Hollywood-Tourist Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Ok, so as I'm sure you all know my fiancé ended things a few months back but said that she still wants us to be friends... infact she knows we will be friends (her words.) She then said that who knows we may even get back together in the future, never say never. Fast forward 1 month, I phone her to collect some of my things from her place & then she says that I'm 'harassing' her & that if I contact her again she's going to the Police about me! That's bull*hit because I hadn't contacted her for a month prior to that. Is she just being manipulative like leading me along or is she just plain nasty? I'm getting over her anyway but just wanted to know what your thoughts were.
johnson_j Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 This girl is a raging lunatic. Why would you want to be her friend? Write off whatever things you have at her house and switch your phone number. Sounds like you'd be a good candidate for a couple month African safari without cellphones so you cant get bothered by her. 2
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 She is being manipulative... if she was being vindictive, she would take matters and make you pay for them. Obviously she had someone listening, to assist in her manipulative behavior. You did say you are just being friends... so, something must have popped up between the two times you spoke??? If not it is manipulation, as my first had done things like that as well. Always had someone near by to hear her side. 1
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 This girl is a raging lunatic. Why would you want to be her friend? Yeah, I only realised that she was a complete nutjob after she left me. I realised she had violent tendencies in more depth once I opened my eyes up to the fact that she had even attacked her own fiancé (me) aswell as other blokes in the past, should have been an initial obvious red flag. I wouldn't want to be her friend, I don't trust her anymore. She was the one who was making that suggestion (more control.) Write off whatever things you have at her house and switch your phone number. I've blocked her number & blocked her in return on Facebook. 1
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 She is being manipulative... if she was being vindictive, she would take matters and make you pay for them. Obviously she had someone listening, to assist in her manipulative behavior. Yes, but why would she have someone there to assist with her behaviour, what purpose would that serve? I'm slightly confused because she seemed to think we could be friends at some point in the future but just one month later (with no contact in between that time) she changes her tune. You did say you are just being friends... so, something must have popped up between the two times you spoke??? If not it is manipulation, as my first had done things like that as well. Always had someone near by to hear her side. We weren't being friends, it was just a thought for the future - an idea of hers.
MidwestUSA Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Did you read up on Borderline Personality Disorder? I can't recall from your other thread. 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Maybe she's like really heartbroken and angry which is why people react with anger because they are heartbroken and maybe shes doing that to get a response so ultimately you can work this out... or of course she could be a vidictive, manipulative bitch... you decide 1
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Yes, but why would she have someone there to assist with her behaviour, what purpose would that serve? I'm slightly confused because she seemed to think we could be friends at some point in the future but just one month later (with no contact in between that time) she changes her tune. We weren't being friends, it was just a thought for the future - an idea of hers. Well, if someone is to over hear... friends, family or of possible interest, then she can use the rant to gain support in some way. My first did that with a new acquaintance to get help with money and moving matters. Then she would do it to alienate me from those who knew me. Mostly to break me from wanting to bother with finding her, before she had taken off without a trace. Who knows what your ex has planned or is planning, if you knew you probably would not have called. I would not bother expecting friendship, just get what is yours, and if you are willing, allow her to contact you. Be wary of her actions when she is not alone. 1
Redhead14 Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Being vindictive and/or manipulative are both unattractive, immature responses to any situation. 2
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 Maybe she's like really heartbroken and angry which is why people react with anger because they are heartbroken and maybe shes doing that to get a response so ultimately you can work this out... or of course she could be a vidictive, manipulative bitch... you decide I never thought of that. But saying that, she never cried once or showed any sadness that she was ending things - instead she was this cold, hard & remorseless b*tch who lacked empathy. I think she's the latter the more I think about things. Did you read up on Borderline Personality Disorder? I can't recall from your other thread. Yes I did & I believe that she does suffer from it, she seems to fit most of the criteria for it. It was an interesting read.
SoThatHappened Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 What things do you need to collect from her place?
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 Well, if someone is to over hear... friends, family or of possible interest, then she can use the rant to gain support in some way. I would not bother expecting friendship, just get what is yours, and if you are willing, allow her to contact you. Be wary of her actions when she is not alone. That could be a reason, but she already did that with the 'showdown' she had when she was ditching me, it was more of a 'look at me' show where she was making herself out to be the victim and very much liked the spotlight being on her. I'm not expecting friendship (infact I'm against it), so I am just trying to gradually erase any thought of her from my life & forget all about her, she doesn't give a damn about me now so why should I waste any time worrying about her? She just isn't worth it anymore, she showed her true colours when she attacked me & it is her loss, not mine. Being vindictive and/or manipulative are both unattractive, immature responses to any situation. That sums her up entirely - she was all of that & I did see some of it seep through when we were together. She just couldn't handle any criticism & everything was always about her or what she wanted. What things do you need to collect from her place? Just clothes & early Christmas presents she'd bought.
