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why do some guys think they can talk to you when it's convenient for them?

Beautiful Kisses

By Beautiful Kisses
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Beautiful Kisses Established Member

Beautiful Kisses

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One minute they seem so interested in you texting and calling steadily, then a couple days later you don't hear from them for days. If you read my previous thread you would know why I'm asking this. I'm just really hurt about the situation, I start to get over him, he begs me to meet up with him because he "missed me so much" I give in, give him a bj (I know I was stupid for doing this now) and once again I'm not hearing from him. Like why even play with someone's feelings like that, it's like an emotional rollercoaster for me. I wonder if he even feels bad knowing that he hooked up with me and didn't even want to go out with me the next day.

 

I always feel guilty when I ignore him for too long because I feel like I'm being rude towards him, but he's being rude towards me by ignoring me a day after I give him what he wants. Ugh I just feel so hurt, frustrated, confused and I'm kinda upset with myself for falling for his "I miss you so much" trap once again. I'm also nervous about his reaction if I tell him to just leave me alone for good. The last time I told him I felt like he really wasn't that interested in me he told me "well you thought wrong because I am. I told you I care about you". He constantly sends mixed signals. I don't want to come off mean or anything. What should I say if he text me?

sdrawkcaB ssA Established Member

sdrawkcaB ssA

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It can go both ways, it depends on what busy schedules do to people at times. Lots of friends, his personal activities and such.

 

Since I have no clue, I can guess... Some times peeps like the freedom of not being responsible to the other. Like why should I have to call or convo every day??? Sort of thing.

 

I think it is not too hard a requesting some responsibility and respect time to time. It is not asking him to like call mom, but if he loves you he should make a better effort, as it should be part of his feelings. Younger peeps tend to be all caught up into their freedoms and are a wee selfish when it comes to sharing in a relationship. Relationships are meant to be shared not pulled and pushed upon.

mammasita Established Member

mammasita

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....because you let them. You can only control you and how you react to their convenient calls. Stop the madness block his damn number for goodness sake. Don't fall for the crap.

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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One minute they seem so interested in you texting and calling steadily, then a couple days later you don't hear from them for days. If you read my previous thread you would know why I'm asking this. I'm just really hurt about the situation, I start to get over him, he begs me to meet up with him because he "missed me so much" I give in, give him a bj (I know I was stupid for doing this now) and once again I'm not hearing from him. Like why even play with someone's feelings like that, it's like an emotional rollercoaster for me. I wonder if he even feels bad knowing that he hooked up with me and didn't even want to go out with me the next day.

 

I always feel guilty when I ignore him for too long because I feel like I'm being rude towards him, but he's being rude towards me by ignoring me a day after I give him what he wants. Ugh I just feel so hurt, frustrated, confused and I'm kinda upset with myself for falling for his "I miss you so much" trap once again. I'm also nervous about his reaction if I tell him to just leave me alone for good. The last time I told him I felt like he really wasn't that interested in me he told me "well you thought wrong because I am. I told you I care about you". He constantly sends mixed signals. I don't want to come off mean or anything. What should I say if he text me?

 

You state your concerns in a non-confrontational or needy way. Then, you give him some space and see if his actions meet his words and your needs. If they don't, then move on. Make this the last time you allow the push pull scenario. It will never end if you don't draw a line for yourself.

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Beautiful Kisses Established Member

Beautiful Kisses

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No I'm not asking him to call like call mom its just that he only seems to contact me when he's ready. He's 34 I'm 23 so he's not all that young either. My thing is if he's not that into me why even pretend to be or lie to me telling me you care about me, if you really don't. He has time to get a bj from me , but not text me to even say hi or ask how my weekend went days after? Not to mention I asked him to hangoutthe next dday and never got a response, but he says he's not ignoring me. Smh :(

creyente7 Established Member

creyente7

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Lol this is funny, sorry to laugh but I just read something about this not too long ago. Read up on Intermittent Reinforcement. That is exactly what the guy is doing.

 

Heres a brief story of what it is

 

"I get results when I take control. It is instant death when you hand over "control" to a woman.

 

My secret is to give women "intermittent reinforcement." This actually is a psychological phenomenon commonly documented in experiments involving rats.

 

The goal of the experiment is to have the rat press a lever as many times as possible. The rat is given a pellet of food after it presses a lever. If the rat gets a pellet every time, it soon gets satiated and stops pressing the lever.

 

If, on the other hand, the rat does not receive a pellet every time the lever is pressed, but receives a pellet intermittently, the rat will increase the frequency with which it presses the lever.

