Mapper71 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 So long story short, my husband hasn't seen or talked to his 16 y/o stepdaughter since they had an all out fight over 2 months ago. Awful things were said and she tried to throw a few punches at him and would not stop swearing at him. He tried to connect with her via text about a month later and she responded until she finally asked who she was talking to (I mean really? You don't know who you are texting??) and then she stopped responding altogether. He knows she's on Facebook but of course there's no way she's accept a friend request from him. I know she is on Twitter but he doesn't. She didn't used to post on there much but ever since the blow out she is posting on there all the time and I'm not liking what I'm seeing. She posted "I don't ever want to see another margarita again" a few weeks ago and the yesterday she posted "My room smells like weed and I don't know why". I can tell him about her account and he can look for himself but it's not going to do any good seeing as how she's 4 hours away and not picking up her phone. Her mother wouldn't pick up the phone either and talk to him either. She just encourages the daughter to hate on men in general...especially her father. You know, don't let ANY man bring you down and if you need to punch and kick and scream to get your point across then do it! Do I just let it be or tell him about it?
amaysngrace Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 I'd tell him. He has a right to know. In fact an obligation to be aware of what his teenage daughter is up to.
RoseMadder Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I think she'll react like you read her diary, she already has a strained relationship with her father and if she thinks he only gets in touch over "bad" things he'll get the "you're not in my life, what gives you the right etc..." speech. I do think it's a bit weird that you are reading her tweets behind her fathers back, why would you keep that a secret? Surely if you know he's been trying to contact her or find out what she's been doing you'd tell him about her twitter account. It seems strange that you only want to tell him about it now shes putting up stuff you don't agree with. If you're genuinely concerned for your SD then you probably should bring it up with your H, but your post sounds like you don't really like her so maybe you should consider that you're being a bit overly critical. If you believe what most teenagers tweet about then they're all doing loads of drugs, having loads of sex and generally acting like they're Scarface. Somehow I doubt it's an accurate representation of these kids lives. Teenagers exaggerate, embellish and flat out lie about their lives to make themselves feel more interesting, it's what teenagers do! I wouldn't take what she put on twitter that seriously, unless there's pics of her drinking/smoking etc... there's a really good chance she's just showing off and trying to appear more grown up than she actually is.
MissBee Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 If you're concerned tell her dad. Btw, how did you find her Twitter page?
d0nnivain Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 You will be in more trouble with your husband if he finds out you knew & didn't tell him. Somebody has to be a parent to this kid. 1
Tayla Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 OP- What is the real intent here of knowing all this....? Ask yourself that.. In what ways are you the peacemaker? and in what ways are you seeking to create an open dialogue on this ? You know your husband....So I'm sure your heartfelt concern is reconciliation of father and daughter....I do hope that can happen.
Author Mapper71 Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 If you're concerned tell her dad. Btw, how did you find her Twitter page? It wasn't hard. All I did is type in her name!
angie2443 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I'd tell him. He has a right to know. In fact an obligation to be aware of what his teenage daughter is up to. If you've seen OP's many other posts complaining about her husband and daughter in law, you may see that the father, maybe OP and maybe the mother are the cause of this girls many problems. The husband sounds like a nightmare, both as a partner and a father. I feel so bad for the daughter in law. I hope she gets a counselor or at least finds decent people to talk to who can help her wrap her mind around her father's behaviors and immature attitude. 1
Author Mapper71 Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 If you've seen OP's many other posts complaining about her husband and daughter in law, you may see that the father, maybe OP and maybe the mother are the cause of this girls many problems. The husband sounds like a nightmare, both as a partner and a father. I feel so bad for the daughter in law. I hope she gets a counselor or at least finds decent people to talk to who can help her wrap her mind around her father's behaviors and immature attitude. Daughter in law???? I assume you mean step daughter! She sees me as neutral, hates her father, but her mother she sees as GOD! Whatever she says or does is the end all be all. If she loves a guy, then stepdaughter loves the guy but as soon as mother hates a guy then stepdaughter thinks he's the worst thing in the world. If the mother is best friends with a woman then the step daughter can't get enough of being around and talking up this "cool" friend, but as soon as the mother makes up a reason as to why she can't be friends with her anymore than step daughter starts saying how awful this friend is. She is her mother's daughter and she gets all her opinions straight from her!
