Guys: how often do YOU get asked out?

[CharlieFox]

As far as hoping that guys will catch a girl's subtle hint and flirting and figure out she's interested... If I have to depend on that my dating life will be doomed.

 

Once I had a girl in my class I was attracted to, but thought she was with someone else, so didn't really pay attention to her and didn't make a move, so she just kinda remained a friend from class. Years later she confessed that she was trying to get my attention for so long, almost to the point of getting mad because I didn't look interested. How the **** was I supposed to know she was also interested when she literally acted the same way towards me as she did to all the other guys in class? Maybe in her mind she was "hinting", but it definitely flew over my head.

 

This other time I had a girl constantly flirting with me from the moment we met, making all kinds of compliments, and the kind of compliments that I'd think a woman would make to a guy if she's sexually attracted. I asked her out fairly soon, she happily agreed, we had great time together, and when I went in for the kiss, she was like "Uhmm.. I thought we were just hanging out". I was very surprised, but acted cool and told her I got a different impression, and she told me she was just always friendly with anyone...

[Toodaloo]

Personally I don't mind if a woman asks me out, I would give it a go, even if the woman isn't as attractive, because you never know how she'll be as a person.

 

I got asked out once by a girl, and she was sweet, definitely not unattractive, I didn't pay much attention to her until she came out and asked me if I would like to go out with her, and I didn't mind seeing her at all. But when we got to the date, she just out of nowhere started telling me these hyper weird stories about how drunk she got this time or that time, and where and how she puked here and there... I was so turned off by this that I never wanted to go out with her again, let alone have anything to do with her.

 

See this is my point... "you will give it a go"... Geee thanks what a way to make someone feel special about themselves... Its the "you'll do" feeling. And this is why I just don't do it. I will chat and talk to anyone but I will not ask them out romantically.

 

To be honest this whole attraction and dating thing is a quagmire of trying to figure stuff out. Give me quantum physics any day. Its easier...

[boilingpoint]

See this is my point... "you will give it a go"... Geee thanks what a way to make someone feel special about themselves... Its the "you'll do" feeling. And this is why I just don't do it. I will chat and talk to anyone but I will not ask them out romantically.

 

To be honest this whole attraction and dating thing is a quagmire of trying to figure stuff out. Give me quantum physics any day. Its easier...

 

Well it's better than being flat out rejected isn't it? At least you get a chance. That's the thing girls don't realise that being asked out is a privilege in of itself despite the sex pests.

 

What SHOULD happen is this: everyone just forgets the 'rules' and is just themselves.

 

Therefore...

 

If you like a guy, you should ask him out

If a guy likes you, he should ask you out

If you both like each other, one of you should ask the other out (could be either, whoever is more confident at that point)

 

I think if girls and guys did that then dating would get a lot easier for everyone.

[Toodaloo]

What SHOULD happen is this: everyone just forgets the 'rules' and is just themselves.

 

Therefore...

 

If you like a guy, you should ask him out

If a guy likes you, he should ask you out

If you both like each other, one of you should ask the other out (could be either, whoever is more confident at that point)

 

I think if girls and guys did that then dating would get a lot easier for everyone.

 

Oh that it would be that simple!

 

If it were a simple let down I would be fine with that but in my gung ho days I would often end up turning up and eating a meal by myself, or sitting on my own in a bar. A complete waste of time and money because they didn't want to say no... There was one "date" where I ended up hooking up with the local rugby team and going out with them instead which was fun after being stood up again but no, in general, I ended up feeling pretty damned worthless and desperate after each time. Its not great and no I would not do it again.

[No Limit]

A few times a year at most. Last year it was a guy who's an alcohol addict in the making, gave him a chance nonetheless and he screwed it up by vanishing straying off and heading to the bar for hours 'till I left with some other friends, and then he had the nerve to text me the next day "Hey, next time don't run off!"

 

This year it's a nice guy. Handsome, too. But it never got beyond this first impression because he's in my hometown while I'm moving 70 miles away to my college, and long distance relationships in which I'd meet him one day per week aren't really what I have in mind.

 

Looks, glances and almost-neck-breaking-turn-arounds; daily.

