lostsoul6486 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Short backstory: We broke up way back in January. She contacted me in June saying she wanted to try again. I said ok (stupid, I know). We went out until the beginning of August. It was awkward at first. I was uncomfortable, but she was very reassuring that she wasn't going anywhere and she kept saying she loved me. Things got better as my trust in her began to grow. I thought things were going extremely well. I had a two week family vacation in early August. We went on a date the night before. I was in contact with her sparingly throughout my time away. I got back and big as hell on my Facebook feed, "(Ex) is in a relationship with (New guy)." I was devastated. I was also pathetic. I let her know how hurt I was to the point where she started bawling and saying she's a horrible person. Instead of leaving it at that, I told her that she's not (because I'm a dumbass) and that as much as I didn't want to love her I still did (again, because I'm a dumbass). I didn't speak to her again after that except an awkward random run in at our university. I saw her a few days ago at a party. I was with a girl who I've been having sex with for the past few weeks. Just casual stuff. Nothing serious. I was drunk and so was this new girl and we were kind of all over each other. I went to the bathroom and when I got back, my ex had teamed up with the new girl for beer pong so I sat on a nearby chair and spaced out. A few minutes later, my ex walked up to me with a cup and asked me if I would drink it for her...I hadn't even said hi or acknowledged her all night. I just looked at her and said no. She came back with, "If you're not gonna drink it for me, will you drink it for her?" Again, I said no. Later in the night, I was with the new girl and my ex was leaving. She just walked by and said, "Bye guys," as she was leaving. Side note: her new boyfriend wasn't there. I haven't spoken to her since but I've been hurting a lot. She and her new boyfriend went on a mini vacation with some of our mutual friends and their dates this past weekend. It was a couples only thing that we used to do all the time and that really hit home. Today is her birthday. I've been wanting to text her, but I haven't. It's obviously stupid so I'm not going to. I just want a conversation with her because I was so pathetic the last time I spoke to her. I want to tell her that she's a cheater and a liar, but I know that won't make me feel any better as much as I currently think it would. Why is everything going so well for her and I'm still sitting here broken as hell? There are times where I feel strong, but I have these horrible withdrawals. I feel like I'll never be able to get close to anyone again. The worst part is, I have nobody to talk to about this because nobody knows about our second try. I didn't tell anyone because I was afraid that it would fall apart just like it did. All of my friends would have advised against it and it would have sucked to have a repeat of when we broke up the first time. My friends were great and they were there for me, but I don't want to do that to them again. Thanks for reading. I don't really know if there's much to say that I haven't heard about my situation, but anything is appreciated. Maybe it's just because it's her birthday, but I feel as bad as ever today.
blackcat777 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 I'm sorry for your pain. I would advise NC as much as possible... it helps with the sanity. I also understand having the lack of support from real world people, and it sucks. I met my ex when I moved back to the country, so my new social circle shares a giant overlap with his social circle. Some of my other friends are dealing with other serious issues (detox, suicide), so I feel like my problems are trivial in comparison. It really sucks having a good day and feeling awful again the next (just happened to me). The only vaguely comforting thing I really feel right now is that so much time has elapsed and I'm still here. Still me. I try to do as many positive things for myself as I can. I've read a million self help books about breakups since mine happened, and it apparently takes about two months for dumpers to begin the grieving process, and longer if there is a rebound. They'll eventually have to go through the five stages, just like we're slogging through now. No one can bury emotions forever (despite an excellent poker face). Big hugs and hope a moment of peace finds you soon. 1
singsparkles Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Short backstory: We broke up way back in January. She contacted me in June saying she wanted to try again. I said ok (stupid, I know). We went out until the beginning of August. It was awkward at first. I was uncomfortable, but she was very reassuring that she wasn't going anywhere and she kept saying she loved me. Things got better as my trust in her began to grow. I thought things were going extremely well. I had a two week family vacation in early August. We went on a date the night before. I was in contact with her sparingly throughout my time away. I got back and big as hell on my Facebook feed, "(Ex) is in a relationship with (New guy)." I was devastated. I was also pathetic. I let her know how hurt I was to the point where she started bawling and saying she's a horrible person. Instead of leaving it at that, I told her that she's not (because I'm a dumbass) and that as much as I didn't want to love her I still did (again, because I'm a dumbass). I didn't speak to her again after that except an awkward random run in at our university. I saw her a few days ago at a party. I was with a girl who I've been having sex with for the past few weeks. Just casual stuff. Nothing serious. I was drunk and so was this new girl and we were kind of all over each other. I went to the bathroom and when I got back, my ex had teamed up with the new girl for beer pong so I sat on a nearby chair and spaced out. A few minutes later, my ex walked up to me with a cup and asked me if I would drink it for her...I hadn't even said hi or acknowledged her all night. I just looked at her and said no. She came back with, "If you're