He is trying to protect me by breaking up but I love him

[cookie411]

[color=blue][/color] Let me start off by laying it out on the table I haven't been eating lately because I miss him to much to think of anything else.(Let's call him Joe)Okay Joe and I have been going out for about 3 months.(well it would have been 3 months today)We met and connected right away.But he was involved with someone else but they were going through issues.So when he first started going out I was being used to get his girlfriend(I didn't know this of course)But then I broke it off because he was causing me too much drama.And he continued to be with his ex for another week after we broke up.Then went through hell all through October of 2004 which was dealing with her.Then November came and I wanted to become friends.So we did and he started "feeling" me again.But I had moved by then so it we were just friends.But I had developed feelings for him in November and I realized that this whole "just friends" thing wasn't going to work.So we got back together.But now the challenge of me living so far away now was a problem.His ex would constantly call his house.And she was brain washing him in a sense.Telling him she loved him and he was and is starting to believe her.And he told me just recently that he didn't want to put me through any more bull**** and that he wanted to break up.But that decision didn't sit with me well.And so I called him back that night and told him that I still love him.But he told me he needed time to think.So I guess that calmed me down but what if he just said that just to get rid of me?Does he really want to be with his ex that did him wrong or me who has been nothing but loving,kind and understanding of his feelings left for her?Please help me someone I really need to know if I should try to move on and if so how?And my birthday is next month will I have to spend my 19th b-day alone?HELP ME OUT!!!!!!!!

[LucreziaBorgia]

You'll need to put aside the idea that the things you did for him would have any effect on how he felt for his ex. That makes it seem like your failure: when in fact, its his - you offered, and he refused. You can control how well you treat your man, but you can't control whether or not he will accept or reject your offers. He rejected your offers. That makes it his fault, not yours. He can't help how he feels about his ex, any more than you can help how you feel about him. Imagine if some well meaning guy were to drop by tomorrow and offer you happiness. Would it make you love your ex any less? It might take your mind off of him, but it won't detract from how you feel.

 

What you'll have to do is let go of your hope for this relationship. He tried to break up with you, and you made it difficult for him to do the hard way so he's trying to do it the easy way: a slow freeze out disguised as 'thinking'. He is asking for you to let him get some distance. All you can do is give it to him. Let him know that you are willing to give him his time to think and go to 'no contact'. This will be for your benefit, rather than any trick to get him back. 'No contact' will allow you to get some unbiased, uninterrupted time to put your thoughts and heart back together. Pick up the phone and call up some friends and put together something for your birthday, and in the meantime maybe you can find some ways to tap that sadness while you are in the process of getting over him.

 

You'll want to take a look at The Lost Guide to No Contact and see if that gives you any insight.

[westernxer]

I feel for you, I really do, but it looks like he's going back to his ex. You have to give him credit for being honest with you. He could have kept it a secret, but he didn't, and you have to respect his decision, regardless of how you feel at the moment.

 

This happened to me a short while ago, too... she told me she decided to become exclusive with someone else. I wasn't too thrilled about it, but at least she was honest, and I wish her well (even though I won't be talking to her anytime soon -- maybe never again).

 

It's going to be tough in the beginning, but you've got to make an effort to get over him. Start hanging out with friends and get active in something to keep your mind off him. Also, do not call him, unless you want a setback.

 

Be strong.

 

Happy 19th Birthday.

 

And please get something to eat.

[cookie411]

I hear what you guys are saying but I just can't get it in my head that he really wants her.Like she said he was trying to break it off the hard way but I made it difficult.And I felt that way when I woke up the next morning.But it's just I am usually a strong person and people would tell you this but this whole "love" thing.I just don't get at all.How could he tell me he loves me and that he wants to be with me but yet always "needs to take a break".When he first told me that I can't even describe the feeling I felt.And he asked me to marry me but he need to get the money for the ring.

 

Please tell me this if someone really loves you wouldn't they try everything in their power to make it work?I have given him so many chances because I just can't see me having a happy life without him that I don't even know if there is a number that goes that high.I asked him one day if I had done something he had done and he told me in a hurry that he would break up with me forever.And that just didn't seem fair to me.Why is it that I am willing to look like a COMPLETE AND TOTAL DUMB ASS to be with him but he acts as if it wouldn't phase him?Is this what I stuck by him as a friend for?To be treated as if my feelings mean nothing?I love him with every nerve in my body and with out him I feel paralyzed.I really want him back.But not if I have to continue to be betrayed and cheated on and expected not to be mad.

 

I AM SUCH A DUMB ASS!!!To get with him knowing the consequences of being with him.But I thought out love was mutual.But if I have to share him with someone else that doesn't deserve what was meant for me then I rather be "my own best friend" as Beyonce said it.

[westernxer]

You reach out to someone and risk hurting yourself in the process, hoping they'll reciprocate. When they don't, it hurts. It hurts bad.

 

All you can do is pick yourself up and make a full recovery, never forgetting the pain you felt, but knowing you're all the wiser because of it.

 

Nothing is guaranteed, not even love. Don't let it kill you. There's plenty of chances to get it right.

[RecordProducer]

I only see a very superficial guy who is not only unstable and unreliable, but also takes what's easier for him to reach at the moment. He might be in love with his ex and that means he used you as a temporary consolation. Or he just got back with her, because she lives close and can offer him sex and company more often than you can.

Going back and forth with two girls doesn't speak very good about his personality. Not only that he hurt you both, but he shows a lack of self-respect.

And while most of us women tend to make drama about minor things, you're quite the opposite of that; you feel relieved that he will think about whether he wants to be with you. Who the hell is he to think about it while you're hanging on a hanger for him?! Your self-respect is critical too. You can do better than that.

Move on and forget him before it's too late. You're a nice girl and don't need the trouble of attaching emotionally to a bum like him! Good luck!