500 Days of Sophia [HIGHSCHOOL EDITION] FRIENDZONE // ONEITIS

[FeelBrah]

This is gonna be a long story, brace yourselves.

 

Mid junior year I met this girl by the name of Sophia, a close friend's sister. I didn't really think much of her and would occasionally joke around with my friend about us getting married and such. Little did I know she would end up breaking my heart, a freshman would break my heart ...

 

Around January I sprained my ankle in a wrestling match, so I took a picture of my swollen ankle and sent it to her on Instagram, mentioning her brother's "curse" passed on to me (His first wrestling match freshman year he broke his arm.) From that point on we "clicked" so to say, we were talking non-stop, iMessage, Text, Kik, Snapchat, and I was starting to feel something for her, keep in mind I've never fell in love before so I wasn't sure of my feelings, I didn't really know why I was so happy and giddy around her. We would walk each other to class, one time in particular arm and arm, she had called me interesting, but I still haven't nutted up to admitting I liked her, which probably would have saved me a lot of time and pain. She was also talking to some soccer player at the time so I figured I would catch her on the rebound, what a bad idea that was ... Valentines Day I would draw her a rose, which will come into play later ... Finally the day has come, she would pinch me as she's walking past and I would talk to her, to which I would say I want to take her out.

>"I see you as a friend."

>"I don't want us to stop hanging out and for it to be awkward."

FRIENDZONE, my fault of course, I didn't really know what it was until much later. I would take a friend's advice and I stopped walking her to class, stopped talking to her, kept any conversations short, and felt like chit.

 

Fast forward two weeks of this of this misery and a friend by the name of Alez (my ears), would tell me she missed me and had an implied guilt(said she felt guilty for something; she didn't know he knew it was about me.) That's good I guess ... After HOURS of scouring the internet I found the book How to Get out of the Friendzone, by the Wing Girls, and followed it like the bible, also buying How to Win Friends and Influence People in the process. The two would change my life of course, following the Friendzone book I would go NC from the end of February to Mid-May and reemerge a new man. I was never this happy in my life, like some form of enlightenment, it was amazing, I wish I could explain it.(before we started talking again.)

 

Outer:

>No more blonde hair (bleached for wrestling)

>**No more braces**

 

Inner:

>Overall more confident and social

 

An important concept of the book is they think they "lost" you, putting you in control of things in a way, deciding between friendship or pursuing a relationship.

 

Throughout that time she always told Alez she missed me, felt empty without me, and so forth ...

In that time of NC, I picked up a bad habit of stalking her on social media making me a little more obsessive and love-struck ... chit ...

 

Well May 15th I ask her out, I had been planning this day for months, it was right after AP testing and I had been counting down the time by the minute to which lunch would start and I would catch her off-guard straight up asking her out, the book was awesome and it worked. The next day we would go on a double-date to Santa Monica, the "best date" she's ever been on, compared to soccer guy and some ex of hers(a mutual friend from a while back lol), and things would pick up from there. Ice cream was "our thing," she finally admitted to liking me back, she was my first kiss, the first girl I've held hands with, she still had that rose I drew for her on her wall, then things seemingly died out come summer.

 

She started feeling cold and distant and I was just worried, she was even pulling away from me when I'd try to kiss her. I mentioned I wanted to take her to the OC Observatory, another double date and she just bluntly texted back:

>"sorry I'm not interested."

I had asked her if I did anything wrong and she said she wanted to be alone, then asking if things would change between us and she said "I lost feelings." Needless to say I didn't sleep that night. I later find out from a mutual friend, John, "I asked her about you and she said she was losing feelings because you guys weren't really hanging out that much.." Felt like total chit. I was dating the girl of my dreams and she's gone just like that.

I chased her like a moron, like it would solve anything, really killing any form of attraction she once had for me. We would later talk in person and here's how the conversation would go;

>"I don't want to lose you."

>"I care about you."

>"You're like my bestfriend."

>"We're too friendly, our last date didn't really feel like a date."

>Got demoted to FRIENDZONE.

And she avoided the fact I mentioned what John had said.

Highlight of the conversation was me saying "I could get any girl I want, but I want you." lol; sub "get any girl" with "go for any girl."

 

And well this is what she said to CLOSE friends of mine after we stopped talking. (David and Joell)

>"I don't really find him attractive."

>"He's conceited." (thank you anxiety)

>"I tried to like him."

>"I FELT FORCED TO LIKE HIM."

Alez being an inbetweener was also a wingman for me, maybe where she got this whole thing from.

 

Only a month after I'm demoted/dumped, she's already with some other guy(they weren't talking while we were dating.) And well, they've been together for 2 months now, and it feels bad man, they met in some Young Marines program her brother was in, and interestingly enough, he quit because he was being harassed about Sophia.

 

Summary:

>Meet in January

>Fall in February

>NC March to May

>Date May to July

>Heartbreak

>NC since July

 

She still has our picture up on her Instagram.

 

Since then I've deleted all of our conversations, muted her on Twitter, and put our pictures in a folder for me not to look at(I might get Alez to hold on to these for me.) I don't stalk her at all, it's been 3 months and I still think of her everyday, I don't know how to move on, I still want her back but she's "happy" with her new boyfriend. Reading some PUA(lol), I understand to act aloof when around her and not express what I'm feeling, but I feel she has this bad image of me in her head now and reinventing yourself and trying to make her fall seems almost pointless to attempt, yet I'd still be dumb enough to try. I forgot to mention getting her off the pedestal is a huge factor in this even being successful.

It's been three months and I'm still caught between moving on and winning her back.

It's amazing the way love exemplifies one's characteristics, and in a way, I feel I can't do much better than her if anything, you don't know someone meets your criteria until you start talking to them. She's perfect to me and I'm completely head over heels over her still and it sucks man.

