losther215 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 So I believe at this point I may be over my ex girlfriend who does not want to be with me and is in a possible LDR. Whenever I wish to talk about the relationship and ask her why she wouldn't want to be with me or discuss any part of the relationship, it says it makes her mad and sad and she gets upset. She will either say she does not want to talk about it or she will simply stop responding to text messages. It had been 3 months since our break up. What I am struggling to understand is, why, as the dumper, is she still getting upset to talk about our relationship when I just want to know what happened and understand so i can become a better person for it. Any thoughts?? And has this happened to anyone else and did you get your ex to open up??
harleydude Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 IMO if someone doesn't want to talk about it and at least give you that much it's because they don't want you to know the truth.
Amelie1980 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 IMO if someone doesn't want to talk about it and at least give you that much it's because they don't want you to know the truth. This. I would bet on the fact that someone else was involved. Ie she cheated.
harleydude Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Agreed. My experience is when someone gets defensive automatically they've got something to hide.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 If she can't communicate about her feelings for you, Then maybe she doesn't feel as much as you do! It may sting a little bit, I do agree, But spread your wings and meet another wonderful woman...because you're free!
mightycpa Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I think that part of it is that she has no idea WHY she doesn't want to be with you. I imagine you'd be hard pressed to describe WHY you love this girl. You might describe things you like about her, how you have a good time with her, and all sorts of other things about her. But why you LOVE her? Difficult to say, I'll bet. Her take on this whole thing is probably along the lines of either "I met another guy, it is that simple" or "I'm just not feeling it." Neither of those two things can be explained. WHY did she like that other guy better than you? Who knows? I'll bet she doesn't even know, and this is what makes her mad, because she's done thinking about it. You have to think about it this way: You're not on some ladder where you move up and down depending on who loves you and who doesn't. You're more like on a board of the game Concentration, where you are trying to meet your match. Sometimes you do and sometimes you don't. This time, you didn't. Why doesn't matter, so don't worry about it. Whether for one reason or one hundred, it probably wont matter to the person that's right for you. 2
d0nnivain Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 She doesn't want to hurt your feelings even more than she already has. It upsets her that she hurt you because all in all she's a nice person. Stop pressing the issue. I was very straight with the last guy I broke up with. I dumped him because he lied to me. The guy before that . . . we'd been together for a long time 12 years, living together for 10. I wanted to get married & he didn't. We'd talked about marriage. We'd fought about marriage. I always promised myself I'd never pressure anybody into marrying me. When I broke up with him, I told him it was because I had fallen out of love. That wasn't entirely true but each holiday & year that passed without an engagement broke my heart just a little bit more each time & started to really make me angry. I finally had the courage to walk away because I finally realized that he was never going to marry me. Had I told him that -- the truth -- odds are he would have suggested getting married but I didn't want it that way. If a dumper is not being candid with you, there may be very good reasons & to quote Jack Nicholson from A Few Good Men, perhaps "you can't handle the truth."
Brooke02 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Just because she is the dumper doesn't mean she didn't love you. Maybe it hurts to talk about it. I was the dumper. My ex was a great guy, I loved him very much we just weren't a match.. Among other reasons why we broke up. I still grieved the loss & I still miss him. What's the sense of going over the whys 3 months later, it like opening old wounds on both parties. People need to realize that all dumpers aren't cold blooded or have something to hide. Besides it takes 2 to bring down a failing relationship, it's not 100% the dumper.
Elle1975 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Because you're in the past. Your constant need for an answer that is obvious is probably irritating her. Whatever the reason, it's over, but yet here you are still texting her, still making contact, etc.. What is it that you want to hear? What if it's something like "Your penis is small" or "I just don't find you physically attractive", "you don't make me feel secure". You aren't right for her, but surely you'll be fantastic with somebody else. Unless it's something like neediness, or a character trait that is so bad that you do need an adjustment, I don't understand why you'd let her taste in men define who you want to be to someone else.
Stsm5934 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 This is frustrating, I understand your desire to want to know the reasons. I'm sure most people do. But the other poster's on here are right, it's been 3 months, you can't stay stuck in that place. Her decisions are HERS, and as personal as they seem, 99% of what makes those decisions up is internal to her and has little to do with you. At the end of the day, even if you did know, it probably wouldn't make the difference you think it will.
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