KeepCalmCarryOn Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 I have been doing the OLD thing for the last 3-4 years and I haven't met anyone. I have been on hundreds of dates and dated short term (believe me I tried to make it long term) and nothing. It just seems like every guy wants to hook up. Like even the ones who say they don't will throw in a sexual comment. It's starting to piss me off. I don't know how to handle it. I just get pissed at those guys or ignore them. Is it possible to find an attractive person who actually wants a long term relationship online? I know I should invest in a paid site but I was on Match and found no one. So I don't know that I want to waste the money anymore.
katinlc Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Yes, it is possible. I found my current boyfriend on Match. We've been talking since the end of July and became official last week. One of my closest friends met her husband on Match, as well. It does take a lot of patience and weeding out, but there are good guys on there.
LoneIsland Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 I have been doing the OLD thing for the last 3-4 years and I haven't met anyone. I have been on hundreds of dates and dated short term (believe me I tried to make it long term) and nothing. It just seems like every guy wants to hook up. Like even the ones who say they don't will throw in a sexual comment. It's starting to piss me off. I don't know how to handle it. I just get pissed at those guys or ignore them. Is it possible to find an attractive person who actually wants a long term relationship online? I know I should invest in a paid site but I was on Match and found no one. So I don't know that I want to waste the money anymore. You handle it by starting to understand men. For men, love needs a physical connection. They can never work without that, at least for the healthy normal ones. If you cannot accept men for what they are, you are better off with a female partner who can probably mange to never throw in any sexual comment.
Author KeepCalmCarryOn Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 You handle it by starting to understand men. For men, love needs a physical connection. They can never work without that, at least for the healthy normal ones. If you cannot accept men for what they are, you are better off with a female partner who can probably mange to never throw in any sexual comment. The thing is I have given in and had sex soon in dating and I still didn't get the relationship
Author KeepCalmCarryOn Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 Yes, it is possible. I found my current boyfriend on Match. We've been talking since the end of July and became official last week. One of my closest friends met her husband on Match, as well. It does take a lot of patience and weeding out, but there are good guys on there. How long were you on match?
LoneIsland Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 The thing is I have given in and had sex soon in dating and I still didn't get the relationship Then perhaps you made bad choices. Going by many people's posts here, I'd say women instinctively make bad choice regarding men and end up with not what they hope for. Did those men tell you why they did not want a relationship with you ? It may not be their fault entirely. Maybe you scare them in some way. I am not saying this is true, just a possibility.
katinlc Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 How long were you on match? Right at 6 months. I had very little luck up until then. I had been out with two other guys from the site I believe. I also have been on POF on/off since Thanksgiving and had lots of dates from there but no luck in a real relationship. One thing I found from online dating is it really helped me understand myself better and what I was actually looking for in a mate. My profile (as well as the guy I was looking for) changed significantly in this time as I learned about myself and what I was looking for. I also learned to not write off guys immediately after a first date if it wasn't all fireworks/butterflies/Disney movie feeling. When I met my current boyfriend, I had a lot going on with work and talking to another guy I kind of liked. I could have easily written him off, but I didn't. It took us 3 weeks to have a second date due to my crazy work schedule, but he just patiently waited, calling or texting every couple of days to check in. I tell him I am so grateful he waited and was patient with me while I handled an unbelievably crazy and stressful time in my life because he's the reason we are together.
umirano Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 If you cannot accept men for what they are, you are better off with a female partner who can probably mange to never throw in any sexual comment. Sexual orientation is not a matter of choice. Your "advice" is ludicrous. 3
LoneIsland Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 (edited) Sexual orientation is not a matter of choice. Your "advice" is ludicrous. My observation is that the orientation is not as firm in women. So my suggestion is a viable solution. In any case, sex doesn't have to come in to play. Plenty of women can survive with just the emotional connection and companionship. Two hetro women can come together as intimate friends or sisters and share a life. Edited October 7, 2014 by LoneIsland
Author KeepCalmCarryOn Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 My observation is that the orientation is not as firm in women. So my suggestion is a viable solution. In any case, sex doesn't have to come in to play. Plenty of women can survive with just the emotional connection and companionship. Two hetro women can come together as intimate friends and share a life. Well I'm not a lesbian, I don't even like women much as friends so I would never date one and I want marriage and babies which I couldn't have (the way I want) with a woman. So... Bad advice
LoneIsland Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Well I'm not a lesbian, I don't even like women much as friends so I would never date one and I want marriage and babies which I couldn't have (the way I want) with a woman. So... Bad advice If babies are what you want and you can afford them, it's not hard at all to become a single mom. I can't imagine many men would refuse to help you in that regard. How about becoming a single mom, and then find yourself a live-in intimate friend or sister. Then you have the babies and some semblance of a family. This will save you the hassle of wasting more of your time with men who are basically good for nothing sex maniacs..
