aider1st Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 I was with my boyfriend for four years. We was in a long distance relationship, and so the computer played a big part in the times we were not together. July of this year, totally out of the blue he decided that "we should not be romantically connected any more, maybe we should just be friends.." I was so taken aback I felt like I had just been slapped really hard across my face. We were not a couple who argued, fussed or had fights. I had stuck through all his bad times, and just as I had begun to need him (my grand mother passed in May) he run off on me. He has literally disappeared into the world wide web. He deleted his Facebook (all our memories) and took me off of friends list and contacts that he regularly uses. He does however still have me on Gmail and Skype (although I suspect he is using a different Skype). He has maintained total silence, has refused to even acknowledge me. When asked about what happened by mutual friends he just replies "it didn't work out" and then will not talk to that person for a couple of weeks. We were in the midst of making plans for him to come here and live. He had paid school fees for his course that was due to start in September. He had shipped most of his possessions over here, including his computer that he himself built just before January of this year. Even while breaking up he was still calling me his princess and telling me how beautiful I looked and how he wished I was over there with him. Now I cannot even get a hello out of him. The times I have sent him mails I know that he has read them, but he will not respond. This has left me confused, hurt and plain tired. I haven't contacted him now for over a month, but I continually think about him to the point of distraction. All my friends are telling me its time to move on, that he won't be coming back after so long. I have all his things around me, memories of places been. I am trying to move on..
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 (edited) Not knowing much... I will share many different ways to what may have happened. I can assume your grandmothers passing really took a lot out of you. Depending on how alone you are (family size, or being too far), having him be there for your support through it, may have scared him to some degree. A sudden helplessness can bring confusion to what he expects and sees in the relationship. Maybe he did not feel as connected in the relationship as you. I have been through traumatic episodes where a mate would be so lost that all my efforts in assistance were pushed side or ignored. Feeling like I was her rock that had been tossed into the depths of the ocean. It was an emotional shock, a feeling that I did not matter, and found it difficult at best to trust so deeply. Who knows how he took seeing you at your moment of need. I have a 3+ year LDR that we cannot see each other in person due to limitations beyond our control. I can see so many limitations in just being LDR, to make up a lack of equal sharing. It can range from physical and emotional feelings, to thoughts, time, and activities. All are a part of a fulfilling relationship. Not many can go through a long term LDR, as one will always feel an uneven moment or two of sharing. Men have more difficulty than women, as we will discount some aspects because we may put too much on one thing (usually physical) and being limited just makes matters worse. Now since he had plans to move in, his expectations about things he only knows for himself, became less than expected. As it is easy to expect things in an LDR, because of a lack of time to fully express and accept things, when all you feel and share is good. Thus an autopilot mode, where as long as you both share good feelings, you don't bother re-evaluating wants, needs, and understandings. Letting love guide you most of the way. Even though you talk deep thoughts, key components in full understandings are rarely discussed. I purposefully share all my feelings even though I know they will get in the way. Thus allowing question why and what caused them to be. My mate does not mind bringing up question, so questions are not something we shy away from. There have been times when I felt I was feeling clingy, needy or just not having enough time with her. Even though I had no proper definition, I brought them up as we could both work on what I felt together. This way she always knew what I felt about her and our relationship. I wanted my deepest thoughts to be with in hers, as much as I felt hers in mine. So, I have a feeling he was not being as open as you, and he felt it best to break away now, than to hope to grow a new set of feelings, which may not happen and further break your heart. Being hurt as you are, I can see good in that he was honest enough to say when, instead of playing you along, and making more hurt later. It is difficult to put anyone through such an awful change in heart, and I think he knows how it deeply affects you. Allowing him to make a U turn, may allow things to be seen clearly between you both. As there has been whirlwind moments that I have shared with my LDR, that would have torn us apart. Taking time to sort things and to truly see each other in a new light, may be the best thing in your relationship, whether you feel it is broken or not. Who knows, maybe you both will find each other hearts again, or to move on. You must allow trust and understanding to guide you on your paths. Edited October 7, 2014 by sdrawkcaB ssA
Author aider1st Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 So I am sitting just minding my own business and I receive an email from him. It is on a reply to one I sent him just before I went no contact (was just a simple I miss you) and he simply said "I'm sorry for hurting you". I have not replied as of yet, and I am thinking on what to reply with. I am not sure if he is trying to just end and feel closure for himself of if he is trying to reach out to me. Any clues?
SoThatHappened Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 He's trying to relieve his guilt for hurting you, but don't respond. Any response will let that guilt be relieved, and will leave you hanging when he doesn't reply to your response. You have to think about you. Do NOT respond. Just let it go. 3
travelbug1996 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 he is a coward and i would block him from any way of contacting me. i'm sure he met someone new. maybe it didn't work out and hes back. if that's the case do you want to be abandoned again?? i'm sure it will happen.
Author aider1st Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 It has been nearly a year. I went NC on him again in June. I have'nt spoken to him since. He hooked up with some girl from a dating site..I keep my distance. His parents came over to see me, his mum was on the phone to him and asked me if I wanted to talk too him. I said no. They are sad that he has made the choices he has. I will be honest, I am not over it all yet, it was a huge part of my life I feel like I gave. I am keeping busy, doing things with friends, working hard and playing harder. I have flash backs, places we went, things we did.. I smile the smile, feel the pain, and try and close that door. He has attempted to contact me a couple of times.. think his new girlfriend is a little bit silly if you ask me. He wrote an email to one of her friends and confessed his love of her.. the girlfriend found out and seems all is forgiven. (No this is not me watching this.. A "well meaning" friend discovered this and relayed the news to me.. I have since asked her to let it go and let me move on) Moving on is hard, memories are not so easy to erase. And there are some I don't want to. But I keep replaying certain things he said towards the end, and of course I can see the end now even before it happened verbally. I guess I was just to blind at the time. Honestly, I do miss him. But I am deciding if its him I miss or the memory of him. Time will tell.
EO422 Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 It has been nearly a year. I went NC on him again in June. I have'nt spoken to him since. He hooked up with some girl from a dating site..I keep my distance. His parents came over to see me, his mum was on the phone to him and asked me if I wanted to talk too him. I said no. They are sad that he has made the choices he has. I will be honest, I am not over it all yet, it was a huge part of my life I feel like I gave. I am keeping busy, doing things with friends, working hard and playing harder. I have flash backs, places we went, things we did.. I smile the smile, feel the pain, and try and close that door. He has attempted to contact me a couple of times.. think his new girlfriend is a little bit silly if you ask me. He wrote an email to one of her friends and confessed his love of her.. the girlfriend found out and seems all is forgiven. (No this is not me watching this.. A "well meaning" friend discovered this and relayed the news to me.. I have since asked her to let it go and let me move on) Moving on is hard, memories are not so easy to erase. And there are some I don't want to. But I keep replaying certain things he said towards the end, and of course I can see the end now even before it happened verbally. I guess I was just to blind at the time. Honestly, I do miss him. But I am deciding if its him I miss or the memory of him. Time will tell. I cannot believe it has been a year..just stick with NC..have you been contacting him for Those months before June?
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