ThisisIt606 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 (edited) I just started dating (5 days all initated by him) a guy I met off a paid online dating site. He's 10 years older than me. We've been out to dinner, drinks, bowling, and movies/ dinner at his place. I briefly met his mom and brother who were visiting him at his place. He had his mom talk to me, saying us a question/ topic we could both relate to. We have not had sex or removed pants. Just everything else and heavy making out/ "petting". When he las dropped me off he help my hand/thigh in the car. He kissed me goodbye and said he will be in the country for next 2 weeks so we can text and seemed said it would be so long until he sees me next and seemed sad. He's traveling to west coast and I"m on east coast so there is a small time diff. I initated texting on Sunday late afternoon, he replied Monday His AM, we texted over a span about 5 hours. He made effort to keep convo going when I dind't ask questions. He sent me a few pics of himself and a dog (we both love dogs). I thought he looked really good in the pic and said "aww, love it! Hi (dog's name) Lookin good, both of you ;)" to which he replied "he's my little man". I did not respond bc it seemed like a natural break. I've been logging into my online account just so he doesn't think i've "stopped looking" I can see that he's been doing the same. From what he told me he's not too big into texting nor other forms of social media and isn't looking to hook up. Since 3 weeks is a long time, i want to keep the momentum growing as well as some sexual tension. Is this text too much to send as a first text/no lead up "Thinking about your kisses and how you held me standing up and I fit perfectly. We could have a lot of fun like that ;)" Does this make me look too s*utty? I don't want to come across that way. He's sent me a few texts about missing my kisses/great kisser (but this was while he was still home). Or should I go with a more neutrual text (like our previous convo about dogs etc) " Hope you're enjoying your day. Though my class work was over, but my boss just signed me up for a course, text books and all haha". or something that's semi forward but still tame: "Have you been to the movie theater at ___? It;s so nice, impressive concession stand and comfy seats with a removeable arm rest- perfect for cuddling. we should go when you're back " I just don't want to give him the *wrong* idea about me but at the same time I want to keep a spark/anticipation. In person he's said very flirty/sexual things while we were making out, however both times I stopped him from advancing further physicially and he respected that. Edited October 7, 2014 by ThisisIt606
Toodaloo Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 I would keep it a bit more neutral for a while longer but thats me personally. I don't see anything at all wrong or slutty with you intended text. I suspect he would like to receive it!
johnson_j Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 It's so hard to say without more context. But I'd say something along the lines of "Looking forward to seeing you" and offer to meet him at the airport when he returns, etc. Honestly I wouldn't like getting either of those texts you said, just because from a man's perspective, I want to do the chasing.
Tayken Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 @OP....yours is the second thread about this 10yr age gap. I am guessing 20s and 30s here? Anyway, 5 days and you met mum and family already...jeez talk about a supersonic move. You need to pause, and try and look past the whole dog thing. It's not uncommon for guys to rent / borrow a dog to walk / take picture with just to get a girl. It's the most cheesiest thing, and most women usually fall for it hook line and sinker. The truth is, the guy isn't exactly interested in your dog, he is more after something else, and once that is achieved, it's on to the next gullible woman who is going "awwww" over a guy and dog pic. You said this...... "I just don't want to give him the *wrong* idea about me but at the same time I want to keep a spark/anticipation. In person he's said very flirty/sexual things while we were making out, however both times I stopped him from advancing further physicially and he respected that." If he is like this and is gone for 3 weeks, what do you think he is bound to do when the next cutey shows up? You've stopped short of using the "love" word, and personally this older guy sounds like a player to me, who likes to have them in different area codes. Could the trip be him meeting up with one of the other ones?
BlueIris Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Since 3 weeks is a long time...... I just don't want to give him the *wrong* idea about me but at the same time I want to keep a spark/anticipation. In person he's said very flirty/sexual things while we were making out, however both times I stopped him from advancing further physicially and he respected that. I don't think 3 weeks is a long time. This is someone you met online and don't really know. It would take me far longer than 3 weeks to get to know a stranger well enough to know if he is a man of character and integrity, and for him to get to know me well enough to know if he likes who I am as a person. What do you mean by "the wrong idea about you"? If you lead with sexiness, the relationship will progress on the "sexiness" track. That's fine if that's where you want the relationship to go.
