Need a little more guidance...

[GTO06]

Ok, so I've really been trying to get a GF this year. My goal was to get a GF, or at least get laid once, before I turned 30. I really didn't want to be a 30yo virgin that never had a GF before, but tomorrow I will be one unfortunately

 

On the positive side, this year is the only year I have ever even tried to get a GF, so I feel that I have made some great strides. I managed to get over 20 dates this summer, most from OLD, and I consider that a win because prior to this year I've never even had a single date before ever.

 

So, at least I know that it's not out of my reach to get a GF. I think I just need a little more direction to make this happen. In addition to OLD, I have hit most all events and social opportunities that came my way this summer, but nothing really came of those unfortunately even though I did enjoy them.

 

The great folks on this site have helped me a lot this year, so I turn to you once again. Since I have had the most luck with OLD, maybe you ladies could take a look at one of my OLD profiles to see if there is anything else I can do to increase potential to get more dates. If anyone could provide any suggestions and maybe even gauge my attractiveness or something; any constructive feedback would be greatly helpful to me...

 

'URL removed by moderation"

 

Thanks!

Edited October 10, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[CarrieT]

I have to say it is the most generic profile I have EVER read...

 

Let's take it apart...

 

Simply put, I'm one of the most laid back and open minded people you'll ever meet. I usually just go with the flow; however I can definitely create a tidal wave when I need to! I'm one of the last few real gentlemen out there, but that doesn't mean I don't have a wild side

Anybody could say. In fact, most everybody DOES say that. Why and how are you laid back and/or open-minded? How have you created tidal waves? In what way are you a gentlemen? See where I am going?

 

 

Sure, I'll enjoy taking a romantic lakeside stroll, but fast cars and loud music are just as fun!

There's a little more to go on here. But what kind of music? What kind of cars?

 

To the point, I'm just here to find a girl that enjoys my company and vice versa.

Don't state the obvious. That is what EVERYONE on the site is doing.

 

I've recently gained a whole new outlook on life and really just want to live it to its fullest; what better way to do that than spending time with a great woman!

How did you gain a whole new outlook and what is that outlook?

 

Whether the next woman I meet is just for one date or for a life time, it is time well spent in my book.

That's not bad, but you could elaborate.

 

FYI, I'm on here to actually meet people in person; endless online chatting is not my thing.

I don't think you should spell that out. Simply make it a personal policy and if someone tries the endless chat thing, you can tell her then and thus move on.

 

Also you should know that I live a "NO BS" life style, so honesty is very important to me and it is a quality I value highly in others.

That is not bad either, but I do believe it is something everyone says - whether or not they adhere to it.

 

Life is short, so let's just meet, get to know each other, and have some fun together!

Hmmmm... Sort of stating the obvious. HOW would you have fun? Give examples of some cool first dates.

 

 

Hope this isn't too brutal. You have a great picture and are cute. You might mention your career path or potential interests beyond cars and games (which could be turn-offs to many women).

[GTO06]

Thanks for that CarrieT, but I purposely made my details vague. I used to have a more detail profile containing all of your suggestions and never got a single date from it. I tried for over a year with several versions of more detail profiles and never had success.

 

Around when summer started this year, I changed it up to this more general profile and have had much better response from it oddly. I think it is good to leave open ended statements as it makes them ask questions and makes for better first date conversation the less you know IMHO.

Edited October 7, 2014 by GTO06

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

It's one thing to be vague, but this is worse: it's generic. There is NOTHING here that makes you memorable. The entire point of online dating is to stand out! When I used OLD, I looked at dozens of profiles per day. I didn't have time to go through everyone or even most eligible guys in my area. I actually had a rule about automatically skipping guys who said they were "laid back" or "easygoing" in search of a girl who's "down-to-earth" or "drama-free" (as opposed to all the guys who really want a high-strung maniac?). If you have to use cliches to describe yourself you're not the guy for me.

 

Tell a funny story. Share something weird you learned recently. Talk about some documentary that's been on your mind. You have to say SOMEthing that will stick with a reader at the end of the day, and ideally intrigue her enough to make contact. As it is I've just clicked away and I already don't remember anything about you.

[Tayken]

@OP....don't lose sleep over it, you won't be the first and last not to have done it before 30, and believe me there are women out there as well that belong to that class.

 

I mean thank your stars that you haven't managed to get anyone pregnant and become a dad in your late teens or early 20s, where you are barely out of diapers yourself. Most of the people that had kids young ain't got a clue, and have had to depend on their parents for help. Some in their 30s still do as a matter of fact.

 

Sounds like your Summer was productive though, and hopefully you have lessons learned from all those dates? It should help you get a better understanding of what is out there, and the rationale of some people.