[boilingpoint]

Oh that it would be that simple!

 

If it were a simple let down I would be fine with that but in my gung ho days I would often end up turning up and eating a meal by myself, or sitting on my own in a bar. A complete waste of time and money because they didn't want to say no... There was one "date" where I ended up hooking up with the local rugby team and going out with them instead which was fun after being stood up again but no, in general, I ended up feeling pretty damned worthless and desperate after each time. Its not great and no I would not do it again.

 

I think if girls approached more, guys would be better at saying no if uninterested, and if guys approached less (i.e only if they were genuinely interested in her and not 'numbers game') then girls would be more appreciative of expressed interest.

 

It is what it is.

 

That being said I think most guys appreciate it when a girl approaches them (unless she really is hideous) and it should be quite easy to gage his interest level without needing any direct rejection (unless he's a total flirt). I think there are fewer pitfalls with guys.

 

As for approaching girls... oh boy - you don't look like this... you need a better job... you sounded insecure just then... your not experienced enough... you don't have the same interests... there's not enough chemistry... your boring... etc etc etc

[CharlieFox]

See this is my point... "you will give it a go"... Geee thanks what a way to make someone feel special about themselves... Its the "you'll do" feeling. And this is why I just don't do it. I will chat and talk to anyone but I will not ask them out romantically.

 

Sorry you see it this way.

 

For me, I can't tell if anyone is special if I don't know them yet.I don't judge who's special and who's not by their looks. Yes, there might not be an initial attraction, but as I get to know them, there might be a spark. I don't want to judge someone solely by their looks, I wanna get to know them a bit in order to discover if they're special or not.

 

Personally I'm more interested in an average looking girl with a great personality, than a 10/10 looking one and shallow as ****. This is why I'm willing to give a chance to those girls who approached me, not because "they'll do". I'm an average guy I think, so if a girl I'm attracted to gives me a chance and finds out she likes me more the more she knows about me and falls for me, I would appreciate that she gave me the chance in the beginning even if she wasn't as attracted initially.

[BikerAccnt]

Directly asked out? I don't think ever, and I'm 54.

 

Even if someone has shown interest, it's always been up to me to do the asking.

[Keenly]

We are also constantly told DO NOT ASK THE GUY OUT... Every self help book, every article, every shred of advice is do not ask him - let him ask you. So we are stuck flirting, hoping that you catch our (un)subtle hints and ask us...

 

I have asked guys out and it has never gone well. I always get the feeling that they have gone out with me because they have nothing better to do rather than they actually wanted to... So would I ask again... No. If a guy wants me he can ask me. Otherwise I am going to assume he is not interested.

 

I understand that you want to play the passive game, but if you are not asking guys out that you are interested in then I fail to understand how you can make the assumption that guys that don't ask you out aren't interested.

 

 

Women just like to avoid putting themselves out there.

[Toodaloo]

Women just like to avoid putting themselves out there.

 

At the moment I admit, I am avoiding it (like the plague). However that is because I want to be in a better place emotionally, and be fully over the last chap before I make any attempts to start dating again or putting myself out there. As its a bit harder to met singles at my age, when I am ready I will simply pop myself on a dating website and see what happens. I would prefer to meet someone while going about my every day activities though. Must start wearing make up at some point... Lord knows I go out and about enough - I just don't seem to meet single people of my age range... Perhaps I should get a toy boy...

 

If someone I didn't know and randomly met today, in a shop or out walking the dogs for example, was friendly, chatty and asked if I would like to meet up again then yes. I would say yes. There was one chap I met about a month ago in the local village shop, who was very friendly and struck up a conversation and he seemed to be interested and I hung on a bit longer than I needed to in the hope he would ask but he didn't. In hindsight it was probably a good thing as I was more messed up then than I am now. But he would have received a positive (and enthusiastic) response. A hint guys the phrase "This may seem forward but you seem really nice and I would like to see you again" after you have been passing the day for a couple of minutes would work wonders here. Its not aggressive, intruding and inviting without being formal and you can go from there...

 

As for being passive... I am as subtle as a brick, being thrown through the window of a china shop, with several bulls rampaging round it...

