Beautiful Kisses Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Basically I realized he's a player and was just using me for a sexual favors telling me what I wanted hear The last time I heard from him was last week after he used me for a bj. He ignored me all weekend ( as usual) and now out of the blue he's texting me "good morning baby girl" with smiley face. Honestly I don't want to talk to him knowing now what type of person he truly is. I don't want to fall back in his sweet talk trap again. I think he's playing games. The last time I was ignoring him, he still kept texting and calling me. Should I ignore him or say something about him using me? I appreciate any advice. Thanks
Zahara Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Should I ignore him or say something about him using me? I appreciate any advice. Thanks No, keep absolute NC. Block him because you don't need someone that uses you to have access to you. You're accountable for your own actions. At some point you knew he was using you. You knew something was wrong. But you still engaged him. \ There is no use pointing out his wrongdoing. He knows it's wrong, he just doesn't care how it affects you so reprimanding isn't going to do anything. The best way to deal is to ignore, block and move on. 3
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 For ME, I am one that needs closure on most things. If I were in your shoes and came to this realization, I would text him back letting him know that he can lose my number and that I'm done with HIM. Then block him officially. DO NOT go into any girlie explanation because he won't give a sh*t anyway. Easy peasy It feels good to gain back some control after all. Good luck. 1
Author Beautiful Kisses Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 I think I was in denial because he kept promising me that he would start hanging out with me more instead of only quick hook ups. Telling me he cares about me and blah blah blah...
Author Beautiful Kisses Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 Thanks! That's what I was thinking like I just want to tell him, you got what you wanted now leave me alone. Loose my number. Actually I told him to loose my number before when he disappeared the reappeared and he told me he was going to keep contacting me. Smh. Love the quote BTW 1
Zahara Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Then he texted me telling me he missed me and really needed to see me. I gave in, and met up with him. We were really happy to see each other since it had been a month since we last seen each other. we hugged , kissed got in his car in started talking. Then about 5 min later he pulled out his d*ck and said "show daddy how much you miss him". Requesting a bj. I did it and we both enjoyed it. . You need to have standards and boundaries, OP. You cannot do the things you do and expect men to take you seriously. This guy disappears for a mont, ignores you all that time and the moment he reappears, and behaves like an absolute douchebag, you give him what he wants. Who the heck cares whether you liked the bj or not. Just because you like it, it doesn't mean you just do whatever a man tells you to do -- and deep down inside you were doing it to please him, to make him want you, like you. This is where you are accountable for your own actions. You're 24. Start creating healthy boundaries for yourself. Expect better because you know you deserve it. 4
Redhead14 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Handle it with dignity. You call him. You state your concerns and respectfully tell him you are no longer interested. You tell him not to contact you again and then go to no contact. Don't be bitter or mean. Truthfully, you have a share in how all this happened. The very first point in which you even felt like you were being used, you didn't stop it there. So, he was just being a guy. Not that that's an excuse. The fact is that you do not KNOW for sure what's going on in his head. All you know is that the arrangement isn't working for YOU.
Author Beautiful Kisses Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 Deep down inside I really did do it to please him hoping he would like me as much as I liked him. I thought that if I gave him what he wanted he would want to go out with me somewhere again. I realized I was wrong. He will never change, he never meant any of those things he ever told me 2
Redhead14 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Deep down inside I really did do it to please him hoping he would like me as much as I liked him. I thought that if I gave him what he wanted he would want to go out with me somewhere again. I realized I was wrong. He will never change, he never meant any of those things he ever told me That is a very mature and insightful, honest revelation. Remember this for the future. I am willing to bet that this man told you other things that were more about what he was looking for . . . you simply chose not to hear them. You heard what you wanted to hear. Men do tell you more than you think. Most of them are honest even if they are players, we just don't want it to be so. 1
stillafool Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 No he didn't mean what he told you. He used you for another bj. He will call again when it is your turn to give him another bj again. Don't go around giving men bjs who do nothing for you. Has he taken you out to dinner, cooked you dinner, a concert, taken you away for the weekend or anything that has shown you he is trying to impress you? He is using you like a prostitute and you're letting him. There is no reason to call him and tell him you don't want to see him anymore because he will take that as your excuse to talk to him and he will end up getting you to give him another bj. Just show him you are stronger by blocking him and not talking to him ever again.