 

Today, online dating makes a vast range of choices available to women, and they can filter out men who don’t meet certain very narrow criteria. That is, they can filter in the top 5% of men – rich, good-looking, and tall, and ditch the rest. In addition, they can ignore or block men who respond to their profile, if they’re not up to snuff. As a result, a lot of perfectly good guys are getting shut out. It doesn’t help that the vast numbers of women on PoF doing the shutting out are of low-quality – thug lovers, tattooed from here to kingdom come, serial daters, substance abusers, single mothers looking for a meal ticket for themselves and their kids, obese, and psychotics who wouldn’t even begin to interest the top-notch guys.

 

The situation isn’t any better on pay sites. Women who pay a fee for use of a dating site are even more demanding, and they often see the fees they pay as an investment in landing a top-drawer guy. It should come as no surprise that low-quality women can be found on pay sites, too. And because they are generally unwilling to accept imperfect men, men who join up hoping to meet a woman end up spending a lot of cash to get essentially nothing in return.

 

You might be forgiven for thinking that dating in the real world is better. It isn’t. Consider for a moment the fact that women who join PoF and other online dating sites can also be found in the real world, along with all their negative behaviors. Indeed, many men find that their success rate in the real world is just as poor as it is on PoF or elsewhere. Unless, of course, they’re good-looking, or have got ‘game’.

[GTO06]

It's one thing to be vague, but this is worse: it's generic. There is NOTHING here that makes you memorable. The entire point of online dating is to stand out!

 

I see what you mean about that. I guess I could add something more, but not sure what would appeal most to women about me.

 

I actually had a rule about automatically skipping guys who said they were "laid back" or "easygoing" in search of a girl who's "down-to-earth" or "drama-free"

 

See, it's exactly this kind of thing I don't get about women. Why on earth would you not want a nice, normal, easy going guy to spend time with?

[CarrieT]

Why on earth would you not want a nice, normal, easy going guy to spend time with?

Because you/they are a dime-a-dozen. We women want something different.

[GTO06]

Because you/they are a dime-a-dozen. We women want something different.

 

That's right, I forgot, women only like crazy outlandish guys who seem more interesting at first, but end up abusing or leaving you and then you wonder why later.

 

Silly me, I guess a regular good guy like me is just wasting my time trying to find someone then...

Edited October 7, 2014 by GTO06

[Tayken]

Because you/they are a dime-a-dozen. We women want something different.

 

Er...If you don't mind me asking, care to elaborate on the "different" part please? I don't want to presume here, although I have a vague idea of what you might mean

 

After all we read on a daily basis here from women / girls that pursue "different", only to come back here whining that Mr Wonderful isn't what he is cooked up to be.

[Versacehottie]

Ok, this is only constructive. First of all, you're a cute guy. check.

 

Second of all, with the wording, when i am reading between the lines, it sounds like: you want a girlfriend--at any cost. Which isn't a good thing. I guess I mean that you sound too flexible which reads as desperate. Sorry. I want you to have a girlfriend too, soooooo I think the thing to do is put some strength of conviction into your statements. When looking for a person to date, people want to feel like they are getting the best they possibly can get with their own market value. You know how you convey that is not trying to be a jack of all trades. And I don't think trying to sound like you have a crazy side in conjunction with saying the mellower sides of you is a good idea. Because then people will come to the conclusion that you have no edge or are boring. You don't tell people you have a wild side, you show them--either with a list of how you spend your free time or photos of the stuff you do. It doesn't need to be said because then it rings as false. A guy's guy (which is a typical desirable guy to a girl), says what he wants to say and f*ck what we think of it. Don't be a worrier with how you present yourself by trying to careful walk a tightrope of appeal.

 

I think in a dating profile a tiny bit vulnerable is a cute thing. Like when you describe the type of girl you are looking for. A little not too much. That part seemed fine to me (i need to re-read to verify).

 

Thirdly, and most importantly, I'm super impressed with how much progress you have made it a year. I think you have to look as the milestone of your 30th birthday as a cap to a very successful year rather than a failure in any way! And bottom line it's just a day. You are soooo on your way. You know how many people would be stuck and not be able to make the types of changes you have made in a year---in a lifetime!!! Seriously, the tone and conviction when you explained that part in your post to us is the tone you should apply to your profile. It seemed 100% you and genuine as well as attractive.

 

k, happy birthday and good luck. Report back, it won't be long before you have a girlfriend

[GTO06]

Thanks for that encouragement Tayken and Versacehottie; I really appreciate that

 

I guess I could write another version of my profile in that mind set, not saying what type of guy I am directly, but more of indirectly by example. Good feedback guys!