Redhead14 Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 I never thought of that. But saying that, she never cried once or showed any sadness that she was ending things - instead she was this cold, hard & remorseless b*tch who lacked empathy. I think she's the latter the more I think about things. Yes I did & I believe that she does suffer from it, she seems to fit most of the criteria for it. It was an interesting read. Being manipulative and/or vindictive are responses to anger, however, they are unhealthy responses and indicates an anger management problem as well. If she is borderline and hasn't addressed it head on, she will never be able to have a healthy relationship. 1
SoThatHappened Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Just clothes & early Christmas presents she'd bought. Inconsequential stuff... just like I thought. Dude, you're better than that. You really want us to believe you care about the stuff she has of yours? You contacted her because of other reasons. I'm calling you out because you gave us license to give you tough love in your original thread. I'm not doing it to be mean. You dodged a bullet. Don't get back in its path by contacting her over meaningless stuff. Don't EVER contact her again. Run, man. You did the equivalent of getting away with murder, but you keep calling into the police station to give them hints to your whereabouts. Stop it! It hurts to lose someone, but you have to nut-up, deal with the pain, and get away from her. 3
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Cold.. Would that be like when I told my ex he could go to hell & if he didn't stay the F away from me I would have him arrested... When all I really wanted was for him to come home! Self preservation at it's best lol x 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 ... And we are all guilty of it to some degree! x
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 Being manipulative and/or vindictive are responses to anger, however, they are unhealthy responses and indicates an anger management problem as well. If she is borderline and hasn't addressed it head on, she will never be able to have a healthy relationship. I would say she was an angry person 'under it all' & by that I mean under the kind, caring & pleasant side she portrayed to friends/family but was angry/hostile with me sometimes behind closed doors. Yes, I do believe she is Borderline and that is part of the condition where they don't & never will accept any responsibility or able to form & maintain a healthy meaningful relationship. It is all based on lies & deceit to the Borderline, definitely not normal.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Its not normal? What is normal then.. expecting someone to come to your house with balloons, an entire zoo and an apology along with a request for marriage written in the sky? .... this is the real world full of people that make mistakes (thats what makes us human!) and full of people that deep down are insecure...! x Jeez just sometimes think outside the box.. are we going to go to our ex's and say what we really want to say? No we dont, we come here and say it so why are we stuck in the Disney never ending story x
Chi townD Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Call the police, talk to them and say that you and you ex-girlfriend broke up a month ago. You called her to see about retrieving your personal affects but she stated you were harassing her and that if you called again, she would call the cops on you. Then, ask them how to get your stuff back without causing any drama? They will have this call on record on how to legally retrieve your property. When you call make sure you write down the officers name you talked to. So, if your Ex goes bat sh*t crazy on you and tries to get you on harassment charges, they can pull up the record that you notified them first. 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 No they will say "Your ex has reacted like that as she is quite obviously upset at your request because then you have removed the last tie to be able to speak to you"... you might both be lucky and get away with them just banging your heads together lol unless she cheated... in that case grab your sh*t and run x
BC1980 Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 I believe that people in your previous thread advised you not to contact her again, so I'm not surprised at the outcome. I don't know if belongings were mentioned, but I would suggest sending someone else to get them if you really need them. That being said, the stuff you mentioned is inconsequential, and you need to chalk it up as a loss. Trust me, people have have lost much more in a breakup than some clothes. Your ex is apparently volatile and manipulative, so, again, I would have no further contact with her. There may be a bigger price to pay than grief over the breakup if you continue in contact with her. 1
me85 Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 That girl sounds coo coo for coco puffs. BTW, that whole "I want to still be friends" speech is total BS. They don't really mean it. 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 I give up x Remember this quote everyone "Maybe you should look at the good in people and not focus on the bad... because no one is perfect" Im very pleased that we are all so perfect and wholesome on this board.. x
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 Your ex is apparently volatile and manipulative, so, again, I would have no further contact with her. There may be a bigger price to pay than grief over the breakup if you continue in contact with her. I don't intend to contact her again, it is her loss as far as I'm concerned. In a way I'm relieved & she's done me a favour by revealing her true colours that night, so I am slowly beginning to rebuild my life. What do you mean 'there may be a bigger price to pay if I continue to contact her?' That girl sounds coo coo for coco puffs. BTW, that whole "I want to still be friends" speech is total BS. They don't really mean it. She is a looney and I now see this evidently now that she's shown her true colours. So why do they say lets be friends? Is it just more manipulating BS?
me85 Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 BC1980 probably means that if you continue to contact her you'll have to worry about a lot more than just losing a few items of clothing. You may end up in jail or this girl may publically humiliate you or something. Yikes. It's just something that is commonly said by dumpers. I mean, some genuinely do love and care for the dumpees and really don't want to lose them completely. But that is so rare. If someone is blessed enough to be alright with remaining friends with their ex because they both agree they don't do well as a couple, then that's really special. It's sweet. But it's mostly a fairytale. I think they say it because they think and feel like it makes them less of a jerk. 1
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