Grevensteiner Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 So there's a girl I know for like 3 months. I though I could get into a LTR with her, but she told me she's doesn't want to and is not able to become fully involved with another person. She just prefers to have fun over relationship. I knew it for a month, but today she proposed me an open relationship - we meet, kiss, ****, and meanwhile she and I do whatever we want with whoever. The problem is she's much better with this than me...I mean, she picks up other dudes, and I get too emotionally attached to her and can't meet anyone else. Why won't I say no? Sex, she's really hot. She's also a great friend. Well...I don't know, what should I do? How long will ending this hurt?
evanescentworld Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 The THird Precept we Buddhist are taught is: "I vow to refrain from inappropriate sexual behaviour". Well, what the heck is that exactly? I'll tell you what it is: It is any form of sexual interaction with another person or persons, which devalues your self-esteem, and compromises your willingness and personal comfort, ethics and Morals. In other words: if you feel completely comfortable in what you're doing, and so does the other person/people, go ahead and enjoy. If any part of the liaison leaves you feeling sad, uncomfortable, uneasy, compromised or unwilling - stop, and leave. It's quite evident she is not as much "into you" as you are "into her". She does not value or require your devotion, and would prefer to 'play the field' and enjoy her life with the freedom she has chosen. That's not wrong. That's just her decision, and it's different to what you want. It's not right for you, and if it's not right for you now, it never will be, and you'll just feel worse and worse. That's all I can tell you.
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 take it from me an open relationship is more than what you have. You have is a FWB and you're emotionally tied to her. Either break off and stay away or tell her your feelings.
Author Grevensteiner Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 What do you mean by "open relationship is more than you have"? We talked about feelings like million times, it doesn't work : D
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 What do you mean by "open relationship is more than you have"? We talked about feelings like million times, it doesn't work : D are you living together, have more than just seeing each other time to time, and most of all have the same feelings, love and needs being shared. An open relationship is about as close as having unconditional love. As there is no expectations in boundries. she obviously does not feel the same as you, so you both are sharing a FWB with you having emotional attachment.
evanescentworld Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 What do you mean by "open relationship is more than you have"? We talked about feelings like million times, it doesn't work : D What he means is that in an open relationship, there is Love, mutual respect, a reassurance and strength in the relationship. There are certain boundaries neither person will cross, if they know it may upset the other person. They have a healthy, loving, intimate, close and genuine sexual intimacy, which feeds their emotional need to the full, while sex with other people gives them liberty to enjoy a purely physical connection to others, which means nothing to them. You want her to be your exclusive GF, and she's not having it. So you do not have an open relationship. You are her FWB. Her Friend With Benefits (of sex). You are being used for sexual gratification, which is why I think you should leave.
Georgia2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 So there's a girl I know for like 3 months. I though I could get into a LTR with her, but she told me she's doesn't want to and is not able to become fully involved with another person. She just prefers to have fun over relationship. I knew it for a month, but today she proposed me an open relationship - we meet, kiss, ****, and meanwhile she and I do whatever we want with whoever. The problem is she's much better with this than me...I mean, she picks up other dudes, and I get too emotionally attached to her and can't meet anyone else. Why won't I say no? Sex, she's really hot. She's also a great friend. Well...I don't know, what should I do? How long will ending this hurt? She obviously doesn't feel the same. Dump her and cut your ties before becoming more emotionally attached. There's no nicer way of putting it she's using you as a side guy until someone better comes along. If she cared about you she would never suggest an open relationship. YOU deserve better.
mightycpa Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 She obviously doesn't feel the same. Dump her and cut your ties before becoming more emotionally attached. There's no nicer way of putting it she's using you as a side guy until someone better comes along. If she cared about you she would never suggest an open relationship. YOU deserve better. Or you could see it as an opportunity to change. Sure you like this girl... who wouldn't? She's perfect, except for the part where she bangs other guys like a dinner bell. So maybe now that you've got some part of her, whenever you're not with her, you concentrate on finding somebody else to date. Set your sights high. You're invested, so work on getting divested. Spread your risk around. Having two people to date will help you find some perspective in your feelings, at least it did for me. Three was always the perfect number for me. I loved who I was with, but I didn't miss the ones I'd see tomorrow or the next day. They kept me balanced and sane. If you do this, and do it well, pretty soon you'll see Ms. Sexy Hot Stuff for who she really is. She's a butcher, selling her meat to the masses. You might even get tired of that, or maybe you'll enjoy her as your Tuesday girl. The trick is to see her for who she really is, and to not confuse her with who you'd like her to be.
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