 

I am pretty proud of myself though, even though I didn't meet the time table I wanted, I do think I'm close to landing a GF as well. I managed to completely change my lifestyle this year and trained be more accepting of all types of people, which is not the way I used to be at all. I have built up quite a bit of confidence as well with my dating this year and can chat up anybody I want now, which is a big help in general. The one thing I have more of than anyone I know is will power, so I know I can make this happen

 

Well, I took a week off of work for my birthday so guess I will see what I can do to put myself out there some more. I'm open to suggestions

 

Thanks all!

[Mirages]

I agree with much said so far: To start, I would tone down the automotive aspects of your profile. You are selling yourself, not Turtle Wax or a GTO. There is a perception that certain hobbies can be a crutch for an identity. I am not saying that about you, but be careful putting out the perception too much, in profile or conversation. How about a philosophical line, and a photo that is different, i.e. at work, at the zoo with animals, etc.

 

If you feel that you are running dry on profile ideas, try this: Look up men's profiles in a distant area. See if any snippets of text or photo ideas suit your personality. Don't copy paragraphs, but do absorb ideas. Something tells me you are more than you present.

[rdet123]

Okay you're profile doesn't need much changing honestly. You have good pictures where you can see your face, and the ones of you by your cars is cute! So that works! The only part I would eliminate is the part where you say you are looking for NO BS. You can definitely keep that you don't want to chat the whole time and do definitely want to meet up, but I would remove the sentence of the no BS rule.

 

I think it's common knowledge to not want any BS in your life, and it just comes across as negative. Other than that your profile looks great! And it's obviously working if you've had that many dates! Good luck!

[still_an_Angel]

Hey OP, I think you look cute. Profile pic looks wholesome and kind, and actual profile, a bit on the goody goody side, ya know? You look and sound like such a good person, like if a girl is not looking for a serious R, your profile seems to lack that fun, mysterious side. How about something like "life is not a narrow path, need someone to navigate through the bumps and twists, sense of humor is a must". Just enhance a bit more on the fun side.

 

Hope that helps, have a Happy Birthday and hope you get your girl soon.

[GTO06]

Thanks, yea I guess that NO BS line may be a bit strong, lol. I have checked out a few guys profiles and most are even shorter than mine!

 

For example, my neighbor/buddy is about my age and he gets way more messages than I do with very little in his description. However, he can play the guitar and drives motorcycles, so that may be why he gets so many messages, lol.

 

Another thing that might help a bit is that I just today ordered a smart phone. I actually never had a phone that could do texting before and the dates I have been on think that is odd for some reason; especially the younger ones, lol. I hear that there are some dating apps that are popular that most singles use today too.

 

I'll have to think about it a bit more, but I think I can come up with something a bit better and more lively

 

Thanks guys!

Edited October 7, 2014 by GTO06

[Assasda]

I'm gonna be blunt with you OP.

Women want a guy who looks like he could abuse them - but then doesnt.

then what do you call that guy?

You call that guy a protector

 

Your profile is so generic that it does not look real.

Seems like youre a car lover, so let me break it down in car terms.

 

Women wont to go out with a Lamborghini Diabio, not a Volvo.

Ofcourse a Volvo is safe, and a Lambo is fast and dangerous.

So what you do with this conundrum you say?

You become a Suped-up Volvo

You become direct, challenging, a little brash.

Youre fun to drive, but youre still safe, at the end of it all.

[Toodaloo]

Women wont to go out with a Lamborghini Diabio, not a Volvo.

Ofcourse a Volvo is safe, and a Lambo is fast and dangerous.

So what you do with this conundrum you say?

You become a Suped-up Volvo

You become direct, challenging, a little brash.

Youre fun to drive, but youre still safe, at the end of it all.

 

Actually women do want the Volvo over the Lamborghini but they still want to know that they have got it under the hood...

 

You look very clean cut, sound very clean cut... I wouldn't want to jump into bed with you in case I messed up your hair...

 

Its very dull, samey and you don't stand out at all...

 

OK so you love your cars how about rephrasing so its more masculine, cheeky... What man doesn't like cars??? You also look nervous in your photos... I can't quite put my finger on it but your body language in them is "off". I don't know what it is but the hackles on my back rose. Perhaps drop your shoulders down and stand up straighter... It looks as though you may have nice (sexy) thighs and arms under there so perhaps wear something that shows them off a bit more? Would you be up for a new hair do that is a bit more rugged and not so clean cut?

