mclericp Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 So i used to be an independent and fun, non clingy guy that could make my gf smile, laugh and emotionally connect. We were together for 6 months and during this time we only argued once( in fact we hardly argued, we are smooth sailing). However lately i unknowingly became clingy and needy, making my world revolving around her, and spending time with her only. She says it feels like suffocation. My grades also dropped because i took time helping her work! She said she lost attraction to me and broke up because she sees no future.* Also i realised lately for 1 month, it is relatively dull as we dont do new things or grow/discover each other. Prior to that, we used to do stuff we loved like hiking, taking pics and going to new places. So what happened post break up? Well i was surprised by her action. 1-2 weeks ago i noticed she acted distant but my brain tells me its nothing much because she is having a period then. Then she told me we cannot be together and wants a break up but remain friends. Well i got confused then and accused her of using me (dont ask me how i thought of this*...) Then immediately after, i realised my mistake but it was too late! She got angry obviously and told me no chance to be together. Well i pleaded her "are u sure we cannot be together" after 2 days. I know it sounds pathetic and i m not ok with being friends etc. She says she misses my former self. She misses me but she cannot say it to me because i have changed. But she wants me to find myself back. She wants to see the old me. Then one week later after no contact, i got drunk and i drunk met her and became a **** and she thinks i m a stalker and blocked/deleted me from our main social media contact: wechat.* She says i m immature and hates me forever But it was after this that i realised how much i have learnt. I realised that i have grown and i know how to fix myself for the better good. I went into no contact for 1 week but i got weak in the end and contacted her, informing her of my upcoming youtube channel stuff. Well she replied politely and here is a summary of what we talked. In a nutshell, friendly: -i asked her how her life is after that -she says pretty good and that she saw some of my facebook photo tags and saw that i m having fun and enjoying myself(independent)* -i followed brad browning texting ex methods: keep it casual, light and fun.* - Also i told her maybe we can meet up for drinks at our favourite coffee shop next time and she agreed 'sure i will love to'* - i ended the convo with talk to you next time, to leave a suspense so she doesnt know when the drink meeting will be and looking forward to. -HOWEVER!!!! what she emphasised in the chat was, she is happy to see me having a good life. She is happy for me. She says "just enjoy your life, happy to see you having a good life anyway" and she did not just say it once but a few times.* What i want to know is:* -is she really feeling pretty good? From the convo i can sense that something aint right. Why is she emphasising me having a good time? Is she jealous or seriously wanting me to move on? I know that 99% of the time when your ex postbreakup says i m doing very fine, it isnt! But it is confusing here -Our relationship, apart from that nasty ending, is very very good! It is stable. She knows i care a lot for her and in fact my actions prior to the break up were very positive, eg she cried when i bought her a blanket and heater when she says her room was very cold and when the landlord attempts to remove the heater, she felt that part of her is going to be destroyed. But what i want to know is, is there a chance to get her back? This drink meeting is a start for me to make a good impression.* -How should i emotionally connect with her during our drink meeting? I know it is not a good idea to discuss relationship stuff during our first meeting but how do i attract her back and make her miss me/emotionally connect?* -I have broken the NC rule after 1 week so basically nothing has changed. What should i do next? Start a new NC or just wait for her to contact me -and lastly i want to know is, is she really dead set on moving on? She told me due to our age and maturity difference (shes 2 years older) she sees me as a younger brother. But overall we both know that it is due to a loss of attraction. I really hope you take the time to read this because i needed the help. I m already working on myself and she is happy seeing me reverting back to my former self but idk if she still misses me or attracted to me p.s. And also i have her facebook account as she told me the details before. I know she isnt looking at my profile a lot because the last time she searched for me was ageees ago. She just happen to see my latest photos on newsfeed.Also she did not remove the photos of us together on fb/wechat/phone and she kept the things i gave her
