you are young it may just be that she didn't have the fortitude to end her old relationship until she had the "security" of knowing you were going to be there to catch her. It's not the classiest way to go about things & it is a pattern that probably will repeat but if you really like each other & every thing else seems OK, I don't know that I would break up over this now, as you were a willing partner. You can't really command the high road now. 2
Lola2609 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I ha something similar happen to me except that I was the girl who ended a relationship to start a new one within a week with the other guy. But you see, I would end that relationship sooner or later anyway because I wasn't in love with that guy while I am now head over heels with the other guy ( and not sure about his feelings . So my advice is that it doesn't mean she will do the same to you. Maybe she wasn't into that guy and if she is really into you it may be great. Good luck
Author kidinfo1 Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 I find these answers really interesting. It seems to be evenly divided. One side, get the hell out, one in the middle it can go either way, and the other side it could very well work out. Interesting We are in our early 20s, (22 and 21 to be exact). Like I said we've been involved before and she was always there for me when my ex would **** me over (she's the reason for my insecurities). And this time it finally just clicked and we didn't look back. I always already single, but interested in this girl I went on a date with, but stopped caring about that for her, and she broke it off with her boyfriend. I just really want to be with her, but its so hard to get past these trust issues I now have (I already had them bad after my ex). And I know we didn't get together in the most orthodox way, but I really feel we are a good match. I'm just so torn as what to do
Tik Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 You're over thinking and putting too much of your happiness and stuff into her man. Enjoy your current time with her but start branching out as I mean having a job, family and stuff and friends to hang out with. That way, if things do go south it is no biggie and you both can move on. If you're going to make yourself miserable now while you're with her, might as well end it as both parties deserve better.
Author kidinfo1 Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 You're over thinking and putting too much of your happiness and stuff into her man. Enjoy your current time with her but start branching out as I mean having a job, family and stuff and friends to hang out with. That way, if things do go south it is no biggie and you both can move on. If you're going to make yourself miserable now while you're with her, might as well end it as both parties deserve better. That is great advice. Now only if I could find some way to follow it haha :/
Arieswoman Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 kidinfo1, You said This had led me to have a hard time trusting her (but I don't show it). This is what you have to deal with if you date a cheater. You weren't so concerned when you were banging someone else's chick, were you? If you can't trust someone, if you were the one they cheated with, if there's distance and insecurities involved, can you really be with them? Only you can answer this question, no-one here can tell you want to do. Maybe when you've spent too many nights lying awake wondering what other guy she's with, you might want to make a decision..... And if I don't sound sympathetic, it's because I'm not. You made your bed, now lie in it.
Author kidinfo1 Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 kidinfo1, You said This is what you have to deal with if you date a cheater. You weren't so concerned when you were banging someone else's chick, were you? Only you can answer this question, no-one here can tell you want to do. Maybe when you've spent too many nights lying awake wondering what other guy she's with, you might want to make a decision..... And if I don't sound sympathetic, it's because I'm not. You made your bed, now lie in it. I never asked for sympathy. In my op I said I would deserve it. I asked for unbiased advice. And it's not like I didn't feel bad. And we weren't technically "banging" but the feeling were definitely there, and one thing led to another and some sexual stuff happened. I know no one can tell me what to do, but I just wanted some opinions.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 If you take someone's woman, even if the relationship is doomed, You will find that you often wonder what she would do, If the situation was reversed, and YOU were her man, and another guy came in to play on your sand. If you cheated WITH her, logically speaking, Of course you will wonder if she's running around sneaking, Can you live like that, will you continue to question? I hope you don't find out the worst, and act with aggression... 1
d0nnivain Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 If your EX did a number on your head & self esteem, you will not be able to trust anybody until you realize that they are not your EX. I'm not saying that this girl was honorable in starting with you before ending things with her EX but still she is not your EX. Every bad thing your EX did will not be repeated by every other woman you date.