Author KeepCalmCarryOn Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 If babies are what you want and you can afford them, it's not hard at all to become a single mom. I can't imagine many men would refuse to help you in that regard. How about becoming a single mom, and then find yourself a live-in intimate friend or sister. Then you have the babies and some semblance of a family. This will save you the hassle of wasting more of your time with men who are basically good for nothing sex maniacs.. I don't want that kind of family. Nothing against it but not what I want. I want marriage, a wedding to a MAN, and babies. Your advice is so awful I'm sorry just stop. I don't want to be a single mom. If it happens then it happens I guess but I'm not going to intentionally go out and seek it. Im 23 I mean while I think that's old to be single I don't necessarily have to resort to that yet.
Gaeta Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 I have been doing the OLD thing for the last 3-4 years and I haven't met anyone. I have been on hundreds of dates and dated short term (believe me I tried to make it long term) and nothing. It just seems like every guy wants to hook up. Like even the ones who say they don't will throw in a sexual comment. It's starting to piss me off. I don't know how to handle it. I just get pissed at those guys or ignore them. Is it possible to find an attractive person who actually wants a long term relationship online? I know I should invest in a paid site but I was on Match and found no one. So I don't know that I want to waste the money anymore. I have been through the same experience as you, I am still single after 3 years searching. Those dating sites are full of men recently out of relationships. They're not looking for 'the one', they're looking for 'someone - anyone' to use as a band-aid. It's also a place where men are always looking for the next best thing, or the next best deal. I always get a great first date, I have never met a man that did not wish to see me again. We go on 2-3-4 dates then he starts wondering who else out there would be cuter. Other scenario. They think they're ready for a relationship but are lying to themselves. Once they meet you and realize you mean business, you are ready to invest time and feelings then they panic, they realize they're not THAT ready after all. These men are usually 24-7 online. Then, even though you don't want to, you become the victim of this dynamic. You've met so many men that fled away that now when you meet someone new you are convinced he'll do the same so why put in any special efforts. You wait for him to prove to you he's different, he waits for you to prove you are different, and you're like 2 ships passing each other. On a more positive note I know plenty of long term relationships couples that have met online, have married, are parents, etc. It used to give me hope, not anymore, well it doesn't this morning.