Tayken Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Deep down inside I really did do it to please him hoping he would like me as much as I liked him. I thought that if I gave him what he wanted he would want to go out with me somewhere again. I realized I was wrong. He will never change, he never meant any of those things he ever told me @OP.....I am sorry to hear about your predicament! It sucks (no pun intended) when that happens doesn't it? You've heard what others have said, but here is the otherside...from a man. I'll urge you to dump him PRONTO. If communication isn't forth coming from the onset / you find yourself doing most of the talk, that is always a good indication of what you can expect in your proceed with a person. I consider myself a Veteran at dating, and in the last month alone, I have shutdown 2 women who did exactly what you are speaking of. Their excuse? It's not even worth me telling you because it's blatant BS. That being said, when a woman is quick to handout BJs, there is a tendency for most men to take that as common practice for every man she dates, hence you become part of a statistics and trash talk with their buddies. Your age is irrelevant so I won't ask....We've read here recently of people going on dates, and dropping everything because a guy had muscles or something silly like that 1
verhrzn Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Deep down inside I really did do it to please him hoping he would like me as much as I liked him. I thought that if I gave him what he wanted he would want to go out with me somewhere again. I realized I was wrong. He will never change, he never meant any of those things he ever told me Don't look at what a person says, look at how they act. He is not acting as if he likes you. I know it's tough, but you just gotta put him on Ignore and move on. You should only give him what he wants if 1) it's a mutual interaction-each of you giving and building something together or 2) you want to give him something and expect nothing back. If you are giving in the hopes that he'll reciprocate sometime, you are going to get yourself in a bad spot. 1
Author Beautiful Kisses Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 Thank you. You are right about this also. He told me that he's trying to get his life situated right now and he's doesn't have a lot of time . He said he has a busy lifestyle. Now the question is should I even be mad at him now? I mean yes he told me this in the beginning, but when I left him alone he came back to me telling me things like he would have more time for me when he didn't even have to tell me that. He just told me that to get me to see him to get what he wanted. Granted he maybe did really "miss me", but I'm willing to bet he missed the things I did for him more.
Gaeta Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 You need to give him a full blown rejection, one he will remember before contacting you again. Those men are used to be given the silent treatment, they know if they insist and insist eventually the girl will reply to them. To them a no-reply means there is still an open door. You've proven him already that tactic works. As long as a girl does not tell them to F-off they will keep at it. I would reject him and make it memorable. 1
Author Beautiful Kisses Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 Thanks for your kind words & wisdom. I'm going to just leave him alone. I wish him the best & its best for the both of us. Sometimes I can be easy to manipulate because I'm so kind and caring, I always want to give people the benefit of the doubt and second chances.I've always been like that, I just can't loose myself in the process.
Author Beautiful Kisses Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 Thank you for your advice. I'm 23 & he's 34
stillafool Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 I think you should go for guys closer to your own age. I'm thinking they will treat you better. I wish you the best.
mammasita Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 OP, based on your other post....yes you need to ignore this guy because he sucks you in like a damn vacuum and you continue to fall for it. BLOCK AND IGNORE. 1
Author Beautiful Kisses Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 Oh I also told him before I gave him a bj the last time that I didn't want to do it because I didn't want to come off easy and I didn't want him to like at me in that type of way. He told me not to worry what people thought about me, it shouldn't matter what he thinks or anybody else thinks until h toe eventually talked me into it.
Tayken Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Thank you for your advice. I'm 23 & he's 34 Ah....Yes, you got used by an experienced man, and whilst I can see why you might have went for an older man as opposed to someone in your age group, I completely get it because most of the ones in your category aren't exactly mature. If I may....try to find other things to occupy your mind i.e. hobbies / interests / career as opposed to chasing men. The last thing you want is a rebound, and the thought that you can't be alone. Most of the time this is what leads to some women quick to give the BJ, thinking the guy will want them. I am also currently understanding why older men pursue younger women instead now, putting the looks aside for a second and considering other factors. I am finding more and more women in their 40s to be a really piece of work e.g. low self esteem, delusional, not a clue what really matters in a relationship, and with excess baggage that could potentially affect you in you get involved with them. So it's no wonder older men are chasing the young ones who are free-spirited, come with less baggage, and spontaneous.
mammasita Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Oh I also told him before I gave him a bj the last time that I didn't want to do it because I didn't want to come off easy and I didn't want him to like at me in that type of way. He told me not to worry what people thought about me, it shouldn't matter what he thinks or anybody else thinks until h toe eventually talked me into it. Honey this guy is playing you. Does he ever kiss you?
Author Beautiful Kisses Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 Yes we kiss A LOT when we're together. As soon as we meet up we hug and kiss, I noticed he hugs me really tight like he doesn't want to let me go.
Recommended Posts