LostInTheWild Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I recommend you don't let these emotions eat away at you. Talk to her in a non-accusatory way and explain how you've been feeling. I know it seems the worst thing to do, but maybe she can actually help you manage your emotions by providing some sort of comfort. If you don't, you will live in suspicion. Who wants to live like that? It sucks. I did that for so long that I practically drove myself straight to the nuthouse. If you can't get over what happened, then move on now before it completely ruins you. And it will if you don't find resolve. Another alternative is maybe taking a couple of therapy sessions to talk about how you've been feeling. They may be able to offer more insight and better ways to cope. One thing I do recommend is that you find a way to trust her because without trust, what do you really have? I mean really? Think about that. There is no relationship without trust. Period.
Diezel Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 This is why I never take a woman who cheats seriously, EVER. She's not relationship material and once she has broken someone's trust, even if it's not my own, I would never make her LTR material. She MIGHT not cheat on me ever, but the pattern is definitely there. That little bit of doubt now exists in your mind.
Gloria25 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 You guys are too young to be taking dating so seriously...you both are in school, concentrate on school, date casually. Use this time to get to know people so once you're done with school and are established in a career you can make a decent choice if you wanna settle down and/or date seriously. I think what you're going through is the "karma" of being with the cheater after they broke up with the cheateee (yeah, I made up that word). The only way you're gonna figure out if she's true to you is with time, cooling down, observation, and just "trusting" her until she breaks that trust...Yes, it's a risk, but how else are you gonna know if she's not "tested"? But with you two being young, her two hrs away, and blaaa blaaa, I don't see this going anywhere. Don't put so much emotion/energy into it.
Author kidinfo1 Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 You guys are too young to be taking dating so seriously...you both are in school, concentrate on school, date casually. Use this time to get to know people so once you're done with school and are established in a career you can make a decent choice if you wanna settle down and/or date seriously. I think what you're going through is the "karma" of being with the cheater after they broke up with the cheateee (yeah, I made up that word). The only way you're gonna figure out if she's true to you is with time, cooling down, observation, and just "trusting" her until she breaks that trust...Yes, it's a risk, but how else are you gonna know if she's not "tested"? But with you two being young, her two hrs away, and blaaa blaaa, I don't see this going anywhere. Don't put so much emotion/energy into it. i would agree with except we see each other every week, and make it a point to drive and see each other. even if she has to work in the morning she drive and stay the night then leave earlier in the morning to get back. likewise with me so it seems more serious than not, but i just dont know.
Redhead14 Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Okay so there's this girl I've been dating for almost 3 months now. I've known her forever and we've lived each other and messed around in the past, we just could never get the timing right. Until now. Sorta (read below) I really do like her and want to be with her. There are just some things that are eating at me. Probably because of my insecurities, as I've been hurt in the past, and I really don't want to be hurt again. The main thing that has been bugging me lately is the saying "if they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you". She had a boyfriend when we started to get close again, and she did cheat on him with me (awful on both of us, I know). She did break up with him shortly after for me, because she didn't want to miss this chance to finally be together. I'm worried that she will now cheat on me, since she's done it before. Which technically of deserve, but it still bothers me none the less This had led me to have a hard time trusting her (but I don't show it). There's a guy that just recently confessed he had a crush on her but she let him down (a little too easy if you ask me), and she had a convo with her ex recently (just an inside joke and a picture of the pet they got together) but she told me about it and showed me everything without me asking. Which I do appreciate. She usually texts me back pretty fast, but once in awhile it will take and hour or two, and she'll usually apologize and tell me why (sometimes is as silly as she just left her phone in her purse -__-). Once again I do not show that it bothers me, because I chalk it up to my insecurities, but it gets to me still. She also goes to school 2 hours away, and we see each other pretty much every week, but the distance still sucks Also I feel like she just says things to make me happy and doesn't really mean them, but there's just no way of telling She is really good to me when we are together and she seems to genuinely care. I just don't know what to do If you can't trust someone, if you were the one they cheated with, if there's distance and insecurities involved, can you really be with them? I want to be with her and it's nice when we are together, I just don't know if I can live with these trust issues. Do you guys think it's worth it? hard time trusting her (but I don't show it) Trying to begin a relationship without trust is setting it up for failure. In this case, it might not be because she's actually done anything wrong, you will "perceive" that something is wrong, you will always be suspicious of even little things. You say you don't show it . . . it will always be under the surface and will creep into a relationship. It's been three months and you are uncomfortable. How does it feel? Think about another three months, a year . . . of waiting for the shoe to drop.
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