genuinelyloverly7 Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Hi all- I am confused about what to do. My ex (whom I SOMETIMES/RARELY wish I could still care about, but he is WAY too unstable as far as I can tell) has contacted me again recently through texting. I haven't blocked him, mainly because I wanted to hear that he was/is getting help/support/friendship/a life. It has been over a year since I last saw him before I moved away (to another state), and for almost 7 months, I haven't responded to his texts, because they were all sexually focused. No acting like he wanted to communicate, just to 'sext'. So I ignored him. (I usually don't do the whole text re-enactment thing, but this is an exception) About a week ago, I got a text from him saying 'xoxoxoxo' and then one saying 'new here'. New here??? Did he move to another state AGAIN to try and be with me? <I say again, because the first time I broke up with him, I left CA; almost two years later, he came to visit me for a few weeks and never left (I tried to be friends with him, and even hoped we could work it out). And I mean he never left my house- I had to have him evicted after months of him sleeping in my spare room as a 'guest'. An angry 'guest'.> But now he is living in the town my family lives in (where I lived until this whole mess- by the way I moved for other reasons, but this whole thing made the timing of that move change...) So back to the texts- I responded to the 'new here' text by asking him where he was, and trying to be friendly about it and saying how I had joined a soccer team and won the season championship. He said great, send me a pic, I'm sure it was hot and sexy! Ok, so I don't respond back; I knew it was a long shot that he would have grown up, and I'm fine ignoring him as usual. It didn't throw me off emotionally, like it might have even a few months ago. Next (a few days later) he sent me a bunch of weird sound words that don't make sense, and then last night tried to call me at one in the morning, an sent me a text saying 'we want to party.' and then he sent me a picture of a cake I had made (I sent the pic for him to work on my dessert website a long time ago) and a pic of a big line of blow on his computer! Now, we used to drink a little, but I had never seen this!!! I am worried about him doing this, and feel like I need to tell him to get help, but also don't want to encourage him continuing to contact me in this type of mindset or lifestyle. So- help a person I used to love (and still care for but wish I didn't- we were together almost eight years before I left the first time) with a potentially bad situation- help him long distance, by doing what? Counseling him? Being there as a friend? From the voice mail he left on my cell, he was with a group of people; probably the losers who got him on the ****. Not to say he isn't a loser himself. Apparently he is. But it still hurts me to see him going down that road. Should I, could I, do anything to help him? Or is this one of life's sad truth's? I am open to any answers- even to get my own life. It is just sad that this is happening to someone who I used to see as the future parent of my children.
tpham18nm Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Delete him from your life. What he does is none of your concern. Before you do so, you can make a simple suggestion that he should get counseling, but chances are that he will take your advice is very low. People have to want to get help. What you're seeing is just the sad truth of what happens to people when they use drugs as a coping method (if that's the case). Its could also be possible that you texting him is kind of a trigger. I use to hate it when my ex contacted me. Made me all depressed/ put me in a party mode. If you counsel him he might grow a dependence/think you want to get back together. Friends can't counsel friends easily. Its a double relationship. That can't work. 1
Arieswoman Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 genuineloverly7, he is an "ex" so keep him that way - otherwise he'll just drag you down with him. He's not your responsibility, so keep out of whatever drama he's involved with. Move on and stay strong. Good luck. 3
No Limit Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 He's an adult and its his choices that he makes in life - you can't save him from himself. 5
d0nnivain Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Where in there do you get that he's on drugs? At best I get he drunk dials / texts you. Just ignore him. 1
d0nnivain Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 He sent a picture of a big line of coke. I read cake with an A 1
beach Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 He hasn't asked for help in getting sober - so there's nothing to help with. When he seems ready just suggest he go to the nearest emergency room or detox center. It's not for you to handle. He's still using. Nothing will make sense from him. Why not block him since he's not adding beauty to your life? 2
Quiet Storm Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 No. He uses you for entertainment during his coke binges. Not a good sign and should just confirm in your mind that you are better off without him in your life. You are not a therapist or a counselor. You are his EX. And you are moving on to bigger and better things and do not have time for this bhll*hit. Addicts won't quit until they are ready. You are not equipped to help him anyway, and your emotions are involved, which makes this risky for you. Think of him with a big red "DANGER" sign over his head. Now is the time for self preservation. It's not your responsibility to save him. 3
Author genuinelyloverly7 Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 (edited) yes; I hear all of you. I have to let him deal with his issues. He has done creepy-ish stuff before, but I blew it off... lord knows why- I was still hoping he was a decent person, I guess. I know he keeps trying to sleep with me, acting like he wants a FWB situation, (I never would, btw), even if I did live near him. But more than that... Since I posted this, this morning, I heard a voicemail that he left on my phone when he called in the middle of the night. I am freaked out- I can make out his voice telling another guy (he spoke- so I knew it was a man) that I can take a lot of pain, and that I am a good c*%k-sucker. I couldn't tell if he meant for me to her it or not, but it scared me. Screw his issues. And thank you all sincerely for your advice. I know I need to let his issues go (even before I lost all sympathy and got scared of his BS), and have been doing great for so long- that pic threw me, so I needed some reinforcement to remember that it is his issue, not mine. But I didn't want to block him in case he did decide to post/publish my photo's, and tell me about it as a taunt or something. Better I know, right? And any advice, or a place to get legal advice in regards to his e-publishing my photos would be appreciated. I'd love to legally force him to relinquish all images, but I bet it would cost a lot in legal fees. There have been at least two cases where a woman did manage to force an ex to give up all her images she had sent him. Edited October 6, 2014 by genuinelyloverly7 added a line.
d0nnivain Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Check out the Digital Millennium Copyright Act but that assumes you protected your images. Also is he using them for commercial purposes?
Author genuinelyloverly7 Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 Hi Donnivan- Yeah.... Ummm.... of course I didn't think to do that I sure wish I did. I'm actually not sure if he would use them commercially- though I wouldn't put it past him. He was really keen on ME using them to make a website... :0 And he feels like he is some sort of website designer... But I feel like he IS sharing them with friends, or near-strangers, or I don't know. At this point even the idea of him having/seeing it creeps me out/makes me angry and scared. It has since I left him, but what can I do? If I had the money for a lawyer it would be done already, that's for sure. The voicemail he left really scared me. He was talking about me like he was advertising me to someone. Or talking really nasty about me to them.
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