 

However, day to day, no I would not ask a chap out. Boiling point I have never used any of those reasons not to date a guy. Perhaps the chemistry one after a date if it were true but not before.

 

I have only ever turned down one request for a date. I have turned down many slobbery requests and attempts to grab at various body parts etc. The reason I turned him down was because I was shocked that he would "fancy" me and it caught me completely unaware and I panicked... He asked again the following week and we went on to have a long term relationship and we were both very happy for a long time.

 

I am a bit long in the tooth now but when I was younger I always preferred to meet people during social occasions over a period of time so I knew them a bit... That is what always used to work best for me...

 

But do a google search on "how to get the guy" or "how to make the guy fall for you" and they will all tell you NOT to ask him out directly. All of the advise is that if you want a long term relationship that could turn to marriage/ life long commitment as a woman you must let him "wear the trousers" and ask you out. All the self help books, websites etc advise the same.

[verhrzn]

That being said I think most guys appreciate it when a girl approaches them (unless she really is hideous) and it should be quite easy to gage his interest level without needing any direct rejection (unless he's a total flirt). I think there are fewer pitfalls with guys.

 

As for approaching girls... oh boy - you don't look like this... you need a better job... you sounded insecure just then... your not experienced enough... you don't have the same interests... there's not enough chemistry... your boring... etc etc etc

 

The same things that guys get slammed for when approaching girls can be the same things girls get slammed for. The idea that guys will appreciate any non-deformed girl approaching them, and that guys send out easily-identified signals, is just not true.

 

I've done the heavy share of approaching guys in my life, and the problem I've run into is that guys will say yes even if they aren't interested. They will act semi-interested even if they aren't interested. And they will claim they are interested even when they act like they're not.

 

For example, I asked out a guy a few summers ago. We went on a total of 3 dates. I was always the one to initiate and plan the date. He never texted except to set things up, and after 3 dates hadn't gone beyond a friendly one-armed hug. I finally decided he wasn't interested, and moved on. He then sent me a message asking "what had happened" because he thought things were "going great."

 

Another example, I ended up in a relationship with a guy who did all of the "he's interested!" signs, and yet it turns out had no interest in dating me. He just felt too guilty about rejecting me, and didn't want to think of himself as "shallow." (He wasn't physically into me.)

 

Blame it on guys being told they need to "act cool" and "non-clingy," but a lot of guys just haven't figured out how to walk that line, and so come across far more as just totally uninterested. Often times, the guy initiating is the only signal girls have that he's interested.

 

I think this idea that guys totally love being asked out and you can always read a guy plays into toxic masculinity mentality. This mentality believes that guys are just walking horn-dogs who will take attention from anyone even vaguely acceptable, never say no, and are constantly on the look-out for sex. Like how in the other thread it was suggested that any time a guy goes up to a girl in public, he's interested in her. Guys are not allowed to have anything other than sexual motivations when it comes to women. So, of course hitting on a guy is easy-guys always want it!... When the reality is more complicated than that.

[verhrzn]

I understand that you want to play the passive game, but if you are not asking guys out that you are interested in then I fail to understand how you can make the assumption that guys that don't ask you out aren't interested.

 

Women just like to avoid putting themselves out there.

 

You are ignoring/brushing off cultural norms, which are a pretty big deal. The cultural norm is that if a guy is interested, he will ask, because he has a lot less consequences and circumstances weighing against him asking. A girl has to fight against a lot of stereotypes (she's easy, she's desperate, she's aggressive, she's masculine, she's pushy, she's needy) in addition to all the unpleasant stuff that comes with possible rejection.

 

Also consider that women are already putting themselves out there, just perhaps not in a way you recognize. If a woman is attractive... she's wearing make-up, she's wearing stylish clothes, she has a frequently-exercised body, and she's in a place to socialize... she is putting herself out there. True, it's in a passive form, but it isn't as if she's rolling out of bed and expecting guys to flock to her. She's putting in work to be attractive.

 

I've seen a lot of guys who wish they could take the passive role, and yet do not take on the passive work. They aren't making themselves physically attractive. They chide women for not "putting themselves out there" without recognizing the insane amount of time, money and effort that goes into looking good.