not gonna drink it for me, will you drink it for her?" Again, I said no. Later in the night, I was with the new girl and my ex was leaving. She just walked by and said, "Bye guys," as she was leaving. Side note: her new boyfriend wasn't there. I haven't spoken to her since but I've been hurting a lot. She and her new boyfriend went on a mini vacation with some of our mutual friends and their dates this past weekend. It was a couples only thing that we used to do all the time and that really hit home. Today is her birthday. I've been wanting to text her, but I haven't. It's obviously stupid so I'm not going to. I just want a conversation with her because I was so pathetic the last time I spoke to her. I want to tell her that she's a cheater and a liar, but I know that won't make me feel any better as much as I currently think it would. Why is everything going so well for her and I'm still sitting here broken as hell? There are times where I feel strong, but I have these horrible withdrawals. I feel like I'll never be able to get close to anyone again. The worst part is, I have nobody to talk to about this because nobody knows about our second try. I didn't tell anyone because I was afraid that it would fall apart just like it did. All of my friends would have advised against it and it would have sucked to have a repeat of when we broke up the first time. My friends were great and they were there for me, but I don't want to do that to them again. Thanks for reading. I don't really know if there's much to say that I haven't heard about my situation, but anything is appreciated. Maybe it's just because it's her birthday, but I feel as bad as ever today. First of all, I want to say how sorry I am you're going through this. And I also wanted to say how eerie it is that I'm going through almost the EXACT same situation. It seems as if she doesn't want you, but doesn't want you to be with anyone else. It seems as if she has a very big ego and loves/loved the attention you gave her and her seeing you with a girl definitely caught her for a surprise. I'm glad you did PDA with the other girl in front of her. She deserved to see that. I also don't think you should focus wasting so much time thinking about her and this new guy. If she could do what she did to you, she will do it to him, too. People don't change their colors. Don't let her mistake you. She lead you on and didn't give a crap about your feelings and she's a horrible person. Yet gets upset when she sees you with someone new. My ex did the exact same thing; he would put me on guilt trips for seeing new guys and dating, yet would ignore my existence and act as if I wasn't alive, but would be able to comment on the fact that I was hanging out with a new dude. It's pure egoism. And another thing, don't call yourself dumb for taking her back and still being nice. That shows you are a good person and you have wonderful character. In my eyes, this girl doesn't seem to deserve you. You are too good of a guy for her, and you deserve someone ten times better than her. She's an idiot who plays with people's feelings, and she's not going to change. People like that keep preying on people their whole lives. She will get bored with him and onto the next... just wait. I know how it feels to watch an ex seemingly go out every night and have the time of your life while you're at home watching Netflix and eating popcorn with a broken heart. It sucks. But the truth of the matter is... we truly don't know if they're truly happy or not. People like this jump from person to person because they have a void in their life to fill. They are never satisfied, and they go out to party and be crazy to satisfy needs that aren't satisfiable because they aren't happy with themselves deep down. She may seem cocky...but trust me, she really isnt. She obviously needs validation by numerous men. Trust me when I say try to think positive and look to the future... things may seem so bad like they are never ending right now...but they DO get better and you WILL feel better...and you WILL date again...and you WILL find a wonderful woman, who is WORTHY of YOU. Focus on yourself and stop looking into that idiot's life... she doesn't deserve your attention. Cross her off as her life is meaningless to you. And if you do need to vent...always come on here...everyone else and I are always here for you!... it will get better.... stay strong, think positive, have faith and look into a bright future! Hugs, xx 1
Author lostsoul6486 Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 I'm sorry for your pain. I would advise NC as much as possible... it helps with the sanity. I also understand having the lack of support from real world people, and it sucks. I met my ex when I moved back to the country, so my new social circle shares a giant overlap with his social circle. Some of my other friends are dealing with other serious issues (detox, suicide), so I feel like my problems are trivial in comparison. It really sucks having a good day and feeling awful again the next (just happened to me). The only vaguely comforting thing I really feel right now is that so much time has elapsed and I'm still here. Still me. I try to do as many positive things for myself as I can. I've read a million self help books about breakups since mine happened, and it apparently takes about two months for dumpers to begin the grieving process, and longer if there is a rebound. They'll eventually have to go through the five stages, just like we're slogging through now. No one can bury emotions forever (despite an excellent poker face). Big hugs and hope a moment of peace finds you soon. Thanks for the response! I also tend to belittle my issues when I compare them to other people's. Not only that, I'm actually also going through a rough patch family wise and this piling on top of that is really weighing heavy on me. I had done no contact with her for a while before I finally answered her back in June. I was doing great, but I was happy to give it another shot because I still loved her. All of the great memories were becoming just that; memories. Then this happened and we made new memories for that short month and a half and now I'm back to square one.
