yellow_sun Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Back in June I decided to give OLD a try. I have a profile on OKC and use Tinder. At the beginning, I wasn't too serious about it. Starting in early August and up until early September I went on 6 first dates with 6 different people, and one second date with another. From the beginning, I've received quite a lot of messages/matches, but recently I've been getting a lot more. I updated my profile a couple weeks ago, apparently for the better, because I've suddenly started getting an influx of higher quality messages. It's gotten to the point that even after weeding out the bad quality messages and the people I don't find attractive in any way, I'm finding myself having to choose from at least 7 different people per week. Quite frankly, it's become exhausting. I have 4 dates planned this week after having taken a break from dating for a week and a half, and I'm tempted to cancel one of them because it feels like it's too much. Am I doing something wrong here? Am I not picky enough? How do you savvy and experienced online daters deal with this? Maybe I should add that I'm looking for something casual and fun... Not necessarily casual sex pure and simple, but definitely not a serious relationship.
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Weed further on in being more critical on matches, if you want more than dating. If not keep em waiting for your free time. Seems to me your feeling date guilt. As long as you keep good getting responses your feeling like you should date.
Author yellow_sun Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 I'm not feeling guilty but rather exhausted. I don't know if it's normal to get so many messages, or if I'm actually not getting that many messages, and how people deal with it. I've never really dated before, let alone tried OLD, so this is all new to me. I'm not looking for a relationship right now, so I'm open to meeting new people, but it feels like so much work! I do have fun on some of the dates, and I would be interested in seeing some of them again, but so far that hasn't really been able to happen due to circumstances. I would like to see someone again, but I don't know if they're interested because I haven't heard back from them yet and we left it off with a hug and a "we'll keep in touch" (it was a lunch date). I'm still leaving my options open because I don't want to get attached to anyone... And that's why I'm wondering if I'm taking on too much at once.
Gaeta Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 There is always a wave of people subscribing on dating websites during fall and spring. What I do is I go online for a couple of days, get in touch with 2-3 interesting prospects then I hide my profile so I don't get any further messages while I explore what those 2-3 gentlemen are about. Then if none of them was a viable candidate I un-hide my profile and go back fishing for 2-3 other. This way you are not overwhelmed, you have enough time to give them proper attention and because you hide your profile for a few days you are not overexposing yourself to the dating crowd. 2
Author yellow_sun Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 Wow, that's a great idea! Just don't know how to hide my profile on OKC without deactivating it and thus not being able to keep in contact with the ones I'm interested in...
Gaeta Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Wow, that's a great idea! Just don't know how to hide my profile on OKC without deactivating it and thus not being able to keep in contact with the ones I'm interested in... I am not very familiar with OKC, I have rarely used it but I am certain there is a 'hide' option. Maybe someone will come in and educate us on the matter.
Lernaean_Hydra Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I would like to see someone again, but I don't know if they're interested because I haven't heard back from them yet and we left it off with a hug and a "we'll keep in touch" (it was a lunch date). I'm still leaving my options open because I don't want to get attached to anyone... And that's why I'm wondering if I'm taking on too much at once. Well I don't know how many you consider that many but as a woman, yeah, it's common to get a lot of messages and make many matches, especially if you're even slightly above average looking. However what's not common (at least in my experience) is going on that many dates with so few second meetups. I mean, what's the....idk, incubation period between making a match with someone to a first date? It sounds like it's not enough and you're not tightening the reigns on what exactly it is you're looking for. So yeah, in my opinion, you're taking on too much at once. It is exhausting but if you're just looking for something "casual" and fun it really shouldn't be that difficult.
isisisweeping Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I can only handle the profile being up a few days at most because the number of good matches exceeds my energy. Even weeding down, it's too many for me to feel like I'm getting to know them and that I'm getting enough time still with myself and my friends. Most places will let you disable but not delete your profile as you sort out several options.
Author yellow_sun Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 However what's not common (at least in my experience) is going on that many dates with so few second meetups. I mean, what's the....idk, incubation period between making a match with someone to a first date? It sounds like it's not enough and you're not tightening the reigns on what exactly it is you're looking for. So yeah, in my opinion, you're taking on too much at once. It is exhausting but if you're just looking for something "casual" and fun it really shouldn't be that difficult. Well most of the dates were right after I signed up and I had no idea what I was doing and really wasn't taking it seriously at all. It was right after a break up and I was kind of feeling like, "Wow! People find me attractive! Yay!" I went on a second date with a guy who I really liked and had planned for a third but then he flaked and I never heard from him again. After that I took a break, met someone else and had a week long fling during which time I was exclusive before he left. I'm seeing him again next week when he comes back for the weekend. In the meantime I took a break, but then decided to see some more people to avoid getting attached to someone that lives far away... And now there's someone else I wouldn't mind seeing again, but I've overbooked myself and have too many options. Basically I'm having fun, but overwhelmed, while trying not to get attached to anyone. I really don't feel like juggling more than two or three people at once, and I know that if I focus on one person, I'll end up getting into a relationship again, which is a big no-no for me right now.
Mrin Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Wow, that's a great idea! Just don't know how to hide my profile on OKC without deactivating it and thus not being able to keep in contact with the ones I'm interested in... Exactly what Gaeta said. My magic number was 4 women very casual or 2-3 that I would be interested in multiple dates. Then I would pull my profile. One idea on OKC - it doesn't have a hide profile setting like you said. Just pull your photos. That will remove you from most searches.
Author yellow_sun Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 My magic number was 4 women very casual or 2-3 that I would be interested in multiple dates What does "very casual" mean to you?
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