 

Really, put yourself in the girl's shoes... She spends 4-5 hours a week at the gym, spends hours shopping for just the right outfit. She spends money on good cosmetics, watches Youtube videos on how to apply make-up and style her hair. She spends an hour getting ready... shaving her legs, plucking her eyebrows, making sure she has the right bra and panties for her outfit. Then she goes out and.... no one pays any attention to her. If her goal was attracting a guy, that's a lot of wasted time, effort and money. To then turn around and say "She isn't trying" is just salt in the raw wound.

[Keenly]

You are ignoring/brushing off cultural norms, which are a pretty big deal. The cultural norm is that if a guy is interested, he will ask, because he has a lot less consequences and circumstances weighing against him asking. A girl has to fight against a lot of stereotypes (she's easy, she's desperate, she's aggressive, she's masculine, she's pushy, she's needy) in addition to all the unpleasant stuff that comes with possible rejection.

 

Also consider that women are already putting themselves out there, just perhaps not in a way you recognize. If a woman is attractive... she's wearing make-up, she's wearing stylish clothes, she has a frequently-exercised body, and she's in a place to socialize... she is putting herself out there. True, it's in a passive form, but it isn't as if she's rolling out of bed and expecting guys to flock to her. She's putting in work to be attractive.

 

I've seen a lot of guys who wish they could take the passive role, and yet do not take on the passive work. They aren't making themselves physically attractive. They chide women for not "putting themselves out there" without recognizing the insane amount of time, money and effort that goes into looking good.

 

Really, put yourself in the girl's shoes... She spends 4-5 hours a week at the gym, spends hours shopping for just the right outfit. She spends money on good cosmetics, watches Youtube videos on how to apply make-up and style her hair. She spends an hour getting ready... shaving her legs, plucking her eyebrows, making sure she has the right bra and panties for her outfit. Then she goes out and.... no one pays any attention to her. If her goal was attracting a guy, that's a lot of wasted time, effort and money. To then turn around and say "She isn't trying" is just salt in the raw wound.

 

 

You can make all of the excuses you want to avoid experiencing rejection by not asking men out. And todaloo can point to all of the " internet and magazine articles " that say not to ask men out, but do you people really take this garbage seriously?

 

 

If you want to sit on your hands and watch a guy you like walk away because you are too lazy to ask him out, or you want to hide behind some outdated cultural norm, that's on you... but when life passes you by and you don't end up with the guy you like because all you did was sit there and smile, you'll have no one but yourself to blame.

 

 

 

Go after what you want. Stop hiding. Stop making excuses. If he likes you, HE WILL SAY YES. If he doesn't like you, he will say no, and he never would have asked you out anyway. So you can sit there and wonder, and fantasize, and do nothing, or you can do the hardest thing anyone ever does, and put yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable.

 

 

 

I'm so tired of this " its not my job " attitude. If you really feel like finding love doesn't require you to put in any effort, then perhaps its best to forget about men altogether.

[verhrzn]

You can make all of the excuses you want to avoid experiencing rejection by not asking men out. And todaloo can point to all of the " internet and magazine articles " that say not to ask men out, but do you people really take this garbage seriously?

 

You're talking to someone who HAS experienced rejection by asking men out. And here's the part that is really going to blow your mind-sometimes I got rejected because I was the one asking in the first place.

 

There have been several times where a guy was neutral about me, and me asking him out made him LESS likely to like me. Why? Because by asking him out, I gave off the impression that I was masculine, intimidating or aggressive. AKA, not feminine, not sexy.

 

But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was ending up on dates with guys who didn't want to be there, but had no idea how to turn a girl down. Asking a guy out, even when he said yes, ended up not only in rejection, but a huge waste of my time.

 

Then there's the other issue girls run into, where they ask a guy out and the guy assumes the girl is immediately down for sex. As if by asking him out, she is desperate or slutty. One girl I talked to described how the guy tried to feel her up on a first date, she said no, and he acted offended because "she had asked him." As if asking a guy out means she's immediately open for anything.

 

If you want to sit on your hands and watch a guy you like walk away because you are too lazy to ask him out, or you want to hide behind some outdated cultural norm, that's on you... but when life passes you by and you don't end up with the guy you like because all you did was sit there and smile, you'll have no one but yourself to blame.

