Guys: how often do YOU get asked out?

[NJ123]

It seems from a women's point of view that they would come across as being desperate if they ask guys out since society says that the guy should do the asking.

[CaliGuy]

so you're saying women should saunter up to the bar and say, "hey babe, you are amazingly hot and based on that I'd like to invite you out on a date to get to know you better"?

...really? cause, yeah that's something I could not do. I'm laughing at me right now trying to picture it.

 

You and all 19 grey hairs. I'd probably say yes if you were single.

 

I COULD however, possibly say something like, "are you going to ask me out because I think I would like that"... thing is, you'd have to be talking to me in order for that to happen.

Never mind, back to square one of the topic...

 

No see, that is OK as well. I am single not because I have nothing to offer (I have a lot actually!). I have high standards (ie: no drama, etc), I know what I want. I am not afraid to ask.

 

But you know, sometimes it would be nice for like, Kate Beckinsale to walk up to me and say "Hey CaliGuy, I just got divorced and I cannot keep my mind of you....how about we have dinner and a glass of wine?"

 

Uhhhh -- yes please......

[NJ123]

I mean just look at the poll results. 80% say they don't even remember or say it's very rare.

[Priv]

But you know, sometimes it would be nice for like, Kate Beckinsale to walk up to me and say "Hey CaliGuy, I just got divorced and I cannot keep my mind of you....how about we have dinner and a glass of wine?"

 

Uhhhh -- yes please......

 

No no no it is "sometimes it would be nice for Scarlett Johansson to walk up to me and say "Hey Priv, I just got divorced and I cannot keep my mind of you....how about we have dinner and a glass of wine?""

 

 

Though I am not sure she is married. Scarlett and I are currently in NC, mostly for me to heal.

[boilingpoint]

Dude, seriously, I have already addressed this point. I am not making broad generalization, I am offering up counter points to your broad generalizations. I am saying that even if SOME men like getting asked out, NOT ALL men do and if you're a woman, you're going to lose more by asking guys out because the risk/reward ratio is completely off.

 

And I have already stated, many many times, that I HAVE left my comfort zone. I have asked guys out. In fact, it's almost the only way I have gotten dates. I am not speaking from theory here. I have practice asking guys out. I have practice dating men.

 

Again, which one of us has dated several men? Probably me. So why do you keep insisting my experiences are somehow wrong, or useless to other women?

 

Actually I have many reasons why I would refute that point. I refute it by saying that 1) it sets up a bad dynamic for the rest of the relationship 2) it doesn't happen consistently enough to make up for all the guys who waste your time with "maybes" and 3) you get socially labeled bad things. By approaching, you gain a reputation as being either needy, crazy, desperation, or aggressive. Not to mention the dreaded "slutty."

 

There is a girl I know in my social circles who hasn't even slept with that many guys. But because she hits on lots of guys, other people (men and women) label her "slutty." Girls don't trust her with their boyfriends, even though she has never hit on a guy she knew was taken. That's what happens to a lot of girls who are the aggressor-they get shamed.

 

If I have to find him, he is not my Prince Charming. If I have to go to him, if I have to convince him to want me because he doesn't notice me/doesn't find me attractive at first/is shy/timid/scared/intimidated/will only like me once I like him, he is not a guy I want to date. I don't know what is difficult about this concept.

 

Look there are too many points I disagree with here so I'll just focus on one:

 

I understand that you've asked out guys who aren't all that interested and you feel you wasted your time. It happens for whatever reason - maybe he's bored and has nothing else lined up. But the thing is, from his perspective, he still gave you a chance to change his mind despite his low interest. You should learn from dates like that to discern more whether he really likes you or not (guys have to do that too - i.e. is she using me for free meals?).

 

Those dates where you asked the guy out should be a learning opportunity to improve your dating skills with men, not necessarily a reason to never ask out guys... It's all about effort. Effort that guys have to make usually.

 

If you don't like asking out guys and never want to do it again. Fine - your choice. But don't generalise and say 'all men should always ask out women because otherwise all men would waste women's time'. You're argument is clearly being made because it suits your personal dating preferences.

Edited October 7, 2014 by boilingpoint

[GemmaUK]

I mean just look at the poll results. 80% say they don't even remember or say it's very rare.

 

Yeah, same with me..though I did remember two times.

I was 25 and 41.

 

Those were the only times I was asked out though.

[CaliGuy]

No no no it is "sometimes it would be nice for Scarlett Johansson to walk up to me and say "Hey Priv, I just got divorced and I cannot keep my mind of you....how about we have dinner and a glass of wine?""

 

 

Though I am not sure she is married. Scarlett and I are currently in NC, mostly for me to heal.

 

She's my #2..... so you can have her as long as I get Kate Beckinsale all to myself....

[Priv]

She's my #2..... so you can have her as long as I get Kate Beckinsale all to myself....

 

Deal! I won't even glance at Kate.

 

 

Also GemmaUK, guys are wimps...

[Shepp]

pfftt sometimes twice or more in one night, sometimes like not for weeks.... I guess I'd have to go for your second poll option...