Author lostsoul6486 Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 First of all, I want to say how sorry I am you're going through this. And I also wanted to say how eerie it is that I'm going through almost the EXACT same situation. It seems as if she doesn't want you, but doesn't want you to be with anyone else. It seems as if she has a very big ego and loves/loved the attention you gave her and her seeing you with a girl definitely caught her for a surprise. I'm glad you did PDA with the other girl in front of her. She deserved to see that. I also don't think you should focus wasting so much time thinking about her and this new guy. If she could do what she did to you, she will do it to him, too. People don't change their colors. Don't let her mistake you. She lead you on and didn't give a crap about your feelings and she's a horrible person. Yet gets upset when she sees you with someone new. My ex did the exact same thing; he would put me on guilt trips for seeing new guys and dating, yet would ignore my existence and act as if I wasn't alive, but would be able to comment on the fact that I was hanging out with a new dude. It's pure egoism. And another thing, don't call yourself dumb for taking her back and still being nice. That shows you are a good person and you have wonderful character. In my eyes, this girl doesn't seem to deserve you. You are too good of a guy for her, and you deserve someone ten times better than her. She's an idiot who plays with people's feelings, and she's not going to change. People like that keep preying on people their whole lives. She will get bored with him and onto the next... just wait. I know how it feels to watch an ex seemingly go out every night and have the time of your life while you're at home watching Netflix and eating popcorn with a broken heart. It sucks. But the truth of the matter is... we truly don't know if they're truly happy or not. People like this jump from person to person because they have a void in their life to fill. They are never satisfied, and they go out to party and be crazy to satisfy needs that aren't satisfiable because they aren't happy with themselves deep down. She may seem cocky...but trust me, she really isnt. She obviously needs validation by numerous men. Trust me when I say try to think positive and look to the future... things may seem so bad like they are never ending right now...but they DO get better and you WILL feel better...and you WILL date again...and you WILL find a wonderful woman, who is WORTHY of YOU. Focus on yourself and stop looking into that idiot's life... she doesn't deserve your attention. Cross her off as her life is meaningless to you. And if you do need to vent...always come on here...everyone else and I are always here for you!... it will get better.... stay strong, think positive, have faith and look into a bright future! Hugs, xx Thank you for the response! I just fell really hard for this girl. It might sound strange to some, but I've never been the type of guy to go around having casual sex. I'm 22 years old and this is the first time I've ever been in a fling with a girl. Having sex just to have sex doesn't do it for me. I just got involved with this girl because I'm hurting and she is too. She recently got out of a three year relationship and told me from day one that she doesn't want a boyfriend any time soon which definitely works for me because having a girlfriend right now is not on my to do list. One thing led to another and it became a fling. It was kind of funny seeing my ex chatting her up though. My ex was very nonchalant about it and acted like she didn't care, but I know she cared especially since she asked me to drink that beer for her. I don't really look into my ex's life. The only reason I knew she went on that mini trip this past weekend is because since yesterday was her birthday, some of our mutual friends made social media posts wishing her a happy birthday with pictures from the trip. I was really down yesterday because while she picked up and took a vacation after the party, I sat at home and felt sorry for myself. I have dated girls in the past, but my ex is the first girl I fell in love with and I fell hard. We were inseparable until about the last month of our relationship when she eventually broke it off. That's why I was ecstatic when she said she wanted to work things out. I guess she just wanted to hold on to me until she knew she had someone new. It hurts because I would NEVER do that to her and she comes around and expects me to be ok with it.
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