 

Except what I'm arguing is that asking a guy out doesn't have a better outcome (it does for some girls, more power to them, but not all.) It has nothing to do with laziness... It has to do with "Will this get me a better outcome?" And in some cases, no, it gets you a WORSE outcome. It gets you either a wasted date or a passive guy, and that's if you don't get rejected right off the bat.

 

 

Go after what you want. Stop hiding. Stop making excuses. If he likes you, HE WILL SAY YES. If he doesn't like you, he will say no, and he never would have asked you out anyway. So you can sit there and wonder, and fantasize, and do nothing, or you can do the hardest thing anyone ever does, and put yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable.

 

He might also say yes when he doesn't like you. I am going to take a wild guess here and say I've dated more dudes than you have. And as someone who has dates dudes, trust me when I say guys will sometimes say yes even when they aren't interested. Or they'll say yes because they're desperate or think you'll give them quick sex, NOT because they actually like you.

 

It isn't about "girls are too lame to be vulnerable!" It's that girls know there are heavy social consequences on top of the rejection. You are being pretty heartless to just hand-wave away all the stuff girls get slammed with on top of the rejection.

 

 

I'm so tired of this " its not my job " attitude. If you really feel like finding love doesn't require you to put in any effort, then perhaps its best to forget about men altogether.

 

So you're just going to ignore my post outlining how even when a girl is passive, if she is attractive, she's putting in tons of effort? Just going to pretend that girls wake up knowing how to pick clothes that highlight their body, how to do make-up and style their hair, how to flirt and attract attention, how to be socially calibrated to walk that line between "interested" and "needy", how to generally be physically attractive? That stuff apparently just doesn't count to you?

[Tayken]

I understand that you want to play the passive game, but if you are not asking guys out that you are interested in then I fail to understand how you can make the assumption that guys that don't ask you out aren't interested.

 

 

Women just like to avoid putting themselves out there.

 

You and me both .....I mean talk about head games and delusional habits. It's no surprise that some people have been single for a long time / don't do well in relationships / get played.

 

You can't start off with games, and expect something decent on the other side.

[Keenly]

You're talking to someone who HAS experienced rejection by asking men out. And here's the part that is really going to blow your mind-sometimes I got rejected because I was the one asking in the first place.

 

There have been several times where a guy was neutral about me, and me asking him out made him LESS likely to like me. Why? Because by asking him out, I gave off the impression that I was masculine, intimidating or aggressive. AKA, not feminine, not sexy.

 

But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was ending up on dates with guys who didn't want to be there, but had no idea how to turn a girl down. Asking a guy out, even when he said yes, ended up not only in rejection, but a huge waste of my time.

 

Then there's the other issue girls run into, where they ask a guy out and the guy assumes the girl is immediately down for sex. As if by asking him out, she is desperate or slutty. One girl I talked to described how the guy tried to feel her up on a first date, she said no, and he acted offended because "she had asked him." As if asking a guy out means she's immediately open for anything.

 

 

 

Except what I'm arguing is that asking a guy out doesn't have a better outcome (it does for some girls, more power to them, but not all.) It has nothing to do with laziness... It has to do with "Will this get me a better outcome?" And in some cases, no, it gets you a WORSE outcome. It gets you either a wasted date or a passive guy, and that's if you don't get rejected right off the bat.

 

 

 

 

He might also say yes when he doesn't like you. I am going to take a wild guess here and say I've dated more dudes than you have. And as someone who has dates dudes, trust me when I say guys will sometimes say yes even when they aren't interested. Or they'll say yes because they're desperate or think you'll give them quick sex, NOT because they actually like you.

 

It isn't about "girls are too lame to be vulnerable!" It's that girls know there are heavy social consequences on top of the rejection. You are being pretty heartless to just hand-wave away all the stuff girls get slammed with on top of the rejection.

 

 

 

 

So you're just going to ignore my post outlining how even when a girl is passive, if she is attractive, she's putting in tons of effort? Just going to pretend that girls wake up knowing how to pick clothes that highlight their body, how to do make-up and style their hair, how to flirt and attract attention, how to be socially calibrated to walk that line between "interested" and "needy", how to generally be physically attractive? That stuff apparently just doesn't count to you?