 

I think like age bracket plays a part - girls in there early twenties seem more up for making a move than I think older girls are in my experience.

 

Interestingly I thought like having the twins would decrease like.. having girls you don't know approaching you, but not so, walking round with a double stroller is apparently quite the chick magnet!

[NJ123]

Yeah, same with me..though I did remember two times.

I was 25 and 41.

 

Those were the only times I was asked out though.

 

Your a woman, & you were only asked out twice in your life? I find that hard to believe.

[verhrzn]

I understand that you've asked out guys who aren't all that interested and you feel you wasted your time. It happens for whatever reason - maybe he's bored and has nothing else lined up. But the thing is, from his perspective, he still gave you a chance to change his mind despite his low interest. You should learn from dates like that to discern more whether he really likes you or not (guys have to do that too - i.e. is she using me for free meals?).

 

But that is my point. Guys are taught to look for signals; girls are taught to give off signals. Guys are not taught to give off signals, so there are few-to-no signals to figure out if he's interested or if you're wasting your time.

 

Consider that I have asked out... gosh, at least 40-50 guys out in my 10 years of dating. And ya know what, about 75% of them said yes. And yet 74% of them weren't actually interested. It's easy to blame it on my people picker ("You just ask out uninterested men!"), but those are some pretty high statistics for a single individual to run into. Either I have lottery-like luck for picking out uninterested guys (keeping in mind that I've been asked out once in my life), or there is a large portion of guys in the general population who will say yes and continue seeing a girl despite not being interested.

 

Occam's razor, which one is more likely?

 

Those dates where you asked the guy out should be a learning opportunity to improve your dating skills with men, not necessarily a reason to never ask out guys... It's all about effort. Effort that guys have to make usually.

 

They were learning opportunities. The thing I learned was... asking guys out is not worth it. I would far rather be single, than continue asking out and wasting my time on guys who say yes out of passiveness/desperation/boredom. It is not worth it. I'm not even talking rejection here-flat out rejection from the beginning is a-okay with me. I am talking days, weeks, months wasted on guys who are too timid to ask a girl out, and so are too timid to turn a girl down.

 

Answer me this, since every one keeps dogging my other question: if a guy can't bring himself to ask a girl out, how can I ever trust that he would have the courage to reject me, which is far harder to do?

 

If you don't like asking out guys and never want to do it again. Fine - your choice. But don't generalise and say 'all men should always ask out women because otherwise all men would waste women's time'. You're argument is clearly being made because it suits your personal dating preferences.

 

Cheese and crackers, I am not generalizing. I have said this over and over. I am saying it ISN'T all men, but it is ENOUGH of the population that for women who already have a difficult time with dating, there's a good chance it isn't worth it. Yes, it suits my personal dating preferences... and your argument suits yours! So what? It doesn't mean my dating experience and preference isn't useful or valuable for women who find themselves in similar positions.

[ComingInHot]

You and all 19 grey hairs. I'd probably say yes if you were single.

 

 

 

No see, that is OK as well. I am single not because I have nothing to offer (I have a lot actually!). I have high standards (ie: no drama, etc), I know what I want. I am not afraid to ask.

 

But you know, sometimes it would be nice for like, Kate Beckinsale to walk up to me and say "Hey CaliGuy, I just got divorced and I cannot keep my mind of you....how about we have dinner and a glass of wine?"

 

Uhhhh -- yes please......

 

Yep. and she is single because Len Wiseman Asked me out like a man should LOL !! it's a win/win for us Cali*

 

and when I am single, I will save you the trouble

[GemmaUK]

Your a woman, & you were only asked out twice in your life? I find that hard to believe.

 

100% true.

 

I'm one of the slim few at my age too.

Plus I am not a loud mouth girlie scary thing.

 

I've been asked by people who know me 'you're so lovely, why no man? I had no idea you were single!!!'

 

Hey ho!

[ComingInHot]

okay. don't know if I can ask this here but my pictures are NOT showing right?!?! you very complimentary manly men are judging off my avatar and NOT any pictures right?!!?

 

I'm so quitting LS if ya'll can see my pics without being contacts...:eek:

 

just someone say no cause I can't check it.

[Shining One]

about 75% of them said yes

I would love to have this ratio.

 

 

if a guy can't bring himself to ask a girl out, how can I ever trust that he would have the courage to reject me, which is far harder to do?

As someone who has both asked women out and rejected women, rejecting someone is a ALOT easier than asking someone out. I have far more experience with asking out too than rejecting.

[Shepp]

They were learning opportunities. The thing I learned was... asking guys out is not worth it. I would far rather be single, than continue asking out and wasting my time on guys who say yes out of passiveness/desperation/boredom. It is not worth it. I'm not even talking rejection here-flat out rejection from the beginning is a-okay with me. I am talking days, weeks, months wasted on guys who are too timid to ask a girl out, and so are too timid to turn a girl down.