Redhead14 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 It's so hard to say without more context. But I'd say something along the lines of "Looking forward to seeing you" and offer to meet him at the airport when he returns, etc. Honestly I wouldn't like getting either of those texts you said, just because from a man's perspective, I want to do the chasing. I agree that men want to and should do the chasing, but the woman has to at least reciprocate and show interest. They've been dating and talking long enough that she should be able to be a little flirty if she wants to especially since he's away. Not too overt, of course. A man doesn't want to chase if there isn't enough indication that it's worth the chase. After all, he could chase her and then be hurt if he's just guessing about her level of interest. If she's over the top, that will turn him off. If she does just a little and he gets turned off, then he wasn't really that interested. The safe road is a neutral text though.
Author ThisisIt606 Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 Just to clarify we've been on 5 dates in the span of about 3 weeks, now he is away for 3 weeks. I want to have a relationship with him that's ideally bf/gf within time, not just a purely sexual relationship. I felt like he has chased quite a bit with asking me out 5 times, and leading in the first kiss, physical aspects. I slept over once and did not do anything more physically than what i previously described. He said he loves kissing me and cuddling and won't get bored and I would have to tell him if i'm bored bc he likes it that much. I don't want to sit back too much/ make him think i'm not interested. Is the text about the class i'm taking the safest bet? Just want to keep convo going over his time away but also keep it flirty. So we can pick up where we left off when he comes back.
Redhead14 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Just to clarify we've been on 5 dates in the span of about 3 weeks, now he is away for 3 weeks. I want to have a relationship with him that's ideally bf/gf within time, not just a purely sexual relationship. I felt like he has chased quite a bit with asking me out 5 times, and leading in the first kiss, physical aspects. I slept over once and did not do anything more physically than what i previously described. He said he loves kissing me and cuddling and won't get bored and I would have to tell him if i'm bored bc he likes it that much. I don't want to sit back too much/ make him think i'm not interested. Is the text about the class i'm taking the safest bet? Just want to keep convo going over his time away but also keep it flirty. So we can pick up where we left off when he comes back. Being flirty should not imply that you want a purely sexual relationship. That text about class is the safe road, however. Since he's been "forward" enough to say he likes cuddling, etc., he did that first, you can reciprocate. If you did that first to him, it might come off as pushy for you. It's a little dicey in the beginning. Some men would like a little more flirtiness, some would not. If you do it and don't get a similar response, don't do it again at least for some time. One time won't make too much difference if the man really likes you.
Gaeta Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 "Thinking about your kisses and how you held me standing up and I fit perfectly. We could have a lot of fun like that ;)" Don't text that. Keep the word 'fun' out if you are looking for a serious romantic relationship. Go with something more romantic like I miss your sweet kisses and the feel of your arms around me. 1
Author ThisisIt606 Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 after reading the responses so far, i decided not to send the racy text that uses "fun". Thinking about going with the text about the movies. Is that too forward/a turn off to him since I'm suggesting we go (aka asking him out) sometime when he gets back? "Have you been to the movie theater at ___? It;s so nice, impressive concession stand and comfy seats with a removeable arm rest- perfect for cuddling. we should go when you're back " I think it shows i'm interested, is flirty with the cuddling comment. Plus he's asked me out 5 times now. I think it's my turn?
Redhead14 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 after reading the responses so far, i decided not to send the racy text that uses "fun". Thinking about going with the text about the movies. Is that too forward/a turn off to him since I'm suggesting we go (aka asking him out) sometime when he gets back? "Have you been to the movie theater at ___? It;s so nice, impressive concession stand and comfy seats with a removeable arm rest- perfect for cuddling. we should go when you're back " I think it shows i'm interested, is flirty with the cuddling comment. Plus he's asked me out 5 times now. I think it's my turn? The movie text is probably in the middle. Like I said, you can send it and gauge his response. If he doesn't reciprocate in some way or acknowledge, then don't do it again for awhile. Keep texts neutral. If he likes it, send something similar at some point in the future. Not right away for sure.
Author ThisisIt606 Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 @OP....yours is the second thread about this 10yr age gap. I am guessing 20s and 30s here? Anyway, 5 days and you met mum and family already...jeez talk about a supersonic move. You need to pause, and try and look past the whole dog thing. It's not uncommon for guys to rent / borrow a dog to walk / take picture with just to get a girl. It's the most cheesiest thing, and most women usually fall for it hook line and sinker. The truth is, the guy isn't exactly interested in your dog, he is more after something else, and once that is achieved, it's on to the next gullible woman who is going "awwww" over a guy and dog pic. You said this...... " If he is like this and is gone for 3 weeks, what do you think he is bound to do when the next cutey shows up? You've stopped short of using the "love" word, and personally this older guy sounds like a player to me, who likes to have them in different area codes. Could the trip be him meeting up with one of the other ones? Ok definitely not, Idk how you made the inference that he rented a dog to take pics and his meeting up other girls from online. He flew across the country that's a br extreme... I know for a fact he's staying with his brother and that was his brothers dog. He showed me pics of this same dog by name on his phone before he left. I met the family bc they were staying in his house/ he's a grown man and he's not going to tell them to " go hide". It wasn't a formal meeting, it was short and sweet. The purpose of my visit there was to watch a movie with him, some of his family just happed to be in the kitchen when I arrived.