LoneIsland Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 (edited) I don't want that kind of family. Nothing against it but not what I want. I want marriage, a wedding to a MAN, and babies. Your advice is so awful I'm sorry just stop. I don't want to be a single mom. If it happens then it happens I guess but I'm not going to intentionally go out and seek it. Im 23 I mean while I think that's old to be single I don't necessarily have to resort to that yet. At least you have an option should you ever need it. Since you are so young perhaps you give up too easily. If there's nothing about you that is scaring the men away, then it's not hard to get what you want. Next time you look for a guy, don't dismiss the guy who places his heart on a plate and gives it to you on the first date. Your instincts will tell you he's a playa and a fake. He is not. He's someone who can't find anyone because he doesn't know how girls work. He would make a good candidate for what you are looking for because he has no other options. He doesn't know how to be a playa even if he wanted to. So if you make sure he has a reasonable job and you like his looks and health, there's a high chance he will want a relationship with you because, again, no other girl will be interested in him because he simply doesn't understand how girls work. Also he will have no other source for sex, so he will want it with you for weeks, months, or even years. That would be a relationship in the making, no ? Not to mention plenty of babies. Edited October 7, 2014 by LoneIsland
Frank2thepoint Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 One thing I found from online dating is it really helped me understand myself better and what I was actually looking for in a mate. My profile (as well as the guy I was looking for) changed significantly in this time as I learned about myself and what I was looking for. I also learned to not write off guys immediately after a first date if it wasn't all fireworks/butterflies/Disney movie feeling. When I met my current boyfriend, I had a lot going on with work and talking to another guy I kind of liked. I could have easily written him off, but I didn't. It took us 3 weeks to have a second date due to my crazy work schedule, but he just patiently waited, calling or texting every couple of days to check in. I tell him I am so grateful he waited and was patient with me while I handled an unbelievably crazy and stressful time in my life because he's the reason we are together. I commend you for sticking it out, being patient, and also allowing yourself to learn about your requirements and about yourself. It is also very good that you didn't write a guy off immediately, just because little-to-no spark. That's how you get to know someone in my opinion. Basic attraction is necessary of course, but beyond the dazzle, you need to know the person to allow yourself to fall in love. I have been through the same experience as you, I am still single after 3 years searching. Those dating sites are full of men recently out of relationships. They're not looking for 'the one', they're looking for 'someone - anyone' to use as a band-aid. It's also a place where men are always looking for the next best thing, or the next best deal. I always get a great first date, I have never met a man that did not wish to see me again. We go on 2-3-4 dates then he starts wondering who else out there would be cuter. The not-so-funny-thing is when I did online dating years ago, I encountered similar type of women. Maybe they weren't using it as a band-aid/salve primarily, but definitely thought they could find the next best thing. I too gave up on it, because it was very superficial. There wasn't an earnest attempt to get to know someone after you get past the initial attraction. But, my recent girlfriend -- and sadly now my ex-girlfriend -- I did meet online. Of course it wasn't a dating website, but nevertheless, it was online. So there is a possibility for meeting someone that turns into a relationship.
MissBee Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 I have been doing the OLD thing for the last 3-4 years and I haven't met anyone. I have been on hundreds of dates and dated short term (believe me I tried to make it long term) and nothing. It just seems like every guy wants to hook up. Like even the ones who say they don't will throw in a sexual comment. It's starting to piss me off. I don't know how to handle it. I just get pissed at those guys or ignore them. Is it possible to find an attractive person who actually wants a long term relationship online? I know I should invest in a paid site but I was on Match and found no one. So I don't know that I want to waste the money anymore. Of course it's possible. It's happened for other people. My last two boyfriends were men I met online. We didn't get married but they were normal men who were educated and intelligent, who sent me decent messages, who wanted a real relationship and wanted to settle down, and we dated for a while and broke up just like it would be if I'd met them elsewhere. There is no formula to it though. Sometimes you just get lucky and other times you don't. Most men who messaged me weren't men I was into, but that's also in the offline world. Most men who approach me out and about are also men I'm not interested in. So I OLD with that mentality.
Tayken Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I commend you for sticking it out, being patient, and also allowing yourself to learn about your requirements and about yourself. It is also very good that you didn't write a guy off immediately, just because little-to-no spark. That's how you get to know someone in my opinion. Basic attraction is necessary of course, but beyond the dazzle, you need to know the person to allow yourself to fall in love. The not-so-funny-thing is when I did online dating years ago, I encountered similar type of women. Maybe they weren't using it as a band-aid/salve primarily, but definitely thought they could find the next best thing. I too gave up on it, because it was very superficial. There wasn't an earnest attempt to get to know someone after you get past the initial attraction. But, my recent girlfriend -- and sadly now my ex-girlfriend -- I did meet online. Of course it wasn't a dating website, but nevertheless, it was online. So there is a possibility for meeting someone that turns into a relationship. Bravo to your post, and there is an irony to the post you responded to as to what is being discussed. Lets just say it goes back to people actually figuring out what it is they want, understand it, drop the drama and head games, and be adults.
Gloria25 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 You handle it by starting to understand men. For men, love needs a physical connection. They can never work without that, at least for the healthy normal ones. If you cannot accept men for what they are, you are better off with a female partner who can probably mange to never throw in any sexual comment. I agree with you ^^, but IMO, the issue with OLD is not that these guys are looking to make a connection with women (a RL), they are looking to get-off - in other words a hook-up (or maybe as many hook-ups they can get before the chick figures out what's up).