Redhead14 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 So i used to be an independent and fun, non clingy guy that could make my gf smile, laugh and emotionally connect. We were together for 6 months and during this time we only argued once( in fact we hardly argued, we are smooth sailing). However lately i unknowingly became clingy and needy, making my world revolving around her, and spending time with her only. She says it feels like suffocation. My grades also dropped because i took time helping her work! She said she lost attraction to me and broke up because she sees no future.* Also i realised lately for 1 month, it is relatively dull as we dont do new things or grow/discover each other. Prior to that, we used to do stuff we loved like hiking, taking pics and going to new places. So what happened post break up? Well i was surprised by her action. 1-2 weeks ago i noticed she acted distant but my brain tells me its nothing much because she is having a period then. Then she told me we cannot be together and wants a break up but remain friends. Well i got confused then and accused her of using me (dont ask me how i thought of this*...) Then immediately after, i realised my mistake but it was too late! She got angry obviously and told me no chance to be together. Well i pleaded her "are u sure we cannot be together" after 2 days. I know it sounds pathetic and i m not ok with being friends etc. She says she misses my former self. She misses me but she cannot say it to me because i have changed. But she wants me to find myself back. She wants to see the old me. Then one week later after no contact, i got drunk and i drunk met her and became a **** and she thinks i m a stalker and blocked/deleted me from our main social media contact: wechat.* She says i m immature and hates me forever But it was after this that i realised how much i have learnt. I realised that i have grown and i know how to fix myself for the better good. I went into no contact for 1 week but i got weak in the end and contacted her, informing her of my upcoming youtube channel stuff. Well she replied politely and here is a summary of what we talked. In a nutshell, friendly: -i asked her how her life is after that -she says pretty good and that she saw some of my facebook photo tags and saw that i m having fun and enjoying myself(independent)* -i followed brad browning texting ex methods: keep it casual, light and fun.* - Also i told her maybe we can meet up for drinks at our favourite coffee shop next time and she agreed 'sure i will love to'* - i ended the convo with talk to you next time, to leave a suspense so she doesnt know when the drink meeting will be and looking forward to. -HOWEVER!!!! what she emphasised in the chat was, she is happy to see me having a good life. She is happy for me. She says "just enjoy your life, happy to see you having a good life anyway" and she did not just say it once but a few times.* What i want to know is:* -is she really feeling pretty good? From the convo i can sense that something aint right. Why is she emphasising me having a good time? Is she jealous or seriously wanting me to move on? I know that 99% of the time when your ex postbreakup says i m doing very fine, it isnt! But it is confusing here -Our relationship, apart from that nasty ending, is very very good! It is stable. She knows i care a lot for her and in fact my actions prior to the break up were very positive, eg she cried when i bought her a blanket and heater when she says her room was very cold and when the landlord attempts to remove the heater, she felt that part of her is going to be destroyed. But what i want to know is, is there a chance to get her back? This drink meeting is a start for me to make a good impression.* -How should i emotionally connect with her during our drink meeting? I know it is not a good idea to discuss relationship stuff during our first meeting but how do i attract her back and make her miss me/emotionally connect?* -I have broken the NC rule after 1 week so basically nothing has changed. What should i do next? Start a new NC or just wait for her to contact me -and lastly i want to know is, is she really dead set on moving on? She told me due to our age and maturity difference (shes 2 years older) she sees me as a younger brother. But overall we both know that it is due to a loss of attraction. I really hope you take the time to read this because i needed the help. I m already working on myself and she is happy seeing me reverting back to my former self but idk if she still misses me or attracted to me p.s. And also i have her facebook account as she told me the details before. I know she isnt looking at my profile a lot because the last time she searched for me was ageees ago. She just happen to see my latest photos on newsfeed.Also she did not remove the photos of us together on fb/wechat/phone and she kept the things i gave her She is handling the break up with respect and truly is wishing you well. She seems to be mature young woman. It is irrelevant whether she is attracted to or missing you. She is likely hurting too but dealing with it in a healthy way which is what you need to continue to do. Give yourself some space to process everything. Take a step back. Even if there is some remote chance you can get back together, it will not be successful until you've moved on from all of it and that will not happen quickly. It would have to be a clean slate. If this doesn't happen, the issues will creep back and you will be stuck in a cycle. You say you are reverting back to your former self. That is a good thing. Very often, for instance, an alcoholic will say they will stop drinking for a loved one and will for a while, but gradually returns to alcohol because the underlying cause of the alcoholism hasn't been addressed. I'm telling you this because there were likely some underlying causes rooted in you that made you become clingy, needy and smothering. You'll have to look deeply into yourself and your history, etc. It's a process but worth doing. All the best to you.