Tayken Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 ^ So remind the forum why you are on here then if you have all the answers, and don't care to listen to what you might be missing because you are so enamoured right now this older man? I hope it all works out for you in the end!
CaliGuy Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 From a man's perspective I am just going to lay this out there. If you talk about anything sexual with a man (phone, text, email, etc) we assume that is what you want and it will happen fairly quickly. I guess what I am saying is, don't feed a dog scraps if you don't have a big plate of food ready. And coming from a conservative background and faith, I would say that's just a no-no. Any time that sex is the basis of a relationship, they tend to fizzle out quickly. You need to have a friendship and common hobbies/likes to build a foundation for. Otherwise, he's going to think of you as his regular sex partner. Not girlfriend or wife material.... 2
Author ThisisIt606 Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 From a man's perspective I am just going to lay this out there. If you talk about anything sexual with a man (phone, text, email, etc) we assume that is what you want and it will happen fairly quickly. I guess what I am saying is, don't feed a dog scraps if you don't have a big plate of food ready. And coming from a conservative background and faith, I would say that's just a no-no. Any time that sex is the basis of a relationship, they tend to fizzle out quickly. You need to have a friendship and common hobbies/likes to build a foundation for. Otherwise, he's going to think of you as his regular sex partner. Not girlfriend or wife material.... Thanks, I can see where you're coming from and that's exactly what made me weary. So I've decided not to send it. From a man's prospective since he has asked me out on 5 dates and initiated the first kiss, would you like if the same girl sent you: "Movie theater at .... is so nice! Impressive concession stand and removable arm rest- perfect for cuddling. We should go sometime :)" ^ The above i think shows i'm being flirty (but keeping it out of bedroom), i've been to this place/i'm active and doing things, i'm thinking about him, and i'm not overtly asking him out but suggesting. In other words, texting with a purpose. He's texted about missing my kisses and cuddling during movies previously. So I feel as though this text is "on par" with the flirt that has been happening via text. Only question, does it come off as too forward and denying him more of "the chase"? 1
Tayken Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Thanks, I can see where you're coming from and that's exactly what made me weary. So I've decided not to send it. From a man's prospective since he has asked me out on 5 dates and initiated the first kiss, would you like if the same girl sent you: "Movie theater at .... is so nice! Impressive concession stand and removable arm rest- perfect for cuddling. We should go sometime :)" ^ The above i think shows i'm being flirty (but keeping it out of bedroom), i've been to this place/i'm active and doing things, i'm thinking about him, and i'm not overtly asking him out but suggesting. In other words, texting with a purpose. He's texted about missing my kisses and cuddling during movies previously. So I feel as though this text is "on par" with the flirt that has been happening via text. Only question, does it come off as too forward and denying him more of "the chase"? NOPE....It's a lot better than what some people are offering. At least you are communicating right, as opposed to playing the head games. If you sent me that, you will acquire brownie points in my books. Just sayin' I don't even know the guy, but am going to say press....SEND 1
johnson_j Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Again, if you send me that message I'd think "this one is the bag." Won't be surprised to hear this one fades out quickly as soon as he gets home. Hope not for your sake though.
d0nnivain Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Thinking about your kisses is fine. Put a period after kisses. All the rest is too much too soon. After you have been intimate, that level of sexting will be OK. For now stick to flirting. Think PG not R & certainly not X / NC-17 when you craft your messages. 1
Author ThisisIt606 Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 Again, if you send me that message I'd think "this one is the bag." Won't be surprised to hear this one fades out quickly as soon as he gets home. Hope not for your sake though. Which text message is that, the one about kissing/ holding me while standing up and having fun?
johnson_j Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Which text message is that, the one about kissing/ holding me while standing up and having fun? Either of them. Do what Donnivan says. Your messages are direct and remove all anticipation - the only thing he will anticipate is "doing you" when you want him to anticipate "chasing you and convincing you to do him". Get it?
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