Alright, i don't know. I'm a pretty awful guy. I need you, loveshack.

[ZimboGon]

So I've been in a relationship for 5 years. Its been my entire life. We broke up 2 years into it because she wanted to see other people, which drove me to this site in the first place, where i posted depressing threads and i couldn't do anything but lay in bed, growing my beard and hanging out in my boxers. After i got over that, i bettered myself and we rekindled things months later. Our relationship was like a completely different relationship afterwards. Not worse, just like two different people. So for two more years things went strong, until she moved 2500 miles away for school. We broke up for about two weeks after she drunkenly told me she sometimes wishes she was single because people don't want to dance with her when she has a boyfriend. Two weeks later she contacted me saying it was a huge mistake and the new environment made her not realize what she had.

 

So winter and summer time when she comes home, she lives with me. Its nice. I enjoy her being here with me. Our sex life is pretty nonexistent and there's not too much romance these days, but we spend every second together basically. It really screws with me to write this because i think about the teary eyed faces after i drop her off at the airport.

 

So, her second year in school. I got a new job. Because of this, we don't video call nearly as much as we used to. Infact, we're hardly talking much at all. She's always been a bit depressed, most of our interaction is her having trouble with certain things in life.

 

Now, here's the problem. I can live alone and survive while she's gone. I'm used to it. I'm a loner. I'm basically single, without being single. So, for the first time in 5 years, I'm developing feelings for a new girl i have met. I've been getting closer to this girl and we've been talking. I'm honestly not even sure if she's interested in me like that, but we flirt and she takes an interest in me. Laughs at all of my dumb jokes. For awhile, i thought i could just explore the possibility and hang out with this girl and if I realized there's no way it would work, i would just continue on my long distance relationship.

 

But my feelings are getting stronger. I can't help but lose focus and daydream every time i see this girl. Then, i get a message from my girlfriend and i get swept with nostalgia. I remember the 5 years we've spent together and i don't know if i want to throw that away. These feelings are enhanced because I'm in a LDR. I'm afraid of losing her, and jumping into a relationship and that one not lasting and wondering what the point was? I'm already with someone i am capable of marrying. Sure, there's a few things i don't like about her, but that is in every relationship. People are different.

 

So, a few days ago i was talking to this new girl about my weekend. I went out to a club where she was invited by another person and when she found out she was annoyed, saying that she should have gone but she was at a bar. She was about to mention being out with a guy, but backtracked and said person instead. This leads me to believe she's in the dating game and If i want to go out and explore something with this girl, I need to do it soon.

 

But is it worth it? Are these feelings so strong because its someone new? I don't know what i want but i can't have my cake and eat it too. I can't imagine my life without my girlfriend in it but i can't stop thinking about this other girl. I make excuses, that my girlfriend is younger than me and she'll feel this way too especially at college parties with all these guys there and if i let this go we'll just end in the future anyways.

 

I just don't know. I was going to ask her to dinner this weekend and see if there was anything there. But... Is that completely awful since i have a girlfriend?

Edited October 7, 2014 by ZimboGon

[Toodaloo]

In your case I think you need to sort yourself out first before you decide what you want.

 

All I will say is this.

 

Its screwy to go chasing after other women when you are in a relationship.

 

Its screwy to be in a relationship when you are not overly happy or intimate.

 

Your girlfriend just wants to dance... She wants to feel alive and that is not happening at the moment. Do you want to dance with her? Sometimes the question really is that simple.

 

The past is not a good enough reason to stay with someone... It should be because you want a future...

 

You don't sound as though you know what you want. Its unfair to string either along while you are like that...

[Tayken]

I enjoy her being here with me. Our sex life is pretty nonexistent and there's not too much romance these days, but we spend every second together basically. It really screws with me to write this because i think about the teary eyed faces after i drop her off at the airport.

 

@OP.....I do NOT know your age group, but by the sound of things, it's fair to say you are younger than I am. Anyway, The part I quoted pretty much sums up your whole post, and what you need to decide.

 

Relationships based on sex and sex only, ain't going to last....there is only so much shag you can have, and once the infatuation wears off, you are bound to come in short. Good relationships don't revolve around daily banging, they do other things non-sexual to keep each other engaged.

 

I can tell you that I like a good shag as much as the next man, and yes I consider myself damn good at it, whilst not being a selfish lover. However, I can also tell you that sex alone doesn't do it for me, and if I can't be drawn in by other attributes to keep me interested, then it's pretty much over after the 1st shag.

 

So what? You have to ask yourself what kind of relationship you are after i.e. is it one based on something more tangible or one based on infatuation?

[cdt76]

Did you ever mention in the initial post that you are head over heels in love with the girl who is away? It sounds like you say you are a loner but you want the companionship and love that a woman can bring. If you are in love with the distance then keep it. If you are with her just to be able to say you are in a relationship, then see other people. Just don't compare the new to the old. Everyone new is new and different and not like the old.

[ZimboGon]

I was head over heels for my girlfriend once upon a time. But we hardly see each other or talk.

[venusishername]

The past is not a good enough reason to stay with someone... It should be because you want a future......

 

Maybe it's time to let the past go and listen to your heart.

You can't ignore it forever. If you're having feelings and daydreams about someone other than the person you're with, it's really time to move on. You're torn between what you used to have in the past with your gf (which sounds like you simply grew apart), and what you want now that you have matured. People grow apart all the time, especially when you get together when you're young. It doesn't mean it is a bad relationship, it just means you both changed.

I don't think it's a good idea that you ask the other girl to dinner to see if there's anything there before you break it off with your gf. That's not fair to either. Instead of a date, why don't you just simply talk to her to find out?

I was in your shoes about three years ago. I decided to have a sit down with my long term bf (we were on and off like you are), and told him I wanted to end it, but I still loved him and wasn't completely sure but that I think we should separate. During that 'separation', I asked someone out that I was having daydreams and fantasies about to 'see if there was something there'. There was something there, and that put me in a very bad situation while still going through a breakup with my ex. Most people don't want to get involved on the rebound either, which is what happened to me. I would not suggest that you go out on a bonafide date with your crush until you are totally available to be dating.

Anyway, listen to your heart, and it will get you to that point.