Smarty Pants Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Just by posting this you are still too attached to this girl. Agree with the above post. She's handled as well as she can. She was polite and honest. IMO she just isn't interested anymore. If she gets in touch with you, take her out for that drink. I wouldn't wait for that to happen though.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 (edited) So i used to be an independent and fun, non clingy guy that could make my gf smile, laugh and emotionally connect. We were together for 6 months and during this time we only argued once( in fact we hardly argued, we are smooth sailing). However lately i unknowingly became clingy and needy, making my world revolving around her, and spending time with her only. She says it feels like suffocation. My grades also dropped because i took time helping her work! She said she lost attraction to me and broke up because she sees no future.* Also i realised lately for 1 month, it is relatively dull as we dont do new things or grow/discover each other. Prior to that, we used to do stuff we loved like hiking, taking pics and going to new places. So what happened post break up? Well i was surprised by her action. 1-2 weeks ago i noticed she acted distant but my brain tells me its nothing much because she is having a period then. Then she told me we cannot be together and wants a break up but remain friends. Well i got confused then and accused her of using me (dont ask me how i thought of this*...) Then immediately after, i realised my mistake but it was too late! She got angry obviously and told me no chance to be together. Well i pleaded her "are u sure we cannot be together" after 2 days. I know it sounds pathetic and i m not ok with being friends etc. She says she misses my former self. She misses me but she cannot say it to me because i have changed. But she wants me to find myself back. She wants to see the old me. Then one week later after no contact, i got drunk and i drunk met her and became a **** and she thinks i m a stalker and blocked/deleted me from our main social media contact: wechat.* She says i m immature and hates me forever But it was after this that i realised how much i have learnt. I realised that i have grown and i know how to fix myself for the better good. I went into no contact for 1 week but i got weak in the end and contacted her, informing her of my upcoming youtube channel stuff. Well she replied politely and here is a summary of what we talked. In a nutshell, friendly: -i asked her how her life is after that -she says pretty good and that she saw some of my facebook photo tags and saw that i m having fun and enjoying myself(independent)* -i followed brad browning texting ex methods: keep it casual, light and fun.* - Also i told her maybe we can meet up for drinks at our favourite coffee shop next time and she agreed 'sure i will love to'* - i ended the convo with talk to you next time, to leave a suspense so she doesnt know when the drink meeting will be and looking forward to. -HOWEVER!!!! what she emphasised in the chat was, she is happy to see me having a good life. She is happy for me. She says "just enjoy your life, happy to see you having a good life anyway" and she did not just say it once but a few times.* What i want to know is:* -is she really feeling pretty good? From the convo i can sense that something aint right. Why is she emphasising me having a good time? Is she jealous or seriously wanting me to move on? I know that 99% of the time when your ex postbreakup says i m doing very fine, it isnt! But it is confusing here -Our relationship, apart from that nasty ending, is very very good! It is stable. She knows i care a lot for her and in fact my actions prior to the break up were very positive, eg she cried when i bought her a blanket and heater when she says her room was very cold and when the landlord attempts to remove the heater, she felt that part of her is going to be destroyed. But what i want to know is, is there a chance to get her back? This drink meeting is a start for me to make a good impression.* -How should i emotionally connect with her during our drink meeting? I know it is not a good idea to discuss relationship stuff during our first meeting but how do i attract her back and make her miss me/emotionally connect?* -I have broken the NC rule after 1 week so basically nothing has changed. What should i do next? Start a new NC or just wait for her to contact me -and lastly i want to know is, is she really dead set on moving on? She told me due to our age and maturity difference (shes 2 years older) she sees me as a younger brother. But overall we both know that it is due to a loss of attraction. I really hope you take the time to read this because i needed the help. I m already working on myself and she is happy seeing me reverting back to my former self but idk if she still misses me or attracted to me p.s. And also i have her facebook account as she told me the details before. I know she isnt looking at my profile a lot because the last time she searched for me was ageees ago. She just happen to see my latest photos on newsfeed.Also she did not remove the photos of us together on fb/wechat/phone and she kept the things i gave her Looks like she just lost interest. Happens and probably wont be the last time it will happen to you. You can't make someone care or anything like that. All you can do is walk away. STOP LOOKING AT HER FACEBOOK STUFF. What you're doing is immoral, creepy, and just wrong. You need to let this go. PS...the text your ex stuff is THE biggest chunk of horses*** out there. They pray on heartbroken people (yourself) and make you read that crap in the faint attempt to exploit your weakness. What s*** like that doesnt tell you is if they dont want you back, it doesnt matter what you do. You could be Brad Pitt rolling around in a car made of money...if they dont want you, it doesnt matter. Sadly, looks like the case here. Edited October 7, 2014 by ConfusedHumanBeing
Author mclericp Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 Hmm should i just give up trying and just move on then? Part of me doesnt want to let go. We broke up two weeks ago.
evanescentworld Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Hmm should i just give up trying and just move on then? Errr...I think that's what everyone is telling you, yes.... Part of me doesnt want to let go No, ALL of you doesn't want to let her go. But I'm afraid all of you has no choice, clearly, because she won't play ball. So part of you, all of you, it's immaterial. The fact is, this is over. We broke up two weeks ago. Quit counting, because it's permanent. Go No Contact - read the Guide - and stick to it. You'll move on and heal much more quickly.
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