KnightsDream Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 How are you guys doing, this is my first post on here. I am 21 years old, a college student. I recently was dumped by my ex-gf for several reasons but I will give you a brief summary of what led to it first. SKIP TO THE BOTTOM FOR THE MAIN QUESTION. We had been dating for 2 and half years. We first started dating when I was 18 and she was 16, and were together for 3 months. I became familiar with her family, and she met mine on several occasions. Things were not going well that first 3 months though, as I had just finished talking to a long term on and off girl before dating this one. They were opposites. The last one was naive and very needy, but this one could be as cold as ice. It was a tough adjustment, as I considered myself a guy who was sensitive and understanding. 3 months into the relationship, she was in her senior year of high school. I was attending the community college. We started arguing more and more, because I just started to think she didn't care enough. She is a very focused girl. After an argument, she breaks up with me the next day. Through text. I go NC for a week, then request a meeting with her. We get back together, and it is magic after that. A true, love filled, relationship. Then she graduates. A year has passed at this point. She has to wait a semester at the community college, and I am still there. We make plans to go off to a university together. I am not as focused as her when it comes to school, and she knew this. We spend another year together, until she leaves for a university by herself after the fall semester she spends at home. I have to wait longer, due to the way my classes ended up going. We stayed together, and we did the long distance thing. During this time, I started taking a pill for ADD. I kind of became addicted on it. She had no clue, but I definitely acted like a different person when I was on it. She would come home once a month, and I couldn't see her as much as I wanted too, since I could not stay in the dorm with her. She came back for the summer, and I was here. Still addicted to the pill. I saw her at least 4-5 times a week, but I could def tell the pill was getting in the way of me wanting to spend more time with her. I tried to quit. I couldn't. The summer passes, and she goes back to school for the fall. Without me. I have no plans for going to the university in the fall, like I told her I would. I pretty much lost track of my schooling, and started to drift from week to week. It felt like a dream to me, and the pill wasn't helping. I got a break from the pill when me and her family went on vacation together to the Keys. I went on multiple vacations with her family by the way. I slept over (ON THE COUCH) most nights of the past summer. I became apart of the family. Back at her university for the fall, she has an apartment now. Her 21 year old roommate is gorgeous, so it's two gorgeous, young girls staying together. They of course hit it off. She gets introduced to new people, and they start going out more. She comes home once more, and I see her. We spend time together. She says she's sick, so we don't go anywhere outside the house all weekend. I told her about the pill problem the previous week, and that I was trying to beat it for her. She doesn't react like I expect her to, and pretty much is like "Damn, that sucks". Maybe she had already become emotionally detached. The week goes by, and I tell her I relapsed. This is on the phone, as she is back at her place. She of course is mad. We proceed to have an argument. Friday comes, and she goes out. She doesn't text me all day. I start to feel like something is wrong. She gets drunk as hell, more than she has ever been, and I tell her to call me that night when she gets in. We have another argument. She doesn't talk to me all of Saturday except to send me a picture saying "My first Keg-Stand!". I know she doesn't enjoy things like that, and felt like it was retaliatory. I don't comment. We don't talk the rest of the night. She tells me the next morning it's because her phone died and she got locked out of her apartment. I have a pleasant conversation with her this morning, and we agree to talk that night. When she calls me that night, I can tell something is wrong. We shoot the breeze like normal for a little bit. Then we start to get into a mini-argument. She then drops the break up bomb. She starts crying. I start trying to convince her not to. We both cry. This happens for 2 hours. Then I get off the phone. I text her mom and told her thanks for everything. Her mom texts me back and says "Are you ok? She just called me crying." I respond, and she says "She just needs some space. Who knows, you guys might get back together." (I paraphrased there) The girl also wants to keep a door open, to try and get back together at some point. "Friends". I say no. We go two days without talking, until I break down and text her. She says she wants me to fix it. To grow up. We have had this conversation over and over again. She wants to know it will stick. So I drive all the way to go see her, and try and get her back. We sleep together that night. The next morning she says she needs time. She can't jump back into a relationship right now, and if she takes me back, then I will feel like I can do whatever I want. I leave in the morning while she is in the shower. I leave a card on her pillow. I wait a couple days, getting back into school. Putting in my transfer application to the university. Trying to do the things she always asked me to do. Then we talk on the phone. She says she isn't ready to jump back in a relationship, and that she wants me to fight for her. I go a day without talking to her. Then she texts me an inside joke. We text that night. We don't talk for a couple days until I text her asking her talk. She can't, she's busy. I wait. I go see her Mom to drop some stuff off, and her mom tells me not to write the relationship off. Then, she shows me a picture of my ex, ready to join a sorority. This kills me. I text her that night, saying nothing of that, just asking to talk. She can't again, she's busy. She then says I don't get why we broke up, and she's done. I text her again Friday, and told her the reasons why I think we broke up. She agrees. It's extremely one sided, and the whole thing is my fault at this point. She agrees to talk to me once or twice a week so I can earn her trust back. I say ok, but I can't be the one making contact all the time. She gets pissed, and says that she has no desire to go out of her way to try and fix something I ****ed up. I text her, and she doesn't respond. The next day I text her again, saying sorry and that I will leave her alone. She agrees, and says she want's to focus on herself. My question is......... After 2.5 years of a relationship, her 16-19, and me, 18-21....is there any hope in our current situation? Different city, her immersing herself into school? I should have went No Contact immediately, but didn't. So it's been two weeks of shoddy communication, her flip flopping, and me apologizing. But I started NC 2 days ago, and I want to know...do I move on? Or can I save this? I love this girl, adore her. And at one point, she felt the same. Does college change all that?