 

Also my depression phase seems to have passed, I spent my remainder of the summer in bed 24/7, with awful chest pains, any simpering is spread out now, most recently last night ... after 11 days.

 

I still think of her a lot, as in everyday, every hour. Senior year has been a bit of a drag, especially knowing where she hangs out and all as a constant reminder. I just want her gone from my mind already.

 

I am aware she was two years younger than me, but I have a friend her age who felt exactly what I was feeling, and now she's with someone who treats her good. How big a factor is maturity if anything in one's perception of love?

 

and Now I'm left with stupid what ifs ...

>What if I gave her some time alone?

>What if I admitted my feelings to her EARLIER?

 

What now guys? This is all new to me. I don't want feelings anymore and I don't want to think of her anymore, but I want to be with her very badly.

 

As for my ONEITIS:

>Green eyes

>Curly hair

>Smart

>Weird

>Big Butt (she's known at school for this I guess..)

 

Fun fact: My sister went through the exact same situation in highschool, two years later the guy who crushed her heart with "I just want to be friends" caught feelings and fugged up.

 

Anything else I forget to mention:

>Her mom has known me for about 6 years

>She met my parents

>Her friends would point at me during First NC

>She was really jealous over my friend Destini (I explained we were never a thing)

>We were never official, I had planned on taking her to Six Flags and making her my girl (date 10)

[FeelBrah]

tl;dr

>meet girl

>friendzone

>break friendzone

>date

>put back in friendzone and heartbroken

>oneitis

[Natsu21]

Here was your main problem, and I'm gonna refute PUA's on this.

 

Your problem was that the minute you found out she wasn't interested, you should have WALKED away. Completely. Truth is, she never was interested in you, and nothing you could have done, unless you turned rich and popular with girls, could have changed that, and even if it did change, she was into your status, not you.

 

She was never going to like you. You wasted time trying to get her. Girls RARELY change their minds when it comes to guys.

 

Try bettering yourself for your sake, cause at your age, for the MOST part, girls change their mind like they change clothes.

[Natsu21]

Stop trying the PUA crap.

 

Just don't let a chick walk all over you, walk away if you're not interested in a friendship, and live your life.

[FeelBrah]

Thanks guys, I wish my mind wasn't so wrapped around her.

[Natsu21]

I missed the last part. Here's some tough love...

She was NEVER interested in you, and if you believe for a second that she didn't cheat and lie to you, you're dumb.

 

She wanted this guy more than you. As far as I'm concerned, she always did.

 

You were nothing more than a cheap rebound. Learn a hard lesson. Don't be friends with girls you're interested in. Be friendly...but not TOO friendly.

 

And if you sense she isn't interested, she probably isn't.

[FeelBrah]

I missed the last part. Here's some tough love...

She was NEVER interested in you, and if you believe for a second that she didn't cheat and lie to you, you're dumb.

 

She wanted this guy more than you. As far as I'm concerned, she always did.

 

You were nothing more than a cheap rebound. Learn a hard lesson. Don't be friends with girls you're interested in. Be friendly...but not TOO friendly.

 

And if you sense she isn't interested, she probably isn't.

 

She was talking to her friends about us getting close again and her starting to like me but that is the past friend. I love the Red Pill of replies you guys seem to bring but this seems a little harsh and misogynistic. I respect this though, thanks.

Edited October 7, 2014 by FeelBrah

[Natsu21]

She was talking to her friends about us getting close again and her starting to like me but that is the past friend. I love the Red Pill of replies you guys seem to bring but this seems a little harsh and misogynistic.

 

I get why you feel that way. Do not get me wrong, not all girls are like this. Maturity levels vary with each person, but I have to be realistic:

 

For the most part, you will meet girls who do not know what they truly want, so instead of going to one guy at a time, they will have a guy they are interested in, and the backup guy who they will suddenly "get with" for an ego boost till the next one comes along. You were the backup guy. Is that what you want? To be the backup man?

 

They are afraid of being single, so they truly can't love anyone. If not you, it'll be someone else. Red Pill Reality: She was never interested in you. Does not mean there's something wrong with you? No. But you also have to see the bright side.

 

First things first, don't put her on a pedestal. She messes up just like anyone else. Do not up her on the basis of attraction. She doesn't want you. That is no crime. But she isn't being honest with you, as your friend revealed.

 

She's a liar, possibly a cheat, and she's stringing you along for her ego. She is not marriage or relationship material. You are not her knight in shining armor. You can't save her. The minute you tried the PUA crap TO win her heart is the minute you lost it.

 

She may have good qualities, but having good qualities does not a relationship make. It needs honesty, integrity, and communication. You have none of that with this girl, so while she may seem sweet and pretty, she is not mature and honest.

 

It's like a job interview. She doesn't have the qualities for the relationship you want...time for you to exit this and find someone who does.

 

And for the record, you CAN do better. It isn't about status, it's about integrity!

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

It's misogynistic to say that when someone repeatedly tells you she isn't interested, it means she isn't interested and that you should leave her alone?

 

And by "500 days" I think you mean "60". Yes, I'm aware you're referring to the movie, but two months of quasi-dating a friend who feels guilted into it shouldn't consume your life. Have you actually seen that movie? It's about a guy who likes a woman in a very shallow way. He's unable to appreciate her as a whole person and just worships the image of her until she gets fed up and leaves.

 

Dating in high school should be fun and full of silly gossip, not misery and torment. Make yourself a better person for your own sake. Take care of yourself. Realize that five years from now you won't even remember this girl's name; ten years from now you may not even remember your friends' names. That sounds depressing but it isn't. There's just so, so much more of your life to be lived. None of this is worth getting wrapped around the axle. Have fun.