 

 

You do realize every example you provided is subjective to the specific man in the story, and doesn't represent men as an entity, right?

 

 

I'm still not seeing any logical reason why women shouldn't equally be pursuing the men they like.

 

 

So because a few guys rejected you for being too forward, or one guy felt your friend up, that means all men are like this?

 

 

When I say women need to not be afraid or make excuses to initiate, I also didn't say to turn your people picker off. If he is acting inappropriately, onto the next. You don't have to sleep with a guy when you figure out he's only doing it for sex.

 

 

If your looking for a long term mate, being passive is not going to get you anywhere. Going after what you want will. Some men will be turned off, just like some women are turned off by being pursued. But you know what? Some men will respect your courage and your desire to be direct.

 

 

 

If you want love, go find it. Don't wait for it to find you.

[SomeDude16]

Probably around one-two times a month.

[Haydn]

3 times a month. (when I wear my girl bait Cologne) Only this morning as I had meandered my way to the bookies and was considering the going at Chepstow, hefty Belinda, the cashier leaned over and said, 'the going is soft at my place'. I nearly dropped my skateboard.

[Toodaloo]

You can make all of the excuses you want to avoid experiencing rejection by not asking men out. And todaloo can point to all of the " internet and magazine articles " that say not to ask men out, but do you people really take this garbage seriously?

 

If you want to sit on your hands and watch a guy you like walk away because you are too lazy to ask him out, or you want to hide behind some outdated cultural norm, that's on you... but when life passes you by and you don't end up with the guy you like because all you did was sit there and smile, you'll have no one but yourself to blame.

 

Go after what you want. Stop hiding. Stop making excuses. If he likes you, HE WILL SAY YES. If he doesn't like you, he will say no, and he never would have asked you out anyway. So you can sit there and wonder, and fantasize, and do nothing, or you can do the hardest thing anyone ever does, and put yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable.

 

I'm so tired of this " its not my job " attitude. If you really feel like finding love doesn't require you to put in any effort, then perhaps its best to forget about men altogether.

 

When that advice is based on countless studies conducted by trained and qualified people actually I am going to listen as it can hardly be garbage. Its not one or two advising its 99% of the advice for that kind of question from all manner of professional advisor's. Try it - google it see what you get back from all the psych today sites etc... Yep trained qualified professionals advising just that! What are your qualifications other than you want girls to ask you out? What studies, in which cultures have you conducted???

 

Its far from lazy. Its allowing a chap to be masculine and take the initiative. Giving him that opportunity rather than start the whole thing off by being pushy, needy and aggressive... if you don't have the balls to ask me out how the hell will you stick up for yourself when we have a row later on? Believe you me if you can't simply say that you would like to see me again then you have absolutely no chance when I cop a strop. You would be mince meat. That is NOT attractive at all.

 

I don't bother to sit and worry and fantasise over what could be when chaps do not ask me out, they haven't asked which means they obviously don't want to for whatever reason so c'est la vie move on.Life is too short.

 

"Its not my job" is not an "attitude". I make an effort, I am open, chatty and flirty when need arises. If a man wants to do something about that its his choice. If not then time for me to back off and walk away.

 

Both women here trying to explain why we do what we do have both had experience of it and both "made an effort" and found that it simply DOES NOT WORK. Why continue beating your head against a wall when its easier to open the gate instead? All we are trying to do is open the gate and save ourselves the bruises!

 

You can argue that men also want to save the bruises but it is far more socially acceptable for a man to ask a woman than for a woman to ask a man no matter how progressive an attitude any of us have.

 

How "vulnerable" exactly do you want us to be? Because quite frankly having the balls to ask a guy out is far from "vulnerable". Even in your arguments back you are contradicting yourself so much that its already confusing as to what exactly it is women are supposed to be doing here...

[verhrzn]

You do realize every example you provided is subjective to the specific man in the story, and doesn't represent men as an entity, right?

 

I never claimed it represented every man. You're the one saying "men will say yes if they like you!" My examples illustrate that no, men are different-some men will say yes because they like you, some will say yes for other reasons, and it isn't always worth it to suss out which is which.