 

Answer me this, since every one keeps dogging my other question: if a guy can't bring himself to ask a girl out, how can I ever trust that he would have the courage to reject me, which is far harder to do?

 

To be fair, not gonna lie - if there was a girl in the room i was hypothetically interested in (and i was hypothetically single in) then i'd be making that known - she wouldnt need to be the one doing the pushing.

 

 

I used to play academy football as a teenager and some of the places we used to go after training/matches, there'd be plenty of teenage girls hanging around who'd literally throw themselves out you (obviously not the case for every girl, or every guy, or every situation) but it was kinda unattractive to me!

But that's a personality thing too - id take the ice queen over any one with an inch of desperation.. but thats me!

[NJ123]

okay. don't know if I can ask this here but my pictures are NOT showing right?!?! you very complimentary manly men are judging off my avatar and NOT any pictures right?!!?

 

I'm so quitting LS if ya'll can see my pics without being contacts...:eek:

 

just someone say no cause I can't check it.

 

I can't see your pics.

[GemmaUK]

okay. don't know if I can ask this here but my pictures are NOT showing right?!?! you very complimentary manly men are judging off my avatar and NOT any pictures right?!!?

 

I'm so quitting LS if ya'll can see my pics without being contacts...:eek:

 

just someone say no cause I can't check it.

 

I can't see any pics on your profile.

Only your av when you post.

[ComingInHot]

Thank You! Appreciate it.

[bastus]

in my humble opinion , geography factor could be quite influential here , for example , me , an asian guy who life in a place who slightly have more men than women on age around 25-54, it means i have to encourage myself to initiated the approach more . to me , this thing sound more like a competition actually..;p

 

need a fairly accurate and updated data about global human sex ratio? got one here..

 

 

https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/fields/2018.html

[boilingpoint]

But that is my point. Guys are taught to look for signals; girls are taught to give off signals. Guys are not taught to give off signals, so there are few-to-no signals to figure out if he's interested or if you're wasting your time.

 

Consider that I have asked out... gosh, at least 40-50 guys out in my 10 years of dating. And ya know what, about 75% of them said yes. And yet 74% of them weren't actually interested. It's easy to blame it on my people picker ("You just ask out uninterested men!"), but those are some pretty high statistics for a single individual to run into. Either I have lottery-like luck for picking out uninterested guys (keeping in mind that I've been asked out once in my life), or there is a large portion of guys in the general population who will say yes and continue seeing a girl despite not being interested.

 

Occam's razor, which one is more likely?

 

They were learning opportunities. The thing I learned was... asking guys out is not worth it. I would far rather be single, than continue asking out and wasting my time on guys who say yes out of passiveness/desperation/boredom. It is not worth it. I'm not even talking rejection here-flat out rejection from the beginning is a-okay with me. I am talking days, weeks, months wasted on guys who are too timid to ask a girl out, and so are too timid to turn a girl down.

 

Answer me this, since every one keeps dogging my other question: if a guy can't bring himself to ask a girl out, how can I ever trust that he would have the courage to reject me, which is far harder to do?

 

Cheese and crackers, I am not generalizing. I have said this over and over. I am saying it ISN'T all men, but it is ENOUGH of the population that for women who already have a difficult time with dating, there's a good chance it isn't worth it. Yes, it suits my personal dating preferences... and your argument suits yours! So what? It doesn't mean my dating experience and preference isn't useful or valuable for women who find themselves in similar positions.

 

OK look, there's no point really carrying on the debate here - your side is very closed minded and basically pushing a one-sided ultimatum that 'guys aren't worth the effort unless they ask the girl out first'. You make no mention of how it may work for others or question your own approach to pursuing guys. Look at some of the posts in this thread of men talking about LTR with past ex's who asked them out first.

 

Also, girls taught to give off signals? Guys taught to look for signals? It's all just communication and body language that men and women both share.

 

As for what is harder - asking out or rejecting someone - most people will agree that it is by far asking someone out. If you want to reject someone you either ignore their texts or (better) you text 'sorry not interested anymore. Bye!' - What's so hard about that?

Edited October 7, 2014 by boilingpoint

[smackie9]

Huh guys don't have to give hints or give signals that they are interested, they read like a bloody book. I practically see what's going through their mind just by looking at their body language. It's funny watching them take a second look when I was smiling at them, like "Is she really smiling at me?" "I need to take another look, omg was I obvious?" "Should I go talk to her?" And them I can see them mulling it through their mind what to do next. It's kind funny to watch. That when I just go up to them and start a conversation. When I do it's like Christmas morning to them. Guys can hardly hide their excitment when they are interested. I never went in blind, I always made eye contact and see their response. Easy peazy.

[bromantic]

Excluding escorts, never been asked directly.

[the tank]

Few time a years. Usually by girls I'm not interested...

[CaliGuy]

Yep. and she is single because Len Wiseman Asked me out like a man should LOL !! it's a win/win for us Cali*

 

and when I am single, I will save you the trouble

 

If Len Wiseman is STUPID enough to dump Kate, I am IN LIKE FLYNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!