 

I have just pinched another woman to look at your profile and I think she has hit the nail on the head. Its all too smooth, suave and its looks and sounds as though your trying to be something your not, it seems very fake. The undertone is that you are not confident, a bit desperate and not sure of yourself. I don't think you need to be aggressive but more certain about yourself.

 

It really doesn't matter if you are a virgin or not - being confident matters. Being yourself matters. Reading this I kind of get the impression you don't really know who you are...

 

Thanks for the perv though We both thought about getting a toy boy!

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

I don't want a guy who's outlandish or abusive. I want someone who's special; someone passionate about the world around him with a lot to teach me. My current boyfriend loves hacking, French literature, trying crazy new molecular gastronomy techniques at home, and traveling around the world. He's not perfect by any means but he's one in a million.

 

Your complete misunderstanding of what we're trying to say may be part of your trouble. Of course we want a guy who's relaxed. We just don't want someone who's so dull and uncreative that he says the same thing everyone else says. It's like how women write on their profiles that they "love to laugh". It's very silly---who doesn't love to laugh?

[GTO06]

Thanks for all of the feedback guys!

 

It's kind of sad that we live in a world that being a clean-cut gentleman isn't considered a desirable feature in a guy anymore these days as I come from a small Midwest town where it was. I guess that is why this concept is hard for me to wrap my head around.

 

I mean, all I want is a nice and decent "homestyle" girl that's not covered in tattoos or smokes; however, this kind of girls seems to be non-existent out here though for some reason. Surly there are women out there somewhere that just want a nice stable relationship that both sides can just enjoy spending time together doing regular things.

 

I don't care if they are the type of person that stays home all the time or is super outgoing because I can adapt to whatever; that's what I meant by laid back and open minded. I don't know why most women feel they need to seek out the "dangerous" type of guys; it just seems ridiculous to me and it should be obvious to women that those guys are just simply unstable/unreliable people.

 

I guess, like most guys, I will just never understand the female mindset

[GTO06]

By the way, here is my friend's profile text that gets a lot more messages than mine...

 

 

"I'm easy going, fun, intelligent, interesting. Moved here from St. Louis a couple years ago. Like to travel and stay busy.

 

I'm constantly learning something new and challenging myself.

 

What I'd like in my girl:

Classy, honest, open-minded yet opinionated, with a good sense of humor that she isn't afraid to express."

 

Now how is this any better than what I have on mine currently?

[Superman2024]

GTO06, it sounds like you're actually doing pretty well to get that many dates through OLD. Something I learned recently that's gotten me a lot more views is to look away from the camera on the main profile pic. It's weird but it seems to catch more attention.

[Toodaloo]

It's kind of sad that we live in a world that being a clean-cut gentleman isn't considered a desirable feature in a guy anymore these days as I come from a small Midwest town where it was. I guess that is why this concept is hard for me to wrap my head around.

 

I mean, all I want is a nice and decent "homestyle" girl that's not covered in tattoos or smokes; however, this kind of girls seems to be non-existent out here though for some reason. Surly there are women out there somewhere that just want a nice stable relationship that both sides can just enjoy spending time together doing regular things.

 

I don't care if they are the type of person that stays home all the time or is super outgoing because I can adapt to whatever; that's what I meant by laid back and open minded. I don't know why most women feel they need to seek out the "dangerous" type of guys; it just seems ridiculous to me and it should be obvious to women that those guys are just simply unstable/unreliable people.

 

I guess, like most guys, I will just never understand the female mindset

 

That is more honest and would make me look twice, than what is in your profile currently...

 

Don't worry we women don't get it either... Its not "danger" but something sparkey, something that little bit... I don't even know the word for it.

 

This is the problem with all these things. Your trying to get someone to look twice so that they can see the bits like this... Its the initial "look twice" that is the problem.

 

Your friend has "danger" because he has taken a risk in moving. So the "adventure" is there. He is more direct and honest without the undertones of "I am easy"...

[Mirages]

"I'm easy going, fun, intelligent, interesting. Moved here from St. Louis a couple years ago. Like to travel and stay busy.

 

I'd just say that defining oneself as intelligent is not good. That is an attribute that is over-rated, often misinterpreted, and most of all is demonstrated, not claimed. The dim ones make themselves very obvious, no IQ adjectives needed in text.

[GTO06]

That is more honest and would make me look twice, than what is in your profile currently...

 

Thanks, but I've tried that approach before and it got me nowhere. The thing I'm finding for profiles to hold true is that less is more it seems. I got another date for next week now, so maybe I'll leave it, or I might make a shorter more direct version.

 

Thanks guys!

[slizl]

Not to poke fun, but super ironic that you are a 30 year old virgin living in Loveland Colorado....