CT98 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 You're smiling or laughing about something and then you remember you shouldn't be laughing because she/he left you/they're with someone else etc I know it seems completely ridiculous, but I keep noticing it's happening to me, I'm worried I've got some serious mental condition from all of this.
Arient Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 I don't think it's strange, it happened to me too. During the first recovery phases or even now (sometimes), my laugh or my surge of sudden happiness just got cut if I let my memory went back to my ex. So just learn to divert your thoughts, I guess it will lessen as time goes by. 1
hedyo Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 I feel the opposite way. When I'm laughing at something and I remember the break up, I start feeling even better, because it reminds me that my happiness is not tied to my ex. 2
me85 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 You don't have a mental condition at all. You have a heart condition. )= I would be happy then feel sad because I wasn't able to share my happiness with my ex anymore. It hurt knowing that he wasn't there with me.
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 That used to happen to me in the early days of my BU. Now, when I'm happy or laugh and I think about him and the break up, it just makes me happier because it shows that I'm healing and that I will make it out the other side of this and be totally happy without him one day.
HereAndThenGone Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 You're smiling or laughing about something and then you remember you shouldn't be laughing because she/he left you/they're with someone else etc I know it seems completely ridiculous, but I keep noticing it's happening to me, I'm worried I've got some serious mental condition from all of this. I was totally feeling this like 2 days ago. I laughed at something my sister had said and then I got this huge sinking feeling right after. I hate that feeling.
d0nnivain Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Just because a bad thing happened doesn't mean your life is over. You can still be happy / laughing even while grieving / getting over your heartbreak. I was very grateful to everyone who made me smile after my parents died. being able to keep on living is important.
singsparkles Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 You're smiling or laughing about something and then you remember you shouldn't be laughing because she/he left you/they're with someone else etc I know it seems completely ridiculous, but I keep noticing it's happening to me, I'm worried I've got some serious mental condition from all of this. CT, You have no medical condition. Trust me:p This is just your way of coping with the situation. It's a coping mechanism. A lot of people feel laughter is a great cure in times if heartache or hardship and sometimes it works, believe it or not. My brother's best friend's mom died when she was only 17 and she coped with it by not exactly talking about it but constantly laughing and joking around with friends. Sometimes we don't want to talk about our emotions and instead we let them go and just smile and laugh. I don't think what you're doing is wrong, as long as you find happiness in it. If you're laughing/smiling but find miserableness while doing it, then it's no good and it's not a mechanism for you. Everyone's different. But trust me, you're not crazy.
AaronSG Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 This oddly enough happens to me, if it's laughing at something funny, or maybe what someone says, yeah I'll start laughing pretty good! But then it's like there's a part of my mind that almost reminds me that "remember Aaron, you don't have your ex-fiance here, better not have a funny moment, remember, we used to share moments like this"! Then it's as if something inside me shuts down, gets a little closed off, then the reality of the fact that I'v suffered a breakup hits me. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy, it's been over 2 months now, thought I'd be past this kind of stuff.
mefisto Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 You're smiling or laughing about something and then you remember you shouldn't be laughing because she/he left you/they're with someone else etc I know it seems completely ridiculous, but I keep noticing it's happening to me, I'm worried I've got some serious mental condition from all of this. I can totally relate to this phenomenon. I guess its pretty normal way for the mind to cope like this after tragedy happened. I also having a chest pain every time when i remembering about my ex. Somebody else experienced the chest pain when memories are suddenly popping in your mind?
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I can totally relate to this phenomenon. I guess its pretty normal way for the mind to cope like this after tragedy happened. I also having a chest pain every time when i remembering about my ex. Somebody else experienced the chest pain when memories are suddenly popping in your mind? Yeah I get this too sometimes! It's like a hollow ache, for me.
ralfgarnett Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 You're smiling or laughing about something and then you remember you shouldn't be laughing because she/he left you/they're with someone else etc I know it seems completely ridiculous, but I keep noticing it's happening to me, I'm worried I've got some serious mental condition from all of this. Thank god someone else has noticed this I too thought I had a problem, I mentioned it to my counsellor on Monday and she really picked up on it and asked me to explain more about it, seems its a normal reaction, oh well one less thing to worry about, anyone else get slight rib or quite tight back and shoulder muscle aches ?, my shoulders have felt light lead for the last 3 months until last week when I found a good way to relieve the pain, if anyone wants to know just ask and yes it is legal and no it doesn't involve vodka.
mefisto Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Yeah I get this too sometimes! It's like a hollow ache, for me. Its good to know im not alone with these feelings. Do you think its dangerous for health? I can't stop it just with my will.