Gloria25 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Of course it's possible. It's happened for other people. My last two boyfriends were men I met online. We didn't get married but they were normal men who were educated and intelligent, who sent me decent messages, who wanted a real relationship and wanted to settle down, and we dated for a while and broke up just like it would be if I'd met them elsewhere. There is no formula to it though. Sometimes you just get lucky and other times you don't. Most men who messaged me weren't men I was into, but that's also in the offline world. Most men who approach me out and about are also men I'm not interested in. So I OLD with that mentality. Eh, I sorta agree...I've met some ok guys on there, but they're far and few...But, I can't say those guys had any long-term potential cuz I wasn't looking for marriage. I think some people say OLD is a "numbers" game... But still, even for a casual thing, I still don't like OLD cuz too many fakes, flakes and guys who don't want a casual thing - they just want a hook-up, like a ONS. I want him to come back for 2nds, 3rds, etc - even though I'm not looking for marriage, kids, and the whole "white picket fence".
Tayken Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I want him to come back for 2nds, 3rds, etc - even though I'm not looking for marriage, kids, and the whole "white picket fence". Well....so is every other woman, but the problem there is why should they come back to you, when there are others willing to offer the same thing? There are other factors that play into it as to if a person is willing to do the Oliver Twist thing i.e. was it really that good, did I find myself doing all the work, it didn't turn out to be what I thought it will be, etc
quidproquo89 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I commend you for sticking it out, being patient, and also allowing yourself to learn about your requirements and about yourself. It is also very good that you didn't write a guy off immediately, just because little-to-no spark. That's how you get to know someone in my opinion. Basic attraction is necessary of course, but beyond the dazzle, you need to know the person to allow yourself to fall in love. The not-so-funny-thing is when I did online dating years ago, I encountered similar type of women. Maybe they weren't using it as a band-aid/salve primarily, but definitely thought they could find the next best thing. I too gave up on it, because it was very superficial. There wasn't an earnest attempt to get to know someone after you get past the initial attraction. But, my recent girlfriend -- and sadly now my ex-girlfriend -- I did meet online. Of course it wasn't a dating website, but nevertheless, it was online. So there is a possibility for meeting someone that turns into a relationship. so right! love that point
katinlc Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 I commend you for sticking it out, being patient, and also allowing yourself to learn about your requirements and about yourself. It is also very good that you didn't write a guy off immediately, just because little-to-no spark. That's how you get to know someone in my opinion. Basic attraction is necessary of course, but beyond the dazzle, you need to know the person to allow yourself to fall in love. I am so grateful I didn't write him off! There wasn't an immediate huge spark (which may have been because I was so distracted/busy), but he was a nice guy and perfect for me on paper, so I decided to give it some time. What did I find? That he is the nicest, sweetest, most thoughtful guy I have ever met. I could truly see spending the rest of my life with him (of course only time will tell).
Gloria25 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Well....so is every other woman, but the problem there is why should they come back to you, when there are others willing to offer the same thing? There are other factors that play into it as to if a person is willing to do the Oliver Twist thing i.e. was it really that good, did I find myself doing all the work, it didn't turn out to be what I thought it will be, etc True, but IMO, guys who are just looking to hook-up are pretty much about numbers, "flavor of the week", or keeping it down to one or two encounters cuz they believe that's the best way to avoid the woman getting attached and they want to see a variety of women. I also think some love the thrill of the chase.
Kid_Charlemange Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Is it possible to find an attractive person who actually wants a long term relationship online? I married someone I met online, and know a lot of married couples who met that way. "Attractive" is relative, of course, but people want LTRs. My friend who I mentioned in another thread is very attractive and has been with about 250 women eventually settled down and is in an LTR. He didn't meet his GF online, however. I eventually gave up on OLD because a couple of the women I met were extremely compatible, but they were concerned more about looks than anything else. I can't fix my looks, so I decided to hell with it. Attractive people on OLD are extremely picky, because they know there are literally thousands of new candidates every month.
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