Swimmer916 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Hey all, I've never experienced anything this trialing before in my life. I just graduated college in May and things haven't been the same. I met my ex-gf Freshmen year of college. Things were amazing; my true first love. Everything was perfect. I was far away from home and she was close to her family. I became so close to them. Our next year became a little shaky. She started acting distant and strange. Eventually I found out she was unsure if she wanted a BF at the time but after taking time she realized she really did love me. I prepared myself for a breakup and became distant myself. We led into that summer and things were not the same. I became distant. I felt like I was falling out of love with her. I broke up with her that summer but it only lasted a few days. We entered our junior year and things changed a little. However, I still wasn't 100% into the relationship anymore. We fought more and the spark was only there sometimes. The summer before my senior year I had to live in her area for my internship. We barely saw one anohter. Only about a handful of times. In my head I was questioning whether or not we should stay together, just as she did sophomore year. We were together since we were 18. I didn't want to live with the regret of having only really been with one person. Our personalities collided sometimes and people could see it. I decided not to break it off though. In the fall of or Senior year after our 3 year anniversary, she broke it off with me. Saying I seemed distant and our relationship wasn't the same. I agreed. When we first broke up I was relieved. I actually had a really great time. I spent more quality time with friends and roommates. Got to enjoy some single life and really focused on myself. She regretted the breakup. Called me on Christmas, New Years, and everything. I told her it would be better to take some time to focus on ourselves. Then March came around, we started hooking up all the time. At least every weekend. During this time I fell for her again. The spark came back. However, it wasn't til graduation that I found out she had moved on. The summer was tough but it was getting better as time went on. I missed her a lot. I missed her family. I had to move back to the area for work this September. We recently had an alumni event at school and I was looking forward to seeing her and telling her how I really felt. We had talked a lot during the summer. To my surprise I met her new BF. I was devastated. I'm now back in the area feeling this unshakable regret. We had a lot of mutual friends and experiences and it kills me that they are just memories now. She had a tough time in college but now she is in love with the post grad life. Her new BF, her new apartment, job, and life. I will admit I am a little jealous. A lot of my college roommates spread out throughout the U.S. All of hers stayed together in the same neighboorhood. They all go to events together and essentially live together. I know being friends isn't an option since it'll just make my feelings stronger. I have felt so awful for the past few weeks. This regret I can't shake away. I want to be close to her. Spend time with her family. We had plans to live together in a few years and spend our life together. But during college we had rough times. I remember people saying that we weren't good together. We did fight a lot and there was a long period of time where being with her really didn't make me happy. I didn't want to regret missing out on spending time with friends and missing out on the college experience. I feel like I threw away a life I could of had. She was beautiful, caring, hardworking/smart and driven. She was a once in a lifetime girl. I feel like I can never be in love again or try to start a new life because I will always regret what I had with her. Maybe part of me is missing the relationship and missing all my friends back at home. I know right now I feel insecure. My parents keep telling me I can't live like this. That looking into the past will only eat me alive. Who knows though what would of happened if we stayed together. I know I fell out of love with her in college but maybe things would of changed after. Thanks for anyone who read this. I really appreciate it!
Marco Valerio Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Hello: You are just scared, you are being negative. Just read what you wrote. The woman you want to share life with will be totally different to what you've said. There'll be no doubts about it, about loving her, seeing her, sharing your future with her...The same will happen to her. Dude, she's not the one, belive me, move on like she did, you will fine someone else too. Best regards.
Author Swimmer916 Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 I told her I missed her in June. Then in September I said I'm sorry about how things were towards the end of our relationship and she said that it was fault on both of our parts. She then proceeded to say she was happy where she was now. She really enjoyed her post grad life and was in a good place. She really likes the new guy. But as the previous poster said, if she really was the one there would of never been any doubts. I'm trying to keep myself busy. Focus on my new career, got back into swimming, bike riding. I just don't want to feel this regret years down the road. I still feel insecure and haven't been myself lately. I'm trying to lose some weight and get back into lifting.
Bella2 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 I became distant. I felt like I was falling out of love with her. I broke up with her that summer but it only lasted a few days. We entered our junior year and things changed a little. However, I still wasn't 100% into the relationship anymore. We fought more and the spark was only there sometimes. The summer before my senior year I had to live in her area for my internship. We barely saw one anohter. Only about a handful of times. In my head I was questioning whether or not we should stay together, just as she did sophomore year. We were together since we were 18. I didn't want to live with the regret of having only really been with one person. Our personalities collided sometimes and people could see it. Try to remember that you weren't a 100% happy with her. You were falling out of love (why?), you were fighting, no spark.... She most likely wasn't "the girl" for you. There's nothing to regret and you WILL find someone else. Even if you don't believe that right now. Take care!!!
Author Swimmer916 Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 Thanks for the responses everyone. The reason we fell out was because sophomore year she was very distant. I waited all summer too see here (since we were long distance). After 3 months she finally told me she was thinking about whether or not she wanted a BF but decided she did love me. I was so hurt. I had given her everything. After that I began to think about whether or not I wanted to stay with the same person for my life when we met at 18. I would of regretted it. I wanted to spend more time with my friends and focus on myself. She asked me to get back together in March and I said no. I was seeing someone else at the time. I miss her and her family very much. I'm thinking about moving back home since I took the job in the new area last year to be with her. I still feel like she was out of my league and I'll never find someone like that again. But I need to pick myself up.
nostaljathing000 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 I think that having doubts in a relationship is completely fine and normal, only up to a certain point though. It is definitely tough to believe now, but one day you will find someone who will make you just as happy, if not even happier than this last person. She will make you feel even more sure than you were with your ex, and it will be amazing. Just take the time now to work on yourself and fill your life with new people. Try to get involved in new things. Take up lifting like you said. I recently went through a breakup with my long-time undergraduate lover as well. What helped me the most was meeting new people and doing new things. You will learn that there are plenty of "once in a lifetime" people out there if you just let them become that to you . Make sure you fill your heart up with love for yourself before you go off searching for that, though!
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