Jet Lag Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 So, it has been about 2 months since the breakup. We have had limited contact. I caught up with the ex yesterday for some understanding. He told me his love for me hasn't changed but he is seeing other people and admitted it wouldn't be long till he was in another relationship. He said we could hang out together if I wanted. Then this morning after some emails he mentioned he has had a recurring dream about having two more babies. This was too much. I said we needed to go no contact (unfortunately our kids are best friends so there will still be some and we live in a country town and will constantly run into each other). Anyway, I guess I need support and encouragement from you guys to not go back there. Already the no contact is making me miss him more and feel unsettled. I understand it is the right thing for me but it is so hard. I have never had a broken heart before.
hockeydan Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 The thing about NC is that it sometimes gets worse before it gets better. NC begins the disconnect between your feelings for your ex, but not without a fight. You will have some pretty bad days, some days I could barely get out of bed, and I would only move on the couch and watch Hulu all day. The first few are by far the worst, but it gets easier. You will be up and then you will crash down hard, but then you will get back up again. It really is a roller coaster of emotion, but you will start to see more highs and less lows. And the lows will be less painful, you will be able to shake them off easier. This is an endurance challenge and you can do this! 3
Author Jet Lag Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 The thing about NC is that it sometimes gets worse before it gets better. NC begins the disconnect between your feelings for your ex, but not without a fight. You will have some pretty bad days, some days I could barely get out of bed, and I would only move on the couch and watch Hulu all day. The first few are by far the worst, but it gets easier. You will be up and then you will crash down hard, but then you will get back up again. It really is a roller coaster of emotion, but you will start to see more highs and less lows. And the lows will be less painful, you will be able to shake them off easier. This is an endurance challenge and you can do this! Thanks. It is just so hard to want to be disconnected when you really just want to be together. It is just sad.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 You are in love with an idea, and romanced by it too, But please remember that this guy isn't for you. He's told you that his feelings aren't the same, and you deserve someone who will give you his last name. Don't stop loving him, love is the greatest gift of all. But don't expect him to stop his dating...or stall. No contact is best, you will heal with time. Meet some more men, and be sure to suggest a wine!
Elle1975 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 The thing about NC is that it sometimes gets worse before it gets better. And there it is. 1
Author Jet Lag Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 With no contact, are you meant to try to stop yourself even thinking about your ex? So if he comes into my mind, am I meant to put something else in my mind? Struggling.
Bella2 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 With no contact, are you meant to try to stop yourself even thinking about your ex? So if he comes into my mind, am I meant to put something else in my mind? Struggling. You should not force yourself NOT to think about him. It's basic psychology. The more you try NOT to think about something, you will think about it (Do Not Think Of A Pink Elephant! Do Not Think Of A Pink Elephant!) What you should try to do is, when you have a thought about him of an image, say to yourself: "It's just a thought. It's not reality, it's the past. It's just a thought" And let that thought go away like a cloud in the sky. Google "mindfullness". It's a way to control your thinking and very useful. Good luck to you!!!
Bella2 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 The thing about NC is that it sometimes gets worse before it gets better. NC begins the disconnect between your feelings for your ex, but not without a fight. You will have some pretty bad days, some days I could barely get out of bed, and I would only move on the couch and watch Hulu all day. The first few are by far the worst, but it gets easier. You will be up and then you will crash down hard, but then you will get back up again. It really is a roller coaster of emotion, but you will start to see more highs and less lows. And the lows will be less painful, you will be able to shake them off easier. This is an endurance challenge and you can do this! For me it's been 6 weeks, and 4 weeks no contact (allthough I bumped into him twice with the new girlfriend, yaaay). The first week I spent in bed, feeling horrible. The second week I went back to work, still feeling horrible. Then sometimes I would have a moment that it felt like all would be fine, followed by more horrible. The last days I've been feeling a lot clearer in the head, not so anxious, not so depressed. When I think of him, it doesn't even really hurt that much. So, as everyone says, it's a rollercoaster, and all we can do is sit through the ride. But we can do it
Author Jet Lag Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 You should not force yourself NOT to think about him. It's basic psychology. The more you try NOT to think about something, you will think about it (Do Not Think Of A Pink Elephant! Do Not Think Of A Pink Elephant!) What you should try to do is, when you have a thought about him of an image, say to yourself: "It's just a thought. It's not reality, it's the past. It's just a thought" And let that thought go away like a cloud in the sky. Google "mindfullness". It's a way to control your thinking and very useful. Good luck to you!!! Thanks. I've looked up mindfulness. I'll have a go at some of the exercises.
Author Jet Lag Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 For me it's been 6 weeks, and 4 weeks no contact (allthough I bumped into him twice with the new girlfriend, yaaay). The first week I spent in bed, feeling horrible. The second week I went back to work, still feeling horrible. Then sometimes I would have a moment that it felt like all would be fine, followed by more horrible. The last days I've been feeling a lot clearer in the head, not so anxious, not so depressed. When I think of him, it doesn't even really hurt that much. So, as everyone says, it's a rollercoaster, and all we can do is sit through the ride. But we can do it Thanks Bella. I am trying to believe it does get better and eventually pass. I too am now having moments when I feel fine...though I think that is still mostly when I am in denial. Kind or waiting for him to rethink and wonder what he was thinking and coming back. When the denial disappears for a minute, then I start freaking out...the thought of not being with him so hurts. Also today, two people asked would I be seeing him this week. These are people who were not aware of our relationship but just our close friendship. I am trying not to be reminded of him all the time.
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