 

The analogy is fairly obvious: how do we get women to "press our lever" as many times as possible?

 

Easy, give her attention intermittently and unpredictably. Don’t give her a pellet too often. Take control of when she receives one. Don’t be at her beck and call."

 

Tada!!! But thats only one...theres tons of it out there. This is a manipulation technique used by guys to get you hooked. Its like a drug, you want more of it and when its gone you'll do anything to get more and more!!!

 

Goodluck! Hope you break free from this. Its highly addicting and it'll just cause you pain along the way. Look for someone who will give you the same attention that you want

Edited by creyente7
  • Like 4
Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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He's getting sexual favors from you for very minimal effort, and you keep going back to deliver more. It's like UPS, only there's no delivery charge - it's free!

 

This guy doesn't care about you. You perform a sexual service, and he does nothing but text you when he wants more.

 

The next time you hear from him, tell him it's over, then block his number. Problem solved.

  • Like 4
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Beautiful Kisses Established Member

Beautiful Kisses

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Interesting analysis here. Sounds like he has me right where he wants me, pushing the lever unitl I get the pellets. Thanks for sharing.

creyente7 Established Member

creyente7

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Interesting analysis here. Sounds like he has me right where he wants me, pushing the lever unitl I get the pellets. Thanks for sharing.

 

No worries, I know mind games don't make a successful relationship but in my case my gf has lost interest in me so I'm trying to get her hooked again. I'm guilty to say that I'm in the process of doing this. I do love my girlfriend though and don't plan to do this forever. I just want her to be back into wanting me

BikerAccnt Established Member

BikerAccnt

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Sometimes I think it's because we all play games.

 

 

We wait to see who will act/react first. I won't text her until she texts me first...and visa-versa.

 

 

 

 

Or we're busy trying to make the other person miss us/jealous or whatever. Or, it's just a different conversational style. You need to communicate what you need and want as far as communication frequency.

Purepony Established Member

Purepony

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He's just keeping you in the loop till something better comes around.

Eventually hell find someone and tell you its over so you have 2 options

1. Wait for him to tell you its over

2. Beat him to the punch and tell him its over and move on

  • Like 3
creyente7 Established Member

creyente7

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He's just keeping you in the loop till something better comes around.

Eventually hell find someone and tell you its over so you have 2 options

1. Wait for him to tell you its over

2. Beat him to the punch and tell him its over and move on

 

^ his point exactly. Dont wait for him because only come to you when he has needs. You're at his beck and call.

  • Like 1
Tayken Established Member

Tayken

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@OP....I liekd that you used the word "some", as opposed to the pigeon-hole method. I guess we will never know what goes through people's head, but you can only give people so much benefit of the doubt, before you start to see through all the BS e.g. head games, drama, childishness, entitlement

 

Personally, I have made it my thing to just cut the cord the moment I start to feel like am having a monologue as opposed to a dialogue. I mean if the games are any indication of what you can expect in a potential relationship, why would one want to put themself through that?

 

I am NOT a masochist, and refuse to indulge in pettiness, just because the other party thinks it will make someone want them more...WRONG!

  • Like 1
umirano Established Member

umirano

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He has time to get a bj from me , but not text me to even say hi or ask how my weekend went days after? Not to mention I asked him to hangoutthe next dday and never got a response, but he says he's not ignoring me. Smh :(

 

What does it tell you if he has time for a bj, but not for conversing with you?

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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You need to understand that you are an option for him. He calls when he wants something & doesn't genuinely care about you. If you care about yourself learn to say no.

  • Like 1
ComingInHot Established Member

ComingInHot

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Maybe some men aren't thinking in the way that OP is thinking. If they are thinking about you, they call. If not, then they don't. Maybe not so much about 'when it's convenient'...

 

To be honest, I will reach out when my schedule allows and I am thinking about it. If it's an emergency then of course I'll be available* :)

  • Like 1
creyente7 Established Member

creyente7

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You must respect yourself before anybody can respect you! If you're giving him bj whenever he wants, does that show much self respect? Learn to say no! Or if you really need to know what his intentions are, when he asks you again to hangout tell him not to expect anything. If you don't hear anything from him after that. Then you have your answer.

  • Like 1
preraph Established Member

preraph

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Because women let them. And they have no respect for those women. If someone isn't treating you the way you deserve to be treated or want to be treated, stop talking to them. They'll either improve or move on and that's what you want. I mean, unless you want a lifetime of being taken for granted and ignored.

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