 

So because a few guys rejected you for being too forward, or one guy felt your friend up, that means all men are like this?

 

Reading comprehension, please use it. No where did I say "all men are like this." I'm saying it happens enough that women have lots and lots of reasons besides laziness to not want to risk it.

 

When I say women need to not be afraid or make excuses to initiate, I also didn't say to turn your people picker off. If he is acting inappropriately, onto the next. You don't have to sleep with a guy when you figure out he's only doing it for sex.

 

No, but you just wasted a whole lot of time and potentially got yourself into a bad situation that you could have avoided by not asking out a guy. What I'm arguing is that not only are there lots of social consequences for women who are forward and assertive/aggressive (ever heard of "She wore X/did X and thus deserved it"?), but it only sometimes pays off. The risk is not worth the reward for many women, especially when they already put tons of effort into being approached and attractive so men will like them in the first place.

 

If your looking for a long term mate, being passive is not going to get you anywhere. Going after what you want will. Some men will be turned off, just like some women are turned off by being pursued. But you know what? Some men will respect your courage and your desire to be direct.

 

I disagree. If you're looking for a long term mate AND you want to ensure that the guy is interested in you, and continues to like you (doesn't see you as pushy, needy, masculine or easy), waiting for him to ask you out is a great strategy. It means you only go out with people who like you from the start, and you never have to worry that the guy is too passive or too afraid of confrontation. If you, as a woman, are turned on by confidence and assertiveness, waiting for the guy to ask you out is the perfect way to get that.

[Toodaloo]

3 times a month. (when I wear my girl bait Cologne) Only this morning as I had meandered my way to the bookies and was considering the going at Chepstow, hefty Belinda, the cashier leaned over and said, 'the going is soft at my place'. I nearly dropped my skateboard.

 

I love that you are a. trying to get back on topic and b. terrified of some poor woman who flirted with you!

 

You have just proven the point that verhrzn and I are trying to make! Poor Belinda... I bet she would love to go skateboarding

[SomeDude16]

 

"Its not my job" is not an "attitude". I make an effort, I am open, chatty and flirty when need arises. If a man wants to do something about that its his choice. If not then time for me to back off and walk away.

 

Both women here trying to explain why we do what we do have both had experience of it and both "made an effort" and found that it simply DOES NOT WORK. Why continue beating your head against a wall when its easier to open the gate instead? All we are trying to do is open the gate and save ourselves the bruises!

 

As crazy as it may sound, men are not mind readers. We take calculated risks. We approach girls who seem to have intrest. By approaching a guy you are not intimidating him, you are taking the guess work out of his job. Either he follows through or he doesn't because he is intrested or he isn't. It's that simple.

[Toodaloo]

As crazy as it may sound, men are not mind readers. We take calculated risks. We approach girls who seem to have intrest. By approaching a guy you are not intimidating him, you are taking the guess work out of his job. Either he follows through or he doesn't because he is intrested or he isn't. It's that simple.

 

It is that simple.

 

We are not talking about approaching them though. We are talking about asking them out.

 

I talk to guys all the time. I initiate conversations. Regardless of whether I want to date them. if I do find that they are attractive I will flirt and make it obvious but the actual asking on a date is up to them. You can lead a horse to water but if it doesn't want a drink there is no point in drowning the poor beast!

[CaliGuy]

Maybe I am bad at reading signals, but maybe once or twice in my life

 

Ditto. I am black and white. If women use "shades of grey" around me, I have no idea what language they are speaking.

 

If they just said "Hey, want to go out sometime?" BAM! OK!

 

But being indirect with me leaves me confused. Also, I have learned smiling a lot more helps tremendously!

[CaliGuy]

As crazy as it may sound, men are not mind readers. We take calculated risks. We approach girls who seem to have intrest. By approaching a guy you are not intimidating him, you are taking the guess work out of his job. Either he follows through or he doesn't because he is intrested or he isn't. It's that simple.

 

Need to pin this, lol! I was just responding to another message and this says it better.

 

TO ALL WOMEN: Black and White + Direct = Men love that.