Author CT98 Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 This oddly enough happens to me, if it's laughing at something funny, or maybe what someone says, yeah I'll start laughing pretty good! But then it's like there's a part of my mind that almost reminds me that "remember Aaron, you don't have your ex-fiance here, better not have a funny moment, remember, we used to share moments like this"! Then it's as if something inside me shuts down, gets a little closed off, then the reality of the fact that I'v suffered a breakup hits me. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy, it's been over 2 months now, thought I'd be past this kind of stuff. That's the feeling mate, exactly what I get!
Author CT98 Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 Thank god someone else has noticed this I too thought I had a problem, I mentioned it to my counsellor on Monday and she really picked up on it and asked me to explain more about it, seems its a normal reaction, oh well one less thing to worry about, anyone else get slight rib or quite tight back and shoulder muscle aches ?, my shoulders have felt light lead for the last 3 months until last week when I found a good way to relieve the pain, if anyone wants to know just ask and yes it is legal and no it doesn't involve vodka. That's a normal part of grief/stress mate, nothing to worry about. I don't have that but a lot of the time I have a dull ache in my stomach.
ralfgarnett Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Why does it affect us like this ?, why do those that we love and supposed were loved by cause us such heartache and pain, today I found many of the love letters we swapped when we first met over the first few years, it hurt to read them again if only life was like that now, in 13 weeks there has not been a day that I haven't cried, I vowed today I wouldn't cry but once again from time to time I have sobbed my eyes out with pain and sorrow and fear, I used to be brave, I used to laugh, have confidence, had love and loved, now I feel half dead, so lost so lonely so confused so sad, I am certain that I will never ever feel happy ever again, I miss her I yearn and crave for her so much, when will it all end ?.
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Its good to know im not alone with these feelings. Do you think its dangerous for health? I can't stop it just with my will. You're definitely not alone! I don't think it's dangerous to your health, per se. My theory on it is that it's a physical manifestation of the emotional pain we're in. Some people feel pain in their stomach, others in the chest region, and some people in other places. For me it comes and goes. If you're really worried about it and are in physical distress over it, definitely get it checked out though! Do you find it goes away a little if you get distracted or are busy doing something where you don't think about your ex?
herself Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I remember being shocked to catch myself smiling for the first time. I also get the chest pains or that heavy feeling often. I agree its part of the greiving process.
Author CT98 Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 Why does it affect us like this ?, why do those that we love and supposed were loved by cause us such heartache and pain, today I found many of the love letters we swapped when we first met over the first few years, it hurt to read them again if only life was like that now, in 13 weeks there has not been a day that I haven't cried, I vowed today I wouldn't cry but once again from time to time I have sobbed my eyes out with pain and sorrow and fear, I used to be brave, I used to laugh, have confidence, had love and loved, now I feel half dead, so lost so lonely so confused so sad, I am certain that I will never ever feel happy ever again, I miss her I yearn and crave for her so much, when will it all end ?. I think you have to make the decision that you want to be happy. When you say you are certain that you won't ever feel happy again that's what you're going to get. Why not change it to 'I am not at my happiest at the minute, but this is only a temporary problem and it will pass, I will be happy and I will love again.' I think a lot of healing comes down to wanting to feel better, and adjusting your thought patterns. I'm no expert and at times I feel terrible, but you get to a point where you're sick of being unhappy, it does happen, and that's when you can begin to rebuild yourself to where you want to be.
Jet Lag Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 my shoulders have felt light lead for the last 3 months until last week when I found a good way to relieve the pain, if anyone wants to know just ask and yes it is legal and no it doesn't involve vodka. Did you want to share?
preraph Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 One thing it's important to remember is just because a relationship ended or ended badly or whatever doesn't mean you have to not enjoy the memory of the fun times eventually. It's just not a good idea to dwell on them until you're well past mourning the breakup. But then that is your life experience and you get to carry those fun memories your whole life and enjoy them. So breakup is not a total loss. You still had those experiences and they belong to you.
mefisto Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 >My theory on it is that it's a physical manifestation of the emotional pain we're in. I think you are right. >If you're really worried about it and are in physical distress over it, definitely get it checked out though! I was at doctor, he said its pure neurological and i can't do anything about it. >Do you find it goes away a little if you get distracted or are busy doing something where you don't think about your ex? Yeah it goes away a little. But in the moments, where i am the most vulnerable, especially at night, at the bed, it hits me hard. Do you also feel like you are more vulnerable to it this pain night?
siochana Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Surprised by Joy BY WILLIAM WORDSWORTH Surprised by joy—impatient as the Wind I turned to share the transport—Oh! with whom But Thee, long buried in the silent Tomb, That spot which no vicissitude can find? Love, faithful love, recalled thee to my mind— But how could I forget thee?—Through what power, Even for the least division of an hour, Have I been so beguiled as to be blind To my most grievous loss!—That thought’s return Was the worst pang that sorrow ever bore, Save one, one only, when I stood forlorn, Knowing my heart’s best treasure was no more; That neither present time, nor years unborn Could to my sight that heavenly face restore.
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