d0nnivain Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 I took you up on the skip to the bottom invitation. Your lives are in transition. You are both growing & changing & it's broken your relationship apart. In a new school / new city, she has chosen to go off & explore. Do not chase her to her school. Let it be. Yes, young love is often a causality of college. Sorry.
Author KnightsDream Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 But her Mom says don't write it off. She hasn't taken any of our pictures off of her social media, and her FB profile picture is still us. (She doesn't use FB that much, admittedly.
tobrieornottobrie Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 That's a tough situation, and it's hard to know what you should do. Have you thought of doing any sort of counseling or group therapy for the ADD pill situation? If you can find a good counselor, they may be able to help you sort through that, as well as the relationship stuff. I'm sorry to hear that you are hurting and I hope that it all works out for the best. Praying for you! ~ for the love of food ~
Author KnightsDream Posted October 22, 2014 Author Posted October 22, 2014 Me and my ex had what I think might be our "final" conversation today. It's been a month since we broke up. It was a very calm conversation. There were actually some laughs. I called her out on the fact that she broke up with me but blamed me for everything. It was all my fault as to why we broke up, according to her. Keep in mind, this was long distance. College played a big part as well. She's in another city 3 hours away, at a big University. We both told each other that there were people we were talking to, but both found them stupid. We admitted to missing talking to each other. I basically told her that if she wanted to get back with me, we do it now. She said she wanted me to talk to her first, and ease her into it. At the end of the conversation, we parted ways. She isn't ready for a relationship, and I'm not going to let her string me on. I love the girl, but she doesn't realize (or maybe she does) that she is playing games. The emotion I am feeling right now is definitely sadness, but it's a little nuanced. I did everything I could do. She doesn't hate me. I don't hate her. I told her 10 years from now, if she looks back on this, remember that I tried to get back together. As much as she blames me for the problems, when I worked to fix them, she held me at bay.
RoseHeart Posted October 22, 2014 Posted October 22, 2014 Wow I actually had a "final" conversation of my own yesterday too with my ex. We were ironically also broken up for a while now but it still just so happened that I still had a lot of questions about everything. I wasn't planning on getting closure but then incidents led to me getting upset again over something he did and then I was essentially forced to have a straight up conversation with him and then I took it as a chance to also get answers to my questions. I feel the same as you too. Definitely sadness yes but I also know that me and him are OK now and that I did everything I could too. So I definitely feel your pain and am in a crazy similar situation. Each day will be better and IDK about you but the fact that everything is final actually makes it easier otherwise this constant worrying and wondering about what will happen will drive you crazy. At least you talked and you said what you could. The job is done. Now it's just on us to finally walk away for good because we got the closure we needed. Best of luck man. My heart goes out to anyone going through the same thing. 1
Author KnightsDream Posted October 22, 2014 Author Posted October 22, 2014 The cause of the break up is still kind of up in the air. According to her: I didn't care about her enough, I wasn't showing her that much attention, I wasn't serious about my life goals. I'm not at college like I said I would be. What I see: She's in college, and wants to be free. She's also joining a sorority.
SoThatHappened Posted October 22, 2014 Posted October 22, 2014 "According to her: ..." Translation: "I'm using any excuse I can, lame as they are, to justify why I'm breaking up with you." You obviously weren't a bad boyfriend if that's all she can come up with. For some, those statements can ring true and can be enough of a reason to end things. Your interpretation is probably spot on.
Author KnightsDream Posted October 22, 2014 Author Posted October 22, 2014 It sucks because I can tell we will always have that chemistry. She is just too scared, or confused, to admit to me that she wants to have other options. I have always treated our relationship with honesty, and that's the only hang up I will have about it moving forward.
Author KnightsDream Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 The thing I have the most trouble in dealing with is knowing that she essentially left me to get the "complete college experience". She goes to the biggest university in my state, and I will be heading to a smaller one in January. Until then, I have trouble keeping her off of my mind. The fact she that she is living it up, and I am living with my parents. I guess it will pass with time, but right now it's pretty hard to get that off of my mind.
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