Tayla Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Daughter in law???? I assume you mean step daughter! She sees me as neutral, hates her father, but her mother she sees as GOD! Whatever she says or does is the end all be all. If she loves a guy, then stepdaughter loves the guy but as soon as mother hates a guy then stepdaughter thinks he's the worst thing in the world. If the mother is best friends with a woman then the step daughter can't get enough of being around and talking up this "cool" friend, but as soon as the mother makes up a reason as to why she can't be friends with her anymore than step daughter starts saying how awful this friend is. She is her mother's daughter and she gets all her opinions straight from her! I refrained any conclusion until *this* came along. OP its sad that in the mix of all this you are wishing to remain the instigator. Here I thought you were actually looking out for the young lady. Your intentions are set in the wrong direction. Try staying out of it. Maybe she is a troubled child, yet I see little effort to be a positive influence in her life.. Granted it is a great opportunity to get the father to disown her....I can see that as being a potential end should this tidbit of info be shared. How do you feel about going that direction? Does it help your goal? 1
Keenly Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Creating drama is a bad idea, and so is helicopter parenting. 1
angie2443 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Daughter in law???? I assume you mean step daughter! She sees me as neutral, hates her father, but her mother she sees as GOD! Whatever she says or does is the end all be all. If she loves a guy, then stepdaughter loves the guy but as soon as mother hates a guy then stepdaughter thinks he's the worst thing in the world. If the mother is best friends with a woman then the step daughter can't get enough of being around and talking up this "cool" friend, but as soon as the mother makes up a reason as to why she can't be friends with her anymore than step daughter starts saying how awful this friend is. She is her mother's daughter and she gets all her opinions straight from her! Sorry. I know it's your stepdaughter. I'm taking care of two sick kids today and am very distracted! I'm not saying much about the mother because there's no way we can really know much about her. You don't live with her. You do live with your husband and his daughter has stayed with you before. Please, please, please, step outside yourself and realize that this girl is screaming for help and from what your posts sound like anyways, she has some really screwed up adults in her life. Helping her is going to make you a much happier person in the end. Please stop judging her so much and if you can, help her find a good counselor who's experienced in helping children in her situation. 2
Author Mapper71 Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 Well we can't help her when she wants nothing to do with us! She won't pick up her phone and won't come visit. I'm sure glad my husband had the great idea to spend thousands of dollars on a parenting plan that didn't even make it 3 years...and I knew it wouldn't make it. He's not going to force her to do anything anymore and I'm sure she's happy as a clam that she finally got what she wanted. She probably thinks from now on if she screams and punches and swears up a storm at someone that she can get whatever she wants. Look out future boyfriends because I know past ones have received her wrath!
Shepp Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Pfft she's a teenager - she writes on her twitter to make herself look cool when her friends read, not to give an accurate account if her life to her dad/step-mum. If I was her dad I be ore concerned about fixing our relationship so we were at least speaking and ideally at a stage where she could trust me with important things not worrying about the image she projects to her friends! 4
UpwardForward Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 16 years old? A teenage girl may have other problems with peers, her expectations of life, etc. I would be happy that she at least has good relations with her mother. Your husband could perhaps take small steps in reconciling with her. In remembering he is the adult. Her parents aren't together, etc. 1
clia Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 Well, if anything, it appears that someone needs to have a discussion with her about how these types of posts will follow her around for the rest of her life, so if she wants to post about drinks or drugs, maybe she shouldn't use her real name. Maybe mom or dad could provide that guidance? 1
Shepp Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 She probably thinks from now on if she screams and punches and swears up a storm at someone that she can get whatever she wants. Look out future boyfriends because I know past ones have received her wrath! Well why wouldn't she - no one listened to what she wanted prior to that and no one put up any resistance after that - what's a kid meant to think! 1
Author Mapper71 Posted October 20, 2014 Author Posted October 20, 2014 So yesterday was stepdaughter's birthday. I've been hearing from H for he past few weeks "We need to keep the lines of communication open with her. I really wish you would text her but it seems like you don't want to." Um I am not the one she is mad at and I didn't text her much before this whole incident! I guarantee you that if I text her I will hear back from her. He is making sound like I am doing something wrong by not communicating with her. Hey YOU are the one who has barely tried talking to her in almost 3 months. One text session that went back a forth a few times because she thought you were someone else and then stopped when she found out it was you. You haven't tried calling or sending her a letter or saying you're SORRY, but instead you think that sending her a big box of presents for her birthday is the way to go. And you can't even do THAT! I got her a couple of things and threw then into the box and he goes "Aren't you going to wrap those"? Okay so I wrap them and put them in the box. Meanwhile he's got DVD's and video games sitting in there unwrapped that he says he'll get to wrapping. This box has been sitting on our living room floor in the same spot for almost 2 weeks. Her birthday was yesterday and this box is still sitting there with unwrapped gifts. Nothing says "I am trying to make up with you" like birthday presents that can't get to her on time due to simple laziness. I texted her happy birthday yesterday and just as I suspected, she got back to me right away and we texted back and forth a few times. He didn't get around until texting her happy birthday until about 6PM last night and has not heard anything from her. It's almost like he's getting back at her because she never called to tell him happy birthday or happy father's day or ever got him anything so he's giving her a taste of her own medicine. Yup, way to get your daughter back!
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